42 year old wants to meet with 20 year old virgin

[thisbetheverse]

So I met this guy in a gay club a couple of weeks ago and we came back to my flat and gave each other a blowjob but nothing else (nice opening sentence). Before that I was a virgin, never sucked or fucked anyone before, but I didn't tell him that. He says he is 42 and a lawyer and he acts very straight. I, however am 20 and pretty flamboyant. I don't mind the age gap, older guys turn me on, but at the same time it makes me feel a little uncomfortable and sometimes I feel like he's using me.
He's been texting me ever since and I'm really stressed over whether I should meet him or not. He was at the club alone so that means he was only looking for sex, not that I mind much, I just don't have much confidence and worry that when he meets me he won't like me. He's very into football and as I said is very straight acting which really makes me question whether he really likes me or is just desperate for sex and I'm the first one to agree.
What should I do? Ignore his texts and change my number? If I do I might meet bump into him at the club and that'd be really awkward. And if I do ignore him I'll feel like I've been leading him on all this time, which is not true at all. I'm very self conscious and felt 'wanted' when he came up to me at the club, but now I'm not sure if I'm ready and I don't think I'm worth it.
Bleh, sorry this hasn't been very cohesive. I'm just very confused and thought 'why not join a porn forum and ask for help?' haha. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. That being said, inside I'm hoping people will reply telling me to ignore him. I guess that means I don't want to meet him after all? But then I go through phases where I am up for it. I just want excitement in my life, and to feel needed. But maybe, then, I'd not be meeting up with him for the right reasons.

 

[MischiefManagement]

I think you may be "overthinking" this. Instead of trying to figure out what he wants from you, you should ask what do you want from him. If you are ok with just a sexual thing, I think you'll find it can be just that. If, however, you're looking for a relationship, it reads as though you realize that you don't have much in common with him. Do you want to see him again? Is he a fuck buddy material? Can you suck and fuck and walk away? Then, don't over-think it and just saddle up for a good time. If you don't feel comfortable with him beyond the sack, if you he doesn't seem to be interested in you beyond the sack, and if you can't see the two of you as being friends, leave it alone and move along. You don't have to ignore him. Just tell him what you think. If he is mature, and some aren't, his response will validate what you feel.

There...I think that was 2 cents worth.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

I think you need to ask yourself, what are you looking for at this point in your life? A relationship, friendship, sex, or a combination of these, and what would you be comfortable with. Because honestly, you seem like you are all over the place. Know what you want and know if you are willing to make exceptions to those rules or not. It makes things a bit easier to deal with.

It also looks like you might be having some regrets about putting yourself out there sexually the first time- Not knowing if it was the right thing to do or if you are alright with what you did. Not knowing if it should have been with someone you knew longer, or better. I wouldn't have regrets about what you did though, it's not something you can change, but I would figure out what you'd like to have now in your life and what you'd be comfortable with. It's done and over, and you can't cry over spilled milk. Just learn, and figure out what you want and if it's actually a possibility or not with your own wants and desires.

As for the mannerism difference- I like my guys, a little bit more to the flamboyant, but I always like them to have an open mind for doing straight guy things with me, I don't like being told no, because I think it's inconsiderate, and not something id do to them.

Advice: Be comfortable with who you are, and please don't try to adjust to be a perfect fit for someone, it comes off as fake and generic. I always have guys doing this to me. Just be who you are, and if someone likes that- Then you are set, if not, you'll eventually find someone that will appreciate that. You don't need to be straight acting to be in a relationship with a straight acting male, some guys dig it, and some don't. Just like some guys like chubs, bears, twinks, goths, etc. Be true to who you are.

What should I do? Ignore his texts and change my number?

I'm kind of curious what he's been texting you about, and what you've been talking about.

& I think changing your number is extreme, figure out what you want, and be honest with him. He's older, educated, and has experience- I don't think he expects more at this point as in he might ask for something, but he should be able to chalk it up to an enjoyable experience that he got to share with someone. I like to be honest with people about these sort of things, but that's because I am very opinionated and blunt about how I feel. Figure out what you want from this, or if you want anything at all and then let him know.

As for the age difference- Take caution, you are young and inexperienced so it's always hard to notice what a person really wants.- Some talk a great talk, but that's it, and that's what dates are for. It's what getting to know someone is all about. Just don't lie to yourself, or let someone guilt you into feeling like you should feel one way or another.

 

[Rolyo85]

I would only suggest that if you think you don't want him, you should just tell him. Don't be 15 - changing numbers and ignoring texts is bullshit and game playing. Be honest.

 

[Tonny Wijaya]

Sorry but he's old enough to be your father, which makes the whole thing creepy. Dump him, ignore him, and move on from him. I doubt he's 42, but more likely 45+ all the while chasing barely legal cock. These guys ALWAYS have serious issues. Avoid them at all costs!

 

[BiMike]

I agree you should move on and treat it as a first experience. Be honest about it and tell the guy you are looking for some one a bit younger for a relationship. Do not get further involved with him just to satisfy your sexual needs, the longer you stay involved with him the more difficult will be your break up.

 

[thisbetheverse]

Thanks for the advice, guys.
I'm not sure what I want out of him, MischiefManagement. I've never had a boyfriend and as I've mentioned I'm a virgin, so being in a relationship or just meeting for sex is going to make me quite uncomfortable because it's so new to me. I'm just worried that he only wants me because I'm young and he's using me for that. When he was at the club he approached me and we left together which suggests he was there on his own. Maybe, then, I was just another guy and maybe his last option.
DeadRussianSpaceMonkey, most of the time it's just small talk in texts, asking me how I am and when we're going to meet. He gets pretty sexual sometimes too, wishing I was with him in a bath or on his chest, yet he keeps on going on about going on a 'date'.

