Openness About Your Bisexuality

[webibloke]

I'm Bi - having discovered such about 10 years ago.

I'm not out as such to a majority of folk - not family and definately not at work! I'm a single bi guy - have had a few relationships with women - but never let on I was Bi to any of them.

Through a couple of swingers sites - I've met at least 2 bi m/f couples - and had some fun. Also met up with straight couples who wanted a 3rd - again - never really mentioned my Bi side to them.

This may read as somewhat dishonest of me to do so. I suppose at the end of the day I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality - perhaps one day I will become more open about things to folk?!!

 

[TheTrish]

In the thread "what women really think about bisexual men" some of us got sidetracked by the discussion that bisexual guys should be open to the girls they are with. http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117646&page=3

I know that most girls don't want to be with bisexual guys. So i never tell them about my bisexuality. It's irrelevant anyway. It's about personalities and the attraction to each other. What's your opinion?

Hi, down! Why do you say that? I’m bi, and I’d kill for a bi boyfriend, we could go to an adult bookstore together and suck cocks! hehe

T

 

[Blk_Thickness]

Im Bi, i finally learn to accept it recently..i have only been in one relationship with a female and just messed around with this boy once. If i ever date another women i don't know if i would tell her my sexuality is bi.

 

[Center]

I think she (or he) has a right to know. It is relevant. Relationships are about sharing who we really are with someone. I agree that relationships, at least for me, are more about personalities than sexual organs. But I don't see how I could be in a LTR with a woman and not let her know. I am married and I told her shortly after we started dating. (For those of you who are wondering, we are in a monogamous relationship.)

 

[codixx]

I have never felt the need to declare my sexual needs to anyone, nor do I understand the logic in doing so. Straight individuals don't go around telling everyone they are straight, and I am sure that straight oriented individuals are not totally exclusive in their relationships. What sets us apart, other than our own craziness, from the rest of the world that individuals of bisexual, or homosexual lifestyles feel the world has to know who is in their bed! If I am seeing a woman, than I am exclusive to that woman, and should we marry, I would be exclusive to her as any honorable individual would be. And the same applies if I am with a man. It doesn't matter, in my limited opinion, what orientation you are, cheating on the person you are with is still cheating. It is not acceptable behavior, is dishonest, and telling the person you are a cheat and not worthy of that persons trust, is not something most individuals have the moral fiber to do. I do not intend to step on anyone's feelings with this post, and I apologize if I have. The bottom line for me, the only person I can speak for, is as long as you remain honest, exclusive, and loyal to the person you are with at the time, then I see no point is telling that person information they do not need. I would never consider asking anyone for a list of who they have slept with prior to me, for one, its none of my business, and for two, as long as that person is exclusive to me, whats the problem. And of course I only believe in safe sex under any circumstances. In this day and age, I believe in having a long and exciting sex life minus the repercussions of one foolish moment of lust.

 

[teh_nathan]

Exactly. I could not have said it better.

I think she (or he) has a right to know. It is relevant. Relationships are about sharing who we really are with someone. I agree that relationships, at least for me, are more about personalities than sexual organs. But I don't see how I could be in a LTR with a woman and not let her know. I am married and I told her shortly after we started dating. (For those of you who are wondering, we are in a monogamous relationship.)

 

[cryan71]

I have never felt the need to declare my sexual needs to anyone, nor do I understand the logic in doing so. Straight individuals don't go around telling everyone they are straight, and I am sure that straight oriented individuals are not totally exclusive in their relationships. What sets us apart, other than our own craziness, from the rest of the world that individuals of bisexual, or homosexual lifestyles feel the world has to know who is in their bed! If I am seeing a woman, than I am exclusive to that woman, and should we marry, I would be exclusive to her as any honorable individual would be. And the same applies if I am with a man. It doesn't matter, in my limited opinion, what orientation you are, cheating on the person you are with is still cheating. It is not acceptable behavior, is dishonest, and telling the person you are a cheat and not worthy of that persons trust, is not something most individuals have the moral fiber to do. I do not intend to step on anyone's feelings with this post, and I apologize if I have. The bottom line for me, the only person I can speak for, is as long as you remain honest, exclusive, and loyal to the person you are with at the time, then I see no point is telling that person information they do not need. I would never consider asking anyone for a list of who they have slept with prior to me, for one, its none of my business, and for two, as long as that person is exclusive to me, whats the problem. And of course I only believe in safe sex under any circumstances. In this day and age, I believe in having a long and exciting sex life minus the repercussions of one foolish moment of lust.

