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To be or not to be?

R

ridge01

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Hey there, I'm registered here for some months, but this is my first thread. I need your opinion on a subject of sexuality.
I am emotionally and mentaly attracted to girls, but I get turned on by other guys or watching gay porn. Looking forward, I want to get married and have children and I am certain that I can be emotionaly and physically devoted to a woman if she's The One.
The problem is, I want to try something out with a guy, but I am afraid of becoming gay and not fullfiling my dream of having a family etc..
In my country, they REALLY frown upon gay people, and I know I will not be able to lead a natural life as a homosexual.
Furthermore, a psychologist said that I am totally str8 and that this is all in my mind.
What do you think?
 
First of all, thank you for your time, killawalekev.
As for the family, it is my dream to have one, that's how I want it to be.
Maybe I will try something with a guy and see what comes out...
Thanks again
 
Hi Ridge,

I don't know if this is any help to you, but I had the idea that one day, I would be married and have children. I had and have wonderful female friends, including a few to whom I wish I could feel attracted. When I finally was prepared to admit to myself that I wasn't physically attracted to women, I can best describe my feelings at the time as grief. Part of my identity at the time was the dream of being a husband and a parent. Now I realise that, one day, that may still occur, just not in the way I had always intended.

As to fear of persecution, unless you are living in one of the international megacities with a thriving gay population, there will always be the chance that some narrow-minded bigot will decide to regurgitate their self-hatred in your direction. Please stay safe, but try not to let fear prevent you from exploring your soul and your personality. I sincerely wish you well.
 
ridge01 said:
Furthermore, a psychologist said that I am totally str8 and that this is all in my mind.
What do you think?
Click to expand...

I think you need to get a new psychologist.

I'm not sure what country you're in, but in many countries in the world, you can lead a totally normal life and be out and have a family and children.

Being gay isn't necessarily the barrier to anything... where do you live?
 
Thank, guys.
I live in Greece.
The fact is that I have been phyically atracted to women, too, but I my confusion is about which route to follow. I think I'll experiment with both and decide then. After all, there i no need to put any label on...
 
The problem is, I want to try something out with a guy, but I am afraid of becoming gay and not fullfiling my dream of having a family etc..
Click to expand...
I don't think you should worry about becoming gay by having sex with a man. That's like what I thought when I was a young teen. I was afraid that looking at guys too often would make me gay.

But it was my homosexuality that was making me look at other guys in the first place. And similarly if you find you enjoy having sex with a man, that will be the result of your sexual orientation not the cause.
 
I echo all the advice here. The psyhcologist you have seen must have been a total basketcase. No professional would advise a client that it's all in the head! If that was the case, all those gay-cure programs would have a much higher success rate!

Anyway, you don't have to label yourself gay or bi. You definitely do not have to do it today or tomorrow. Coming to terms with one's sexuality will take time, and it can take a long long time. Some people only accept themselves at 40 or 50 or even later in life. As for me, it has taken over 10 years for me to only accept myself that I could be more interested in guys. I am still discovering myself just as you are.

However, I think the first step that you must take is to stop denying your attraction to guys. They will not fade away. If you surpress them, you will only live in more agony and pain. That is what I have experienced. Be who you are. You can still date girls and be romantic with them. At the same time, you can also get to know guys at a deeper level (I don't mean sex here). At the end of the day, it is only sex that matters, it is you finding out who you can be attached and attracted to.

I cannot tell you to go out and find a guy and just have sex with because that will not clear your mind. Yes, you might find that you enjoy the sex. Or, you might be freaked out by it. But, it is really the emotions that really matters so just take your time and be open with it.

Best wishes from all of us :D
 
Well, confusedboy23, how beautiful words! Thank you!
Thats the way I used to think, but the psychologist said that there is no inner thing that makes you gay, everybody is born str8.

Its the conditions that may confuse you and make you think that you like guys, and then you, subconsciously, force yourself to be sexually attracted to them. And I had a therapy, in which we tried to unblock my mind from these ideas.

I was rather convinced at first, but now I am confused what's true and what is not.
 
ridge01 said:
Well, confusedboy23, how beautiful words! Thank you!
Click to expand...
He's a sweetheart, isn't he? ;)

Sigh! In the US, the American Psychiatric Association removed Homosexuality from its list of mental disorders about 30 years ago. They did this because all of the evidence points to it being an inherent sexual orientation set in place by 2 - 4 years old. So they stopped trying to cure it and focused instead on treating the issues that arise from just being gay. (http://www.psych.org/psych_pract/copptherapyaddendum83100.cfm)

Have you ever met a kid, pre-puberty, that you would bet your money on would grow up to be gay? I have. This is before they even have any sexual desire. So I'm a believer in sexual orientation being set prior to puberty.

I'd say you've just been mind-fucked. Seriously. It really upsets me to read this.

Ridge, how about just giving yourself some time to get to know yourself without judgment. I think you deserve that break. Stick around and tell us what you're feeling and going through. If you've noticed, we don't push anyone around here to be gay or straight or bi. We just want you to be you. There's nothing more wonderful than that. :D
 
Riverrick said:
Have you ever met a kid, pre-puberty, that you would bet your money on would grow up to be gay? I have. This is before they even have any sexual desire. So I'm a believer in sexual orientation being set prior to puberty.

I'd say you've just been mind-fucked. Seriously. It really upsets me to read this.
Click to expand...

Ridge, thanks for the compliments. :-)

If you read the forums, you will find that there are guys out there who have struggled with their sexual orientation at age 6 or 8, that's way before they would know what a hardon is let alone sex!!!

So you can be sure that what your psychologist is telling is simply rubbish! :grrr:
 
I hate it when quacks are given Doctorates.

Anyway...


There are plenty of gay people in Greece, and Athens apparently has quite a large gay community.

It's NOT just in your head, and your doctor is a moron.

It's early, I'm tired and I need coffee.

Sorry.. no time to be nicer.
 
Now that you say it, I remember having signs since I was very young, about 5-6.
Anyway, its nice to hear different opinions. I'll just have to search into myself and Find what I am happy with
 
ridge01 said:
Now that you say it, I remember having signs since I was very young, about 5-6.
Anyway, its nice to hear different opinions. I'll just have to search into myself and Find what I am happy with
Click to expand...

EXACTLY! No one, absolutely NO ONE in this entire world can possibly turn gay overnight!

Just take your time - no rush at all!
 
ridge, you don't "become gay". Either you are or you are not. Many of us have had the dream of the wife and kids, dog, and house with the white picket fence at some point in our lives. I know quite a few gay men who had been married at one time and have children. I'm not going to tell you to not get married. If you do, you owe it to your wife to be faithful and to be a good husband (including in bed). Getting married is not going to change the fact who you are, though. As far as your psychiatrist goes, I think Soilwork said it all.
 
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