The whole thing is really stressing me out and I'm not really enjoying the holidays because of it, 'should I' or 'shouldn't I' is always in my head. If I was to start ignoring him right now a weight would be lifted but I might regret it. Maybe my ambivalence suggests I shouldn't meet him? As I've said, I've never had a boyfriend, or had anyone be interested in me, which makes me want to go for it, but my stance always seems to change.
I too think the age gap is a little too big and it does make me wonder what his motives are. He says he used to be married too; he just seems to have so much experience and it's quite intimidating. Plus we've only met once and we were drunk, I can barely remember what he looks like. Bleh.

 

[palemale]

Thanks for the advice, guys.
I'm not sure what I want out of him, MischiefManagement. I've never had a boyfriend and as I've mentioned I'm a virgin, so being in a relationship or just meeting for sex is going to make me quite uncomfortable because it's so new to me. I'm just worried that he only wants me because I'm young and he's using me for that. When he was at the club he approached me and we left together which suggests he was there on his own. Maybe, then, I was just another guy and maybe his last option.
DeadRussianSpaceMonkey, most of the time it's just small talk in texts, asking me how I am and when we're going to meet. He gets pretty sexual sometimes too, wishing I was with him in a bath or on his chest, yet he keeps on going on about going on a 'date'.

The whole thing is really stressing me out and I'm not really enjoying the holidays because of it, 'should I' or 'shouldn't I' is always in my head. If I was to start ignoring him right now a weight would be lifted but I might regret it. Maybe my ambivalence suggests I shouldn't meet him? As I've said, I've never had a boyfriend, or had anyone be interested in me, which makes me want to go for it, but my stance always seems to change.
I too think the age gap is a little too big and it does make me wonder what his motives are. He says he used to be married too; he just seems to have so much experience and it's quite intimidating. Plus we've only met once and we were drunk, I can barely remember what he looks like. Bleh.

You're at that age where you can't get fucked quick enough. First lesson, don't magnify losing your virginity out of proportion to the importance of the event. Some guys have great first times, some don't. If you're attracted to the guy, have sex with him. Since you were so drunk when you met him that you don't remember what he looked like, I might suggest meeting for coffee first if you decide to meet at all. You may have zero attraction to him while sober, and it's less awkward to call it a day in a coffee shop then when you show up at his door and he answers it naked.

 

[KaraBulut]

If this guy were using you for sex, he wouldn't have called you and said that he wanted to see you again.

Yes, he's much older than you. And while you may think he's using you, it's just a true that you used him.

If you like the guy, then tell him that you want to go out on a date and get to know each other better. If he's just looking to get laid, then he won't take you up on the offer to go out.

If you don't like the guy, then just say, "I had fun the other night but I am really new at this and I'm just not ready to get involved right now." It's good practice for the future to learn to be honest and treat people like you want to be treated.

 

[thisbetheverse]

Thanks for the input guys. I was possibly meeting him today but I don't think I can bring myself to. Depressingly I don't think I'm ready.
I always feel so down when all my (straight) friends are getting laid and have someone in their lives, and now when I finally have someone that's interested I don't think I'm confident enough with myself to meet him. I should just go with it, and at times I'm like 'fuck it, meet him' but by the morning I'm stressing out and anxious about it.
I'll definitely need to straighten things out with him, I can't keep on saying I'll meet him and then not meet him, just don't know what to say.

Guess I'm back to square one again. Forever alone!

 

[Rolyo85]

Just look at what KaraBulut told you. Those phrases work well.

 

[KaraBulut]

......just don't know what to say....

The truth is always the best place to start.

......Forever alone!

If so, that will have been a choice that you made.

 

[altlover85]

Thanks for the input guys. I was possibly meeting him today but I don't think I can bring myself to. Depressingly I don't think I'm ready.
I always feel so down when all my (straight) friends are getting laid and have someone in their lives, and now when I finally have someone that's interested I don't think I'm confident enough with myself to meet him. I should just go with it, and at times I'm like 'fuck it, meet him' but by the morning I'm stressing out and anxious about it.

I think the best way to go is to do the coffee date as other have suggested. That way there is less pressure and it doesn't have to be all about sex.

Guess I'm back to square one again. Forever alone!

You aren't back to square one. You've been given some good advice. Follow some of it.

As far as being "forever alone", you're only 20. You have time.

 

[thisbetheverse]

Very true, guys. Thanks for the help, I'll try and take it! He keeps on talking about going on a date which is kind of putting me off, worried he won't like me when he's sober.
Oh well, guess I'll try and go for it. ...but knowing me I'll back out like I already have!

 

[Rolyo85]

Challenge yourself to not back out. Go for it, and if you don't like it, don't repeat it. It's an experience, and it doesn't have to be scary. Unless the guy is a total loser/asshole, there is nothing wrong with enjoying one coffee/lunch with him.

 

[Just_Believe18]

If this guy were using you for sex, he wouldn't have called you and said that he wanted to see you again.

Yes, he's much older than you. And while you may think he's using you, it's just a true that you used him.

If you like the guy, then tell him that you want to go out on a date and get to know each other better. If he's just looking to get laid, then he won't take you up on the offer to go out.

If you don't like the guy, then just say, "I had fun the other night but I am really new at this and I'm just not ready to get involved right now." It's good practice for the future to learn to be honest and treat people like you want to be treated.

Go with this.

 

[boredass123]

If you like the guy, then tell him that you want to go out on a date and get to know each other better. If he's just looking to get laid, then he won't take you up on the offer to go out.

If you don't like the guy, then just say, "I had fun the other night but I am really new at this and I'm just not ready to get involved right now." It's good practice for the future to learn to be honest and treat people like you want to be treated.

this is good advice. Do what karabulut said, and update us what's going on