Not Fade Away (Based on a True Story)

[Alphus]

Life is kind of funny, the way it toys with you mercilessly and you have no choice but to go with it. No matter how hard you try to protect yourself, it knows just the thing to break you down. And broken I have...

--==={[_____]}===--​

3 Years Ago
It can't be over, not like that.

I watched him get into his car. He didn't leave right away; I assumed he was trying to get his wet jacket off first. A loud and then low purr was heard as he started the car and put it into reverse, pulling out of the parking spot. To my surprise, instead of going directly toward the road, he pulled his car in front of me and lowered the window.

"You want me to take you home?" he asked.

"Uh... oh, no. I already called my mom," I stuttered since I was caught off-guard.

"You sure?" he asked, as if he was trying to push some last bit of hope out.

"Yeah. I'll see you later," I said, looking in either direction for my mom's car to pull up, half-fearing that she'd see him.

"Later," he replied, rolling up his window and driving off.

I watched his car leave, not sure if he was aware of me looking. It was raining, which was common at this time of the year, but this was a different kind of rain. It was freezing, fell as hard as nails, and visibility was almost none. After he was out of sight, I stood back to be under the awning of the doorway of the building we just left and just looked up at the mourning sky, feeling empty. It was as if the world around me knew something was wrong and I didn't, but I felt it.

It wasn't until later did I realize I may have just missed the most important opportunity to ever cross me, and I missed it.


5 Years Ago
It started with a book... and a guy. It always starts with a guy.

I watched my mom drive away before turning to what lay before me. It was the first day of high school, and I was awake way too early for it to be normal, I swear. It was the same high school my brother was in almost a decade before. Nothing special like one of those prestigious schools, just a school he went to and I knew of; in fact, some of the teachers even knew me there, from when I was little... talk about awkward, but I could live with it.

Although I probably should've felt more than what I did that day (just a tad nervous), I really didn't feel anything at all. It had been that way for over a year now... while I won't go into detail of what had happened, it should be efficient enough to just say it was a custody battle full of law suits, and a full-on family war with me being the focus of it all. All of that drove me into not caring, not feeling, and just not giving a damn about anything. It was the only way to protect myself and it worked. I didn't bother anyone and they didn't bug me. I was invisible, which is how I wanted to be for once. I was safe, no one could hurt me any more and I could live that way until I was free, or at least that's what I told myself.

A couple of weeks into school, I had purchased a book. It was a fantasy novel, and it was particularly interesting to me. One day I got to class a bit early, and the teacher was running late, so I read. I was in the front and center of the class (a position I hated, as I liked being in the back and away from everything), so often there would be people walking by in front of me. Everyone was talking, joking, you know the usual things students did when they weren't doing anything; except me of course. I was in my little bubble, no one bothered me and I could just sit and read quietly.

About five minutes into class, the teacher hadn't come yet so everyone was still going on about their business when someone stood in front of me but leaned back on the teacher's desk. I don't know how long he was actually there, but when he spoke, my little bubble burst... and from that day forward, I knew my life was going to be different long before I realized it.

"I read that book a few weeks ago. It was good," he said, gesturing to the object in my hands.

"Yeah, I like it a lot," I said looking up to see who spoke to me before going back into my world.

"My name's Bryan," he said.

"I'm Daniel," I said, taking a better look at the person who was actually talking to me. Why?

"So what music are you into?" Bryan asked.

--==={[_____]}===--​

That's how it all started... over a book. Did I know what I was getting myself into? Of course not. I don't think anyone ever really does when they're not looking for it and I know I was far from it.

To anyone who reads this, there are two reasons I'm writing this. Yes, it is based on a true story (with names and general details modified), and for reason one, it is mainly a way to release something I've kept to myself for years anonymously for others. Who knows, maybe someone will find hope in something they think is hopeless... my story will attest to that. But the main point here is just to get it out of my system, and breathe a little easier.

The second reason is to get insight from outsiders. I've nitpicked, analyzed, questioned and just overall tore apart the events to see if there was something I missed. Maybe someone else out there could ask the obvious, and maybe I'll realize an answer to something I never asked myself before.

Anyway, there's much more, and I will post that shortly as I rummage through my thoughts. If there are any questions, do ask. Of course comments are always welcome.

 

[Alphus]

Love is kind of annoying, the way it seems to walk around with a crowbar ready to break into anything it desires. I thought I was safe, but I wasn't. It pried open the door and threw me out...

--==={[_____]}===--​

4 Years, 10 Months Ago
The best-laid plans of mice and men...

"I'm surprised you haven't been struck with lightning yet," I said, shaking my head.

"What? I'm just saying," Bryan said laughing.

"You're just evil," I replied back.

We were outside during lunch, and he had just made a sly remark about someone as they walked by.

It was a few months into school now, and the both of us became much closer. I still wasn't sure why or how this was happening, but it was nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with. It was strange, for neither of us knew anything about our past except how we were like and the things we were into. We seemed to be two great friends and were moving from the point we met forward without looking back, sort of like we didn't exist before our passing.

I was quite happy to hang out with him. Every other part of my life, from school to home, was messed up. My mom and I got into fights, I really didn't care about school so my grades slipped, and on top of all that we were still in the midst of the family war. Yet somehow I found someone who seemed to make me forget all of those problems, make me feel good about myself, and he had no clue about what was going on at all.

Through our Conversations, I learned that he was actually a year ahead of me, and the only reason he was taking the class we met in was because he never took it and needed to catch up on some credits. One of these times also solved a mystery of where he would run off every other day for about a month. It turned out that he had a girlfriend who was out during first lunch (our class was released for second lunch), and so once in a while he'd leave to go be with her. Mind you, I felt indifferent about this fact, because I didn't care for him either way in that respect; he was still a friend and that was all I ever thought of it. Eventually, they did break up, but he wasn't really sad. His reaction surprised me a little, but I didn't think anything of it.

Life went on like this for the rest of the school year. There would be some days we'd hang out, others where we wouldn't get a chance to talk, or sometimes I wouldn't see him at all for a week. It was a good friendship, and if anyone asked, I could say that I was happy. At least, in those moments with him.


3 Years, 7 Months Ago
Well, this is different.

It was the next year of school. I moved up into tenth grade now, Bryan moved into eleventh. Since we didn't have a class together any more, seeing each other was mainly limited to early in the morning before school, the off-chance during lunch, and rarely after school, although a majority of conversations at this point were online. We seemed to be a little more separated now, but it seemed to not make that big of a difference. Everything seemed normal until one day in late September when the dynamic between us would change dramatically.

