I just though I'd share my story. 
I come from a family of 4, I have 3 brothers, all much older (10, 12, and 15 years to be exact), so I basically grew up as an only child. We were a very Christian family, going to church every Sunday, being real active and all that. Dad then decided he was going to be a pastor, so he did his studies and stuff and when I was nearly 9, my parents and I moved from Alberta to BC, leaving my brothers in Alberta since they were all old by that time anyways.
I was of course the typical pastors son, knew all the right answers, never did anything wrong, etc. The kinda thing that you felt was expected of you. Well, my actions may have been all nice, but my thoughts wandered. By the time I was 11, I would put myself to sleep by thinking about naked bodybuilder type guys blowing each other. I had never seen any porn at this point. It just sorta happened, but porn followed soon. As did Truth or Dare.
You see, at 11, homosexuality isn't much of an issue. My best friend was 3 years younger than me, putting him at 8 and I had slept over at his house and in talking after we had gone to bed, I told him how I put myself to sleep. He thought it was hilarious. So hilarious that a few weeks later, when me and another friend of ours (same age as me) slept over, he just had to tell him. To my shock, he replied "Really, do you want to suck mine?"
From there on in, the game of Truth or Dare commenced. All in all, I ended up doing something sexual with about 6 of my guy friends within 7 years. Also in that 7 years, I was caught with gay porn 2 or 3 times plus my Truth or Dare escapades were discovered, followed by a "spiritual awakening", which basically lasted 4 months.
I homeschooled all my life, so I graduated last November, almost a year early. I lived in a dying, small community with no jobs, and Bible School didn't start until the following fall, so I decided to move out to Alberta with my brothers and work until school started. So at the end of Decemeber, I moved out and got a job and worked, got my full license, bought a car, the works. Ended up with another part time job and did double duty for a while.
Around April, I found myself....well, to be blunt, horny. I found a few online sites and on one of them (Hot or Not), I met this guy from Edmonton. We chatted and stuff and we eventually decided he would come visit me while my brother was in Winnipeg visiting his fiance. We met up and hung out a while, watched a movie and then did some youtube hunting. After that, we kinda fooled around a bit and once we were in each others' arms, I realized there was something there. It was here I really realized I was gay. Before, I lived in semi-denial, thinking I just liked the sex and often spending much of my effort to try to "fix myself", such as starving myself for looking at porn. But now, I knew there was something.
I had to rethink my life. It said in the Bible School handbook that homosexuality was not allowed and would get me kicked out, so that was no longer an option. I wasn't sure what other kind of schooling I wanted to take, so I decided I would move out on my own. I had to move out of my brother's house anyways since he was getting married and all, but the plan was to move in with my other brother who lived nearby. But I went and hunted in the local paper for a place to rent. I found one, called it, went to look at it, and I got it. By the next day, I had signed the lease and payed over my deposit and the first month's rent. Now I had to explain to my brother why I wasn't moving in with him.
I went over his place and sat down with my eldest brother and his wife. They sent the kids to play downstairs and we sat down. It told them I had something to tell them. It took me a a little while to actually say it, but I did. I told them I was bi-sexual, which was a lie I had convinced myself of to soften the blow for me and them. They had kinda wondered, but they seemed sorta ok with it. Next was my parents.
Two days before my move date, I called up my mom. I told her I wasn't going to Bible school because they'd kick me out. She asked why. I told her it was because I was bi. This then turned into a long teary spiritual discussion. I was still moving. But I decided to delay it. I was going to take a trip to clear my head, think without interruption, and get some advice from a close friend I had met on a forum 3 years ago. The day before I left, I was working both jobs. I finished my shift at the first which ended at 2 and I was going to quickly run to my brother's place to print off directions to Bellingham, WA from google maps. My parents were there.....they had driven the 9 hours to come see me. It almost felt like an exorcism. I had another "spiritual awakening" and they convinced me to break off my lease and move in with my brother and still go to Bible school. I had to cancel my trip because "my parents wanted to visit me". I knew it wouldn't last...
I still wanted to take my trip, so I booked some time off work and bought a greyhound ticket (family didn't want me driving down there seeing as it was the May long weekend). The my brother went on this thing about how I was Jonah, cuz it turns out that where we lived was almost in the middle of a direct line between Bellingham, WA and Nipawin, Sask (where the Bible school is that I was planning to go to) and then with Bellingham being on the water and all, he was quite taken with this concept. After a few minor complications, I took my trip and had a lot of fun and got to talk over stuff with my friend (who happened to be majoring in psychology at Western Washington University) and I went home sorta sure about myself, or at least what I needed to do.
