When I was in high school my secret boyfriend and I had sex in a cemetery many times. It was halfway between our houses and totally private. I thought using it for that was genius.
We always did it beside one grave that had a gorgeous statue of a kneeling American Indian on top of it. It was a 17th century cemetery and the grave marker was gone so we never knew the significance of the Indian, but he was beautiful and bold and proud.
Many years later, after Geoff had been dead a long time and I was, frankly, breaking down from a massive number of AIDS deaths close to me, I stayed a few months with my mother. It was winter. I went for an aimless walk one day, it started snowing. I happened upon the ancient cemetery and suddenly remembered Geoff and how we'd met there dozens of times. I wanted to walk in but was scared -- I was scared a lot in those days that something random would make me too sad and I'd lose my balance completely. Still, I turned in and walked up the old dirt road. Halfway up I remembered the Indian and started to get excited. Would he still be there? Was he the way I remembered him or had I made him into something more? Up I hiked. Snow was so thick by then it nearly blinded my way. I kept walking and suddenly there it was in front of me: tall, proud, deteriorating stone but magnificent as I remembered, our Indian.
A white truck drove up the dirt road. I hid. It stood idling near the Indian statue. The driver's door opened a couple of feet and smoke wafted out. I smelled pot. I wanted to get high so I walked over and a handsome kid was toking on a joint; I scared the shit out of him! I asked if he'd share it with me and he was glad to. We sat in the cab of his truck smoking the joint and chatting. I told him about Geoff and me; he thought it was funny and sad and sweet. He touched my hand and said it must be hard, losing your friends that way. I told him I felt lonely, left behind with everybody's memories. He said I needed to make new memories; I told him I thought he was right. He leaned over and kissed me. "Let's make a memory here, right now," he said. So we did, and it was incredible sex. Geoff would have loved that. So did I. Maybe so did the Indian. It's a sweet memory from a difficult time.