I was feeling particularly bad one day. My mother was upset with me, and I just felt like crap all morning. By lunch, I was just really down when Bryan came by. We started talking, and as usual, he was able to make me feel better again. Not better, great. In no time I was able to smile and laugh a bit. But this time was different... this time, I felt something new.

Someone lit a match in my heart and for the first time I realized I liked him. I liked him. Upon this realization, I immediately started wrack my brain to figure out how this was possible. I purposefully kept such feelings like that subdued. How was it possible that I could feel... love? Suddenly I found myself in the backseat of my own mind as this new thing took over like a virus that was slowly growing, but upon being found, decided to speed up reproduction before it could be stopped.

For the following weeks, I looked at Bryan in a whole new light. He was physically and mentally attractive, and I never realized it until now. He had a nice body that I liked; it wasn't too buff, but he wasn't skinny either... you could tell he worked out a little, but not enough to go all muscle; he was smooth instead of cut. His hair was nice too; it was always curly, but gelled back a bit. He wore thick glasses too, and the just seemed to fit him. I've seen him without them, but with them on it just seemed to be part of him. I love they way he smelled too, and I always knew when he was around because ofi t. His voice was a little deep, but had this hint of dorokyness behind it. If he was serious, it always kind of sounded like he was not. Just overall, he was an amazing guy and I couldn't believe it...

I had fallen for him and I couldn't stop myself.

It was nearing the end of October when I told someone who I trusted about it. He was another friend of mine, somewhat close, and I trusted his opinion. Unfortunately, somehwere in our conversation, he misheard me and things really went down hill. Not because of the situation, but I later found out my friend thought I told him to tell Bryan. Soon our section of the school knew, and rumors went ablaze left and right and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Right after, Bryan stopped talking to me and even avoided me whenever he could. I thought our friendship was entirely over. I'm unsure just how it happened, I just knew that it spread and nothing could stop it. I wanted to kill myself. The one thing good that came across me for a long while, the one thing that actually made me happy to get up in the morning, and I messed it up.

It was a couple of weeks before I saw him again, mostly during lunch, where he would talk to some of our mutual friends while ignoring me completely. I was nothing again, and it hurt more than anything in a while. I figured it was just a sign that I really wasn't meant to be happy, and that everything in my life was just meant to be fucked up in the end. That night, and the following ones for a short while I thought seriously about just ending it all, but in the end I just couldn't bring myself to do it, so I just lived every day through school in my own personal hell.

 

[GuyLover24]

This is extremely well written and tugs at the heart strings. I look forward to reading more.

 

[Alphus]

Thank you. And FYI for anyone else reading it: No, there isn't an ending posted yet. What you're reading is how it was meant to be laid out. The time references are also real (5 years ago and whatnot), although probably a few months off.

Kind of sucks when I think back at all this. *sigh* Look back is really painful, and I haven't even gotten to the main chunk yet. That is going to be a heart-breaker (for me anyway) again.

 

[gaytxn09]

Sorry dude. Well, it's good you're getting it off your chest, I think. I'll look forward to reading your story.

 

[Alphus]

Hearts are kind of intrusive, the way they don't care about anything at all and just go wherever they feel is right. I thought my heart wouldn't do it, but it kept moving forward. And I had no choice but to follow...

--==={[_____]}===--​

3 Years, 6 Months Ago
The internal flame of love never quite died.

November swung by, and we were finally back on tentative speaking terms, but nowhere near where we were a coupe of months before and that bothered me. It was something that I needed to know for sure, and there was only one way to deal with it: Upfront.

In the class before lunch, I sat down and pulled out some paper and began writing my thoughts and feelings down. I know I write better than I can talk, I always have. So I figured the best way to be clear and concise in what I had to say was to write it down. It took me about ten minutes to write it all down, taking over both sides of that notebook paper. I rewrote it another time, to make my hand writing clearer and remove any errors; this was important and I couldn't afford to make a mistake. The bell rang, and I took a deep breath before getting up and going out to lunch.

It wasn't until a few minutes before it was over that I found him out at the picnic tables. I slowly walked up to him and looked up. He was a little taller than me by a couple of inches, but since he was standing on the seat, he was much taller.

"Hi," I said, managing the only word I could get out.

"Hey," Bryan said, looking down at me. His eyes seemed a bit withdrawn, as if he didn't completely want to talk to me... which I guess he didn't.

"How are you?"

"I'm good," he said curtly.

Reaching into my pocket and pulling out the folded letter, I handed it to him saying, "Can you read this when you get the chance?"

Taking the letter from me, Bryan said , "Sure." He jumped off the table and was starting to leave before I stopped him.

"Are we okay?" I asked, quite scared for some reason.

He thought about it for a few moments before finally saying, "Yeah." With that, he turned to leave to class.

Doing the same, I made my way to my art class where I knew someone was waiting.

"Hey!" I heard a female shout.

"Hi," I said smiling, giving Laura a hug. "I gave him the letter."

Laura's face turned serious for a moment, "Did he read it?"

"I don't know if he will," I sighed, shrugging.

I had met Laura a few weeks ago officially in art class, although for some reason I can't remember the exact circumstances. In any case, she soon became a close friend, and really the only person I could trust with my situation. She proved to be a wonderful friend. She knew what to say, when to say it, and kept it quite real for me. She was my main outsource for my frustration and annoyance with what happened in the last few weeks, and she would prove to be just at good with helping me deal with what would happen a few months later, as it was something neither of us suspected.


3 Years, 5 Months Ago
Oops, I didn't do it again?

It was December now, but not much had really happened. Bryan and I were still not on any kind of long-term communication, and i was sort of used to it. He gave no indication he read that letter, and if he did, maybe it was why were still nothing more than acquaintances. I don't know.

The only time we did have some kind of serious dialog was a week or so before Christmas Break. It was early in the morning, before school started, and I was sitting by the useless fountain (useless because there was no water in it, just plants... it was a fountain years ago though). I was in my own little head listening to music until I glanced up to see Bryan standing by me. I took my headphones off and looked at him confused.

"Stop talking about me," he sneered.

"What?" I asked completely confused.

"Stop talking about me," he said again. "Rumors are going around again and you have something to do with it. So just shut up about it."

"I haven't talked to anyone about it except that once," I shot back, pissed off that he was coming to me for putting wood to a dead fire.

"Whatever, just stop it," he said before turning and walking away.

I was flabbergasted at what just happened. I hadn't talked to anyone new for months now, much less tell them anything, because of what happened the first time. Why the hell would I do it again? This of course brought me to a new thought. Who decided to bring that back up?

