10 Years Of Confusion

[Seasoned]

If you’re not able to do it on your own a good therapist will help you sort things out. I’d guess you have a lot of internalized homophobia.

 

[tcharlie]

Hi guys,

For 10 years I have been trying to come to grips with my sexuality and everytime I think I've got a handle on it, something always prevents me accepting who I truly am. I've been on this forum for years now, constantly looking at the stories and the porn. I'm 25 and I don't want to waste another year of my life being unsure about who I really am. I'm going to tell you a little of my story and any help would greatly be appreciated.

So to start of with I grew up with a pretty normal upbringing, I started to date girls in primary school and everything seemed pretty normal. Around the time of my 13th birthday I started to notice I preferred gay porn and aroused looked at naked men, after I finished it seemed I had no interest in the porn or men I had just watched. I would go through phases of watching no porn or I watched lesbian or straight porn. I would then go back to gay porn and the rush and how sexually aroused I became was much more intense than the other porn I watched.

On my 17th birthday I thought I had my mind made up, I thought I knew for sure I was gay. I even emotionally came out to my sister and I thought finally I could on with my life. However the trend continued and again I wasn't sure if it was just a phase, I recanted on on my coming out to my sister and told her it was just a phase.

This pattern has been going on for ten years now and I just don't know what to do. I'm 25 and in the prime of my life, I don't want to keep going on like this.

Sexually I know I like men more, romantically I don't know. Iv'e had girlfriends and I have loved them, I have had multiple sexual encounters but I have never been able to preform with a woman. I notice girls more than guys in day to day life, but when it comes to watching porn or fantasizing it's men that get me going the most.

Any help would greatly appreciated

I think I'm not much help because I am exactly like the bolded sentence. However, I would suggest for you not to label yourself and just listen to what your heart says.

 

[ass eater]

Hi guys,

For 10 years I have been trying to come to grips with my sexuality and everytime I think I've got a handle on it, something always prevents me accepting who I truly am. I've been on this forum for years now, constantly looking at the stories and the porn. I'm 25 and I don't want to waste another year of my life being unsure about who I really am. I'm going to tell you a little of my story and any help would greatly be appreciated.

So to start of with I grew up with a pretty normal upbringing, I started to date girls in primary school and everything seemed pretty normal. Around the time of my 13th birthday I started to notice I preferred gay porn and aroused looked at naked men, after I finished it seemed I had no interest in the porn or men I had just watched. I would go through phases of watching no porn or I watched lesbian or straight porn. I would then go back to gay porn and the rush and how sexually aroused I became was much more intense than the other porn I watched.

On my 17th birthday I thought I had my mind made up, I thought I knew for sure I was gay. I even emotionally came out to my sister and I thought finally I could on with my life. However the trend continued and again I wasn't sure if it was just a phase, I recanted on on my coming out to my sister and told her it was just a phase.

This pattern has been going on for ten years now and I just don't know what to do. I'm 25 and in the prime of my life, I don't want to keep going on like this.

Sexually I know I like men more, romantically I don't know. Iv'e had girlfriends and I have loved them, I have had multiple sexual encounters but I have never been able to preform with a woman. I notice girls more than guys in day to day life, but when it comes to watching porn or fantasizing it's men that get me going the most.

Any help would greatly appreciated

I know a little about your dilemma, but in my case I always knew I was gay, had crushes on boys in school, romantically and sexually. But my upbringing forced me to say I was conflicted and confused. I would stare at girls for a long time thinking I would be attracted to them if I stared long enough. I have liked a couple of girls, but it was platonic. I even ate out a girl as a child. At twenty I had sex with a forty four year old woman, all while knowing I am a gay man. Hope this helps.

 

[cesco]

i applaud you. after a divorce i dove in head first. its funny you note how the first few times; after you came, you left. after a while you have fun hanging around. unless the dude leaves when he comes!!! lol Men!?!?!
met a wonderful woman and married her. now...back to square one. can i ask you how told her?

 

[hangten]

I completely agree that a romantic relationship should include both things, which is why it's been killing me all these years. Because of my illness 80% of my friends are female, I can relate with them because I am so much more in tune with my emotions. My only real relationship was when I was 18 and I can tell you I have never been more in love than I was with this girl, we didn't have sex but I didn't feel like that was important as long as I had someone to share my life with.

It does scare me that I will always have that piece of my life that's missing and like you said it could come to backfire further down the road, but I just can't see a future where a relationship is purely sexual.

Hi Dane,
You deserve to find your romantic happiness. Here's another perspective, if you were in a relationship with a woman without the desire to f*ck her, she would feel devalued and incomplete. Without an open relationship agreement, she would feel emotionally suffocating...wasting her time. She deserves to find her own happiness too.

With 80% female friends and yet no sexual attraction, go out and date guys. Just like dating women, you have to practice safe sex. With that said, what are your fears in dating guys? If you don't like them, stop dating them...as simple as that.

