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A Guilty Conscience

Horse90

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Lately, I sorta been down and beating myself up because of a particular event that occured about three weeks ago. At a friend's 18th, me and said friend were fooling around, fake flirting, the like, when it suddenly got a bit more serious. At this point, a girl I used to be friends with walks in. She's married, and barely pregnant, not to me or my friend, but she wants to join in.
Me, being me, can't say no, and she essentially joins in. Things get bumped up to the zenith, and as she and he are doing it, my guilt kicks in, and I stop participating, because I don't want to do that to her husband.

It's a complex thing, actually. She has wanted me for years, but I've always knocked her back, especially after she, and several other friends, backstabbed me, sending me into a depression for 6 months. My guy friend, on the other hand, has always liked her.

So, I guess I'm feeling guilty about my role in this. I stopped before we went all the way, but what we did do, oral, hand and some reluctant kissing from my side, makes me feel guilty as all hell. I feel guilty as all hell about her husband, about her involvement, and overall, my behaviour. I don't wanna be the kind of guy to do that.
To make it even more confusing, it was my first time doing actual sexual stuff, with either gender. So, I dunno. I'm feeling really bad, and I hope venting might get rid of some of that. I'm just angriest at myself.
 
Take it as a learning experience. (what not to do) Don't beat yourself up.
 
Barely pregnant - Only 1.5 months through her pregnancy.
And thanks Alley, I've told my friend, and she said I was punishing myself enough. I still can't stop feeling bad though.
 
So the woman who stabbed you in the back and sent you into a depression tried to have full-on sex with you despite being married and pregnant.

...why is she your friend again?

Lex
 
So the woman who stabbed you in the back and sent you into a depression tried to have full-on sex with you despite being married and pregnant.

...why is she your friend again?

Lex

Amen. 2009 sounds like it should be a year for house cleaning.
 
She's not my friend anymore, even though she tries to be. When I said I talked to a friend about it, it was a different friend, not the girl who's pregnant.
I've been trying to get her to leave me alone, but she doesn't seem to catch a hint. I've been angry at her for almost two years now, and she still doesn't know why, despite several people explaining it to her, some have even tried multiple times. She just doesn't catch the hint.
 
So the woman who stabbed you in the back and sent you into a depression tried to have full-on sex with you despite being married and pregnant.

...why is she your friend again?

Lex

Beat me to it again, Lex.

As they say, "Lay down with dogs, wake up with fleas".

Don't be surprised when you have to scratch. :D
 
Maybe she doesn't catch the hint because, when she tries to have sex with you...you do.

Lex
 
It's too bad that that was your first sexual experience--with either (or both!) sexes. It can be much better than that. Love, respect, all of that.

Pat yourself on the back for being smart enough to back away. I think you deserve more credit than some are giving you here. Sure, you fucked up, but you realized it pretty quickly.

See? Listen to yourself. Follow your path. Good luck.
 
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