I prodded some of my closest friends to see if they had heard anything. The only information I was able to pull together was that Bryan had talked about my attraction to him to some friends, but as to when that happened I don't know for sure. My guess was the idiot brought it on himself. People talk, I knew about that first hand. He must've told someone who saved it for a good day, or told someone who then spread it. Whatever the case, it wasn't me, but I still felt the blame for it.

Little did I know then that what I felt now and a few months ago was going to be nothing compared to what I was about to go through. It was going change who I was at the very core; the very thing that would forever scar me, and I wouldn't feel a single bit of pain until it was over.


3 Years, 3 Months Ago
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

Valentine's Day was coming up now. Personally, I never liked that holiday, and never really saw the point in it. However, this year onward, I would always have a special attachment to it, and not for the reasons you'd think. Well, that's not completely true.

It was another lonely day for me, eating with friends and yet at the far end of the picnic table alone. I wasn't thinking of anything that moment when someone sat across from me. I looked up to see who it was and I had to do a double take.

"So, how are you?" Bryan asked happily, as if nothing ever happened.

"I-I'm good. You?" I managed to ask.

"Oh, I'm good," he said before taking a bit out of his food. "So what's up?"

Little did I know that it was the start of something, something so innocent and pure. We spent that entire lunch together, and walked together until we had to part ways for our individual class. I walked to class that day happy, and when Laura saw me she looked at me as if I was someone strange.

"You seem a little too happy," she said, looking at me weird.

"I don't know why, all we did was have lunch together," I said softly, which gave her a surprised look.

Did I know something before I knew it? I felt different, I knew that much. Something had changed again, and this time... this time it felt right. Part of me, however, told me to hold on, as it wasn't going to be easy, but I knew that... nothing ever is. It was a simple gesture on his part, but from what was about to happen, it wasn't the last. Far from it.

--==={[_____]}===--​

Thank you again for the comments. I keep trying to slow myself down... but I've gotten to the point where I need to touch on the hard stuff. The memories are happy, but the sadden me to the most extreme.

Hang on guys, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

 

[willybob]

Take it at your own pace mate, we'll happily follow along

 

[harry113]

Hang in there Alphus!
Sounds like a very rough ride ahead!
I do hope that writing this will be a help to you.
hugs
Harry

 

[Alphus]

Time is kind of special, the way it has no meaning in the bigger picture, but whose very existence means everything to us. I wish time would slow down, but it didn't. And before I knew it, the moment was gone...

--==={[_____]}===--​

3 Years, 3 Months, 3 Weeks Ago
Don't move, I wanna remember you just like this.

The last two weeks in February went by so quickly that I barely knew we were in March for a few days. It was wonderful, and I wish I could've gotten more out of it. Bryan and I had gotten fairly close by that point. We even shared my iPod quite a bit; there would be times where he would ask to borrow my iPod to listen to some music in class, or we just listened to it together during lunch. We were so close in fact, it wasn't a problem to share our dreams of where we'd like to be when we finished with school.

"You know, it's kind of weird that you know so much about me," Bryan said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think any of my friends even know my last name, much less read my hand writing," he remarked.

"I supposed I have a gift," I said, smiling stupidly while reading over some poetry he had written. Writing was one of the more personal aspects we shared with each other, as it was something more special and sacred personally. Sharing such a thing meant we trusted one another, and I was happy to do so with him.

It was around this time that I started hanging out with him after school twice a week. He told me about this community center that some of the kids from our school went to get community service hours, and since I needed them too, he figured it'd be the place to go. Apparently he liked it enough keep going back. It was an excuse to spend more time with him, so I figured why not. This proved to pull me in closer than I probably should've dared, but again my heart was taking the lead.

So Monday the next week, Bryan told me he was going to go to the community center and that I should tag along; I just had to meet him where the bus drops him off in the morning. Not a problem, and as soon as the bell rang, I caught up with him and the two of us walked together towards our destination.

It was a two and a quarter-story building (I know, I will get to that in a moment), and although it was also a business, it had a huge family atmosphere. Distance-wise, it was actually not too far from my house; in fact, the school was further away, so I was kind of surprised I never noticed it before since it was also on a main road. The layout of the building itself was kind of funky, for lack of a better word, and would probably fit into the world of Harry Potter with no problem now that I look back on it.

From where we came (the direction of the school), you entered the back way, which had only one back door and a small awning just over it. We crossed the back road--which was half-alley, half road really, where when facing the building, the right took you to the main straight right away, where as the left took you to a side road, and then the main street; you could take either one and end up in the same place--and he opened the door.

Once you got in, you were presented with two choices: up or left. Most of the time, left was avoided unless there was special event going on with the people we helped during activities, so up was really the choice left, which went straight up to the second floor. We went up the steps, and opening the door, we were presented with yet another two choices: left or straight. Going forward would bring us to the main meeting room, where everyone who went there for service hours would work with the coordinator to plan events and activities for the elderly downstairs, and left went up a very short amount of steps (about 3, hence the "quarter") before coming to a door on the left, which upon opening would bring you to what we called the Loft, and it was was the main place we hung out in when nothing was going on, which turned out to be most of the time.

The Loft was a nice place to be. It was quite open, despite there being no windows, and there was probably enough room to fit about 25 or more people easily even though at most I had ever seen there was probably about ten, and that was rare. There was a couple of chairs, two sofas parallel to each other, and in the middle was a small coffee table. There was also yet another smaller room in the back corner, but that was used for storage.

So, turning left, we went into the Loft. He threw his bookbag on the chair closest to the door and signed in on the little board that was on a small stand. I put my stuff down as well, and then we turned to leave the same way we came.

When we got back outside, we took a left and went through a narrow pathway between the community center building and a computer store. It was small, so the fact that I didn't notice before didn't surprise me, as there was only just enough room for one person to walk through at a time. Getting out to the other side, there was the main street, and if I looked on my right far enough, I could see my house. We were really closer than I thought. We crossed a street to go and eat at a Wendy's, which eventually became our go-to place after dropping our stuff off in the Loft, and much time was just spent there laughing and talking about life. After about a half-hour, we'd head back, talk some more, and do whatever needed to be done at the center.

"You owe me a lot of money by now," I said one day after sitting back down at the table from getting a couple of straws. "I'm almost always paying."

"I wo, Uhm sawy," he said with a mouthful full of food and his best innocent puppy-dog expression he could pull off.

"You also have the worst eating habits I have ever seen," I said shaking my head.

