danniflava
Slut
Okay so a couple of months ago, me & my friend were talking about the good & bad things our boyfriends could do to us, & we both have different views on what's acceptable and unacceptable. So I got to thinking, "How much fun would it be to make a really long list of rules for my boyfriend, just to drive him crazy?" Anyway, this is what the list stands at now, & I want us to collectively bring the list to 100 rules! It's supposed to be 100% humour, and 70% truth. Some of the rules are hysterical, and some are downright unacceptable, therefore they must be on the list! The trick to add things to the list is go through personal experiences about things that just pissed you right the fuck off!
SO LET'S GET IT STARTED:
1. If you say you're going to call back, call back! Don't make me wait by the phone for four hours because you didn't make a call that you said you were going to make!
2. If I'm home on a Friday night against my wishes, & you have plans, I expect an invitation at the least. If I say "No, thanks", that's fine. BUT, if you don't bother inviting me even though you fully know that I'm home by myself, I'mma smack a bitch.
3. Don't lie; be honest & loyal.
4. Don't be needy; be independent.
5. Don't rely on me to create your happiness; I should be an addition to it, not the root cause!
6. Let me be who I am.
7. Communicate! Even if it's awkward or uncomfortable to bring up.
8. Don't write on your ex's Facebook walls, fully knowing that I'm gonna see it. I better not see a fucking message to your ex saying "we have to chill soon".
9. Wash regularly; no body odour or bad breath.
10. Be mysterious; don't say everything 'bout yourself too soon.
11. Look FIERCE the first time we slam. & if you weren't in tip-top shape the first time, wear a killer outfit-undies combo the next time.
12. Be excellent in bed; not too sluttly but not too conservative.
13. Don't overreact; stay cool whatever the situation is.
14. Don't be jealous or paranoid.
15. Have a good relationship with my close friends. Don't say something bad about them unless I do first.
16. Don't spend all of your time with me.
17. Be yourself.
18. Don't smoke.
19. Know how to cook me a decent meal.
20. Have a good relationship with your parents.
21. Don't hate on animals, especially dogs.
22. Don't be afraid of creepy crawlies (spiders, cockroaches, centipedes).
23. Don't promise what you can't deliver.
24. Respect my personal space & items.
25. Have sex with me whenever I say so.
26. Buy me shit.
27. Don't flirt with other people at clubs. If I see it, I'm going batshit.
28. Always answer my phone calls.
29. Never force me to choose between you & my best friend(s). I ALWAYS choose my friends. I had friends before you, & I'll have friends after you.
30. Don't tell me what to do. I'm not your bitch.
31. Don't call me non-stop during the night. Instead, pick me up for dinner & we'll chat then!
32. Don't steal my condoms!
33. Be nice.
34. Learn to deal with the fact that I can go from sugary-sweet to ice cold within a minute.
35. If you leave dirty laundry or other crap behind, and don't clean up after yourself, I'm going to fucking freak.
36. Don't make me hang out with your unhot friends.
37. I understand that after a long night out with bathroom breaks that your penis will have an iffy smell to it, but don't be offended if I wipe it with a baby wipe before I give you a blow.
38. Never tell me that my cooking sucks. WTFFFF.
39. Be protective; I can take care of myself, but it would be nice if you could do it for me once in a while. If we're at a club, and I'm dodging bullets while your at the bar chugging beer, YOU will be dodging bullets when we get home.
40. Don't be a hypocrite; if you can drink, I can drink too.
41. I go out to watch garbage movies that you want to see, so I expet you to do the same. Same goes for restaurants.
42. Don't ever get embarrassingly drunk when I'm around.
43. No drugs of any kind. Not even a little to kick the stress.
44. Borrowing my clothes is fine, but when I buy a brand new jacket, wear it once, and it goes missing, I'm annoyed.
45. Don't text me asking what I'm doing then ignore me.
46. NEVER say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".
47. Never say "I love you" just because you think it's the right thing to say.
48. Don't come round my house to watch my DVDs then stop coming over as soon as you watched the series finale.
49. Fix the cd player in your car. I don't want to listen to shit on the radio.
50. Only seeing me for sex makes me feel hot, but worthless.
51. Give me a nickname, but not "sweet pea" or "bunny" or anything flamer like that. "Muff" is a good start.
52. Be confident.
53. Be fit & healthy; don't let yourself go as soon as you get me in bed.
54. Don't get me started on body hair.
55. If I catch you cheatin', I'm outtie.
56. If we're at a restaurant, don't order something that I hate. We can't share if that happens.
57. Don't go aaround telling your friends about our sex life.
58. If I'm in a bad mood, never say "It's going to be alright" when we both know it won't be.
59. If we're out for dinner, don't answer your cell phone (especially when I'm talking) unless it's your mother.
60. Don't text me your emotions; call me.
61. A text break-up doesn't count as an actual break-up.
62. MSN fights are so lame. Call me.
63. Don't bring your baggage to the relationship (childhood trauma, old boyfriends, kids, overbearing parents etc.) Deal with it before we hook up!
