TheBigDSergey
On the Prowl
Saw a similar thread posted about this topic in terms of relationships and thought I'd take this opportunity to share my own feelings about what's going on with me, in hopes that my point will be understood.
I have deciphered that I just seem to have a huge sign on my back reading "Target", and I don't mean the store. All my life, I have been the guy who just gets left out of everything with no real rhyme or reason for it. It's been the same way since I started interacting with other kids in daycare, and only accelerated through grade school and through my aborted attempt at attending college.
All of my life so far, two of my biggest wishes were to develop close friendships and to "fit in" with some kind of group(s). But no matter how much I've tried, that has failed. As a result, I have been quite lonely all of my life, and have never gotten to enjoy making the fun memories of youth. Hell, I've never even celebrated a birthday, due to having no friends to celebrate a birthday with!
It's not that I don't make an effort to develop a social life, because I've been attempting that since I could first talk. In elementary and middle school, whenever I tried to approach other kids on the playground, they'd outright tell me a lot of things, pretty much all of which boil down to "you're not 'cool enough' to hang with us". Come high school and college, it was pretty much the same thing. I even tried the whole "student organizations" thing, but I found out the hard way that they are very exclusive themselves--or, as I referred to them once, "cliques with an official registration". No matter how much I did exactly what one is supposed to do to to develop a social life, my peers always put the kibosh on it, because I didn't fit their definition of "cool". All that was around me were people who arbitrarily decided I wasn't good enough for them, closed cliques, and other bullies.
Even when I thought I'd found a person/group who "accepted" me, I would be treated like a fifth wheel and a pest. Several times, I have been compared to gum that someone picks up from walking down a sidewalk.
To this day, my situation has not changed much. Despite still making an effort, I just get shot down pretty much every time. Even when I appear to have developed a friendship, the other person will usually pull a Benedict Arnold on me within a year or two, and most of the time much, much sooner.
I've been doing everything by the book--I HAVE been "putting myself out there" and trying to "make thing happen", but it takes two to tango, and my dancing partner just hopped on the number 62 express bus bound for the 'burbs. Despite my best and constant efforts to finally find a place to belong, and finally try and plant fruitful seeds of close friendship, my peers decide I'm not deserving of such and put a stop to it. The established cliques and the vile people who surround me simply don't want to allow it.
The whole point of this post is to encourage those of y'all who are blessed/lucky enough to have true friendship and belonging in your lives to consider the people like me out there, who get treated like worthless trash by the vast, vast, vast majority of people out there. We're taught from an early age that sharing is a good thing, and more people need to share the love, the friendship, the belonging, because there are people like me out there.
Sure, there are people, in our Dr. Phil culture, who say that I'm failing because of 'lack of confidence' and similar crap, but the simple truth is that there are people who are simply denied belonging and friendship by their peers--nothing to do with their 'attitude' or anything like that, and that offering friendship and places to belong for such "outcasts" is simply the right thing to do.
If you see an "outcast" like me, reach out, so that they may no longer be an outcast, because the simple truth is that it's not always on the person who is outcast, it's often the people around them just denying them love and friendship.
I'm just asking y'all out there to do the right thing. There are many outcasts out there who just need someone to reach out and touch the hand they have reaching out, themselves. Hell, you're looking a post from one right now... a post from one who is in great, great despair this morning from being so alone, with not even close family ties for support, and is ready to totally give up, because it seems that I just won't be allowed by those around me to really have what I need to be happy--friendship...
I have deciphered that I just seem to have a huge sign on my back reading "Target", and I don't mean the store. All my life, I have been the guy who just gets left out of everything with no real rhyme or reason for it. It's been the same way since I started interacting with other kids in daycare, and only accelerated through grade school and through my aborted attempt at attending college.
All of my life so far, two of my biggest wishes were to develop close friendships and to "fit in" with some kind of group(s). But no matter how much I've tried, that has failed. As a result, I have been quite lonely all of my life, and have never gotten to enjoy making the fun memories of youth. Hell, I've never even celebrated a birthday, due to having no friends to celebrate a birthday with!
It's not that I don't make an effort to develop a social life, because I've been attempting that since I could first talk. In elementary and middle school, whenever I tried to approach other kids on the playground, they'd outright tell me a lot of things, pretty much all of which boil down to "you're not 'cool enough' to hang with us". Come high school and college, it was pretty much the same thing. I even tried the whole "student organizations" thing, but I found out the hard way that they are very exclusive themselves--or, as I referred to them once, "cliques with an official registration". No matter how much I did exactly what one is supposed to do to to develop a social life, my peers always put the kibosh on it, because I didn't fit their definition of "cool". All that was around me were people who arbitrarily decided I wasn't good enough for them, closed cliques, and other bullies.
Even when I thought I'd found a person/group who "accepted" me, I would be treated like a fifth wheel and a pest. Several times, I have been compared to gum that someone picks up from walking down a sidewalk.
To this day, my situation has not changed much. Despite still making an effort, I just get shot down pretty much every time. Even when I appear to have developed a friendship, the other person will usually pull a Benedict Arnold on me within a year or two, and most of the time much, much sooner.
I've been doing everything by the book--I HAVE been "putting myself out there" and trying to "make thing happen", but it takes two to tango, and my dancing partner just hopped on the number 62 express bus bound for the 'burbs. Despite my best and constant efforts to finally find a place to belong, and finally try and plant fruitful seeds of close friendship, my peers decide I'm not deserving of such and put a stop to it. The established cliques and the vile people who surround me simply don't want to allow it.
The whole point of this post is to encourage those of y'all who are blessed/lucky enough to have true friendship and belonging in your lives to consider the people like me out there, who get treated like worthless trash by the vast, vast, vast majority of people out there. We're taught from an early age that sharing is a good thing, and more people need to share the love, the friendship, the belonging, because there are people like me out there.
Sure, there are people, in our Dr. Phil culture, who say that I'm failing because of 'lack of confidence' and similar crap, but the simple truth is that there are people who are simply denied belonging and friendship by their peers--nothing to do with their 'attitude' or anything like that, and that offering friendship and places to belong for such "outcasts" is simply the right thing to do.
If you see an "outcast" like me, reach out, so that they may no longer be an outcast, because the simple truth is that it's not always on the person who is outcast, it's often the people around them just denying them love and friendship.
I'm just asking y'all out there to do the right thing. There are many outcasts out there who just need someone to reach out and touch the hand they have reaching out, themselves. Hell, you're looking a post from one right now... a post from one who is in great, great despair this morning from being so alone, with not even close family ties for support, and is ready to totally give up, because it seems that I just won't be allowed by those around me to really have what I need to be happy--friendship...
