30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship

[sadbastard620]

I am a 30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship. I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better. The worst thing about it is that my sex drive never seems to decrease. I still cannot keep myself from posting ads on Craigslist constantly, never to any avail. I feel the same as when I was a teenager. I am thinking about sex all the time and because I can never have sex or a relationship with another man like I want to - I constantly think about scenarios that feel like they’re more realistically to happen - like sex with older women, or even older men. But I'm disgusted with these fantasies and they only come about as a means of mentally satisfying my urges. I've even thought about an orchiectomy, but this seems unlikely too given that it can't possibly be covered by medical insurance if you're doing it for reasons like mine, plus a doctor would never sign off on it for the reasons I want it. I don't even know if it’s covered for prostate cancer. Plus, all kinds of scary shit would happen after it - like breast growth and weak bones over time. I don't know what to do. I don't want a sex drive anymore. I'm 30 and I'm stuck in a state of mind where I feel like a horny teenager forever. I hate it because there's never any relief.

 

[Benvolio]

I think the best solution is to meet some gay men. Don't give upper on sex, and there plenty of guys who like to meet you. Go to some gay bar and say hello to several guys. If you don't expect sex this time you will have less anxiety.
Medicines do exist which would neutralize your testosterone --called ablation--and reduce your sex drive, but doctors may be reluctant to prescribe for your problem.

 

[Telstra]

I am a 30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship. I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better. The worst thing about it is that my sex drive never seems to decrease. I still cannot keep myself from posting ads on Craigslist constantly, never to any avail. I feel the same as when I was a teenager. I am thinking about sex all the time and because I can never have sex or a relationship with another man like I want to - I constantly think about scenarios that feel like they’re more realistically to happen - like sex with older women, or even older men. But I'm disgusted with these fantasies and they only come about as a means of mentally satisfying my urges. I've even thought about an orchiectomy, but this seems unlikely too given that it can't possibly be covered by medical insurance if you're doing it for reasons like mine, plus a doctor would never sign off on it for the reasons I want it. I don't even know if it’s covered for prostate cancer. Plus, all kinds of scary shit would happen after it - like breast growth and weak bones over time. I don't know what to do. I don't want a sex drive anymore. I'm 30 and I'm stuck in a state of mind where I feel like a horny teenager forever. I hate it because there's never any relief.

ummm high sex drive is normal. That is why there are porn for people to get relief.
You can cum 6 times per day if you want by using porn.
Finding ways to reduce your sex drive is not normal.

 

[KaraBulut]

I am a 30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship. I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better...

One thing that you haven't mentioned is what you've done to get better... particularly whether you've seen a therapist.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Since you know your diagnoses, I assume you didn't come up with them on your own, but from a mental health professional. When you say you are never going to get better, unfortunately, it sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Are you in treatment and on meds? Your approach to your sexual growth is to eliminate it as a problem. It may be that your sexual libido is exaggerated because it is a distraction from dealing with other issues in your life. You deserve to be happy, but you have to take action to make it happen. Going to a bar to interface with experienced gay men is probably a too hard right now, but group therapy/support group to share your what you're experiencing could be a significant step.

 

[sadbastard620]

It may be that your sexual libido is exaggerated because it is a distraction from dealing with other issues in your life.

I think you're right. But even earlier on in life when I was a teenager, I still found myself spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom at school standing at the urinals. I looked forward to it everyday and after a while every hour. I masturbated at least once every hour everyday at the urinals. Because of this, it’s given me a phobia about public bathrooms and I will not enter one to this day. I was terrified all the time someone would say something to me. There was no way I could stop though. It was the only time I felt alive.

 

[DoctorTwink]

Do you have any gay or bi male friends? Sometimes just having someone to talk to, and go out with socially as friends (not on a date) can help.

Talking to a counselor or therapist may help too.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I am a 30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship.

My penis took it up with me and I think we may have a solution.

I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better.

You probably still are more fun to be around than some homosexuals I have the dishonour of knowing.

The worst thing about it is that my sex drive never seems to decrease.

You mean "best", right?

I still cannot keep myself from posting ads on Craigslist constantly, never to any avail.

Try something new.

I feel the same as when I was a teenager.

Me too, just a 'little' heavier (I'm 36).

I am thinking about sex all the time and because I can never have sex or a relationship with another man like I want to - I constantly think about scenarios that feel like they’re more realistically to happen - like sex with older women, or even older men..

Sex involves other people whose consent you legally require. You need to learn to deal with this.

But I'm disgusted with these fantasies and they only come about as a means of mentally satisfying my urges. I've even thought about an orchiectomy, but this seems unlikely too given that it can't possibly be covered by medical insurance if you're doing it for reasons like mine, plus a doctor would never sign off on it for the reasons I want it. I don't even know if it’s covered for prostate cancer. Plus, all kinds of scary shit would happen after it - like breast growth and weak bones over time. I don't know what to do. I don't want a sex drive anymore. I'm 30 and I'm stuck in a state of mind where I feel like a horny teenager forever. I hate it because there's never any relief.

Don't cut off your penis before you know what to do with it.

 

[sadbastard620]

You mean "best", right?

No, it’s terrible. I don't want to be horny and jerking off thinking about having sex with older women or older men just because I'm still young and that's the only thing I've got going for me now. And what are you talking about "...Sex involves other people whose consent you legally require. You need to learn to deal with this..."? Are you trying to label me a rapist because I fit some profile? What are you anyway, a cop? Or a psychiatrist? Or one of those scumbag types on "Criminal Minds"?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

No, it’s terrible. I don't want to be horny and jerking off thinking about having sex with older women or older men just because I'm still young and that's the only thing I've got going for me now.

Says who? Why would only they be interested in sex with you?

