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Frustration

Elwood

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Joined
Apr 21, 2005
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Well sort of. I find myself at 43 wanting a change in my life career wise and I just can't figure out what I want to do. Also I have not picked the best moment in time to change careers with the economic down turn and all. If a contract came up to do another film I would take it because I could use the money but I am no longer happy working in film.
 
maybe it's a little like thinking the thing or person wanted will be in a catalog - standard or able*to be customized. the two guys I was fortunate to have in my life were not at all what i might have thought were my prerequisites - as far as physical people - and they both came into my life when finding someone was one of the last things in my priorities - just absolutely not planned.
yes, gery, tea please - maybe con ice this time, please sweetheart?
ding
 
i am sipping it right now, fellow piano player. it helps everything.
do you think something will fall into place someway that will make the bridge? the insight people talk about - or what is that word that is kinda cliche now - epiphany?
ding
 
Unfortunately.

There is no real way of knowing how you can find that boost to reach the tea, where to get an idea of where that key is, or where that right path is.

And it's unsure if you should just wait on your ass for something good to happen or keep trying yet get frustrated at yourself because you feel you are doing something wrong and that one thing you are missing just seems to eat at you.

It only takes one.

Meeting one guy. Meeting him then learning of a certain group. Then meeting someone who teaches you about things you never thought you could do and who sort of starts to piece together a puzzle that you've always been struggling with. Not only that but takes what you know and brings it to the surface so you have some selfworth and more determination and confidence. And not only that. But somewhat the drive to bring it out in others as well.

Is it fate, Is it because you waited, did God owe you or something?

The reasons will always be unknown.

Except that everything happens for a reason.

Both the good and bad. Being told to wait is annoying. Trying to find something that you are not sure what you are looking for is annoying and frustrating. And not getting anywhere is torturing and feels somewhat degrading as a human.

The fact that you expect so much out of yourself.

Networking does wonders.

By meeting one person you met a whole bunch of others, make more friends, get more insight from others and then in turn learn more about yourself and then realize alot of what has always been right in front of you.

However. The only question and problem is when. When does it happen.

That is something that no one really knows. I suppose it can't be helped.

So for now just sit back and drink your tea and think of what could be and aim for that. Or if it gets to be too much try a different approach and either fail or succeed.

Sorry you are frustrated though. You seem like a nice guy.
 
Well, indeed...

However, my personal belief regarding things happening for a reason is that shit just happens. No rhyme, no reason, it just does.

And such is life.

I think your wrong with that though. Because everything that people do and say effects the way things are in some way. In either a negative or a positive way.

It seems there is just always meaning in whatever happens.

If someone tells you about some famous painter that you really don't care about now you might just kind of ignore it and not think about it.

But later on down the road you might meet someone you like. If you listened to a little bit of what that person said in the past then you can find a common subject to talk about or at least say you've heard of it a little.

It seems that.

Maybe this is just illusion but.

If you can somehow just imagine this.

Think about education.

Math, Science, Literature, and History.

It's important to have at least a little understanding of the subjects. It makes you a more well rounded person.

Same to understand a little about art, theatre, sports, and things like that. I learned a little bit about football in college. I diddn't really care about it but the concept became a little more interesting.

And the reason isn't to impress people. But to open yourself and your mind to all kinds of things so that way you can have an understanding of what cannot be understood. If that makes any sense. I just feel that the more you understand the more you not only realize about things around you but yourself.

However. With the understanding you might realize things that you would have rather not known or it may come as a shock.

But it just seems that if someone could become that well rounded and understand a little bit about everything. Not to understand everything and be a God or something. But to just have at least an idea. Then maybe they can begin to understand what can't be understood.

Anyways I'm talking nonsense.

Maybe shit does happen. But even so. I think you can make some sense of it.

But your right. I guess it is just life.
 
I think one can drive oneself a little wonky trying to determine what's behind the scenes.

Often, there's NOThing behind the scenes in terms of some larger consciousness driving things.

Life is life, and you roll with it, and make of it as best, and what you can. It's no more complicated than that... in my opinion. :)

But maybe by trying to find out what's behind the scenes. You gain more knowledge and insight of things around you. Even if you do never find out what is behind the scenes. The adventure and journey somehow makes you grow.

And maybe that's the purpose of the curtains.

It's easy to say that life is just life. But if there is just a little hint or suggestion in the back of the mind that says otherwise.

Life becomes troublesome. But I guess life isn't supposed to be easy :D
 
I spent 30+ years trapped in the toxicty of fundamental Christianity where god is EVERYwhere behind the scenes.

I'm interested in how the the spin of the earth creates the Coriolis effect that drives hurricanes spin. the Water Cycle that drives our weather, how the convection cells in the earth's magma generate our magnetic field which protects us from solar and cosmic radiation, how an ameoba extends a psuedopod to ensnare prey, how a macropahge engulfs a bacteria, how antibodies latch on to viruses and prevent them from invading cells, how the Oort cloud and Kupier Belt is full of frozen bodies orbiting the sun at about 50,000 AU and due to gravitational influence can toss comets and such our way, how quasars are early galaxies forming with active, feeding black holes at their center, how plate tectonics work, how the dinosaurs arose and died, who invented glass, how ancient civilizations lived and what they believed, what drives people to do and think what they do and the list goes on and on and on.

THAT'S the behind the scenes stuff I'm interested in. The macro, the micro, and lots in between.

NOT a cosmic consciousness allegedly behind it all.

So science and history is what you are interested in.

Do you think that reasons is because you were convinced god was behind the curtains for so long?
 
ahhh the meaning of life and looking for love.

what were those wise guys in ancient times said again ?
 
I know that peace is impossible pianist. I know god isn't the answer to find the meaning of things.

But when the present doesn't make sense where do you go? Even if the universe doesn't care about time and even if most of what is is our creation then by that alone doesn't it make more sense that to find the answers we have to dig into the past.

Maybe the reasons that people act the way they are, the injustice, and things like that are of no importance. Maybe saying that by searching for meaning in that it's not different then looking to god for an explanation and that they are just that.

But that kind of thinking.

It doesn't feel progressive. It just seems that history is our guide. What has happened before us can happen again. So to prevent from what's happened in the past we need to look back in history to understand the present and to make the future.

But at the same point.

If we dwelve so much in the past we become lost in that and know nothing of the present or the future and only know of the past. Then you just appear to be idle to others.

I just don't understand. I don't understand why it seems so difficult to reflect about what went wrong and use that as what not to do and then form a new solution. It should be that easy but I know it's not.

I guess it's some sort of thinking that my mind is trapped in.

But where else do you go when you run into a dead end..

Do you just blame others, blame the world, blame god, blame yourself?

It just seems like it makes more sense to find more of an understanding instead of blaming or assuming. It just seems that with an understanding there is more insight and understanding. But maybe that's not the case.

Regardless. I guess your way works for a while. But once you run into a dead end then what?

If you don't dig into the past, try to understand others or the situation then how do you move forward..

I think I really am overthinking this. I wonder if it's because of this cold or what. But this has been going on for two days. And it doesn't seem like it will end until I solve it. But that doesn't mean i need to drag it to JUB and take it out on JUB.

Anyways..thanks Pianist..
 
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