64. You're gonna have to deal with the fact that I spend a lot of time with my brother. We're twins for Christ's sake.
65. Be romantic.
SO LET'S GET IT STARTED:
1. If you say you're going to call back, call back! Don't make me wait by the phone for four hours because you didn't make a call that you said you were going to make!
2. If I'm home on a Friday night against my wishes, & you have plans, I expect an invitation at the least. If I say "No, thanks", that's fine. BUT, if you don't bother inviting me even though you fully know that I'm home by myself, I'mma smack a bitch.
3. Don't lie; be honest & loyal.
4. Don't be needy; be independent.
5. Don't rely on me to create your happiness; I should be an addition to it, not the root cause!
6. Let me be who I am.
7. Communicate! Even if it's awkward or uncomfortable to bring up.
8. Don't write on your ex's Facebook walls, fully knowing that I'm gonna see it. I better not see a fucking message to your ex saying "we have to chill soon".
9. Wash regularly; no body odour or bad breath.
10. Be mysterious; don't say everything 'bout yourself too soon.
11. Look FIERCE the first time we slam. & if you weren't in tip-top shape the first time, wear a killer outfit-undies combo the next time.
12. Be excellent in bed; not too sluttly but not too conservative.
13. Don't overreact; stay cool whatever the situation is.
14. Don't be jealous or paranoid.
15. Have a good relationship with my close friends. Don't say something bad about them unless I do first.
16. Don't spend all of your time with me.
17. Be yourself.
18. Don't smoke.
19. Know how to cook me a decent meal.
20. Have a good relationship with your parents.
21. Don't hate on animals, especially dogs.
22. Don't be afraid of creepy crawlies (spiders, cockroaches, centipedes).
23. Don't promise what you can't deliver.
24. Respect my personal space & items.
25. Have sex with me whenever I say so.
26. Buy me shit.
27. Don't flirt with other people at clubs. If I see it, I'm going batshit.
28. Always answer my phone calls.
29. Never force me to choose between you & my best friend(s). I ALWAYS choose my friends. I had friends before you, & I'll have friends after you.
30. Don't tell me what to do. I'm not your bitch.
31. Don't call me non-stop during the night. Instead, pick me up for dinner & we'll chat then!
32. Don't steal my condoms!
33. Be nice.
34. Learn to deal with the fact that I can go from sugary-sweet to ice cold within a minute.
35. If you leave dirty laundry or other crap behind, and don't clean up after yourself, I'm going to fucking freak.
36. Don't make me hang out with your unhot friends.
37. I understand that after a long night out with bathroom breaks that your penis will have an iffy smell to it, but don't be offended if I wipe it with a baby wipe before I give you a blow.
38. Never tell me that my cooking sucks. WTFFFF.
39. Be protective; I can take care of myself, but it would be nice if you could do it for me once in a while. If we're at a club, and I'm dodging bullets while your at the bar chugging beer, YOU will be dodging bullets when we get home.
40. Don't be a hypocrite; if you can drink, I can drink too.
41. I go out to watch garbage movies that you want to see, so I expet you to do the same. Same goes for restaurants.
42. Don't ever get embarrassingly drunk when I'm around.
43. No drugs of any kind. Not even a little to kick the stress.
44. Borrowing my clothes is fine, but when I buy a brand new jacket, wear it once, and it goes missing, I'm annoyed.
45. Don't text me asking what I'm doing then ignore me.
46. NEVER say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".
47. Never say "I love you" just because you think it's the right thing to say.
48. Don't come round my house to watch my DVDs then stop coming over as soon as you watched the series finale.
49. Fix the cd player in your car. I don't want to listen to shit on the radio.
50. Only seeing me for sex makes me feel hot, but worthless.
51. Give me a nickname, but not "sweet pea" or "bunny" or anything flamer like that. "Muff" is a good start.
52. Be confident.
53. Be fit & healthy; don't let yourself go as soon as you get me in bed.
54. Don't get me started on body hair.
55. If I catch you cheatin', I'm outtie.
56. If we're at a restaurant, don't order something that I hate. We can't share if that happens.
57. Don't go aaround telling your friends about our sex life.
58. If I'm in a bad mood, never say "It's going to be alright" when we both know it won't be.
59. If we're out for dinner, don't answer your cell phone (especially when I'm talking) unless it's your mother.
60. Don't text me your emotions; call me.
61. A text break-up doesn't count as an actual break-up.
62. MSN fights are so lame. Call me.
63. Don't bring your baggage to the relationship (childhood trauma, old boyfriends, kids, overbearing parents etc.) Deal with it before we hook up!
64. You're gonna have to deal with the fact that I spend a lot of time with my brother. We're twins for Christ's sake.
65. Be romantic.
they're a turnoff and make you look demanding
