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theatreboi

theatreboi

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I don't know if anyone here knows who this is, but Kate Bornstein did a show here at school and said something rather profound that i'd like to share with you all right now.

"Never have sex with anyone you wouldn't want to be."


Please, discuss.
 
Very good advice. People make compromises to be with others . Be very careful what you are compromising and extra careful of who you are making those compromises for and with.
 
Zasser said:
must be really tough on str8 folks.
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it is very interesting that you say this. I suggest you do a google search on hir and see what ze has to say about gender. That is hir entire point, for the most part.
 
"Never have sex with anything thats either dead/dying, otherwise, keep fuckin!" Much better :)
 
So, if you are happy and well adjusted you are limited to masturbation?
 
ajacobs said:
Sounds like crap. What if we are perferctly happy with who we are?
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That's something else ze says you should be, but you should be comfortable with the idea of being the other person too.
 
I don't completely disagree or agree with it. I think the whole idea of opposites attract could challenge and affirm the idea. I say just don't have sex with someone that you may regret later.
 
I think those are excellent words. Unless you "want to be" that person, it's just casual sex. But to make love, I'd agree with the statement. To me it sounds like a maturity thing.
 
I have sex with myself almost daily...........and everyone else is fair game
 
Hard-up1 said:
I would be afraid this would narrow the definition of romantic love, if we can apply that to the sex act in this context, to a type of narcissism.

The idea that you should be able to admire, envy, or want to emulate your lover implies you are loving yourself in an alternate, or maybe even improved version.

Is it not equally valid to love someone whom you find not to be what you want to be, but whom you want to accept, protect, interplay with, challenge, lead, grow, accompany, but not be?

I find her direction provocative, but troubling.

Good question, Boi. Your shorthand vocabulary drives me crazy, but you know, I like you, and it doesn't mean I have to want to be you. :lol:
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It can also be simply applied to being someone physically. I think that may have been what ze was trying to get at. If you look hir up, you'll probably understand what i mean a little more. If you do and still don't get it, i can explain.

what do you mean my "shorthand vocabular" drives you crazy? i don't think i used it at all in this thread and if you read some of my other posts, you'll understand why i do use it when i do.
 
garfield_cadets said:
Funny cuz I've always wanted to have sex with myself! Seriously.:-)
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me too, read some of my other posts for further detail. I'll direct you to the "sex with brother?" thread.
 
Hard-up1 said:
What does that mean? "to being someone physically"? Are you saying that you would want their body to be your body? Why would that be necessary? Wouldn't that suggest that no one would love a handicapped person? Who would want to be incomplete by choice?

What/Who is "ze"?

What/Who is "hir"?
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I dunno really how to answer your questions, this is simply an interpretation, i'm not saying i believe it. I just think it's interesting.

"ze" and "hir" are the pronouns Kate came up with for hirself because there weren't any gender neutral ones in English.
 
theatreboi said:
I don't know if anyone here knows who this is, but Kate Bornstein did a show here at school and said something rather profound that i'd like to share with you all right now.

"Never have sex with anyone you wouldn't want to be."


Please, discuss.
Click to expand...

theatreboi,thanks for another interesting and thought-provoking post! I'm going to have to give this one some thought--- but my initial reaction is to agree! The older I get, the more I feel that casual sex is debilitating and intrinsically dangerous on several levels! If I interpret MS Bornstein's thought correctly, her approach would pretty much do away with sex with someone you didn't know very well!
 
Theatreboi, this is certainly an interesting post (as are most of your posts and by the way, I really like your gallery as well). My take on this is that it doesn't work for me, at least not in a literal sense. My partner of 12 years was someone I loved in every way possible, but I never wanted to be him. He died a couple of years ago, and although I admired him, loved him, had great sex with him, etc., one aspect of our relationship that was so great (to me) was our differences. We learned a phenomenal amount from each other because we were so different, and that openness to both teaching and learning kept us interested in each other, mentally as well as sexually. Of course, if Ms. Bornstein meant "Never have sex with someone you don't admire," then I'd have to agree. That can be a whole lot of fun, but at the end of the day who wants to be with someone that only inspires indifference.

Okay, hope that makes sense outside of my head, because it seemed pretty clear while it was in there...
 
Why would anyone want to be gender neutral??
 
Never have sex with someone you don’t want to be.

Tommy296 made a good argument.

Let me add: Sex is an expression of human sexuality in that we reach out for the other and engage in sex – supposedly a loving act. It is an expression of how we are incomplete as persons and how we need the other to complete us. It is likewise an expression of our relatedness to the other in that through sex, we get to relate with him.

Both these are not only expressions but are also experiences. And to experience something is to try something new, something fresh. So that after the experience has died, you get to keep it as a unique part of who you are.

Engaging in sex with someone you don’t want to be is an affirmation of that. It is also an affirmation of who we are as persons and how different we are as human beings. Each one of us is unique, we say.

Why should we not have sex with someone we don’t want to be? It’s because we all are different and we should all accept that fact. It’s because to have sex with someone we want to be takes away all the unique experience that we should carry with us after all has been said and done.

~

On a lighter note: what if your partner is not good in bed? Do you want to be just like him? Umm, yah, I don’t think so, too.
 
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