So I need everyones honest opinion...

[mikeymike420]

So for starters I'm 25 and married. To a wonder woman. She knows my sexual preference (I'm bi...she knew since b4 we got married). I have never did ne thing with a guy b4 but I've always wanted to. Now I met this guy online and I'm soo attracted to him. And to top it off we have things in common about what we want (sexually). I really would like to meet this guy and try things out but I don't want to hurt my wife in the long run. What should I do??

A) Tell my wife that I always wanted to try this just once cause its one of those things that been bugging me since I was 16
or

B) Just be friends with this guy and nothing more...

I really need help with this one...I know there has to be someone out there that's is or has been in this situation...

 

[lambdaboy]

Sine she is aware you have to let her know but it will not go good. You could have a on time she don't know affair but the biggest problem is if you fall in love with him and do not say it wont happen. I was married 8 years and met a guy I fell in love with she had no clue but it does not matter. If she know that you have never had sex with a guy thi will be a problem.

 

[bankside]

What she doesn't know, won't hurt her.

Until she needs an ointment for it. Or a lifetime of antiretrovirals.

No one has the right to open up a relationship without their partner's knowledge and consent.


Mikeymike everything you want to do is fine if you can see how it will turn her on and get her cheering you on. Some women get absolutely horny at the idea. But you already married yours without knowing if that turns her on, didn't you? So you have to live with her answer, whether it is yes or no.

 

[bankside]

Let me tell you something that strengthened my monogamous relationship, and I recommend it for all people in a relationship.

My guy and I had a talk where we agreed that you don't have to try every fantasy that ever comes into your mind. That let us talk about what really turns each other on without it being threatening. It was really freeing to say "Yeah that is hot but I'd never do it" or "Yeah I would actually try that with you."

Doesn't matter if it is a three-way, or bondage, or a highway blowjob. We can talk to each other about what we find sexy with no pressure to actually make it happen. And that helped us figure out what our boundaries were, what each other is into, and what we want to actually try.

Every relationship needs that kind of openness, no matter what specific things happen in the future.

 

[jensu846]

If you do it one time, that's not gonna be enough, and you will most likely want to keep playing with him or find other men.. Especially since you've suppressed the urge for so long, It'll be like a nuclear bomb going off in your brain! lol . and you'll crave it more and may even realize that you are gay and it could change how you feel about your wife too in the long run.. but, I would keep it a secret if you do play. imo.

 

[Babar]

You told her about your bisexuality before you were married. She still married you. But she may have figured, "well, he never acted on it and never will." Now it's time to talk to her about it, before you do anything. That's part of being married. Then you deal with the consequences of that conversation(s). Maybe you go to a marriage counselor to discuss further. This is a desire that will probably not go away. But, be above board with her. She's your wife and deserves that respect. Good luck.

 

[mbamike]

You have been craving man-to-man sex since you were 16 and you STILL want it. This craving will "bug" you your entire life until you satisfy it. You will reach a point where you feel you are going to go crazy or explode if you don't have sex with a guy. In the meantime, this craving will only continue to grow bigger and stronger as time passes by.

Let's face it, you are bisexual. Your wife will never fully satisfy your sexual appetite.

First, buy some condoms. Then meet up with this guy and experiment. This experience may open up an entirely new world of possibilities for you. Good luck!

 

[mark1111]

I'm bi and know when I say, women are evil. Yes, I like them and all, but they will twist every little thing you say into their point of view.

You have an urge and like the other guys said, it will eat at you until you try it. If you tell your wife, your toast.

 

[racer2438]

Let me tell you something that strengthened my monogamous relationship, and I recommend it for all people in a relationship.

My guy and I had a talk where we agreed that you don't have to try every fantasy that ever comes into your mind. That let us talk about what really turns each other on without it being threatening. It was really freeing to say "Yeah that is hot but I'd never do it" or "Yeah I would actually try that with you."

Doesn't matter if it is a three-way, or bondage, or a highway blowjob. We can talk to each other about what we find sexy with no pressure to actually make it happen. And that helped us figure out what our boundaries were, what each other is into, and what we want to actually try.

Every relationship needs that kind of openness, no matter what specific things happen in the future.

^^^^^^^^

This is so well said.........communication as a huge key to any LTR....

my honey and I have been together for 28yrs 11months...and we talk about everything together of our wants, needs, fears...and we don't cheat on each other ever.

 

[nycguydowntown]

You're only 25 and she knows you are "bi"---don't think these feelings will change---when I hear these things --all I can think of is have an open relationship if your wife goes for it---because clearly you are conflicted.

 

[Kabluey]

If you have agreed to be monogamous then that's the deal. It's up to you whether you honour that.
If you don't think you could ask your wife if she minds you sleeping with someone else without it causing problems then it's not really that likely your relationship would survive it either.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Let me tell you something that strengthened my monogamous relationship, and I recommend it for all people in a relationship.

