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dating - do I make a mistake? And if, where?

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Nice Boy

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Hey guys.

I feel as if I make mistake somewhere when dating.

Out of 17 dates I've been to, only 1 turned into something more (at least into friends with benefits). I must add that on 6 occasions, I didn't like the guys but what about the other cases?

Anyone else has that bad ratio of successful:unsuccessful dates?

I leave the question about if and where I make a mistake opened - let's discover it together...
 
That's going to be hard because you provided absolutely no context whatsoever to the dates, who they were with, in what circumstances did they happen, how old are you, how much experience you have with dating etc etc etc...
 
It sounds as if these were hook ups or that's what the other guys thought they were. Connection with another person has an intangible, magical element that is rare. You need to find out in advance if any of these "dates" are guys who are even remotely interested in exploring one on one. Even if they are, it doesn't mean it will be with you. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, but you may be more interested in dating than the guy you're doing it with rather than being picky and finding the right guy first. It doesn't matter how many guys you meet. It could be one or it could be hundreds. It's a matter of finding someone special who means to you what you mean to him. Don't give up, but, perhaps, be more discerning. Good luck.
 
I agree - if you were meeting these guys off Grindr or some other hook up site more then likely the pretext was sex only.

Those people are rarely looking for anything long term.

YOU make the decisions on what's going to take place on a 'date', and what you're willing to settle for.

If you're looking to DATE, Let them know up front you're interested in hanging out with them, and inquire if you're going to a movie, dinner, bowling... and if they come across as only wanting sex, YOU have the choice of saying "No Thanks".

In my opinion, odds are if sex happens on the first (or second) date more then likely that's all they wanted and you'll probably never hear from them again - unless they want another hook up.
 
Does your breath/underarms stink? Or maybe there's just no chemistry or you are expecting too much too soon. You seem to be dating for the wrong reasons i.e to get "benefits" so you need to find other people who are looking for the same. Not everyone who goes on a date wants it to lead to "benefits". Some people will only give "benefits" to people who are genuinely interested in them and maybe your dates just dont feel like you are genuinely interested in them. 17 dates makes it quite obvious you are only after "benefits". If I were your date you'd get none with me either :)
 
Broke Straight Boys
^^^^
??? I wasn't attacking you. I fail to see how you thought I was?
I was agreeing with Seasoned, and responding to the OP.
IMO if he's looking for real, quality 'dates' on hook up sites, he's not going to have much luck.

"You can't find a house wife in a whore house". ;)
 
I was (semi)joking about the attack because I have the "Grindr is not exclusively for hook-ups and it only takes a cursory look at the fields you fill there to see that" argument constantly around here (I'm fairly certain with you as well ;) ), and people seem to be very set in their opinion about it. It does offend me a little bit because I've been in a very loving relationship with a guy I met on there for almost a year now. I wasn't looking for "dates" (I never look for anything particular, which is the secret of why I'm actually successful more often than not :p ), but it still bugs me because to say "you can't find anything meaningful on Grindr" tells me to my face that my relationship is not meaningful. And I happen to know more than a few people who met on Grindr and are happily committed to each other. Some even started as hookups.

Not saying this isn't the smaller percentage, but it's definitely not the exception that proves the rule either.
 
Some people are lucky, and win the lottery... MOST of us have to go out and find jobs/careers.

Using that analogy, the best advice I could give to the OP is to find a job/career - not to hope for the relationship lottery.
Especially with the amount of BS and drama he'd get along the way taking that path.

I would marginally suggest OKcupid before Grindr.
 
There's nobody attractive on OKCupid :D :D :D

I think the issue with Grindr is that there are literally all types there - the people just looking for a fuck (by far a majority, I won't argue), people who are looking for a date, those who are just lonely and looking for friends, other who just like chatting with strangers. It's the best phone app so no matter your agenda or lack thereof, it's the best medium for it. It's a matter of being able to sift through the trash I guess :)
 
Broke Straight Boys
That's pretty much what the OP is asking... tell him how to sift through the trash! ;)
 
Chat them up, and try starting a normal non-sexual conversation. If they can hold one, you're already above the trash, and even if it ends up being a hook-up, it could still lead to something else, and even if it doesn't, it will be a good hook-up :p
 
Guys,

thanks a lot for your feedback! The thing is that 90% of contacts I got on the dating site that is not that much targeted for hook ups. Also, my dates were more or less like a chat with a friend. We met, we talked a lot etc. and then... nothing except for one case. And as for hook-ups, I'm not probably for it, but I would be OK with anything more than 0 - friends with benefits or a relationship.

But maybe the problem is that I expect too much early and that I take it more seriously - that's what even my counsellor said. So I try to take it more easy :-) However, still I wonder why I get seldom beyond the first date...
 
Nice Boy said:
But maybe the problem is that I expect too much early and that I take it more seriously - that's what even my counsellor said. So I try to take it more easy :-) However, still I wonder why I get seldom beyond the first date...
Click to expand...

Of the dates, how many were people that you wanted to go out with again? What did you do to let them know that you wanted to go out again?
 
Hi Karabulut,

well as I said, there were about 11 guys I wanted to see again. After the date, I have always texted them that I liked much the date and that I would be glad if we meet again.
However, it didn't happen in most of the cases. Occasionally when I ask why they don't want to meet again they say that they wanna be only friends with me but not more.
 
Broke Straight Boys
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