 

[novastar]

I think you should take a major break from the PORN and instead find PEOPLE who you like.

 

[indyass4days]

I've dealt with a lot of confusion about my sexuality as well. Earlier this year I realized that I have hated myself for nearly my entire life and I have been repressing my feelings, and hiding the fact that I am gay from both myself and everyone around me for all of that time. But those feelings of hatefulness are not mine, they were put there by other people who wanted me to be something other than what and who I was and it made me a miserable person and I really did hate myself. I tried to force myself to be what others wanted and I got nowhere with it but, I have been in therapy for many years and I worked through my problems and I know that I hated myself and I understand the reasons why and I know that those are not my feelings and that I don't have to carry them around.
And also a huge part of my turnaround was in shedding myself of the negative people that I was around. I realized that it was these people that made me hate myself and these people that made me miserable and I had to seperate myself from them and live a life apart from them because I was never going to be happy with them in my life.
I still don't have everything figured out and I've only come out to a couple of people, mainly my family but, I'm looking for the courage to come out to everyone and be proud of who I am and I'm on that road right now. I hope my story helps in some way.

 

[novastar]

I went through a similar thing when I was about 21. I liked girls romantically and sexually, but also sexually enjoyed men. I was nervous and had trouble performing with women, too. My brother and I began a daily sexual relationship when we were very young, often times having sex twice a day. I am his bottom. Every relationship I've ever been in with a women, there has always been my brother and I am pushing 40 now. I am now in a relationship with a dear old close friend who is male. My advice is to ignore the labels and LAY OFF THE PORN. Porn will screw with your head in unhealthy ways.

 

[Darvin]

How does it feel to have a sexual relationship with your brother? Do you ever feel exploited? I was introduced to masturbation by my cousin in law, which I feel I became gay becoz of him. But I dont hate him for it

 

[hangten]

How does it feel to have a sexual relationship with your brother? Do you ever feel exploited? I was introduced to masturbation by my cousin in law, which I feel I became gay becoz of him. But I dont hate him for it

Hmmm...masturbation does not make people gay. Plenty of straight people masturbate.

 

[SeaCore]

Hmmm...masturbation does not make people gay. Plenty of straight people masturbate.

Yeah, I don't agree with Darvin's assessment, at least not based on what's been said.

Darvin's claim isn't that masturbation itself made 'em gay but that their male cousin kicking it off had something to do with it. That when it happened it was a highly developmental stage in their life and that it had a huge impact as a result.

Really doesn't seem to match up with reality, because lots of straight guys have experiences where another guy fooled around with them and introduced them to masturbation without turning out bi or gay. There does appear to be some social component to sexuality but it's nothing as overt as that.
In addition, what's the explanation for men who do not get jerked off by another guy when they're young and still end up gay? It just doesn't seem to follow.

 

[GayCuriousSub]

There's an lot of exposition in your post but there's two things that you didn't really address: 1) have you had sex with a man and 2) what's the real issue that you're wanting advice/support on (i.e. where do you want to go from here)?

now, I shall steal a post from KaraBulut....Thanks

There's an lot of exposition in your post but there's two things that you didn't really address: 1) have you had sex with a man?

me? no, not at all

>> and 2) what's the real issue that you're wanting advice/support on (i.e. where do you want to go from here)?[/QUOTE]<<

me? I want to find a gay man who will shave me smooth all over, and take some erotic pics for THIS site and other websites.

I must have placed 100 ads for a hot man, as if I was a HOT bottom. well.........I am really, but I feel silly calling myself a "Sexy Bitch" with all this pubic around my balls and underneath and onto my ass. it all needs to go. thanks for letting me hijack a thread

 

[KaraBulut]

now, I shall steal a post from KaraBulut....Thanks

If you want, we can move your post to a separate thread... assuming you're looking for advice and not just looking to vent some steam?

 

[Aloy_1756]

Hi guys, I really want to thankyou again for the advice and support I received over this whole thread. It really made a difference and I want to tell you all I finally went for it and I'm in no real doubt about my sexual preference now.

So about a week ago I went through another phase of thinking I was gay, but this time I confided in a friend and she understood and had a gay friend I might want to talk too. I met up with this gay friend and he was really nice,we talked for a while and then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I was so nervous I almost said no but I pushed through and said yes, I was nervous more so by the fact of some of the dangers of not knowing someone and going back to theirs (One of the reasons I've never used Grindr etc). But I guess in my mind I had spoken to him in a public place and he seemed normal, I thought what the hell.

I'll post the actual sex in the stories thread because I'm not sure if I'm allowed here, but when I saw his body and dick sexually I was as aroused as I'd eve been. It was an incredible experience and even though I'm still not sure if I can go without the romantic experiences I have with women in the past, the sexual experience was like night and day.

The next couple of months I'm going to try and immerse myself in this forum and really embrace my sexual preferences and maybe in time I will realize that maybe I can also enter into a romantic relationship with a male as well .