After chewing, gulping down his food, and taking a few sips from his drink, he managed to talk clearly now, "I'm sorry. Hey, I know," he said thinking a moment. "When I get my car, which should be next week or something, I'll drive you wherever you want. You just have to call me and I'll be there."

"Really?" I asked, unsure of this agreement.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Fine, I just hope you remember," I said, knowing what would probably happen.

"I will," he said before eating another over-sized bite from his burger.

"He has the memory of a goldfish," Andre said, having just sat down next to Bryan.

I met Andre a few days ago through Bryan, who knew Bryan a bit longer than me. He was a cool guy, although a bit odd at times, but it was what made him, him. I liked him, so hanging around him wasn't a problem at all. Although he did go to the same school as us, he was often doing other things and thus he usually met us at the center a bit later.

We went back up to the Loft. It was one of those days where nothing was happening, so the three of us just hung out at the Loft along for the afternoon. Bryan took one couch and laid down, I took the other and did the same thing, and Andre pulled up a chair to the coffee table between us and we just sat in silence enjoying the food we just had. It was about ten minutes or so later, when I was half-asleep, did I hear a semi-sleepy Bryan ask me something totally different.

"Do you want to go to Europe with me?" he asked.

"Nyuh... what?" I asked while I snapped out of my trance. Did I hear him right? I thought to myself.

"Well, us actually," he clarified, also stepping out of his sleepy mode and turning to look at me.

"Seriously? When?" I asked, kind of not sure where this conversation was headed.

"Well, we wanted this year, but it looks like it might be next year," Andre cut in.

"I should be done with school then I think," I said, having actually forgotten Andre was there at all until he had spoken.

"If you're not, you could always just fly up to meet us," Bryan said. "The three of us could just rent out an apartment up there."

"Why there though?" I asked.

Bryan sighed, "It's some place new. It's a new start I guess. I could practice music, you with your writing, and Andre... well, he'd just be there."

"Oh, thanks," Andres shot back, to which Bryan just shrugged.

"If that's still the plan then, sure," I answered, unsure of what this meant, but was thoughtful at the prospect of moving someplace new, and with the guy I loved. I had traveled before, so that wasn't new. What was new was that it would be with someone who I thought I could not possible care for any more than I did, and that was an amazing feeling.

The next day, I told Laura what happened yesterday and what he had asked, and she nearly choked me to death with her hug. "You said yes, right? RIGHT?!"

"Of course," I said after I could breathe again. "Although I still don't know what this means."

"What are you talking about? He just asked you to move in with him. Move in," she shrieked.

"I know, I know, I was there. What I mean is... we never talked about what we're looking for in this whole thing. How do I know if I have the right idea about all of this?"

She threw her hands in the air, clearly annoyed. "He offered to drive you anywhere you wanted, and he asked you to go to another country with him, and people are talking about you guys quite often now," she blabbed faster than I had ever seen her do before.

"Wait, what? People have been talking about us?" I asked puzzled.

"You haven't heard? All the people from our school there are talking about it whenever they see you two run off somewhere," she said. "I heard them talking about it when I was grabbing some stuff from my bag when you guys went to Wendy's ahead of me."

"Really?" I said, somewhat amazed that I didn't know, and the fact Bryan hadn't brought it up either... if he did know, he wasn't making of a fuss of it this time around.

"Yes, really. I've seen the way you two look at each other, and the way he is around you; it's partially why the rumors started. He's totally different from when he's in class with me," she said sternly. The fact that she shared class with him was a fairly recent one, as he had transferred to her class a few weeks ago and it was only when I took her to the community center with me one day did she realize it was the same person. "I mean, remember what happened a few days ago?" she asked. "He's disgusting... I still don't know how you put up with him. Although he is sweet," she said, adding the last part on as she thought about it a little more.

I laughed at what she was referring to. You see, couple of days ago, the three of us were eating at Wendy's as usual. We were all having a great time talking and just having fun. What Laura said was true; he did act different around me and I did notice. Even around Andre he wasn't as relaxed and fun as he was with just me, although I never really understood why he didn't mind Laura.

"Do you really need to take in that much at once," I asked after he had taken such a huge bite of food that ketchup came coming out of his mouth and covered his lips a bit.

"It's just how I eat!" he said defending himself. "Besides, you like it," he said, winking at me before kissing Laura on the cheek with his ketchup lips, leaving a kiss mark of ketchup.

"EYYYY! You're DISGUSTING. OH MY GOD," Laura screamed before grabbing a handful of napkins from the table and rapidly wiping her cheek off. "Why would you do that?!"

"I dunno, just seemed right," he said, laughing.

"You're right, he is sweet," I said as I dropped back out of memory lane and back to the present. "I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right. I wouldn't be telling you if it wasn't true. Everyone else sees it, just you two don't," she said. "You make a cute couple."

"Oh shut up," I said, trying to keep myself from smiling.

I never felt so good before. To think someone like me could find happiness when I wasn't even looking for it, and when I was so far from it. He lured me out, got a hold of me, and comforted me across so many levels that I never knew were possible. I could think somewhat clearly again, and I could think of things I never did before; my imagination soared with creativity and did such great dances in my head.

In my chest, it was no longer a candle, but a forest fire. It burned brighter than the moon, warmer than sun, and just fueled me... and it was all because of one stranger's persistance not much more than a year or so ago over a book. I think at this point in my life, I would've given anything to feel that way forever. He was my escape to everything that fell apart around me... the one thing that stayed the same and never changed for anything.

If only it lasted... if only...

 

[harry113]

Thanks.
You reached a peak!
Where did it go after??
Harry

 

[Alphus]

Hope is kind of useless, as it nothing more than us just wishing things would get better even though we know it won't. I hoped that it was nothing, but it wasn't. And I prepared for the crash...

--==={[_____]}===--​

3 Years, 2 Weeks Ago
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Laura asked me.

"Yeah," I said slowly, knowing that I wasn't, and I wouldn't be any time soon.

"She's a slut from what everyone's talking about," she said, hugging me.

"I just don't get it," I said quietly, staring the clay assignment we were supposed to be doing. At the moment I was feeling torn, ripped from the inside. I was trying to figure out, how, and more importantly why it happened.

Last week... I can barely bring myself to say it. Last week Bryan surprised, well everyone one way or another I guess, when he showed up with his new girlfriend, Katrina. The ones who knew Bryan and I at the community center and who hung around us during lunch were surprised by the fact that he went for her out of the blue, while others just assumed that Katrina just wanted to have fun with another one. As for me... I couldn't understand it.

