A comforting comment from a str8 Brit

[oops]

So we were having a company black-tie function/party and i sat down with my colleagues from London (I work for a major investment bank on wall street). At some point everyone seemed a little bit tipsy. Then the conversation of "gay friends" started...

Apparently this guy, with heavy British accent and Cambridge Univ degree, recently discovered that his "best mate" was gay because he accidentally discovered gay porn on his computer. Then another guy from our table joked about how he should avoid late night hanging out with his friend. Then this guy stopped smiling, pointing at the guy who made the comment, and said (semi-seriously): Hey, I'm not homophobic!

It made my day.

 

[kainalu]

I'm starting to think maybe the day in age will be soon that it is once again accepted. It seems less people are evil about it. at least here...

or it could all be perspective

 

[backpacker]

That's a great story. Thanks for sharing.

 

[luminum]

Maybe we'll all see acceptance within our lifetimes.

 

[G-Lexington]

Great story.

I see so much acceptance out there. I'm not blind to the hatred and ignorance, but it's fair outweighed by the acceptance, at least in my city. And even some of the ignorant folks are trying. "I figure it's OK - you can't help being queer." Hey, sure beats coming after me with a basebal bat, right? At least they're trying.

Lex

 

[MirrorMan]

I'm starting to think maybe the day in age will be soon that it is once again accepted. It seems less people are evil about it. at least here...

or it could all be perspective

You've never visited Georgia have you?

 

[spreadeagle]

My recollection is that British financial institutions have been absolutely rocked in recent years by revelations of entrenched homophobia and sexism which have resulted in some devastating damages paid for wrongful dismissal or constructive self-dismissal. I'm not surprised that a British banker would enlightened (i.e. extremely cautious) about publicly voicing any poltiticaly incorrect statements that could be open to misconstruciton.

And where were you in the conversation?

 

[dadbear69]

Great story.
I work International have found as a whole other countries/cultures to be way way more understanding than in the States.

 

[oops]

My recollection is that British financial institutions have been absolutely rocked in recent years by revelations of entrenched homophobia and sexism which have resulted in some devastating damages paid for wrongful dismissal or constructive self-dismissal. I'm not surprised that a British banker would enlightened (i.e. extremely cautious) about publicly voicing any poltiticaly incorrect statements that could be open to misconstruciton.

And where were you in the conversation?

Interesting observation; but i do think he's genuinely cool about his friend being gay and the whole situation other than trying to be politically correct.

P.S. This conversation happened downtown Manhattan.

 

[G-Lexington]

I may be wrong, oops, but I think when SE asked "Where were you in the conversation?", he meant "What role were you playing in the conversation?" And this may be presumptuous to say FOR SE, so I'll pick up the mantle and take it forward.

Opinions that don't get challenged never get changed. It takes a guy like this one to get people to start thinking about their beliefs. A rock band was coming through town, and since I knew their sound guy, I offered to let him sleep on my couch. The band thought this guy was insane - "Why would you sleep there? Aren't you afraid something might happen?" He could've just laughed it off, or changed his sleeping arrangements. But he didn't. He said, "Dude, I'm not his type. I'm STRAIGHT. He knows that. He's gay, not a rapist." This made the guys THINK. And then, when they met me, they suddenly realized hey, gays are OK.

But it takes someone to push them into it.

Lex

 

[oops]

I may be wrong, oops, but I think when SE asked "Where were you in the conversation?", he meant "What role were you playing in the conversation?" And this may be presumptuous to say FOR SE, so I'll pick up the mantle and take it forward.

Opinions that don't get challenged never get changed. It takes a guy like this one to get people to start thinking about their beliefs. A rock band was coming through town, and since I knew their sound guy, I offered to let him sleep on my couch. The band thought this guy was insane - "Why would you sleep there? Aren't you afraid something might happen?" He could've just laughed it off, or changed his sleeping arrangements. But he didn't. He said, "Dude, I'm not his type. I'm STRAIGHT. He knows that. He's gay, not a rapist." This made the guys THINK. And then, when they met me, they suddenly realized hey, gays are OK.

But it takes someone to push them into it.

Lex

Oops...i should've read more carefully. i didn't really comment on anything at dinner b/c i'm not out at work (or elsewhere) and nobody suspected me. it would have been extremely difficult for me to come out, especially at work, since banking is rather conservative and so far i've been playing it safe. i don't know how, when, and where i could ever come out at work. Investment bankers are not exactly an amicable and understanding crowd; in fact, a lot of them are very condescending and, well, plain jerks (which is why i was so impressed by the particular British banker)...yeah i know in a way i'm a coward. ***sigh.

P.S. Thanks for sharing your story Lex and i do wish there are more open-minded guys like our friends here.

 

[oops]

Oops, I work in a manufacturing environment, and Im not out at work either. Whilst in AUS generally tolerance is high for gay people, it doesnt extend to my type of workplace....I dont think Im a coward... why does who I sleep with matter at work?... Thanks for sharing the comment anyways.. .i always feel them same when I hear acceptance being shared with others.. it always makes me smile....

This reminds me: for those of you straight-acting/closeted guys at work like me, how do you handle hanging out with your coworkers at bars and flirting with girls? On one hand I do want to have more time to myself and be more private; on the other hand sometimes you must socialize with your coworkers so that ppl don't find you a loner. This is especially true in banking. we go out whenever we have time and spend a lot of hours together. I love the guys i'm working with but they do have a different life...Anyone out there can share some insights?

 

[3nipples]

Interesting observation; but i do think he's genuinely cool about his friend being gay and the whole situation other than trying to be politically correct.

P.S. This conversation happened downtown Manhattan.

He was asking about your part in the conversation and not your geographical location, as I think you know...

given that this thread is about the coolness of friends standing up for us and challenging homophobic statements, it would be interesting to hear what you contributed to this conversation...