The guy from Edmonton I met up with, before he had decided to have a relationship. I ended up sorta breaking up with him with my "awakening", but I still cared about him like crazy. After my trip, I came to a fork in the road. I needed to know how he felt about me. I caught him on msn and long discussion short, by the time we were done, we were happily back together. When I told my brother, they were quite frustrated with me, but I was certain on how I felt about Curtis. And I knew I needed to move.
I secretly began looking for places to move into around Edmonton and found a couple I liked, but I has still a bit hesitant. Then I found out my brother and sister-in-law were hunting for places for me in Olds, where I worked. My friends spectated that they wanted to keep me close where they could keep their eyes on me. After almost a month, I still hadn't found a place. I was in my room in the basement and my brother invited me to come have tea. By this point, I knew quite well that "coming for tea" was code for "we want to talk to you about being gay". It happened at least weekly. So I reluctantly went up and had my tea. Conversation wasn't even about me for the first while until I was done my tea and just about to head back downstairs when it came up. In short, they were kicking me out. I was looking for a place and they knew, but they blamed me for the nightmares the kids and my other brother's fiance were having, and so he said, and I quote "I need to get the sin out of my house." This was followed by him saying that I had 6 days to be out and he didn't care if I had to live in a motel. This was by far the most hurtful thing he or anyone else said to me during this time. On the bright side, I was viewing a basement suite the next morning, which I ended up getting and my move in date was the last day I had in the house.
And to top off the drama, I had heard there were a lot of rumors about me being gay back in BC and knowing how rumors went around there, I wanted to nip them in the bud as soon as possible. This lead to me coming out on my Facebook status....3 days before my brother's wedding. The family....was pissed at me for that, but we all put it aside for the wedding. But I did end up with some very nasty messages sent to me, very hurtful ones from the ones closest to me who often self-proclaim "who love me the most". Yeah....the wedding was August 1, yesterday was the first day I had had anything to do with them since. The only reason so was because in my FB status, I had made a thing about how I wasn't any different now than I was before, so I have to prove that.
And with me and Curtis, we broke up 8 days ago. He felt that due to his psychological conditions (which I knew about somewhat), he didn't think he was capable of having a long-term relationship with anyone(but if he ever thought he could, he said I'd be his first choice). He felt he was unable to give me what he felt I deserved or expected out of a relationship, so he was basically setting me free to find someone else. But we still care about each other like crazy and we're going to try to still be friends. We'll see how it goes.
Wow.....this ended up kinda long. If you read it all, I applaud you and I hoped you liked it.
I come from a family of 4, I have 3 brothers, all much older (10, 12, and 15 years to be exact), so I basically grew up as an only child. We were a very Christian family, going to church every Sunday, being real active and all that. Dad then decided he was going to be a pastor, so he did his studies and stuff and when I was nearly 9, my parents and I moved from Alberta to BC, leaving my brothers in Alberta since they were all old by that time anyways.
I was of course the typical pastors son, knew all the right answers, never did anything wrong, etc. The kinda thing that you felt was expected of you. Well, my actions may have been all nice, but my thoughts wandered. By the time I was 11, I would put myself to sleep by thinking about naked bodybuilder type guys blowing each other. I had never seen any porn at this point. It just sorta happened, but porn followed soon. As did Truth or Dare.
You see, at 11, homosexuality isn't much of an issue. My best friend was 3 years younger than me, putting him at 8 and I had slept over at his house and in talking after we had gone to bed, I told him how I put myself to sleep. He thought it was hilarious. So hilarious that a few weeks later, when me and another friend of ours (same age as me) slept over, he just had to tell him. To my shock, he replied "Really, do you want to suck mine?"
From there on in, the game of Truth or Dare commenced. All in all, I ended up doing something sexual with about 6 of my guy friends within 7 years. Also in that 7 years, I was caught with gay porn 2 or 3 times plus my Truth or Dare escapades were discovered, followed by a "spiritual awakening", which basically lasted 4 months.
I homeschooled all my life, so I graduated last November, almost a year early. I lived in a dying, small community with no jobs, and Bible School didn't start until the following fall, so I decided to move out to Alberta with my brothers and work until school started. So at the end of Decemeber, I moved out and got a job and worked, got my full license, bought a car, the works. Ended up with another part time job and did double duty for a while.
Around April, I found myself....well, to be blunt, horny. I found a few online sites and on one of them (Hot or Not), I met this guy from Edmonton. We chatted and stuff and we eventually decided he would come visit me while my brother was in Winnipeg visiting his fiance. We met up and hung out a while, watched a movie and then did some youtube hunting. After that, we kinda fooled around a bit and once we were in each others' arms, I realized there was something there. It was here I really realized I was gay. Before, I lived in semi-denial, thinking I just liked the sex and often spending much of my effort to try to "fix myself", such as starving myself for looking at porn. But now, I knew there was something.