And what are you talking about "...Sex involves other people whose consent you legally require. You need to learn to deal with this..."? Are you trying to label me a rapist because I fit some profile? What are you anyway, a cop? Or a psychiatrist? Or one of those scumbag types on "Criminal Minds"?

I'm just a guy who was once dealing with similar feelings, but I since got over them.

No, I don't think that you want to hurt someone, or are liable to commit a crime, but you do need to face up to the social reality of dating. You need to find out how it works and with whom it works.

 

[sadbastard620]

Says who? Why would only they be interested in sex with you?

Then I guess there's no one. I'm going to give serious thought to an orchiectomy. Maybe there's a doctor who would do it for the reasons I want it.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Then I guess there's no one. I'm going to give serious thought to an orchiectomy. Maybe there's a doctor who would do it for the reasons I want it.

Your problem is not in between your legs, it's in your head.

 

[bankside]

I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better.

Okay well you've just managed to socialize with people by posting in this thread. A bunch of real live guys now have some idea of what your life is like, and they're telling you about their experiences too. That's socializing right there, and it happened already, whether you have a phobia about it or not.

You think about sex all the time. I think about sex all the time and I'm 42. If I were single and I knew a guy who is horny enough to jack off once an hour, he would preferably be straddling my chest and cumming on my face while he did it. That's a good thing. It's desirable behaviour.

Your sex drive is not the problem. Karabulut already pointed out the obvious: what are you doing about the anxiety disorder, social phobia and paranoia to get some therapy for that?

Having your balls cut off is just pointless when you should be planning to enjoy them. If you're going to spend all that time finding a doctor to cut your balls off, just find one to help you deal with the social phobias instead.

 

[Adyguy1558]

I am a 30 year old gay male and I have never had sex or a relationship. I suffer from anxiety disorder, social phobia, paranoia, and I am never going to get better. The worst thing about it is that my sex drive never seems to decrease. I still cannot keep myself from posting ads on Craigslist constantly, never to any avail. I feel the same as when I was a teenager. I am thinking about sex all the time and because I can never have sex or a relationship with another man like I want to - I constantly think about scenarios that feel like they’re more realistically to happen - like sex with older women, or even older men. But I'm disgusted with these fantasies and they only come about as a means of mentally satisfying my urges. I've even thought about an orchiectomy, but this seems unlikely too given that it can't possibly be covered by medical insurance if you're doing it for reasons like mine, plus a doctor would never sign off on it for the reasons I want it. I don't even know if it’s covered for prostate cancer. Plus, all kinds of scary shit would happen after it - like breast growth and weak bones over time. I don't know what to do. I don't want a sex drive anymore. I'm 30 and I'm stuck in a state of mind where I feel like a horny teenager forever. I hate it because there's never any relief.

Mike, thanks for sharing that. I think there are a number of issues here.

Firstly there's the matter of no sex at thirty. Not so many years ago, being a 'virgin' at 30 - or until you'd met absolutely the right person to enjoy sex with - was considered a selling point if anything. It indicated that the person was a young man - or young woman - with self respect. For what it's worth I still think that sex with the wrong person is worse than no sex at all, just as being in the wrong relationship is worse that being on one's own. I don't think that of itself it's something you should worry about.

Anxiety. I have to hold my hands up and confess that my knowledge of 'anxiety disorders' as such is as good as non-existent. However I think it's fair to say that most if not all of us suffer from some anxieties and phobias at some point or other in life and such things are perfectly normal, whether they have a rational basis or not. However it sounds as though you need to have a good chat with your GP/family doctor and see if he or she can put you in touch with services or therapists that can help.

Craigslist & dating sites. Craigslists and dating sites are fine - including discussion forums - as a means of meeting people. It goes without saying that if you're planning to meet someone it's important to follow the normal safety rules of meeting in public space, making your own way there and back - as well as insisting the other person does - and only giving out information you're comfortable disclosing. I would also suggest that the first meeting or two should be purely social and not revolve around any sexual expectations. There's something to be said for getting to know the other person well online before you meet them too.

Fantasies. There's nothing wrong with fantasies and they're perfectly normal. Masturbation is fine so long as it takes place somewhere appropriate - private space rather than public!

Sex drive. Most people find their sex drive waxes and wanes as time passes and that's quite normal. Also it's perfectly normal for people's sex drives to decrease as they get older and there are a variety of reasons for that, some of which have to do with changes in the body's chemistry. Sex as pastime tends to be overrated and I would say it was more important to have good relationships. If sex goes on to form a part of those all well and good but I'd counsel against treating it as an end in itself.

Try not to worry. If you want to chat privately please feel free to PM me. Good luck!

 

[sadbastard620]

Anybody out there in White Plains, NY? Want to alleviate my suffering by blowing me or allowing me to blow them?

 

[RaKroma]

What has your experience been with mental health professionals? And not to be blunt, but if your issues are so serious that you contemplate getting castrated, do you think you will be fun in bed for the other person? At least you should be aware that there is hope and solutions other than castration.

 

[sadbastard620]

LOL! I don't care about the experience of the other person. I just want to get sucked by some 50+y/o guy in White Plains.

What has your experience been with mental health professionals? And not to be blunt, but if your issues are so serious that you contemplate getting castrated, do you think you will be fun in bed for the other person? At least you should be aware that there is hope and solutions other than castration.

 

[rareboy]

Seriously.

You need to spend some time with a counsellor who can help you unwind the issues in your life.

Just reading your posts, there is way more going on than I think even you know....have you ever consulted a mental health professional?

 

[sadbastard620]

I think I'm done humiliating myself.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

LOL! I don't care about the experience of the other person. I just want to get sucked by some 50+y/o guy in White Plains.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=white+plains+NY+gay