I remember seeing them hang out by their class a couple of weeks ago just talking, with Bryan listening to my iPod early that morning too as it was the first thing he asked me that day. I didn't think anything of it, nor did I even know who she was then. I just figured it was another friend of his. His attitude toward didn't change at all, and it was going as it usually did. It wasn't until a few days before last week did he start to change and withdraw from me a bit, but I didn't think much of it. I had just figured it was probably him having other things on his mind.

But since that time, he was no longer completely the same guy I fell in love with, something that I brought up during our walk to the community center after school.

"What's with the new look?" I asked. He had gone from his punk/rocker/nerd look, which suited him quite well despite how you might picture it, to going more goth-like.

"Her friends don't like me much, so I figured I might blend in a little better," he replied.

"If she really loves you, should wouldn't care how you look," I said, speaking from my heart to him rather than giving him pure advice.

I guess I might have set myself up for what had happened, but at the same time I don't I think I did. I know we were never officially dating or anything; that topic never even came up... but it wasn't like that between us. Although personally I could never speak for him, for me at least it was different. Whatever we had, it wasn't something I could truly put into words. I loved him, I knew that for a fact, but it was something completely different too. I never once thought about sex with him... the most I ever thought was kissing him, and even that was rare. It wasn't because I wasn't attracted to him, I was (and even the thought of beyond kissing didn't turn me off), but it was more of I just wanted to be with him, hold him and just be there with him wherever he was. It would be more than a year before I discovered that this, for me, was true love. I knew it was something that was there, and I wasn't the only one who saw it.

So, we began to part. It started slow at first, as the threads that tied us together were still many and strong enough, but they would soon weaken and snap. I know it wasn't because of me... I didn't change. As he tried to fit in more and more with his new crowd, he began to break off ties all around him, most likely unintentional but came as a consequence nonetheless.

To make matters worse, a week later I got robbed of my iPod at school. While it seemed to be nothing on the outside, it was like the last punch that would finally knock me down from my upward climb, making me fall. I never knew just high about the world I felt until I fell... and kept falling. It was something we shared, and it was gone. It became apparent to me that I really wasn't meant to be happy after all... I almost had it all and in two weeks, it was swept away from me.

The only thing that made me feel decent was that Bryan didn't completely forget about me. After finding out about my iPod, he told me to not worry and he'll get it back. I don't know how he did it, but all Andre said one day when Bryan wasn't around was that they think they may have found the guy who took it, and were going to go to his house; I don't know what happened, but I didn't get it back. I was happy he still cared enough to try though... but it just couldn't close the wound that cut me deep, and would scar me forever. He pulled me out, let me breathe for once before throwing me back down.


3 Years Ago
It can't be over, not like that.

It was about a week or more before school was over by this time. Today was a Tuesday, and although I don't usually go to the community center, I just felt going some place other than home where I could just be alone. Since no one other than some staff was there on Tuesdays, it seemed to be the perfect place to be.

I walked from school alone. It was getting really cloudy, and although a drop of rain fell once in a while, I was really wishing it'd hold off until I got there. Twenty minutes later, I walked in just in time to hear the crack of thunder, and moments later, it started pouring hard. I hadn't seen it rain like that in a long while, but with how I felt on the inside, the storm seemed to match on the outside. I stood in the doorway as a really cool breeze blew in; it was a really harsh weather, and I was glad I could make it.

I turned and went upstairs; not to the Loft, but straight to sit at a table that was just passed the door. I took off my jacket and started reading a book I had taken with me.

It was about ten minutes later when I saw the hallway where the stairs led to the back of the building glowed white and the sound of rain was heard clear--someone was coming in from the rain. But who?

I heard steps coming up the stairs. My heart stopped, and then my stomach sunk. I knew who it was even before I saw the top of his head come up to my line of sight.

"Hey," Bryan said, soaking wet from outside.

"Hi," I said shortly.

"God, it's horrible outside. I was with Katrina and I left her house. Just as I got out of the car, it started raining. It's like punishment for something," he said joked shyly. Little did he know how true that statement was to me.

He sat down across from me, shivering. We started talking about various things, but to be honest I can't recall most details. I do remember feeling sorry for him as he shivered, getting goosebumps in the air-conditioned room. I wanted to offer him my jacket or something to try and get him warm, but I didn't bring myself to say anything. I just sat and watched him shake, stuck between wanting to do something but not going through with it. It was torture to me, something I half-enjoyed but didn't think he deserved.

After probably nearly an hour of conversation we got up to leave. It was still raining badly when we got downstairs, but not as much.

I watched him get into his car. He didn't leave right away; I assumed he was trying to get his wet jacket off first. A loud and then low purr was heard as he started the car and put it into reverse, pulling out of the parking spot. To my surprise, instead of going directly toward the road, he pulled his car in front of me and lowered the window.

"You want me to take you home?" he asked.

"Uh... oh, no. I already called my mom," I stuttered since I was caught off-guard.

"You sure?" he asked, as if he was trying to push some last bit of hope out.

"Yeah. I'll see you later," I said, looking in either direction for my mom's car to pull up, half-fearing that she'd see him.

"Later," he replied, rolling up his window and driving off.

I watched his car leave, not sure if he was aware of me looking. After he was out of sight, I stood back to be under the awning of the doorway of the community center and just looked up at the mourning sky, feeling empty. It was as if the world around me knew something was wrong and I didn't, but I felt it. I guess I still didn't believe it. It wasn't until later did I realize I may have just missed the most important opportunity to ever cross me and I missed it.

I didn't know it then but time still had my life's story book open while my heart was still holding the pen.

--==={[_____]}===--​

@harry113: After all the above... I still haven't answered your question.

 

[Craiger]

Alphus,

What a touching and somewhat tragic story. However, that was 3 years, 2 weeks ago. Your life's story book is still open and I hope your heart is still holding the pen. I can't imagine that you have not found some peace and happiness since that time. You write so well and we all would like to hear what else has been written into your life's story book.

Craiger

 

[justusboysfan_1234]

Hi, Alphus,
OK. I admit, now I'm hooked. Although it's a bummer you keep hinting this doesn't end well. Still, it's a great read, and as I said, I'm hooked. Please hurry! LOL. For all it's worth, I would totally buy any novel you publish.
Take care, and all the best.

 

[Alphus]

Alphus,

What a touching and somewhat tragic story. However, that was 3 years, 2 weeks ago. Your life's story book is still open and I hope your heart is still holding the pen. I can't imagine that you have not found some peace and happiness since that time. You write so well and we all would like to hear what else has been written into your life's story book.