What is this homosexual lifestyle you speak of? Please enlighten us.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I agree the lady has a right to know, but I think I would wait beyond a certain point before telling her.

Yeah, I am kinda sitting on the fence, here.

-d-

 

[Center]

I think the difference in opinion can be traced back to how we define “bisexuality”. Some define it as who we fuck. I define it as who I am. I agree that if you define it merely as who we fuck, then it is no one else’s business. But under the definition I prefer, my bisexuality is an integral part of who I am. To withhold that from a woman I was seriously dating, would be a disservice to our growing relationship. How could I consider us to be in a serious relationship if I refuse to share who I really am with her?
As I said earlier, I regard a person’s sexuality not to be defined by who they fuck, but who they are (what they feel). Honestly sharing feelings is a critical part to a relationship, IMO. I’m not necessarily saying that you should wear a name tag on your first date saying, “I’m Bob and I’m bisexual.” But once the relationship become serious and you begin to share your inner feelings and such, I can’t imagine doing so without sharing your sexual orientation. If she can’t accept my inner self, then we weren’t meant for each other.

This is an area of contention. There are differences of opinion and so be it. I can live with other people not agreeing with me.

 

[gothamking]

I dont mind being bi...now. But it def. took a while. IMO, its more complicated than just being gay. Gays and straights are always suspicious of bi people, like we cant make up our mind. I tell my gay friends that being bi is sometimes tougher and they blow it off. But I see gay people getting more mainstream acceptance than bi's. That's why I follow a "need to know" policy with people. Gay and straight are black and white concepts for most people, but we muddy the waters, and not eveyone can handle that. I've actually come to fee lucky to be bi because I feel like we get the best of both worlds. We can sample everything on the table and appreciate all the unique tastes for what they are.

 

[bma1983]

As a gay guy, I would be pissed off if my boyfriend didn't tell me he was bi before we started dating; mostly due to the fact that I would have made it known that I don't date bisexual men. I probably wouldn't end it with him, though, because I would have already invested my time and feelings into the relationship. But I would still be mad, and wonder what else he isn’t telling me.

 

[cryan71]

But I see gay people getting more mainstream acceptance than bi's. That's why I follow a "need to know" policy with people.

Well probably because gay people are open and honest about their sexuality; bisexual people seem to love the closet. They like to come to the party, but don't want to bring anything to the party or help with the clean up afterwards.

 

[spikethecat]

“I’m Bob and I’m bisexual.”

Who is Bob? j/k

Well probably because gay people are open and honest about their sexuality; bisexual people seem to love the closet. They like to come to the party, but don't want to bring anything to the party or help with the clean up afterwards.

Gay people seem to love the closet too, thats why we all deal with coming out of it. I am very upfront about my bisexuality. I dont go screaming it from the rooftops but by the time I am in a relationship with someone it is something that they should know. In fact, I will usually tell people that I am getting close to even as friends because like Center said, it is part of who I am. I have said it before and I will repeat it here, I get more animosity from gay people than I do from straight people. It seems that it is easier for the straight people to accept that I am homoflexible than it is for gays to except that I am heteroflexible. Why is it that if my sexuality is not like yours then I am confused or closeted? Gay people have foughtfor decades for some understanding of their right not to be judged by their sexuality. Why will they not afford us the same courtesy? Bisexuality is not a choice, it just is. I live in a very grey world, where the merits of your charactor have more influence on love than your gender. How can you expect us to be open and forthright about something that we have no control over and are condemned for?

What is it that I am not bringing to the party?

 

[TheTrish]

That's a date - lol

 

[blackbeltninja]

What right? There is no such right as the right to know someone sexuality. You feel like you are morally obliged to tell her about it. My morals are diffirent as i stated before.

Well, what I meant is if she was bi and I was straight, I would want to know. I wouldn't make it an issue - I'd just want to know. I suppose that after a while I assume in a relationship that I'd want there to be no secrets. Well, comparatively few secrets, ayway - I guess there are always going to be oe or two things which just get buried and never ever get told to anyone; I definitely have at least one of those hidden away!

Having said that, I would wait a while before telling her. As it is very few people know. Great thread, though!


And superb points made by Spikethecat - all excellently put.

-d-
PS: I think we should set up an all bi table at the JUB dinner parties thread.