20 Year Old Virgin

[andy12]

The issue is having sex with a good friend. You're expecting to "use" her to end your virginity, she's probably expecting your relationship to go to the next level. Sorry, sounds like it'll end in a heartbreak for her.

Does she know you just want to have sex with her to get it over with?

 

[Rule-Of-Thirds]

Think of it this way.. if you have sex with her it's with someone that you've known closely for a long time. While it may not necessarily be a no strings event for her it would at lease be with someone you know and care about instead of some random hookup. Just be careful.

Plus, not being able to get hard because of performance anxiety is very normal. If you decide to go through with everything just act calm and focus more on having fun than having an orgasm.

 

[KaraBulut]

The girl has an agenda. You don't want to be a part of whatever reason she is doing this.

And sleeping with a woman isn't going to solve your nervousness about having sex with a man.

And a good rule of thumb: fucking your friends is a great way to fuck up the friendship.

Go find a boyfriend and explore.

 

[rareboy]

^ What Kara said.

Run like hell.

 

[G-Lexington]

The only potential positives to come out of this would be your final evidence that you're not interested in women - which it sounds like you're pretty sure about anyway - and the end of your viginity - which, if it's really an issue, could probably be taken care of elsewhere this weekend.

The negatives would be legion.

No thanks.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Could go either way. If you can't get it up, maybe she'll realize your gay. Or may she'll go into lunatic mode and try to get you do it again and again.

 

[beatleshead]

I think this is a huge disaster cos shes a virgin and there is potential she has that virgin love thing...where she thinks shes in love with you.

Now if your supspicions are true, and you do like only men, how will you deal with her running around chasing after you?

You'll have to destroy the friendship...thats what i see in the future. But who knows.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you're determined to go into this, then make sure SHE knows precisely your thoughts beforehand. That you're pretty sure you're gay, that you don't think you'd be interested in a sexual relationship with her other than this once, and you're hoping to use this one sexual experience as a confidence booster so you'll be more comfortable with others.

Barring that, she has every right to go into lunatic mode.

Lex

 

[Lube]

THanks for the advice everyone.

I guess I forgot to mention a few things:
1. She's a virgin too

Ohhhhhhhhhh, well you didn't say that before. You only said you were.

In that case, let's see:

1. You've known each other for 10 years
2. Dated on and off
3. Talked about sex but never did anything
4. You're both virgins
5. She's "OK" with you being bi (but you didn't really tell her you're gay)
6. She asked you to have sex.

Uh-oh. She's clearly madly in love with you, and probably has been for years. To you this is just sex, but to her it's everything.

She will definitely go into lunatic mode.

 

[hotatlboi]

yeah, if the woman is asking for sex she obviously has it for you pretty bad.

 

[DarkHelios]

Do you WANT to have sex with her?

 

[KaraBulut]

The additional information that you provided adds even more reasons for not doing this.

Having sex with a girl who is a virgin is a bit messy. You might want to give this a bit more thought.

This just has "bad idea" written all over it.

 

[Kyanimal]

Well, nothing happened today. She said she had work to finish for an upcoming class. I was kinda disappointed because I was as ready as I have ever been to get this on (and over with). The anxiety is killing me.

Once again, I'm grateful for the all the feedback. I'll definitely have a talk with her tonight because I don't want to head into this without us both understanding what exactly is happening. I know I'm in it for the sex, but I would like to maintain a healthy friendship, but as many have pointed out, I believe she may be looking for more than that. I also have a "tendency" to disappear from the scene, meaning sometimes we'll go a week or more at times without talking although we both know it's nothing out of the normal. We both understand that we need space. I just don't want this to encourage her to become extremely clingy. I'm waiting now for her to call tonight so I can get this off my chest.

She did recently ask me something rather disturbing though. As I said, I came out (more or less) to her and everything seemed cool. Time passed and we hadn't spoken of the conversation really until a few months ago when she asked "Do you still like guys?" as if it was something I would outgrow. Nervously, I replied "Not really" . I know. I know. I should've been honest, but I'll fix that tonight.

In reply to a question, YES, I think I do want to have sex with her because at this point I'm not sure exactly if I'm fully gay or bi because I'm a bumbling idiot around girls anyway and a few do turn me on. I'm not really sure about the reason why I want to have sex with her (not really physical attraction), and I'm afraid it might be just to lose my virginity which is a horrible reason.

O.K.! THIS I can Understand!

I fought the "Idea" that I was "Gay" until I was 30! It just wasn't what was "expected" of Me! And, in the "mean time" I was quite "successful" with all the Females! (I nearly married 6 of them! And, NO!, not at the same time!)

However, in Your situation, having known Her for 10 years, You have to ask Youself, just how Important is this relationship?

There is NO Doubt that She is "Expecting" MORE!! Your being Her "First" is FAR more important to Females than it might seem to You ... a "Guy"! And, Trust ME on this one, the potential of Her going "Ballistic", after Your "Encounter", is of NO Doubt!!

Are YOU willing to take on that possibility??

Don't get me wrong! I do believe that if the situation may present itself, for experimentation, by ALL means, Go for It! However, given your "History", you have to, in this case, ask Yourself whether, or not, it is worth it!

From what You've told "Us", the Two of You are just TOO Close! If You decide to go through with this, it will be far more Devastating for Her than it will be for You! THINK about that!

"Above all else, do NO Harm!"

This is not a question of "Performance Anxiety" as much as whether You should try it at all, with HER!

Another "Chick" that You may not know all that well? Hell Yes! But ... THIS One? ... I'd have second thoughts!

You already Know that with THIS One, She is going to be having further "Expectations"/Hopes/Desires! Is that what You want? For You ... For Her??

At this point ... 10yr. of Friendship ... it's no longer just about You, but, also, about Her!

If You say "No" will it "crush" Her? Sounds like "Yes"! But ... if You go through with it ... won't it just enhance Her expectations and make it even more difficult, for Both of You, in the Long Run??

As much as I hate to do this ... I'd say Pass, for now! ... for You and for Her!

Of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lube]

Having sex with a girl who is a virgin is a bit messy.

Wonderful double entendre.

 

[drhladnjak]

You want to have sex, but you don't want to have sex with her. It sounds like a recipe for disappointment all around to me. You should want to have sex with a specific person because you find him or her sexually attractive, not because it's a convenient opportunity that you've happened to stumbled across.

I was in a vaguely similar situation once. Before I was out, this female friend of mine and I got really drunk. She propositioned me, but I nervously refused. Looking back, she was beautiful girl, but I just wasn't into her. Now, the first time I had sex with a guy--wow, what a difference. I was nervous, but wanted him BAD. It's still one of the better sexual experiences of my life.