My Partners Mother Passed....

[herenthere]

I'm 23 and have been in a commited relationship with my partner for three years. All of my partners family have totally accepted us, except his mother, who was never able to accept or deal with her gay son.

"Mom" always was very rude and unkind to me, because she saw me as the enemy, and the one that had "stolen" her son and perverted him.

Tuesday "mom" passed away..makes me so sad that she could not heal and accept her son for the totally awesome person that he is.

My question:

Should I attend the service and be there to support my love, or is that just showing dis-respect to "mom"

My partner says that he wants me to do what I feel I need to do, I get no definite yes or no from him. I feel he thinks if he asks me to go, he is pressuring me, and if he says no, I will be hurt.

All I want is this to be as easy as possible, for my partner.
I'm totally baffled as to what I should do.

Any Input?

 

[Drops of Jupiter]

Only you can make that decision of course... but I would go to support my partner. Even though he may not have said it. I am sure he wants you to be there.

Best of luck, and sympathies to your partner.

 

[metta]

Ask your partner what he would like you to do and what kind of support he needs?

 

[irish1]

You are a major part of your partner's life, and as you said, the rest of the family accepts you.

I would encourage you to go, as I think that wakes and funerals are for the living, and not the dead.

I hope that you are able to get through this diffiult time with as little difficulty as possible.

 

[antdak]

I would encourage you to go, as I think that wakes and funerals are for the living, and not the dead.

I agree with that, to go would show support for your partner and the rest of his family. But if the situation would be uncomfortable for every one then best not to go. My sypathies to you and your partner.

 

[Riverrick]

Go.

No matter what he says, he is going to want and need you on that day. Funerals are for the living, not the deceased.

 

[natedogg323]

Your not going to the service to show respect for the dead. Your would be going to support your partner who needs you there by his side right now. Even if she never accepted your relationship she was his mother. THe pain of losing a parent, especially one that never showed real love is so very hard. Just go and support the man you love, its the least you can do for him.

 

[Scrub]

Just one more voice. I agree with what the others have said. You should attend.

 

[Snickers52]

I think you should go and support your partner. When someone like this dies, you must put aside any ill feelings (within reason of course). If the worst thing she ever did while alive was be rude to you then forget about it and be there for your partner. Also, it would be a different matter if the rest of his family held ill will against you, but you've stated they all accept you so all the more reason to go.

 

[MainEntry]

Ask your partner's father and siblings whether they want you there or not. Unless they are very clear that your presence at the funeral of your partner's mother would be disruptive, please attend, but realize that the event is "not about you", so dress and act conservatively.

 

[floorrunner]

I agree with everyone else. Funerals are for the living. I suspect that your partner really wants you there. I also suspect that his family would have no prblem with you being there.

 

[FREDDIE187]

I think you should go and support your partner. When someone like this dies, you must put aside any ill feelings (within reason of course). If the worst thing she ever did while alive was be rude to you then forget about it and be there for your partner. Also, it would be a different matter if the rest of his family held ill will against you, but you've stated they all accept you so all the more reason to go.

What I would like to say.

To ad. Go and let everybody see what a loving. caring and forgiving person you are. Also how much your partner means to you.

Best wishes for that day. If you feel like, it let us know if you went and how you feel afterwards.

 

[DarkNeko]

I think you should go and be there for your partner.

 

[SFMusic]

Funerals are for the living not for the dead, so go and support your partner. Even if he doens't say it, he needs you beside him at this time.

 

[luminum]

I'd say that this really isn't about her at all, it's about you and your partner. This is the time for you to make your peace with this woman, anything at all that you may feel about her, and this is a time for you to support your partner, because his mother is gone. So he needs you there with him.

For him, it's also his moment of reconciliation, and I can't think of how your presence would be detrimental to this, in fact, I feel like for him, it'd be the best affirmation.

 

[mojoe54]

When my Mom died, it meant a lot me to have my partner there by my side. I think your partner would probably feel the same. Also, you will be showing support for all of his family members. My sympathies to your guy-- take good care of him.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Your partner will need you beside him not only at the services, but for months afterwards.
She's gone now, forgive her past rudeness and don't ever bring it up.
Just be understanding and compassionate.

 

[dkonfrost]

hi, condolences to you and your partner.

i agree with Riverrick, you should go. Your partner needs you there. And I think his family will appreciate it too.

 

[mac_twck]

Absolutely you should go. Funerals are for the living not for the dead. He needs you there.

 

[operafan]

I appreciate your trying to do the right thing to decrease the stress, but absolutely go to be with your partner. I like what someone else said about you demonstrating that you hold no hard feelings. Sorry she never was able to accept you.