dhchitown1984
Slut
I need advice. I'm going to try to prevent this from being a long post, but I think is may not be possible, so I'll apologize for that now, but any and all viewpoints would be appreciated.
I currently live with a friend of mine who I met Freshmen year of high school (which was in 1999). We've been friends since, albeit a bit of distance during the college years. In 2008 we decided to be roommates and rented an apartment.
We're both gay. I always knew he was, he claimed he didn't know I was, which I think was a less-than-honest reaction, but whatever. I've been out dating guys and seeing people and whatnot, but I was reaching a point with someone who I *thought* was different and I was become very emotionally involved with (which is a whole other post in and of itself, so I'll leave that be).
I had told my roommate that there was this guy who I really liked, yadda yadda yadda, and apparently I sent him into an emotional roller coaster. Two weekends ago, my roommate kept insisting I go out with him and his friends, so I did. We got back home, we were both drunk, and he immediately came into my room and started making out with me. I stopped it right away, and asked what he was doing and he was saying things like "let's start over." I tried to get him to explain what he meant, but he kept trying to make advances. I told him I was seeing somebody, and that I wasn't going to allow anything between us to happen.
Last night, he sat up until I got home (about 2am) and when I was going to bed, he asked if we could talk and he went into this whole thing about how he's "confused, but not really confused" and he doesn't know what he wants, but when I said I was emotionally invested in someone else, he realized he "effed up and missed his chance with me."
Now, I'm relatively New to being out, and discussing it outloud with people, but I knew it had to be addressed and he basically told me that when we moved in together two years ago, it made things very "real." And he couldn't explain it, but to find out I was involved with somebody else sent him into a mental breakdown. He said that he wanted to be with someone, but it wasn't just about having sex, which I then asked why his approach was to try to make out with me after I turned the lights off in my bedroom for the ngiht. It just wasnt adding up.
Long story short, he's never said he's gay outloud. He even said yesterday "I shouldn't have to put a label on myself." So I figured it would just be best for me to be blunt with him, and I told him that I wasn't interested, and unfortunately, he didn't "miss his chance with me" because I wouldn't have gone for it two years ago. He kept telling me that he can be there for me, etc. etc. etc. and I told him that he can't "be there" for anyone else until you stop being "confused." I explained that figuring out who you are (and I was referring to it as Accepting your homosexuality... whether he took it that why or not, i don't know) is a process and you can't do that inside of a relationship, that it's intensely personal, and it's about realizing the path society has told you to take isn't an option for you, and once you can appreciate the traits you've been given, you can't "be there" for somebody else. I told him how it took me a long time to get there, and I'm looking for someone who's either been down the same road I've been down already, or someone who's at the same point on the road, but it would be unfair to both of us to do that.
He then went into how he always thought I'd be there for him, to a certain degree as a "backup" and how when I told him I was with someone else, he realized he's never been told "no" by people before... and that's when I realized he created a sort-of fantasy/reality/life story for himself that included me in it. But I remained polite, yet blunt, and just said it' extremely unfair for him to tell me that I ruined his plans, and caused a mental breakdown, when he went off and created this alternate-reality where I had a starring role, yet he never told me. And everything I did in real life was tied into this alternate-reality, but he never told me I was playing the game.
I want to be there for him as a friend... I just don't know what to do to help him on this little mental journey he's going down right now. I want to make sure I don't give off any signals I don't intend to, but I want to be there. I have no clue what to do.
I currently live with a friend of mine who I met Freshmen year of high school (which was in 1999). We've been friends since, albeit a bit of distance during the college years. In 2008 we decided to be roommates and rented an apartment.
We're both gay. I always knew he was, he claimed he didn't know I was, which I think was a less-than-honest reaction, but whatever. I've been out dating guys and seeing people and whatnot, but I was reaching a point with someone who I *thought* was different and I was become very emotionally involved with (which is a whole other post in and of itself, so I'll leave that be).
I had told my roommate that there was this guy who I really liked, yadda yadda yadda, and apparently I sent him into an emotional roller coaster. Two weekends ago, my roommate kept insisting I go out with him and his friends, so I did. We got back home, we were both drunk, and he immediately came into my room and started making out with me. I stopped it right away, and asked what he was doing and he was saying things like "let's start over." I tried to get him to explain what he meant, but he kept trying to make advances. I told him I was seeing somebody, and that I wasn't going to allow anything between us to happen.
Last night, he sat up until I got home (about 2am) and when I was going to bed, he asked if we could talk and he went into this whole thing about how he's "confused, but not really confused" and he doesn't know what he wants, but when I said I was emotionally invested in someone else, he realized he "effed up and missed his chance with me."
Now, I'm relatively New to being out, and discussing it outloud with people, but I knew it had to be addressed and he basically told me that when we moved in together two years ago, it made things very "real." And he couldn't explain it, but to find out I was involved with somebody else sent him into a mental breakdown. He said that he wanted to be with someone, but it wasn't just about having sex, which I then asked why his approach was to try to make out with me after I turned the lights off in my bedroom for the ngiht. It just wasnt adding up.
Long story short, he's never said he's gay outloud. He even said yesterday "I shouldn't have to put a label on myself." So I figured it would just be best for me to be blunt with him, and I told him that I wasn't interested, and unfortunately, he didn't "miss his chance with me" because I wouldn't have gone for it two years ago. He kept telling me that he can be there for me, etc. etc. etc. and I told him that he can't "be there" for anyone else until you stop being "confused." I explained that figuring out who you are (and I was referring to it as Accepting your homosexuality... whether he took it that why or not, i don't know) is a process and you can't do that inside of a relationship, that it's intensely personal, and it's about realizing the path society has told you to take isn't an option for you, and once you can appreciate the traits you've been given, you can't "be there" for somebody else. I told him how it took me a long time to get there, and I'm looking for someone who's either been down the same road I've been down already, or someone who's at the same point on the road, but it would be unfair to both of us to do that.
He then went into how he always thought I'd be there for him, to a certain degree as a "backup" and how when I told him I was with someone else, he realized he's never been told "no" by people before... and that's when I realized he created a sort-of fantasy/reality/life story for himself that included me in it. But I remained polite, yet blunt, and just said it' extremely unfair for him to tell me that I ruined his plans, and caused a mental breakdown, when he went off and created this alternate-reality where I had a starring role, yet he never told me. And everything I did in real life was tied into this alternate-reality, but he never told me I was playing the game.
I want to be there for him as a friend... I just don't know what to do to help him on this little mental journey he's going down right now. I want to make sure I don't give off any signals I don't intend to, but I want to be there. I have no clue what to do.
