A bit confused

[StlKj]

First, welcome to JUB, E79NERS.

Second, I would think you're one of three things. You're either:

1) Straight with a muscle fetish
2) Bisexual with a muscle fetish
3) Gay with a muscle fetish.

Since you don't seem to be describing a desire to see women who are extremely muscular, you might rule out number one. It sounds like at this point you're quite possibly bisexual. Bi-curious is a term used to indicate someone is curious about what sex would be like with a member of the same sex. Bisexual means that you have sexual desire towards both sexes. You might be curious, but from what you've described above, you're definitely bisexual in desire at least.

Also, realize that sexual identity can be fluid for some people. You might not consider yourself gay because you like sex with women, but it is possible that you might one day find yourself attracted to a man enough to consider a relationship with one. Do yourself a favor, and work on not finding that idea such a terrible one to entertain, otherwise if and when it happens, you're going to have a hard time accepting yourself.

As far as how you might find other guys into the same thing, no, you probably shouldn't go up to one in the gym and ask if he's gay. However, you could definitely get to know the guys you think are hot by asking them for tips on their work outs, asking them to spot you on the equipment and striking up conversations and friendships with some of them. Getting to know some of them might help you find someone open to play and make the first move, but it also might help you decide if it's really the guys you're interested in, or just the muscles. Also, you might check out musclenet.com to see if there are guys in your area who are like you.

Good luck.

 

[josher]

Just by what you say about yourself, you are bi-sexual, since you are turned on by the idea of anonymous sex with a man and do enjoy sex with women. I'd call you a closeted bi-man, since only anonymous sex with a man that doesn't involve a relationship seems to interest you. I'm presuming you are afraid of what others would think, if they found out you has sex with a man. Just because you are attracted to men, doesn't mean you ever have to act on it. If you choose to act on it, there are plenty of ways to do so anonymously. Some gay men engage in recreational sex, as long as it's safe. They aren't interested in a relationship at the time either. Just don't toy with any gay guys by pretending you're interested in them emotionally. You'll hurt them, if you do. Be honest about your intentions.

 

[RicanDAB]

I definitely get turned on by other guys and I definitely like the the thought of oral/kissing/foreplay etc. but I would never in a million years have a relationship with a guy. I see myself dating girls and only girls and one day marrying a girl.

Dude, I don't know how old you are but I am almost certain you're pretty young. The line of thought you expressed above which I emphasized in bold was exactly mine when I was in high school and college - and I was engaged to a girl once. I would not accept any other thoughts. But fast forward 15 years later and here I am in a happy relationship with a man and I have not dated a girl in like 10 years. Acceptance for me was a long road and I am finally there. I am not saying that this is the same road that you will eventually take. All I am saying is to be open to experience what comes natural to you and don't fight it, else suffer a lot of frustration.

I cant even fathom the thought of calling myself anything BUT straight, I know for a fact im not gay, but do you think my attraction for certain guys makes me Bi?

First of all, my adamant belief on this board is worth repeating: if you're on JUB intentionally, you're not straight.

You kinda contradict yourself here ... You refuse to call yourself anything but straight but now you're open to the possibility of being bi? If we have to go with labels -- IMHO, you are certainly not straight and the sooner you begin to accept that the easier things get. It's either bi or gay, especially when you say you are "definitely turned on by other guys." I used to shun my gay friends who laughed at me calling myself bi at one time - and now I understand why. I am GAY and I tend to feel as they do now. I guess for some being "bi" becomes a safety net of acceptance in today's society and also a shield from a reality of greater same-sex attraction that one is not ready to accept yet. That was the case for me, and if true lifetime bisexuality exists, I don't know what that is. Do note that I still am attracted to beautiful females, but because my attraction for men overpowers more and I choose relationships with them - this is why it's easier to accept myself as gay.

