Pre-Show (Part 1)
The whole thing started out as a joke, really.
Drew and I were never really serious about wanting to be cast in the new reality show. It was called America’s Next Hot Gay Porn Star and was set to debut on one of those premium streaming platforms next summer. We had no idea what the show would be like or how they would find this “porn star,” but Drew thought it would be funny if the two of us applied to be on it. Neither of us had ever even considered making porn. But who cared? It’s not like we would ever get cast on the show, let alone win it. So we sent in our headshots and laughed about how funny it would be to get a call from the casting director. We were excited to watch the show when it premiered, and hoped to see plenty of nearly naked men. And since it was on a platform that wasn’t shy about nudity or sex, maybe we’d even see some brief flashes of flaccid dick.
If we’d known what we’d be getting ourselves into, we never would have sent in those headshots.
Drew and I have been best friends for years. We’re both 25 and gay. Surprisingly, we’ve never been boyfriends. Our relationship is not like that. It may sound weird, but we’ve never hooked up. (I’ve never even seen his penis.) And I don’t want to hook up with him. Sure, there are the occasional times when I notice his bulge or catch a glimpse of him shirtless and marvel at his hairy chest and wonder what it would be like to…you know. But we’d never actually do anything. At this point, fucking Drew would be like fucking my brother.
We got the call a month after we sent in our headshots. We’d almost completely forgotten about the show altogether when we were told that we made the first cut and would move on to meet with the casting director in person. Still thinking this was hilarious, but wanting to see it through to wherever it ended, we went to a cattle call where about 100 men were shuffled into a large studio lot and briefly seen by the casting director. Drew and I both figured this would be the end of it, but we must have been looking especially good that day because two days later, we were told we made the final cut and would need to come back for the final audition.
It was getting a little too real, and I was all for backing out of the whole thing. But Drew was convinced we would never actually make it onto the show. “You remember how many hot guys were at that casting call?” he asked. “You think we’d be able to beat out those guys?”
I figured he was right. What did I have to lose?
So that’s how Drew and I ended up sitting in a room with twenty other guys waiting to be called into a room for our final audition.
We talked in whispers as one by one the guys were called into the casting room. “What do you think the audition consists of?” I asked Drew.
He shrugged. “Who knows? They’ll probably just ask us a bunch of questions.”
A woman poked her head out of the door to the casting room. “Christopher Hart,” she called out.
Drew nudged me. “You’re up, Chris.”
I stood up nervously and followed her into the room.
“My name is Ms. Foster and this is Mr. Kline. We will be performing the final inspection and selecting our 10 finalists.”
Inspection? What does that mean?
She took a seat next to Mr. Kline at a long white table. “This is Chris,” she said. “He is 25 years old.” She looked over to me. “We can begin the final inspection.”
“Thank you,” I said, not sure what I was thanking them for. “I’d just like to say that it has been -”
“Take off your shirt,” said Mr. Kline, ignoring me.
I paused, taken off guard, and stood there awkwardly, just staring at them.
He glared at me and raised his eyebrow. “Well?”
Okay, I guess we’re just getting right to it. I pulled my shirt over my head.
Foster and Kline immediately started writing notes on their notepads.
“Decent chest. Nice nipples. Good treasure trail.” I couldn’t tell if Ms. Foster was talking to me, Mr. Kline, or nobody in particular.
“Flex for us,” said Kline. “Show us your armpits.”
The whole thing was very clinical…as if I was at the doctor’s office and he was telling me to turn my head and cough. I flexed. They nodded and wrote some more.
“Take off your pants and underwear.”
I looked at Mr. Kline like a deer caught in headlights. “Excuse me?”
He rolled his eyes. “We don’t have time for this. If you’re not interested in being on the show you can leave right now. We’re doing a show about gay porn…so you’re not getting cast unless you have a good-looking penis. So drop your pants and show me your junk.”
I mentally cursed Drew for getting me into this and pulled down my pants and underwear. I stood naked in front of the two strangers as they looked my body up and down and judged whether I was good enough for their reality tv show.
“Thank you,” said Ms. Foster. “Now please turn around, bend over, and spread your ass cheeks apart.”
Part of me wanted to just thank them for considering me, put my clothes back on, and leave. But for some reason, I did what I was told.
“Thank you. You may put your clothes back on.”
Once I was dressed again, I stood in front of them, nervously waiting for what would come next.
“Critiques?” Foster said to Kline.