My guy and I had a talk where we agreed that you don't have to try every fantasy that ever comes into your mind. That let us talk about what really turns each other on without it being threatening. It was really freeing to say "Yeah that is hot but I'd never do it" or "Yeah I would actually try that with you."

Doesn't matter if it is a three-way, or bondage, or a highway blowjob. We can talk to each other about what we find sexy with no pressure to actually make it happen. And that helped us figure out what our boundaries were, what each other is into, and what we want to actually try.

Every relationship needs that kind of openness, no matter what specific things happen in the future.

I think this is a well meant, but naive position.

The OP is not dealing with a fetish or fantasy. He's dealing with his sexuality. Its not something you can ignore, or talk through, or giggle and pretend it'll be different in a month.

To the OP, as I see it, you have a couple of choices here.

1) You can have affairs or anonymous sex with men for the rest of your marriage. There are a ton of pros and cons here that I am sure everyone can easily figure out.

2) You can repress your sexuality for the rest of your marriage.

3) Talk to your wife openly about your bisexuality. She knows about it already so that's a big plus. How would she feel about opening up the relationship? Pros and Cons here as well. If it works, yay! If not, well, she may just end the marriage.

4) You could end the marriage and live free and unattached, having sex with whoever you wanted. You could also find another relationship that is open from the beginning to avoid 1, 2, and 3.

No one here can tell you what to do. That is your choice and your life.

 

[blackbeltninja]

You have been craving man-to-man sex since you were 16 and you STILL want it. This craving will "bug" you your entire life until you satisfy it. You will reach a point where you feel you are going to go crazy or explode if you don't have sex with a guy. In the meantime, this craving will only continue to grow bigger and stronger as time passes by.

Let's face it, you are bisexual. Your wife will never fully satisfy your sexual appetite.

First, buy some condoms. Then meet up with this guy and experiment. This experience may open up an entirely new world of possibilities for you. Good luck!

No, don't do this. It is shit advice.

You took the vows, knowing your own story, before you experimented. Perhaps you thought it was never going to change and you'd never get to the want-to stage, perhaps you gambled on it and hoped it wouldn't but lost.

Either way, that ship has sailed. Without your missus' consent, I'm afraid you kinda lose out.

-d-

 

[jmadaf]

Just because she knows you were bi before marriage, doesn't mean you can be unfaithful. Maybe you have an open marriage, which means she can do the same.

 

[HunterM]

A) Tell my wife that I always wanted to try this just once cause its one of those things that been bugging me since I was 16

Since you are bi...once you have had sex with a guy, you will want to try more. Once ain't enough. Don't fool yourself and your wife.

 

[BiMike]

^ Being Bi I agree completely with the above. From my experience it is unlikely that your wife will be prepared to accept you having sexual relations with another guy, girls do not think the same way as guys .
So you have the choice of telling her and probably getting a refusual or trying to repress your desires for action with another guy in order to maintain your marriage. It might be worth an attempt to find out what your wife's views are on this matter. Best of luck, hope she agrees with you

 

[mobley]

What you are seeking is advice on whether or not you should violate your marriage and cheat on your partner. The reason (or justification) is moot, and has no bearing on the real question. In my opinion if you take a vow and commit yourself to a monogamous relationship, you don't deserve "wonder woman" and you are no better than any other cheating spouse. A commitment is a commitment regardless of whether you are a man with a woman, a woman with a woman or a man with a man.

 

[DonQuixote]

I have been mostly happily married for 35 years, and we went together for 5 before we got married.
There have been a few rough patches in there, but I have never been unfaithful to my wife.

If your wife knows of your bi-sexuality that is a plus.
What are her sexual desires, fantasies?
Have you ever discussed having a 3-way?

Bankside presented you with sound advice.

Yes, repressing one side can be very difficult and frustrating.
Is the love of your life worth it?

Only you can answer these questions.

If your wife has had fantasies of a nature that can be converted to a more open, exciting relationship, where you both come out ahead, that's great.

Otherwise, figure it out and live by your commitments.

 

[mbamike]

Either way, that ship has sailed. Without your missus' consent, I'm afraid you kinda lose out.

-d-

It is never to late to change directions or the change ships for that matter.

 

[mikeymike420]

Thanks for all the help guys. Well I talked to her and I can't remember if I said this above but she's bi as well. So here's how it when. I basically asked does she still think about doing things with other girls and she said yes. "How would you will about us doing something with the same sex since we both still want to." I said. Than she said she did not feel right about her doing something with another woman now that we are married. I told her as long as you don't leave me for her its find. I feel like as long as you are honest to one another than trying things is find. So as for now I'm not gonna try anything but I'm thinking if the right one comes along that my wife wants to try than maybe the subject will come back up. I can say this that talk reminded me of why I married her... I can talk to her about anything!!