Craiger

There was a particular reason why I wrote the last line like that. This story isn't over yet.

Hi, Alphus,
OK. I admit, now I'm hooked. Although it's a bummer you keep hinting this doesn't end well. Still, it's a great read, and as I said, I'm hooked. Please hurry! LOL. For all it's worth, I would totally buy any novel you publish.
Take care, and all the best.

My work is usually much better when I process things. With this, I'm writing as I go without so much thought on perfection, which is one of the main things I focus on when I write, but it isn't unusual to write on the spot.

As a result, and now that I remember more, there were some lesser details I missed out on inclusion here and there, but overall it is complete.

Thank you, though.

 

[SashaLex]

sigh...

i wished there was more though.

And yeah, I am hooked. Would really love to read your other compositions.

About your story with Bryan, I hope you'll have a chance to encounter another love like the one you had with him, except this time, I wish it will have a happy ending.

Take care! And do send me a PM if you've decided to start another story or something. All I can say is I'm a fan! : )

 

[harry113]

Hi Dear Guy, It still hurts after 3 years! I think you did answer my question.
I hope writing this has been a help to put everything in place.
Hugs
Harry

 

[Alphus]

Relationships are kind of frustrating, they way they drive us to be with someone without knowing exactly the reason. Like most, at the time I didn't know why I wanted it. And my downfall continued...

--==={[_____]}===--​

2 Years, 11 Months Ago
Your life is just a movie in which you wish we never had starred.

It was the last day of school and we were released early. It was about noon on a Wednesday and not having anything else to do, I went back to my second home which became a habit.

No one was there; I didn't expect anyone to be there. It was the last day of school before summer, the day almost everyone waited for so they could be free for three months without a care in the world. I had nothing more than a folder with me with some paper to entertain me, which was more than sufficient as I could create anything I wanted with a simple swipe of ink. It would seem, however, that I was cursed to be with Love.

Hit with déjà vu, I saw the light from the back door being opened. This time however, I really didn't think of him until I heard him.

"Hey," he said coming up the last step. "Anyone else here?"

I looked up from my writing and my stomach dropped. Even on the last day, I couldn't avoid him. It was almost as if things kept aligning in ways to make it so we wouldn't be away from each other for long; if it was months ago I wouldn't have minded. Now it was just bitter sweet pain and sorrow everywhere I looked.

"Nope, just me," I said, looking back down and just staring at my words.

"Oh, I was going to see if Andre was here," he said, sitting down across from me. It was like I was reliving the exact same scene and yet everything was different. "I was going to see if he wanted to go to a band thing."

"Well, I haven't seen him," I responded shortly.

A few moments of awkward silence before he cut it, "Hey, you wanna go?"

Thrown off and probably part of me still wanting to be with him, I told him I'd go. I don't know why I said yes. Even though Katrina and Bryan broke up a few days ago (he told me he broke it off), part of me was hurt but part of me was still holding on to that small chance of going back to how it was.

We left, and walked the ten minutes to my house (apartment really) where I got some money; I told him to stay downstairs. Moments later, I came back down and we walked for almost an hour towards the place. We spoke very little, which was unusual when I think about how it used to be. There was tension on the air, and we were both ignoring it as much as we could.

We arrived at a place that turned out to be close to the school, only just past it for a couple of blocks. It was rather shady place, attached to a liquor store. It was after we entered that I realized the underground band show was run by the store, and that the show was being held in a bar. No drinks were being served obviously, but it felt kind of a gloomy place to be. I felt a little uneasy, but Bryan was actually focusing on me now, and made me feel better for once.

We played pool for a while, a thing he actually taught me to play while there, and I sat back waiting for the show to start. A girl I recognized walked in, and although I couldn't remember her name, it was apparent Bryan knew her. She was an ex-girlfriend, the first one I knew of months ago. This, I didn't expect, would be the thing to turn the tide for the worst. They sat down together, with their backs to me, on a couple of bar stools about ten feet away.

They sat together and started talking. This didn't bother me at all; I knew he didn't really care that way for her any more. What did was when she pulled out a box of cigarettes. Bryan knew how I felt about the subject, as we had talking about an old smoking habit he had a couple of years ago. It was nothing new to him.

She offered him one; he took it. At first, he held it in his hands thinking, unsure of what to do. He glanced behind him at me, our eyes locked and my chest tightened. I shook my head, he turned away. She offered a light to him, and he took that, too. A couple of puffs later, I couldn't stay there any more, so I walked out.

I stopped across the street under a light post, just bothered by what happened. I wonder if I would've had the same reaction if he didn't look at me. His face... it was like he knew what he was doing outside, but inside of him was struggling to stop.

I glanced up to see him come out after me, causing me to start walking away and head back home. He was the last person I wanted to see right now and I knew it.

"Daniel, wait up!" Bryan shouted after me.

"Leave me alone Bryan," I said sternly.

"Hey! What's wrong," he said, grabbing my wrist in which I then spun around to face him, pulling my hand back.

"You know what's wrong," I said, half-yelling.

"She just offered it to me, I didn't know what to do."

"How about 'No thanks'?" I yelled, only to glance to me right and see that we were right outside the side of a restaurant. It wouldn't have been as bad if I didn't then notice there was a couple who were sitting by that same window watching us.

"It was just a cigarette," he retorted.

"Just... listen to yourself!" I said.

"I can stop any time I want to, I've it before," he said loudly. He hadn't quite brought himself to yell back at me.

"How about just not starting?" I said more quietly than I had been.

"Come on, let's just go back inside," he said in a low voice, seeming to admit defeat.

"No," I said, turning to leave again.

"Daniel..." Bryan pleaded. "I'll stop."

I stopped and stood there for a few minutes. I was mad at him for doing something so stupid. I had relatives who smoked and suffered the consequences. No matter what happened, or how I felt about him to that point, he didn't deserve that, and I didn't want to stand there and watch him do it. But for the life of me, I couldn't bring that fact out, and tell him how much I cared for him to not let that happen.

"Fine," I said finally, taking a deep breath and looked at him again. "We'll go back," I said. I was pathetic. He still had a hold on me... but could you blame me? I couldn't. I still don't.

After going back, he did spend a little more time with me, but it was mainly just watching the show at that point. It was just after nine when it was over and we needed to leave as they were going to open the bar for the drinking crowd in a couple of hours.

"Hey, you mind if I don't go back with you?" Bryan asked.

"It's fine," I said, not really feeling anything right then and there. I think I just was so far shocked by what happened I was numb.