He cleared his throat. “Chest and arms are nice. Armpit hair is thick and bushy and could stand to be trimmed down slightly. The chest hair doesn’t work for you. You would benefit from shaving or waxing your chest.”
I looked down at my chest, even though I had already put my shirt back on. I was always a little self-conscious about my chest hair. I didn’t have a nice sexy pattern that covered the chest. It was really just a black patch in between my pecs. I never knew whether to keep it or let it go. Apparently I would look better if I shaved it.
“Penis is adequate,” he continued. “The smooth nutsac is attractive. The trim on the pubic hair makes the appendage look a little bigger, which is good. Too much hair in your buttcrack, so that should be shaved.”
I took in their comments, alternating between being pleased and being embarrassed. When they seemed to be done commenting on every aspect of my naked body, I said, “So does this mean-”
“We will let you know once we have seen all of the potentials,” Ms. Foster interrupted. “Thank you for coming in. You may leave now.”
I shook my head slightly, not knowing what the hell just happened, and left the room.
***
“So what did they say to you?” I asked Drew. We were driving home and I was dying to know how Drew’s own critique went after he got called into the casting room about 3 people after me.
“They ripped me apart,” Drew said, and laughed. “I mean, they liked my body and cock, but they had a lot to say about what I should do to myself.”
“Such as?”
“They said I should trim my chest hair. They liked the pattern of hair but said it could stand to be trimmed.”
“They said the same thing about my pit hair,” I said.
“And they said my crotch was a forest. They said I should trim back the pubes and shave my ass. But they liked my low hanging nuts.”
I nodded. “Interesting. They want me to shave my chest. I guess certain things look good on certain guys.”
“They also pointed out that I have a few too many pimples on my ass,” Drew said.
I laughed.
And then my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered. The person on the other end of the line spoke very quickly and very matter-of-factly. I didn’t really have time to respond to anything before the call ended. I looked over at Drew. “We got it,” I said, my eyes wide. “They want us both. We start shooting next week!”
“Holy shit!” said Drew. “That’s amazing!”
My head was swimming. I still had no idea what to expect from the show, but all I knew was that I was going to be on a reality show and millions of gay guys were going to be watching me. I looked over at Drew. “So what do we do now?”
“I guess we bust out our razors and get to work.”
***
The whole thing started out as a joke, really.
Drew and I were never really serious about wanting to be cast in the new reality show. It was called America’s Next Hot Gay Porn Star and was set to debut on one of those premium streaming platforms next summer. We had no idea what the show would be like or how they would find this “porn star,” but Drew thought it would be funny if the two of us applied to be on it. Neither of us had ever even considered making porn. But who cared? It’s not like we would ever get cast on the show, let alone win it. So we sent in our headshots and laughed about how funny it would be to get a call from the casting director. We were excited to watch the show when it premiered, and hoped to see plenty of nearly naked men. And since it was on a platform that wasn’t shy about nudity or sex, maybe we’d even see some brief flashes of flaccid dick.
If we’d known what we’d be getting ourselves into, we never would have sent in those headshots.
Drew and I have been best friends for years. We’re both 25 and gay. Surprisingly, we’ve never been boyfriends. Our relationship is not like that. It may sound weird, but we’ve never hooked up. (I’ve never even seen his penis.) And I don’t want to hook up with him. Sure, there are the occasional times when I notice his bulge or catch a glimpse of him shirtless and marvel at his hairy chest and wonder what it would be like to…you know. But we’d never actually do anything. At this point, fucking Drew would be like fucking my brother.
We got the call a month after we sent in our headshots. We’d almost completely forgotten about the show altogether when we were told that we made the first cut and would move on to meet with the casting director in person. Still thinking this was hilarious, but wanting to see it through to wherever it ended, we went to a cattle call where about 100 men were shuffled into a large studio lot and briefly seen by the casting director. Drew and I both figured this would be the end of it, but we must have been looking especially good that day because two days later, we were told we made the final cut and would need to come back for the final audition.
It was getting a little too real, and I was all for backing out of the whole thing. But Drew was convinced we would never actually make it onto the show. “You remember how many hot guys were at that casting call?” he asked. “You think we’d be able to beat out those guys?”
I figured he was right. What did I have to lose?
So that’s how Drew and I ended up sitting in a room with twenty other guys waiting to be called into a room for our final audition.
We talked in whispers as one by one the guys were called into the casting room. “What do you think the audition consists of?” I asked Drew.
He shrugged. “Who knows? They’ll probably just ask us a bunch of questions.”
