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Alright. Where to start 
I am a 19 year old guy, just finishing his first year in college. I am a half white/half asian guy and I currently live in Orange County, CA! No one here knows I am gay, but at my college, I am out to all of my friends (Santa Cruz) And anyone who inquires, recieves the answer "I am gay" or something of the sort.
But here in Orange County, being the conservative city that it is, and then of course, my family being extremely Catholic, I choose to stay closeted. I moved to Orange County at the beginning of my senior year in high school, with the intention of transferring back to my old school in San Diego for second semester. Then my father did not let me move back in with him (he said it wouldn't look good for prospective colleges) so I stayed in OC. But now I was stuck without any friends with the exception of maybe a few, which were mostly lost once I went to college. I have ONE friend left here though. And through that friend I met a mormon boy, who I didn't think much of until recently.
Moving back into Orange County this summer has been a drama-fest of sorts. Lets just say my friends like to think of my life as some reality show, since soo much shit is happening in my family. But to deal with this, I went out last thursday to the local elementary school to just chill out, get out of the house. That's when this Mormon guy I know comes and just sits next to me. He asks me what is wrong and I pretty much just spill my guts out to him, telling him about the family drama and then this one OTHER problem (my being gay)
He is really curious as to what my other problem might be. He asks me maybe 3 simple questions:
1) How long have you had this problem? "Well, I have had it for as long as I remember, but it just recently started affecting me, like when I went off to college."
2) Can other people have this problem? "Yes, of course."
3) Have you ever thought of committing suicide due to this problem? "Well I pictured what my family would be like if I weren't born."
I am pretty sure there were other questions in there, but without giving out the fact I am gay, he was able to figure it out. BUT the thing is that HE admits that he too, is attracted to guys!!! Instantly, we bonded just like that, and he tells me how he is really just SEXUALLY attracted to guys, but can't picture himself like holding hands in public or having to put up with a relationship. We talk for like another hour before he has to leave (to see the new Dark Knight movie) and he says he would call me on Saturday (current day being Thursday)
I only gave him my number as he got his cellphone taken away. And he has no other means of being contacted unless I get his house phone, or if I just go over to his house.
Saturday rolls by (longest two days of my life until then) and I receive no call. So I head over to his house on Sunday and I dont bring up the lack of phone calls, but the first thing he says to me, once we are out of hearing range of his family is
"I am sooo sorry I didn't call you on Saturday. It was my nephew's birthday like all day and i Just couldn't get out. All I could think was how you were going to hate me!"
And I just reply with
"Yup, and thats why I am here, because I really hate you..." *Sarcasm of course*
and we both just laugh it off.
We then go outside, and I just ask him about how his Friday was, as he went to a certain place on a certain drug, nothing too harmful I am just trying my best to conceal his identity. And he apparently had a wonderful time and I was really happy he enjoyed himself and that he was home all in one piece and such.
We didn't really talk much about Homosexuality or anything, just his trip, and then we planned a trip for this coming weekend to Six Flags in Anaheim, possibly with my friend that I met him through. (So first friend and Mormon Boy)
He said we would discuss it sometime this week, but seeing as he doesn't have a phone for me to call, I thought I would just head over to his house to talk about it.
But Aside from the Six Flags trip, I am thinking of admitting my feelings for him. He is one of my only friends here in OC, the only one who knows I am gay of course. But given all of the info I told you, his "semi-homosexuality" and then the whole religion backgrounds between us and such, would it be a good idea?
I have no clue how he feels about me. I must mean SOMETHING to him though since he told me about him being gay when he is totally closeted too.
Like I pretty much don't know what to do. I think about him all the time, and I always want to talk to him since he is the easiest person to talk to, and I just really want to kiss him...random I know, but he is just....perfect!
July 29th, I am going out of town for 3 weeks though, and I am hoping to just get some progress in, something that will keep our friendship in tact while I am gone.
I guess I just would like to know, what should I do next?? Should I admit my feelings for him? Should I wait till maybe he does (if he has any?)
I am just totally conflicted. And all of my family drama is just making me want to go see him more, because I really just need someone to talk to, and I need to get out of my house.
Please Help fellow JUBers!
I cannot believe I wrote that much either
I hope it is thorough enough for you all. If you have any questions that will help you to help me, just ask here!