So I left. I should've been home by ten or so, but the reality was I apparently walked much slower as I didn't get home until about midnight. I was a living zombie the entire way. When I did get home, I just went to sleep. I was tired both physically and mentally.

There were still questions I had, thoughts I had running around my head faster and faster. It was our first argument, ever. We never got into a fight or anything before; I can't even remember once where we disagreed about something seriously or strongly. The entire thing I tried to believe didn't happen. My guess was that I hadn't snapped or anything up to that point, and the frustration just built to a point where I couldn't take it.

As hard as it was to believe, there were some things left over I had to learn, and there was only one way that would happen.

--==={[_____]}===--​

@SashaLex: Your wish is granted... unfortunately. There is still more of this tangled web to be woven.

@harry113: There are some other things I want to let out (a reflection I suppose)... but I will save that for the end. I am not yet done with this.

 

[Alphus]

History is kind of unique, the way that it is never truly as unique as we would think. There are many times it repeats, perhaps not exactly the same, but there's a pattern. And I found it...

--==={[_____]}===--​

2 Years, 7 Months Ago
Hold up, why are you still here?

"I want to know if you approve," Bryan said to me.

"Don't you know how old she is?" I asked, completely taken back.

"Yeah, I asked her brother first if it was okay, but now I'm asking you," he said.

"Why are you asking me?" I asked as this little fact puzzled me.

"You're probably the only person who tells me the truth about stuff. Everyone else says what they think I want to hear, but I know you tell me without hiding behind anything," he said, looking at with wondering eyes. "I really feel like she's the One. I want to know what you think. Do you think it'll work out?"

I can tell you right now, nothing hurts quite the way it does when the one you love is asking about the one they like. I say 'like' on purpose; I knew it wasn't love. It was just some odd mismatch that would soon tear apart and I knew that.

"I don't think it'll last," I said finally. "There's too many differences. I mean, c'mon Bryan... she's finished up middle school just as you're leaving high school. That in itself is too far apart. But if you feel that way, go with it."

It was the end of summer, and I was tired. School had started up, and the fall was finding me not back at our high school, but a new one. It was a change my mother decided I needed to get better grades out of me and whatnot; I of course fought the change, but what else was I to do? Still though, I came back to the community center. I still had some hours to make up, yet this was where I found myself now. Bryan had apparently fallen in 'love' with Melissa (which, I should point out, if you knew her real name you'd probably bash your head in at the irony; I did), and was asking me if I approved. What the hell? Why?

Melissa, Andrea, and Jessica were three middle schoolers who also came to the community center for the same reasons we did. We all got along pretty well, and there were some fun times that we had together, and they were mature for their age, at least for the most part. They were pretty close friends, so close you would think they were sisters. I just didn't think anyone there, lease of all Bryan, would find interest in them like that.

So a few weeks went by, and they were dating. It bothered me quite a bit, but they were surprisingly not very touch-feely as much as I thought they'd be having seen him before with someone else. One day it was raining outside, and Bryan, Mellisa, and Andrea were sitting on the stairs that led to the Loft while I sat down between where both sets of stairs (the on that led from downstairs and the one from the Loft) met; essentially, sitting across from them on the floor. We were just having a random conversation waiting for the rain to stop.

"I'm hot, don't you think so?" Bryan asked me, causing me to freeze up for a moment.

"Um," I said, not sure of what to say.

"It's okay to be bi," Bryan said, reaching over and rubbing my arm. "I am."

If I had the nerve, I would've probably thrown myself down the stairs at that point. It wouldn't be the last time that we would sit on the larger set of stairs and just talk about random and serious things. However, I decided that I should just go and not come back. After completing what hours I needed, that was exactly what I did. I never said goodbye, I didn't tell anyone it was my last day, I just left as usual and never returned.

It wasn't for a few months when I received a phone call from Bryan.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"Nothing..." I said carefully.

"Can you let us in?"

"What?"

"We're downstairs," he said.

I went out to my balcony and looked downstairs at the main gate for people to walk into the building. Indeed, he was standing there with Andre waiting for the door to open.

"I'll be right down," I said, hanging up the phone.

Moments later, I walked downstairs and opened the gate, asking "What are you doing here?"

"We just wanted to stop by," Andre said.

"We were in the neighborhood, we decided to stop by," he said.

"Oh," I said, looking at Bryan and not being able to turn away. He seemed a little weathered, still dressed differently, but he didn't seem as different before. My eye was drawn, oddly enough, to his pants. It was evident he was happy to see me after all this time. I had been working out a bit and eating better for the last few months, and apparently it set off something. I smiled at that thought.

"Can we go up?" Bryan asked, snapping me out of my trance.

"Um, sure, but you can't come in. My mom has a thing about guests coming in unannounced," I said. A minute later, we were upstairs outside my door and spent about an hour just talking and laughing like old time. It was strange... as if time decided to erase all the bad things that happened.

When they had to go, we started to walk back down the stairs, Andrea walking at a normal pace while Bryan and I were taking our time. Time seemed to stretch the seconds as we approached the gate as we kept looking at each other and talking. Andre tried to hurry us up, but we weren't listening.

They left, and as soon as the gate shut closed, time went back to normal and though I feel great, I started to feel bad again. I got over everything well enough only to be dunked back into the pool of regret. I guess I never really did get it behind me.

That was the last time I saw him.


1 Year, 2 Months Ago
Oh darling, I know what you're going through.

"Do you think you'll ever see him again?" Christian asked.

"I don't think so," I sighed.

"Why not?" he asked, turning to face me.

"We're so different now. I told you I saw recent pictures of him from a friend; he really let himself go. He's not the same guy any more... even Andre stopped hanging out with him because Bryan was so different. He pushed all of us away, even Melissa," I recalled.

"Do you want to see him again?"

"Sort of. I want true closure... we never got to say goodbye, and that bugs me. It's an open-ended part of my life, and it's the only one," I replied.

Christian and I were laying down on the golf course watching the stars and talking about life. We has been dating for a few months now, a relationship that had its own twists and turns before we finally settled down. As we got to know each other, it turned out we had the exact same situation, although events played out differently for each other. He knew what I went through with Bryan as it was nearly the as he did with Kenny. Two lost souls who came together to carry each other.

He was my first of almost everything except love. I did love him... but not as much as I thought I could be capable of. I loved him, I knew that. We both knew, though, that while we were in this relationship, it still wasn't what it could be. We knew the other wasn't the One. We were just together somehow, though, and couldn't figure out why. That didn't lesson the time and energy we put into it, and we were closer than I had ever been with someone, albeit unwillingly at times.

