Chapter 5
We lied in bed for hours a day. I'd stare in his eyes, he'd wrap his arms around me, and I'd just rest my head on his shoulder. We'd talk about any random thing that came to mind... or we'd just lay there sleeping or awake. It's not the most masculine thing to say but i felt safe when i was cuddled in his arms.
He wrapped his arm around me with my back to his chest, "What are you thinking about?"
"My dad," i said softly.
"You dont have to worry about him anymore," he kissed the back of my head.
"Not Ted...He wasn't even close to a father figure...I'm talking about my real dad," I held his arm closer.
"I thought you didnt know who he was," he was confused.
"I know who he is... i just never had the guts to meet him. His name is Kenneth Gibson."
He lifted himself on his elbow, "The senator? How exactly do you know..."
"I've known since he was elected... My mom had a picture of him holding me when i was born. It's the only thing she ever gave me of his. She never told me anything about him or why he left."
"Well, why are you suddenly thinking of him?"
I turned on my back and looked him in the eyes, "I'm ready to meet him."
"He's the senator of California. You can't just walk into his office and..."
"I scheduled an interview with him for a summer internship."
He brushed my arm with his hand, "So, you're just gonna bring it up in the middle of the interview? Baby, you can't get your hopes up..."
"He walked out on me when i was less than a month old... He owes me a whole lot more than a talk and that's all im asking for."
"I undrestand, but he has a family... he has a reputation..."
I turned back on my side, "Just forget i brought it up."
I gave Andy the silent treatment for the rest of the night. The next morning, he had to go lifegaurd and i went to the interview. It was at this big office building downtown.
I felt nervous at first but when the receptionist told me to go into his office, it turned to excitement. I went in and sat on the opposite side of his desk. As i looked at him, i suddenly felt like all my questions were about to be answered.
"What's your name again?"
"Jeremy Burk," I put a little emphasis on my last name in hopes that he would suddenly recognize it.
"Have you held any previous jobs?" he was still looking down at his clipboard.
"No, sir... this would be the first."
"And, you do know that there is no pay?"
"Yes, sir."
"What about politics interests you?"
"Alot...it's hard to just name one thing," i had no clue about anything political.
"Do you have any family history of mental illness?"
"I wouldn't know... i've never met my father."
"Why do you think you're right for the internship?"
"Well, i'm very loyal and honest... sir, to tell you the truth, i have no interest in this internship," i gave up.
He finally looked up, "Well may i ask what you're doin here?"
"I had to meet you," i said.
"I'm sorry?" he was confused.
"Laura Burk is my mother... you're my father," i put it out there.
His expression suddenly changed to what could be described as fear, "So what do you want?... money? or just a good old fashion scandal?"
"No, it's not like that at all... sir, i've lived my entire life with a shitty excuse for a father and i never asked for much... i just want to talk."
He started to calm down, "Well what do you wanna know?"
"Why did you walk out on us?"
"You don't know?"
"All my mom told me is that you just left one day."
"You're mom was using drugs when you were born... i tried to have her hospitalized but she wouldnt go. I had to get away from her and I tried to take you but she threatened to kill herself if i took you."
"Well, why didnt you fight for me?"
"When you were born, i knew that i wanted to be in office. It was no way to start off a term with a history like that. I couldn't have my past revealed during an election."
"So, you were thinking of you?"
"Yes, and I'm sorry but i have to do the same now... So, if you want money, i'll give it to you but I'm gonna have to ask you to stay away from me and my family."
I got up, "Don't worry... i won't be a problem."
I left and that was the last time i ever saw him. I guess it would've been appropriate payback to out him to the press but i wanted to avoid the scandal just as much as he did. Besides, if that would've caused half the pain on his family as not having a father at all, i'd feel too guilty.
I walked down the beach until i found a private area. I just sat there until the sun went down, staring at the waves. All i could do is think how there were so many people out there and not one would ever want me.
I was crying with my head between my knees, when a hand on my shoulder startled me. I turned my head to see Andy sqautting behind me. He sat down behind me and rested my back on his chest in between his legs with his arms wrapped around me.
I held his arms closer, "You were right...I'm sorry i didnt listen."
"Don't say that. You were brave to go meet him," he kissed me on the neck.
I snuggled closer, "I just want someone to want me."
"Well, i want you. Don't ever doubt that... I love you," he whispered in my ear.
I stood up as he did, "I'm in love with you too."
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and he wrapped his around my waist. As he kissed me on the lips, i rested my head on his chest until i fell asleep. He carried me to the truck and we went home.
When i woke up in the middle of the night, he was staring in my eyes. His piercing blue eyes made me feel safe. We talked the rest of the night about any random thought that came to mind and i cuddled close to him until we both fell asleep.