A woman poked her head out of the door to the casting room. “Christopher Hart,” she called out.
Drew nudged me. “You’re up, Chris.”
I stood up nervously and followed her into the room.
“My name is Ms. Foster and this is Mr. Kline. We will be performing the final inspection and selecting our 10 finalists.”
Inspection? What does that mean?
She took a seat next to Mr. Kline at a long white table. “This is Chris,” she said. “He is 25 years old.” She looked over to me. “We can begin the final inspection.”
“Thank you,” I said, not sure what I was thanking them for. “I’d just like to say that it has been -”
“Take off your shirt,” said Mr. Kline, ignoring me.
I paused, taken off guard, and stood there awkwardly, just staring at them.
He glared at me and raised his eyebrow. “Well?”
Okay, I guess we’re just getting right to it. I pulled my shirt over my head.
Foster and Kline immediately started writing notes on their notepads.
“Decent chest. Nice nipples. Good treasure trail.” I couldn’t tell if Ms. Foster was talking to me, Mr. Kline, or nobody in particular.
“Flex for us,” said Kline. “Show us your armpits.”
The whole thing was very clinical…as if I was at the doctor’s office and he was telling me to turn my head and cough. I flexed. They nodded and wrote some more.
“Take off your pants and underwear.”
I looked at Mr. Kline like a deer caught in headlights. “Excuse me?”
He rolled his eyes. “We don’t have time for this. If you’re not interested in being on the show you can leave right now. We’re doing a show about gay porn…so you’re not getting cast unless you have a good-looking penis. So drop your pants and show me your junk.”
I mentally cursed Drew for getting me into this and pulled down my pants and underwear. I stood naked in front of the two strangers as they looked my body up and down and judged whether I was good enough for their reality tv show.
“Thank you,” said Ms. Foster. “Now please turn around, bend over, and spread your ass cheeks apart.”
Part of me wanted to just thank them for considering me, put my clothes back on, and leave. But for some reason, I did what I was told.
“Thank you. You may put your clothes back on.”
Once I was dressed again, I stood in front of them, nervously waiting for what would come next.
“Critiques?” Foster said to Kline.
He cleared his throat. “Chest and arms are nice. Armpit hair is thick and bushy and could stand to be trimmed down slightly. The chest hair doesn’t work for you. You would benefit from shaving or waxing your chest.”
I looked down at my chest, even though I had already put my shirt back on. I was always a little self-conscious about my chest hair. I didn’t have a nice sexy pattern that covered the chest. It was really just a black patch in between my pecs. I never knew whether to keep it or let it go. Apparently I would look better if I shaved it.
“Penis is adequate,” he continued. “The smooth nutsac is attractive. The trim on the pubic hair makes the appendage look a little bigger, which is good. Too much hair in your buttcrack, so that should be shaved.”
I took in their comments, alternating between being pleased and being embarrassed. When they seemed to be done commenting on every aspect of my naked body, I said, “So does this mean-”
“We will let you know once we have seen all of the potentials,” Ms. Foster interrupted. “Thank you for coming in. You may leave now.”
I shook my head slightly, not knowing what the hell just happened, and left the room.
***
“So what did they say to you?” I asked Drew. We were driving home and I was dying to know how Drew’s own critique went after he got called into the casting room about 3 people after me.
“They ripped me apart,” Drew said, and laughed. “I mean, they liked my body and cock, but they had a lot to say about what I should do to myself.”
“Such as?”
“They said I should trim my chest hair. They liked the pattern of hair but said it could stand to be trimmed.”
“They said the same thing about my pit hair,” I said.
“And they said my crotch was a forest. They said I should trim back the pubes and shave my ass. But they liked my low hanging nuts.”
I nodded. “Interesting. They want me to shave my chest. I guess certain things look good on certain guys.”
“They also pointed out that I have a few too many pimples on my ass,” Drew said.
I laughed.
And then my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered. The person on the other end of the line spoke very quickly and very matter-of-factly. I didn’t really have time to respond to anything before the call ended. I looked over at Drew. “We got it,” I said, my eyes wide. “They want us both. We start shooting next week!”
“Holy shit!” said Drew. “That’s amazing!”
My head was swimming. I still had no idea what to expect from the show, but all I knew was that I was going to be on a reality show and millions of gay guys were going to be watching me. I looked over at Drew. “So what do we do now?”
“I guess we bust out our razors and get to work.”
***
























