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1st Boyfriend, no one to talk to.

oralsex

oralsex

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Hello,

I have tried talking to a couple of people at work about some issues I have had with my boyfriend and well it is just not going that great. One guy is older and never had a relationship, he just has hook ups. I thought talking to him about being a young gay guy trying to come out would help but the last time I talked to him he brushed me off.

I told one friend evertyhing and all he was worried about was how much fun I was having with my boyfriends dick. I thought all I want is some emotional support. So I guess I am saying I am glad that I have JUB. So heres some of the story.

Now on one of our dates my boyfriend was having some roommate problems. My boyfriend is helping out a girl and she was only to stay in the apt for a week. Now she is staying longer and he wants her gone. She also has sticky fingers. He tried to tell her to leave and she said she is staying for a month at the most and then leaving. He said ok on the phone. So he gets mad because he said he has a problem saying no and he is upest. So we were cuddling on the couch and I put my hand down his front pant and he jerks it away and says "NO" ! Well that pretty much did it for me. I just became secluded and he was like what you mad at me too. Gosh everyone is mad at me including my boyfriend. I said well you are not in the mood again. He said when he gets mad he is usually mad at everyone. He was not mad at me but when is he mad it affects everyone around him. I told him I was not mad, I was just hurt because when I go see him its like my get away. I dont have to worry about my mom, or work or school or my bills when I am with him. Its just me and him. He said that we did not have to have sex on every date that we had. I did not say much else.

Then on Tuesday I had roses sent to him at work for our one month anniversary. I thought he would call me at work or at least come by. Nope. So I called him on my break, and he was playing the piano. He would not stop playing. I said happy anniversary and he said oh yeah, thanks so much for the gift. That was about it, I had to ask if he liked it, where they were, what they looked like. I told him bye. I figured since I was his boyfriend and I called him he would at least stop what he was doing to talk to me. He didnt even get me anything or say happy anniversary to me. It is my first relationship and his first serious relationship.

Also on another date he told me he was not in the mood to make out or have sex. He also gets tired with me when we are intimate. He thinks that if he sucks me off about 5 minutes then I should orgasm, and he also stops jerking me because he is getting tired. It does not take me long to finish but he can orgasm with me just jerking him a couple of times. Its like I'm too much work and I feel even worse because I cannot orgasm fast like he can.

He is 19 and I'm 23. I'm not sure what to do. I try to talk to him about these problems and that I am a horny person. He told me that he can control it better than I can and that we dont have to have sex every time we see each other.

So what should I do?
 
noelie hit the nail on the head. I could call him a lot of things "Boyfriend" wouldn't be one of em.

Sounds like you might be a trophy for his ego!!
 
Might I suggest you read your own blog entry entitled "Sexual Urge". In it you describe what you want from a loving relationship. What you have now sounds nothing like it. You are one month into a relationship where he is cold and indifferent toward you. How long will you settle for this?
 
^ Agreed. If he can't be bothered to even say happy anniversary, much less than actually reciprocating the feeling he can hit the road.
 
I have to agree with everyone else. I think some of it might have to do with his age. Most 19 year olds aren't looking for a serious relationship (well, at least I wasn't when I was 19). I think you should put yourself first and find someone who seems to be into you. I really hope everything works out for you.
 
Well thanks for the comments. I guess its not his age. I keep telling myself its his age and he will mature or it will get better. His last relationship was a very bad one and I just thought it would be ok. He does come and get me for lunch sometimes and when he sees me he smiles at me and I feel better. However there are those issues we are having. Should I just sit him down and say look, we have a problem or is this just too much. When he told me he was not in the mood I said but your a guy. He was like what do you mean. I said well we are horny, what guy turns down sex? He said he was just not in the mood.

Has anyone ever been in a situation where your just not in the mood? Is that normal what he did?
 
I think everyone goes through not being in the mood at some point... I definitely wasn't in the mood last weekend so I would say it's normal. But if his excuse is always that he's not in the mood then there's more to it...
 
Hey, I kinda disagree with the other posters, I think you should give him one more chance. Talk to him, tell him exactly what you told us, tell him your feelings. Put it all out there so both of you can work together and try to give this another shot.
 
oralsex said:
He is 19 and I'm 23. I'm not sure what to do. I try to talk to him about these problems and that I am a horny person. He told me that he can control it better than I can and that we dont have to have sex every time we see each other.
Click to expand...

The issue is not his age. The issue is not his emotions (or lack of). The issue is not the way he controls your sex life. The issue is not that he doesn't appreciate gestures like sending roses.

The issue is not you cannot make him into what you want him to be.

So, have the talk with him. Tell him what kind of boyfriend you were looking for and why he wasn't that person.

And then go find someone who is what you're looking for.
 
I've been in the opposite position. I don't have to have sex all the time but I was with a very horny guy. Lack of sexual chemistry is a difficult problem and I think it's one you can work through if you are both understanding and openly communicative. Unfortunately, my boyfriend wasn't and it sounds like neither is yours. And it will probably just get worse if you stay together too long. ](*,)
 
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