I had to rethink my life. It said in the Bible School handbook that homosexuality was not allowed and would get me kicked out, so that was no longer an option. I wasn't sure what other kind of schooling I wanted to take, so I decided I would move out on my own. I had to move out of my brother's house anyways since he was getting married and all, but the plan was to move in with my other brother who lived nearby. But I went and hunted in the local paper for a place to rent. I found one, called it, went to look at it, and I got it. By the next day, I had signed the lease and payed over my deposit and the first month's rent. Now I had to explain to my brother why I wasn't moving in with him.
I went over his place and sat down with my eldest brother and his wife. They sent the kids to play downstairs and we sat down. It told them I had something to tell them. It took me a a little while to actually say it, but I did. I told them I was bi-sexual, which was a lie I had convinced myself of to soften the blow for me and them. They had kinda wondered, but they seemed sorta ok with it. Next was my parents.
Two days before my move date, I called up my mom. I told her I wasn't going to Bible school because they'd kick me out. She asked why. I told her it was because I was bi. This then turned into a long teary spiritual discussion. I was still moving. But I decided to delay it. I was going to take a trip to clear my head, think without interruption, and get some advice from a close friend I had met on a forum 3 years ago. The day before I left, I was working both jobs. I finished my shift at the first which ended at 2 and I was going to quickly run to my brother's place to print off directions to Bellingham, WA from google maps. My parents were there.....they had driven the 9 hours to come see me. It almost felt like an exorcism. I had another "spiritual awakening" and they convinced me to break off my lease and move in with my brother and still go to Bible school. I had to cancel my trip because "my parents wanted to visit me". I knew it wouldn't last...
I still wanted to take my trip, so I booked some time off work and bought a greyhound ticket (family didn't want me driving down there seeing as it was the May long weekend). The my brother went on this thing about how I was Jonah, cuz it turns out that where we lived was almost in the middle of a direct line between Bellingham, WA and Nipawin, Sask (where the Bible school is that I was planning to go to) and then with Bellingham being on the water and all, he was quite taken with this concept. After a few minor complications, I took my trip and had a lot of fun and got to talk over stuff with my friend (who happened to be majoring in psychology at Western Washington University) and I went home sorta sure about myself, or at least what I needed to do.
The guy from Edmonton I met up with, before he had decided to have a relationship. I ended up sorta breaking up with him with my "awakening", but I still cared about him like crazy. After my trip, I came to a fork in the road. I needed to know how he felt about me. I caught him on msn and long discussion short, by the time we were done, we were happily back together. When I told my brother, they were quite frustrated with me, but I was certain on how I felt about Curtis. And I knew I needed to move.
I secretly began looking for places to move into around Edmonton and found a couple I liked, but I has still a bit hesitant. Then I found out my brother and sister-in-law were hunting for places for me in Olds, where I worked. My friends spectated that they wanted to keep me close where they could keep their eyes on me. After almost a month, I still hadn't found a place. I was in my room in the basement and my brother invited me to come have tea. By this point, I knew quite well that "coming for tea" was code for "we want to talk to you about being gay". It happened at least weekly. So I reluctantly went up and had my tea. Conversation wasn't even about me for the first while until I was done my tea and just about to head back downstairs when it came up. In short, they were kicking me out. I was looking for a place and they knew, but they blamed me for the nightmares the kids and my other brother's fiance were having, and so he said, and I quote "I need to get the sin out of my house." This was followed by him saying that I had 6 days to be out and he didn't care if I had to live in a motel. This was by far the most hurtful thing he or anyone else said to me during this time. On the bright side, I was viewing a basement suite the next morning, which I ended up getting and my move in date was the last day I had in the house.
And to top off the drama, I had heard there were a lot of rumors about me being gay back in BC and knowing how rumors went around there, I wanted to nip them in the bud as soon as possible. This lead to me coming out on my Facebook status....3 days before my brother's wedding. The family....was pissed at me for that, but we all put it aside for the wedding. But I did end up with some very nasty messages sent to me, very hurtful ones from the ones closest to me who often self-proclaim "who love me the most". Yeah....the wedding was August 1, yesterday was the first day I had had anything to do with them since. The only reason so was because in my FB status, I had made a thing about how I wasn't any different now than I was before, so I have to prove that.
And with me and Curtis, we broke up 8 days ago. He felt that due to his psychological conditions (which I knew about somewhat), he didn't think he was capable of having a long-term relationship with anyone(but if he ever thought he could, he said I'd be his first choice). He felt he was unable to give me what he felt I deserved or expected out of a relationship, so he was basically setting me free to find someone else. But we still care about each other like crazy and we're going to try to still be friends. We'll see how it goes.
Wow.....this ended up kinda long. If you read it all, I applaud you and I hoped you liked it.