The problem was that whole time, Bryan still haunted me. Although I learned to live without him, knowing he had changed (which was not completely true; he may have been a social chameleon, but I alone always saw the green and he knew it), I couldn't help but remember him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been drawn out of my shell completely, learn happiness, love, caring, true friendship, and many other I never experienced before him. Had that not happened, I wouldn't be where I was with Christian now. Together, we were learning how to be in a relationship. It was another lesson I was learning from someone new.

Still, although Christian had my body and mind, my heart still belonged to another. I didn't let it bother me though... there was nothing I could do about it no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't going to change. I just took a deep breath, remembered the past and moved forward as a shadow of my former self. I just wonder what piece I'd leave behind if Christian and I broke up.

For now, though, my life was settled. I had my first boyfriend, and although life wasn't perfect, it was decent and I could focus my energy on Christian. I was over Bryan as much as I probably ever would be; I finally believed it was done, accepted how it ended, and that I'd never see him again. It was the open-ended chapter of my life that would never finish. Those precious memories were tucked away in a box in my mind, where they would be safe and never forgotten. It was done and over with, and it was time to move on.

But ghosts of the past do not sleep soundly.

 

[harry113]

Thanks Alphus. We never forget that first love. As you say, the ghosts of the past are always there, but they have to find their place, In the past!
It is good that you have Christian now, just work on this relationship and go forward with your life
Concentrate on what you have, and leave the past in the past. I hope you will find someone who returns your love, and you can be happy together
Harry

 

[Alphus]

Patience is kind of useful, the way it forces itself upon us at times we think we can't afford it. Over my lifetime, I've learned to be patient. And it rewarded me...

--==={[_____]}===--​

5 Months Ago
Remember more than you'd like to forget.

Life found me different by this time. I was out of high school, went through my first year of college but left for various reasons, and my mother had bought a new house with which we moved into by this time. It was a nice place and as a bonus, I ended up being closer to Christian than ever, which meant we could spend more time together.

I decided to contact my Freshmen and Sophomore friends (some of them anyway). One of my closer ones during that time, Samantha, I connected with again instantly and it was like we never were apart for the amount of time that we were. She told me another mutual friend of ours was going to have minor surgery, but she had decided to throw a week-long get-together for the circle of friends to come and spend time with him before he had to go under, and thus invited me along.

The first event was to go to a beach, which some of us did. It was a great day, seeing some people I knew and how they turned out. The second would be going to a shopping/entertainment center, where the focus was 18+ entertainment. I knew of the place, and figured it'd be great to go as I had never been there before.

That night, I took the hour or so drive north to get there. While it was far, it was the only place where something like this was, and besides I was having a great time that some other people would be there too, so I would get to see them. I was about five minutes away when I got call from Samantha.

"Are you still coming?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm almost there, why?"

"Um... well, I figured I might want you warn you first," she said at first, but nothing else as if she was gauging my response.

"Warn me? About what?" I asked.

"Bryan's here," she said.

"What? What do you mean he's there?" I asked, thrown off-guard by this fact.

"It turns out he works here, and coincidentally he just finished his shift. I saw him, and well now he's going to hang out with us tonight," she explained.

"Does he know I'm coming?" I wondered.

"Yeah, I told him. He acted a little weird, like jittery or something but he calmed down."

"I'll be there. It's not about me tonight anyway," I managed to say before hanging up. Great, I thought. Out of all the possible scenarios, I end up driving over an hour to go to a place where the guy I loved just so happens to work, and he just so happens to be getting off his shift at the time we were meeting. I think I might be oddly cursed with luck.

I parked into the spot, walked into the complex and called Samantha for directions of where they were. It was somewhat confusing, as it was open-air and had many separate buildings with a number of paths inbetween them. Finally, I saw her and walked up to where she was sitting on the couch. After saying hi to her and a couple of other old friends, I turned to face a time warp.

Having just stepped outside of the place he worked, which unfortunately is where everyone decided to meet apparently, Bryan had stepped out and stopped dead in his tracks just as I had turned to face the direction he had come from. My mind went blank as I looked into form in front of me as if he were a ghost from the past. I knew he was there, but I wasn't prepared at all as I had thought, and not for this.

"H-hi," I stuttered.

"Hey," he managed to put out. "I'm... I'm gonna go grab my bag," he said before going back inside. Suddenly the world around me started moving again.

It was a night I will never forget. We started talking and hanging out again. We shared a drink together and just spent a lot of the night catching up, taking our time. It was just as if we saw each other years ago and never missed a day. I felt better with him that day than any I had before. I was alive again.

"I'm going to New York next month," he said over the mass dinner we were having with everyone.

"What? For how long?" I asked, again dreading that this might be what I feared... again.

"Maybe a couple of years, I don't know."

It didn't surprise me too much. He had always talked about going back, much like he talked about doing other things but never following through with it. I wondered if this time it was true.

The end of the night came, and although I did something pretty stupid (accepted a mix of pure liquor from him and chugged it), we parted ways once more without saying goodbye. It was another time where closure just didn't want to come.

A few days later I was with Samantha riding around, and apparently she went to go hang out with him at his house the other day. She said they had talked about friends, both guys and girls, that he had found attractive, but the subject of me had never come up, and though she did think of me, she couldn't figure out the best way to ask. She did mention, however, that he as talking about his trip again, and at least to her, it seemed that he was trying to get away from something. What, I don't know.

On the way to my house, we passed by my boyfriend's place, to which she responded, "Bryan lives over there, about three blocks down that way."

"Are you serious?" I asked her, completely paranoid.

"Yeah, it's right around there."

Damn did I have a certain kind of luck. Less than five minutes from my boyfriend, and less than ten from me, was my weakness. Who the hell plans that out?

I never had much time to figure anything out, as he indeed left for New York a month or so later, just as he said. He was gone, and I felt empty. Not knowing where he was for years didn't bother me, and yet now that I knew he was miles away... I felt hollow inside. The interesting thing was, however, is that while he moved in with a number of his friends who left earlier and were renting a place there, one of them was my old best friend in middle school. Two people in my life, both of whom I felt close to, ended up living together in a state far away. It is a small world, isn't it?

--==={[_____]}===--​

Finally, I am done with this... for now. I have drained myself to write this, walking down a path I haven't done in years. If anything happens, and there is yet another reason to add to this story I most certainly will. But for now, life seems to have closed the book and my heart has let go of the pen.

Still, there is but one more thing to be said about all this, and I have written it in a separate location, here.

To the ones who have commented and for the ones who have read this, it was much to get out of my system and though I am still flooded, I thank you.