I think it is easier to find a long-term relationship by accepting oneself as gay or straight, because when you choose to commit to someone you're in essence choosing to declare yourself to them only without any deviation in sexual preference. But when you're bi and you have to choose to be with a man or a woman, you're destined to live a gay relationship or a straight relationship - but that "what if" will still linger if you have not come to terms with your true self. Unless a bi guy marries a bi woman, it would appear as if life is complete - but then each partner would be destined to forever wonder whether their partner would fancy better someone of their own sex eventually. It is a double-edged sword.

This of course is my opinion based on my experience - my advice is to evaluate your feelings and be true to yourself.

P.S. Adding to comment on RmX's post above which posted while I wrote: I agree, it's really not good to obsess over labels. But if a guy is insistent on having a relationship with a girl, it's a rarity to have a girl accept from her man that he "does not believe in labels." ... you know what I am saying? We can personally choose to reject labeling, but the unfortunate reality is that society will place them on all of us anyway.

 

[hermanding]

if you had this opportunity with another guy and went through with it and had a good time -do you think you have any guilt feelings, or feelings of shame afterwards? would you deny to anyone who asked you that you had had sex with another guy?
ding

 

[Blueboy369]

Dude,
You are curious about sex with a guy. That's totally normal. Some people, in general are bisexual but because of social stigma some people repress those sexual impulses. It's cool to experiment with a guy. Just look at it as something you want to try, no big deal. The catch is that gay or Bi guys, have feelings too. It is very important for you to be honest about your feelings, "I'm just experimenting and I'm not looking for a relationship".
Do some research, find out about some gay clubs in your area. Stop in for a five minute beer. Check out the clientele. Every club has a different theam night. If you like sports go to a gay sports night. Don't feel obligated to hook up, just have a beer and you may just make a friend. You are in control of what you will or will not do. Just always remember to use a condom. Keep us posted.

Blueboy369.

P.S. Don't be surprised if you bump into someone you know, It happens sometimes.

 

[Just_Believe18]

You sound bi-curious. You're fine only being with girls but those muscle men heat up your pants

It's up to you if you want to pursue your feelings on this. However, if you feel compulsive about these muscle men, try it out with one BEFORE you decide to settle down and get married.

 

[StlKj]

heres the thing, I'm fine iwth never trying or experimenting with a guy, I don't feel the URGE to, it would be nice but I feel like I can live without it. I just feel ashamed when I'm done jerking off to gay porn, I feel like I'm hiding something...thats also because I think way too into things. and I feel like a blowjob from a guy would be great and thats what I'm always thinking about when it comes to muscular guys. Blowjobs lol. I'm obsessed. I skip the actual anal sex and go right to all the foreplay.

A lot of gay/bi men don't engage in anal sex, so you might be identifying that too much with what it means to be gay or bisexual. You might also be less worried about what label you are if you can deal with the shame you feel for your desire. As long as you're ashamed, you're going to be seeking and rejecting a label for what you are. You're a guy who likes the idea of getting off with another guy--just start there and work on being okay with that before worrying what term you should use to describe yourself.

 

[Roland00]

thanks for the responses people
No I wouldnt anyone knowing that i had sex with another guy. its hard to explain guys, I really am not just in denial saying that I would never see myself in a relationship wiht a guy, its just the god honest truth. I only get emotionally attached to females, but certaint ypes of guys turn me on and it happens to be muscular guys...who arent too feminine

Oh I understand perfectly. Do what works with you, whatever float your boat.

If you want to have sex with guys, go ahead.

If you want to make sure nobody will find out about it, take steps so people won't find out about it.

If you don't want to do X sex act (such as anal) you don't have to.

Do not pretend that this attraction will go away, you are attracted to men and you like women, good for you. Let me tell you something rationalizing that I can never have sex with men, for if someone fell out my life will end is slowly but surely self destructive. I understand not wanting others to find out, that is why you take steps so others won't find out, you don't do an all or nothing it can never be this in a million years type approach.

Aka I am advocating "safe sex" but not abstinence in your pursuit of hot muscled men