How do you guys get gay friends

[recuerdeme]

I think the majority of the time we initiate a conversation with another gay guy because we find them attractive, sometimes that leads to sex, sometimes it does not, and sometimes in either case it leads to a friendship and that's the reason for the sexual vibe between gay friends.

I myself have had relationships/sex with a few of my gay friends but not all of them.

 

[recuerdeme]

And to answer the title question of the thread:

I've made friends and just about everything I do. I've made gay friends online, at the bars, at the clubs, at work, at school, through friends, through relatives, shopping, etc. I don't really know HOW, I could spout out all the usual crap about common interest and yada yada but quien sabe why two people form a bond or relationship, but somehow it happens.

 

[NineOfClubs]

In my own experience, almost all my gay friends are ex-lovers or guys I've had sex with. A few are guys I've met at work, or more likely were friends of friends.

It's not like the straight world, where relationships that end, END.

 

[DonDon]

I've never had sex with any of my friends. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but we just don't see each other that way. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, just never seemed to happen to me.

I met the few gay friends I had in Pittsburgh through Rocky Horror, strangely enough. I used to go there a lot.

Now in LA, I just join social clubs. I'm really involved in the leather community, and most of my friends I have I've met at the club meetings and events. You could also check out the local GLBT Center if there's one near your town. They often have events going on where you can meet people. There's a lot of ways to meet gay friends.

 

[FREDDIE187]

I think it depends on how you handle the encounters. If they find you attractive and want to have sex with you, it is up to you to tell them NO in such a way that they still become friends.

Main thing, don't be to uptight about their approaches. Guys will be guys. Relax and be friendly and they will soon realize you just want friendship.

 

[recuerdeme]

Trial and Error

 

[dynk]

I don't want to have sex with my friends. I have done it, but usually don't. Besides most of my friends here are str8 and have known me for so many years they don't care what I am. I even carry on with them, and have sucked more than one of them in the past.

 

[Swellegant]

You can't really control whether or not someone you meet becomes your friend; sex with people sometimes leads to friendship, sometimes to just sex, sometimes to a romance, sometimes to just a waste of a perfectly good evening. You never can tell until after you've done it. The only way to approach such encounters is with an open mind and an acceptance of what the other guy might want.

It has been my experience that sleeping with a man almost never leads to friendship; perhaps I'm a terrible lay... or perhaps I just have better luck with friends than with lovers. I've only once become friends with a trick, and he didn't want to have sex after we became friends; and I once seduced a friend in hopes of making him my boyfriend, and though that almost destroyed our relationship, we're still friends (he blessedly doesn't remember the details, as my "seduction" required his consumption of eleven Tokyo Iced Teas).

One of the quickest routes to making friends in a new city is to join a community service organization that will bring you into contact with the kinds of people you want to have in your life. Find a service that means something to you, maybe a youth outreach center or a political movement or an AIDS hospice or Meals on Wheels (as examples), and go volunteer. You won't be suddenly awash with a hundred instant friendships, but you will be meeting people...you can't make friends with anyone if you don't meet him (or her) first. One friend will usually give you access to a larger circle of his own friends, and among those meetings might come more friendships. It's a network kind of deal.

Taking classes at the local community college or education annex is also a good idea, as is joining a church (if you're religious) or a community theatre (if you can act or sing or make costumes or paint sets), or taking part in a neighborhood watch or tenants' association, or just hanging out in the same bar or cafe or restaurant until you get to know the other habitués, who can introduce you into their social circles.

It's no mystery, making friends... but, like love, friendship is not something you can control: you can only put yourself in its way.

 

[Soilwork]

I've never had sex with any of my friends.

um. ok.

Dondon, you forget I know you.

But yeah.. depending on your definition of "sex", you're telling the truth.

That being said, NO.. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH GUYS IF YOU WANT TO BE THEIR FRIEND.

Say that out loud ten times, and hope it sinks in.

I've said this a million times and I feel like a broken record....


find a hobby you like... with me it's riding my motorcycle, but with you it can be baseball, bowling, surfing, political activism, community service, hiking or reading.. or anything...

Join a gay group or team that does or plays that..

And voila... there's the group of gay men that you have something in common with.. the guys who are going to have more in common with you than sex.

The best friends I've made in my life were mostly made through my love of riding bikes. I've met TONS of amazing guys.. great friends, guys to hang with, even aquaintences in other cities that I can stay with when I'm visiting thorugh motorcycle riding.

Being a part of a gay morocycle group has meant that I have friends all over the place, and we like to spend time together doing the thing that we love the most.

We stay at each other's places and we party together and plan weekend trips away.

Sure, there's sex among the men in the group, and yes, I've shagged a few of them myself.

But that comes later....

 

[FREDDIE187]

Am I confused or fucked up! so I need to have sex with guys until the guy who really wants to be my friend comes up?

Firstly, I am sure there is nothing wrong with you.

The secret lies in the bit that says; " Approach these encounters with an open mind"

I stick to my original post - read it again.

You have a b/f so you can't be that bad to be with.

 

[recuerdeme]

What's so special about GAY friends?

If you are looking for friends you shouldn't be so exclusive

 

[Swellegant]

Am I confused or fucked up! so I need to have sex with guys until the guy who really wants to be my friend comes up?

I think, my dear, that you have come up against one of the problems that only happen to the beautiful: lots of guys will objectify you as a sex-toy and forget that you're a person. That never happens to schlubs like me.

Sleep with a guy if you feel like it and your boyfriend doesn't mind; don't sleep with a guy if you don't feel like it or are in a monogamous relationship. That's all.

These guys who give you their numbers but don't want to hang out with you? They only wanted a quick fuck with a gorgeous guy. They would not have become your friends, you were just another cute trick to them. Dismiss them from your mind, they are irrelevant.

Don't let the assholes get you down, darlin'! There really are people out there who are interested in you as a person, not just another pretty face. But such people don't hang out in dance-clubs, they do not cruise the boulevards, and they're thin on the ground in bars. You'll only meet them if you go where they are... which is usually someplace where they can do some good.

 

[Soilwork]

SO does that mean there's some kind of gay motorcycle gang out there?

Check out my podcast...

www.jasunmark.com

we're not really a "gang", exactly... when we come to town we don't destroy the place, but we DO shag the men and redecorate the hotel lobby.

 

[douseiai]

well im a virgin so i guess i haven't had sex with my friends... and in truth... i don't really have any gay friends... theres like 4 other gay guys in my city and they all really don't like me and i have no clue why...

 

[Oden_grey]

I have met lots of guys here in Chicago, we started a conversation and exchanged contact information but when I refuse to have sex they never get to contact me again or when I call them they come up with excuses for not hanging out or something. Some stupid ones go like ''You know what? you have a boyfriend man!.''

We'll it is really remarkable and commendable that a person as handsome as you would have the gall to avoid anonymous sex for something deeper. It's something that's all too rare in our community and especially among the better looking.

 

[tomind]

If you are looking for friends then do something like I do - every Sunday night I have people over for a Homo Movie Night and it began with four people and then those friends began to bring other people over and now it is up to 12 wonderful gays and growing.

Good luck