I am a 19 year old guy, just finishing his first year in college. I am a half white/half asian guy and I currently live in Orange County, CA! No one here knows I am gay, but at my college, I am out to all of my friends (Santa Cruz) And anyone who inquires, recieves the answer "I am gay" or something of the sort.
But here in Orange County, being the conservative city that it is, and then of course, my family being extremely Catholic, I choose to stay closeted. I moved to Orange County at the beginning of my senior year in high school, with the intention of transferring back to my old school in San Diego for second semester. Then my father did not let me move back in with him (he said it wouldn't look good for prospective colleges) so I stayed in OC. But now I was stuck without any friends with the exception of maybe a few, which were mostly lost once I went to college. I have ONE friend left here though. And through that friend I met a mormon boy, who I didn't think much of until recently.
Moving back into Orange County this summer has been a drama-fest of sorts. Lets just say my friends like to think of my life as some reality show, since soo much shit is happening in my family. But to deal with this, I went out last thursday to the local elementary school to just chill out, get out of the house. That's when this Mormon guy I know comes and just sits next to me. He asks me what is wrong and I pretty much just spill my guts out to him, telling him about the family drama and then this one OTHER problem (my being gay)
He is really curious as to what my other problem might be. He asks me maybe 3 simple questions:
1) How long have you had this problem? "Well, I have had it for as long as I remember, but it just recently started affecting me, like when I went off to college."
2) Can other people have this problem? "Yes, of course."
3) Have you ever thought of committing suicide due to this problem? "Well I pictured what my family would be like if I weren't born."
I am pretty sure there were other questions in there, but without giving out the fact I am gay, he was able to figure it out. BUT the thing is that HE admits that he too, is attracted to guys!!! Instantly, we bonded just like that, and he tells me how he is really just SEXUALLY attracted to guys, but can't picture himself like holding hands in public or having to put up with a relationship. We talk for like another hour before he has to leave (to see the new Dark Knight movie) and he says he would call me on Saturday (current day being Thursday)
I only gave him my number as he got his cellphone taken away. And he has no other means of being contacted unless I get his house phone, or if I just go over to his house.
Saturday rolls by (longest two days of my life until then) and I receive no call. So I head over to his house on Sunday and I dont bring up the lack of phone calls, but the first thing he says to me, once we are out of hearing range of his family is
"I am sooo sorry I didn't call you on Saturday. It was my nephew's birthday like all day and i Just couldn't get out. All I could think was how you were going to hate me!"
And I just reply with
"Yup, and thats why I am here, because I really hate you..." *Sarcasm of course*
and we both just laugh it off.
We then go outside, and I just ask him about how his Friday was, as he went to a certain place on a certain drug, nothing too harmful I am just trying my best to conceal his identity. And he apparently had a wonderful time and I was really happy he enjoyed himself and that he was home all in one piece and such.
We didn't really talk much about Homosexuality or anything, just his trip, and then we planned a trip for this coming weekend to Six Flags in Anaheim, possibly with my friend that I met him through. (So first friend and Mormon Boy)
He said we would discuss it sometime this week, but seeing as he doesn't have a phone for me to call, I thought I would just head over to his house to talk about it.
But Aside from the Six Flags trip, I am thinking of admitting my feelings for him. He is one of my only friends here in OC, the only one who knows I am gay of course. But given all of the info I told you, his "semi-homosexuality" and then the whole religion backgrounds between us and such, would it be a good idea?
I have no clue how he feels about me. I must mean SOMETHING to him though since he told me about him being gay when he is totally closeted too.
Like I pretty much don't know what to do. I think about him all the time, and I always want to talk to him since he is the easiest person to talk to, and I just really want to kiss him...random I know, but he is just....perfect!
July 29th, I am going out of town for 3 weeks though, and I am hoping to just get some progress in, something that will keep our friendship in tact while I am gone.
I guess I just would like to know, what should I do next?? Should I admit my feelings for him? Should I wait till maybe he does (if he has any?)
I am just totally conflicted. And all of my family drama is just making me want to go see him more, because I really just need someone to talk to, and I need to get out of my house.
Please Help fellow JUBers!
I cannot believe I wrote that much either
I hope it is thorough enough for you all. If you have any questions that will help you to help me, just ask here!
