Anybody ever feel like this?

[halubtsi]

So I was walking through the Glebe last night, and I ran into an old friend/colleague of mind. She's one of the sweetest girls you'd ever meet, she's beautiful and smart. She might as well be an angel or something. So we're talking and catching-up on the sidewalk, and I realize that I hadn't come out to her. Then, I had this urge to ask her out. I know that I'm gay, so I didn't, but the thought left me disturbed. Has anyone ever experienced something similar? I mean, have you ever encountered a girl who you genuinely wanted to go out with, but you knew full well that you were gay?

Just to clarify, I did NOT ask her out. We're going to do lunch or coffee sometime to just shoot the shit, but that's it.

 

[chance1]

Going "out" and "asking her out" are not the same in my opinion. I have lunch and "go out" with girls all the time - especially at work. I love their company and have no sexual desire for them. So that's the friend thing, different from the attraction thing. As a group we might go out (guys and girls), go to dinner or for drinks. It's fun. BTW, I'm not out to them.

I guess if she knows you're gay and you ask to go out, then there is no misunderstanding whereas if she doesn't know, that's an outstanding issue.

I'm rambling - and perhaps I'm not sure of your concern on this one. Are u attracted to her?

 

[halubtsi]

I suppose I should clarify this. I had the urge to ask her out on a date. But I didn't, because I knew that it would be a mistake, considering that I'm gay and all.

About the attraction, yes I'm attracted to her. I'm not sexually attracted to her, but she has an amazing personality and she is physically beautiful. I'm positive that she'll find a man that will make her happy.

My concern is really with that feeling I had. If I had to describe it, it was like I had a crush on her or something. Because I had this "crush" feeling, I wanted to ask her out on a date. I was curious to know if anyone else ever had feelings similar to mine. I suppose I want to know if it's "normal" for a gay guy to occasionally have these feelings.

 

[BoSoxFanVa]

I've had many a crush on women. I hate to admit it, but I've misled several women into thinking that I wanted them in every way. I was attracted to their beauty and personality and I thought that would be enough. After stringing them along while avoiding sex, I really messed with their heads. I was a rotten guy.

I still enjoy the company of beautiful women, but I let them know upfront that I'm gay. It's made for some really powerful friendships.

 

[sixthson]

Human sexuality is a very complex thing. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you will never be attracted to girls, even sexually. Don't let it spook you. Get to know her, but be honest up front, as Steve said, and make a friend of her. Enjoy her company and enjoy what you feel toward her. It will all work itself out. Good luck, buddy.

 

[halubtsi]

Thanks Steve, we're definitely going to go for lunch/dinner/coffee or something just to catch up on old times. And I don't think I'll be misleading her...it's just my former naivete in all things relationship-related, has gotten me into some uncomfortable situations in the past.

BoSoxFanVa, thanks for the input. I do my best not to mislead, but I did start dating one girl, after I had already determined that I was definitely gay. But we ended it pretty quicly anyway. Nothing serious ever happened between us. And I'm finding myself doing what you're currently doing. I do make gay references to women who are giving me the eye.

Sixthson, I've come to realize that human sexuality is extremely complicated. I figured that since I'm out and fine with being gay, I'd stop having these feelings for women. I figured that what I felt was just some residual feelings from my closeted days. I suppose, that's what they are though...since I don't have these feelings for new beautiful women that I meet. hmm...That's really interesting, actually. The girls who I've felt this "longing" for, have been girls who I met during my closeted days. So, I had seriously considered going out with them. This girl is a friend of mine from 5 years ago, so that's probably where the feelings stem from. Echoes from the back of the empty closet.

Wow, I feel like a guinea pig. Excuse me while I go and poke and prod myself with needles and sticks. Thanks again guys!

 

[jockboy01]

Hmmm, not exactly sure what you're describing. But I've had similar feelings maybe. Basically, I'll meet a girl who I really like... she's good looking, good personality and a lot of fun. There's one in my complex actually. And we have a blast together. But would I want to sleep with her ever... no. She's hot, but for me, it's not the same feeling I have with a guy.

From what you said above about not being sexually attracted to her, I would say it's the same feeling. I have had it before. And the key I agree is to not lead her on. The previous one I think I did a bit... but she really just wanted sex anyway and so I didn't feel that bad haha. This one, I don't think I'm leading on. Have I told her, no, but we constantly make it clear to each other that we just enjoy hanging out together and don't want anything more... we totally buddie around. But we're both good looking and we both know it so it is kind of fun to be seen together... and I think she feels the same way as there is no clingyness.