 

[oops]

He was asking about your part in the conversation and not your geographical location, as I think you know...

given that this thread is about the coolness of friends standing up for us and challenging homophobic statements, it would be interesting to hear what you contributed to this conversation...

Here's my response--a mere copy & paste

[quote/]Oops...i should've read more carefully. i didn't really comment on anything at dinner b/c i'm not out at work (or elsewhere) and nobody suspected me. it would have been extremely difficult for me to come out, especially at work, since banking is rather conservative and so far i've been playing it safe. i don't know how, when, and where i could ever come out at work. Investment bankers are not exactly an amicable and understanding crowd; in fact, a lot of them are very condescending and, well, plain jerks (which is why i was so impressed by the particular British banker)...yeah i know in a way i'm a coward. ***sigh.[/quote]

I was disappointed at myself too but it seemed to me that I had little choice.

 

[oops]

He was asking about your part in the conversation and not your geographical location, as I think you know...

given that this thread is about the coolness of friends standing up for us and challenging homophobic statements, it would be interesting to hear what you contributed to this conversation...

Here's my response--a mere copy & paste:

Oops...i should've read more carefully. i didn't really comment on anything at dinner b/c i'm not out at work (or elsewhere) and nobody suspected me. it would have been extremely difficult for me to come out, especially at work, since banking is rather conservative and so far i've been playing it safe. i don't know how, when, and where i could ever come out at work. Investment bankers are not exactly an amicable and understanding crowd; in fact, a lot of them are very condescending and, well, plain jerks (which is why i was so impressed by the particular British banker)...yeah i know in a way i'm a coward. ***sigh.

P.S. Thanks for sharing your story Lex and i do wish there are more open-minded guys like our friends here.

I was disappointed at myself too but it seemed to me that I had little choice. I wish I could be brave enough to stand up and say sth supportive. o well...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>This reminds me: for those of you straight-acting/closeted guys at work like me, how do you handle hanging out with your coworkers at bars and flirting with girls? On one hand I do want to have more time to myself and be more private; on the other hand sometimes you must socialize with your coworkers so that ppl don't find you a loner. This is especially true in banking. we go out whenever we have time and spend a lot of hours together. I love the guys i'm working with but they do have a different life...Anyone out there can share some insights?

My first job after college was at an auto-parts warehouse. In a red state.

I was out there, too.

I didn't jump up on my desk and announce my homosexuality or anything. It was more subtle than that. What happened was this. A hot woman came into the warehouse to conduct some business, and I ended up being the one who dealt with her. When we finished up, she left, and the guys started making comments. "Damn, she was FINE!", things like that. I sort of looked back to where she had been, then shrugged. "If you say so."

"Lex, didn't you think she was hot?"

"Sorry, no. Not my type."

"Are you insane? What's your type?"

I grinned. "Less breasts, more dick." I then went back to my desk and let them mull that over for the next, oh, day. My co-workers weren't the brightest bunch.

It didn't come up much. Every once in awhile, they'd ask if I found some guy hot (usually not), or they'd say, "Well, if Shaundra doesn't interest him, maybe we can send Lex." Simple stuff. I never found any of it offensive. It was just the standard sort of joking BS most co-workers do.

I think the key was that I had been there for a bit before they found out. They knew me as "Lex" first. Had they been introduced to me as "that gay guy", they might have shut the door. But instead, they knew "Lex"...and then had to reconcile the fact that Lex, the smartassy fun guy, is gay. And they did.

Lex

 

[3nipples]

I was disappointed at myself too but it seemed to me that I had little choice. I wish I could be brave enough to stand up and say sth supportive. o well...

I was like that too, but now that I'm older, I am able to stand up against these types of remarks without necessarily outing myself. Ironically, now that I'm armed and ready, I don't get subjected to them anymore...

 

[oops]

>>>

My first job after college was at an auto-parts warehouse. In a red state.

I was out there, too.

I didn't jump up on my desk and announce my homosexuality or anything. It was more subtle than that. What happened was this. A hot woman came into the warehouse to conduct some business, and I ended up being the one who dealt with her. When we finished up, she left, and the guys started making comments. "Damn, she was FINE!", things like that. I sort of looked back to where she had been, then shrugged. "If you say so."

"Lex, didn't you think she was hot?"

"Sorry, no. Not my type."

"Are you insane? What's your type?"

I grinned. "Less breasts, more dick." I then went back to my desk and let them mull that over for the next, oh, day. My co-workers weren't the brightest bunch.

It didn't come up much. Every once in awhile, they'd ask if I found some guy hot (usually not), or they'd say, "Well, if Shaundra doesn't interest him, maybe we can send Lex." Simple stuff. I never found any of it offensive. It was just the standard sort of joking BS most co-workers do.

I think the key was that I had been there for a bit before they found out. They knew me as "Lex" first. Had they been introduced to me as "that gay guy", they might have shut the door. But instead, they knew "Lex"...and then had to reconcile the fact that Lex, the smartassy fun guy, is gay. And they did.

Lex

Wow Lex that was well handled and even well received. I only wish i could manage this as graceful as you did. But another complication is that if i out myself i will still have to face my fellow bankers more than 13 hours a day (i-banking is an extreme industry), which includes sitting together with them and talking about women and strippers and sex and relationships etc. I'm just afraid that ppl would get uncomfortable and perceive me as a non-team player, which would reflect poorly to my superiors.

I do thank you for sharing and giving me more perspectives!

I was like that too, but now that I'm older, I am able to stand up against these types of remarks without necessarily outing myself. Ironically, now that I'm armed and ready, I don't get subjected to them anymore...

Thanks 3nipples (very thought-provoking screen name btw). I'll try to get there sooner.