 

[dkonfrost]

So I was walking through the Glebe last night, and I ran into an old friend/colleague of mind. She's one of the sweetest girls you'd ever meet, she's beautiful and smart. She might as well be an angel or something. So we're talking and catching-up on the sidewalk, and I realize that I hadn't come out to her. Then, I had this urge to ask her out. I know that I'm gay, so I didn't, but the thought left me disturbed. Has anyone ever experienced something similar? I mean, have you ever encountered a girl who you genuinely wanted to go out with, but you knew full well that you were gay?

Just to clarify, I did NOT ask her out. We're going to do lunch or coffee sometime to just shoot the shit, but that's it.

*plunks down 2 cents*
perhaps maybe she possessed qualities that you deem wonderful in someone to date but it was just contained in a female body? i guess what i'm trying to say is that maybe your mind "turned on" the i wanna ask you out button because of her good qualities and neglected to consider that she didn't have a penis, nor was she a male. it's not a bad thing, mind you! hey, at least you know you are attuned to what qualities you like in someone to date!
just an opinion

 

[ibox_2000]

I was going to say that what you're attracted to is her personality, not her physiology, but then you more or less pointed that out to yourself in your second comment.

When you find a guy with her personality, then ask him out.

 

[bluedragon4]

i have had some hot girls hit on me and for a very,very brief moment wondered "could I?"than in coversation their leg will bump me or they will touch my hand while talking and my inner voice screams"ewwwww girl cooties!" and my dick sucks into my body and i shiver.

 

[Riverrick]

Perhaps you're attracted to the idea of going out with a beautiful girl, being seen with her, getting to be the "man" and hold doors for her, pull out her chair, and just feel sort of feel masculine (maybe straight?) for a while.

It does feel good. After all, we were raised and trained to fill this role. As long as it doesn't cross into sex, it can be fun.

 

[DarkNeko]

I think maybe you are emotionally and mentally attracted to her because of her personality. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I have met girls before that I thought "Damn, I wish you were a guy".

 

[3nipples]

My concern is really with that feeling I had. If I had to describe it, it was like I had a crush on her or something. Because I had this "crush" feeling, I wanted to ask her out on a date. I was curious to know if anyone else ever had feelings similar to mine. I suppose I want to know if it's "normal" for a gay guy to occasionally have these feelings.

It happens to me often that a sexy women will evoke those feelings in me and I find myself reacting to it, with my voice getting a shade deeper and I start getting flirtier. I just don't follow up on it anymore, because what's the point?... also because I know that some of the women I thought of as friends got hurt by it, but that was when I was still hesitant about coming out.

Don't think too much. If you feel like asking her out, then do it. Just be careful of her feelings and let her know that you're gay so she doesn't start attributing your lack of sexual interest as a fault of hers.

 

[halubtsi]

Sorry for the delayed response, but thanks to all of you who posted.

Jockboy01, I suppose it's a similar situation, but to be quite honest the only girl I enjoy having at my side, happens to be my bestfriend. Absolutely stunning girl, with an even greater personality that would brighten anyone's day. If you thought I was an optimist, when you stick me next to her, I look like one the four horsemen of the apocolypse. And yes, the two of us make an exquisitely cute couple and our children would be Ukrainian-Filipino hybrids. My relatives have already given me their blessing and approval to marry her. But, I'm gay...so that's never going to happen...and unfortunately, she doesn't have a brother.

dkonfrost, it's highly probably that that's what happened. Mind you, this is a girl I knew from before my coming out. When I first met her in 2001, I wanted to ask her out, but there was no way considering she lived so far away. So, when I saw her again, the "ask her out" button from 2001, turned on.

ibox_2000, I've met a few guys with this girl's personality, but they're all straight. It's not a big deal though, as I'm attracted to a variety of personality types.

bluedragon4, lol. Thanks for the visual. But yes, when you look at the situation objectively, you realize that it just wouldn't ever work out. Regardless if your dick happens to suck into your body or not.

Riverrick, yes playing the role of gentleman can be fun. And I have to admit that the idea of going out with this girl was tempting. But window dressing has never been something that I've enjoyed, and this weekend, there'll be PLENTY of that.

DarkNeko, thanks a lot. I think that most people would be attracted to her personality and she is physically beautiful. I just thought, somewhat naively I suppose, that since I was gay, I'd somehow be immune to anything that had to do with women.

3nipples, I completely understand. I still flirt with women, but it's always just innocent fun. And I will definitely ask her out for lunch or drinks. We have a lot to catch up on anyway. I don't think she would be offended by my lack of sexual interest, since she's never known me to be otherwise.

Once again guys, thanks for your insight.