A guy has invited me over to his place....

[ChickenGuy]

This is VERY unexpected. I have NEVER been asked out before in my life.

(he's on one of the gay sports groups I go to)

I mean, I DO actually like him, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed, but this is SUCH a surprise. He wants me to go over for dinner tomorrow.

Why would he POSSIBLY be interested in ME? I'm sure that guys percieve me (truthfully) as being a bit awkward, anti-social, distant, quiet, and not really good-looking. And I don't consider this guy to be in my 'league' (i.e. he can find a lot more confident, self-assured and outgoing guys than me)

I know I should be glad that someone's finally asked me out, but I just can't help worrying that he might have some other motive. It makes no sense to have chosen ME over everyone else.

And yes, I know that what I've written has glaringly showed up my lack of self-esteem.

I suppose there's no use endlessly speculating. I'll find out soon enough what his reasons are, lol. I wonder if they're sexual. Is he trying to eventually take advantage and pressurise me into doing stuff with him?

Now I feel guilty that I'm being so cynical and depressive about it. I SHOULD be over the moon. But all of the recent business with my former landlord kicking me out and keeping over £1,000 of my money and furniture has left me very wary and cautious about blindingly trusting people (P.S. it's going to legal action at the courts)

ANYWAY....

I WILL have a good time - I know I'll put all my neurotic concerns aside once I walk through the door. He's cooking up dinner, so it'll be general chat and getting to know one another (he's also Scottish as well ) so I'm sure things will go fine. Just my usual over-analysing going into overdrive - I'm just slightly shocked and taken aback by this sudden turn of events.

I'll post back soon....

 

[Rolyo85]

Just go and enjoy yourself And also - self-esteem is sexy, and sometimes all it takes is a mental switch. Maybe he does actually like you, you know.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Wow! Don't you ever tire of the nonstop voice in your head telling you what a piece of shit you are? Stop indulging such negative and self-destructive thoughts, nay, make that obsessions. You're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn, people like you.

Stop thinking, start living.

 

[glorificus]

^ yeah think positive and more people will start noticing you - but don't over do it and be narcissistic or anything.

I'd say go for it if you want to, it's just dinner at this stage

 

[rareboy]

I still think that you should try to get some professional counselling to sort out your low self-esteem issues.

After all the strides you've made over the last few years, it seems as though you have this desire to torpedo any real chance at being content and happy.

 

[SuperDave]

Enjoy it hun, just be yourself and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with!

 

[Corny]

what the fuck? you will fucking go there and enjoy the evening!
he might be able to get whatever mr model material from some hookup and fuck around with him and what not. BUT he chose you. someone he knows and someone that he likes - and not an anonymous fuck. he chose you to get to know you better, and you'd be silly if you think you don't deserve it. IF and only IF he has sexual motives only (which I doubt), you can still back out - if you want to.

stop thinking in "leagues" - it's a HUGE turn off

 

[HunterM]

Go and have fun. Don't anticipate so much. Just take it at face value. Treat it as a buddy hang out.

 

[ben9651]

GO ENJOY URSELF ! although i kinda agree with the whole trust issue .. you cant trust really trust strangers!
he`s totally gonna make a move ..haha .
dont forget to post about what happened

 

[treanir]

Stop over-thinking things! He liked you and he asked you out.

Lesson I learned (and am still learning): beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. A terrible cliché yes, but oh so true. Even more important than what's on the outside is the kind of person that you are. He saw that and liked it. Last year I saw that you're a kind, gentle person, and that's so much more attractive than a model face (which doesn't do anything for me personally, but that's a different topic).

So go, and enjoy yourself.

 

[anchihiro]

Don't be such a chicken.....


So you definately know its just you two alone? Any others from the team going?


You know I enjoy cooking and wouldn't mind inviting others over so i can cook for more people. Nothing sexual at all. So maybe he is too, just wanted to invite you over to his house as mates from sports teams do.

 

[genthree]

don't over analyse, don't go to some dumb fuck shrink, forget yourself, buy some good booze and tell yourself it is party time with a happy ending..............and we want all the details !

 

[ben9651]

LMFAO ! i would totally "like" ur post if i could ... to GENTHREE

 

[treanir]

Two more things:

Why would he POSSIBLY be interested in ME? I'm sure that guys percieve me (truthfully) as being a bit awkward, anti-social, distant, quiet, and not really good-looking. [...] It makes no sense to have chosen ME over everyone else. [...] Now I feel guilty that I'm being so cynical and depressive about it.

What jumped out at me was "it makes no sense to have chosen ME". That's some serious negative thoughts about yourself! I agree with rareboy here. I think that some sort of counselling will help you overcome your lack of self-esteem. I don't think it's going to go away on its own - it didn't for me. It can't hurt, right?

I just can't help worrying that he might have some other motive. [...] I'll find out soon enough what his reasons are, lol. [...]Is he trying to eventually take advantage and pressurise me into doing stuff with him?

You met in a social setting, presumably had some social interactions before he asked you out. I doubt he has nefarious intentions. If this were a dating site hookup I would advise caution, but since you met at a sports club and, more importantly, since you will see each other there again, you'll be fine.


Now bask in the glow. A guy you liked asked you out. Try to sit back and enjoy that fact. It will make your face light up and that's always a good thing.

 

[Seasoned]

This is a good thing. It's always a special thing when someone relates a meal, no matter the menu. I'm looking forward to the post dinner report. Enjoy and have a good time.

 

[ChickenGuy]

....and of course, it turned out to be a pleasant and relaxing evening. I never had anything to worry about.

Silly me freaking out. My opening post seems a bit foolish now.

He's really just an extremely sociable guy with MANY friends and acquaintances - his phone was bleeping with texts from people all the time. He's a very genuine and open and down-to-earth guy. And it was JUST a meal and getting to know each other - like he was having a friend round. He said that he knew I was an honest and trustworthy guy from the moment he saw me. Very kind of him to say that. And I'm glad someone was thoughtful enough to invite me round like that. We both talked about our lives, experiences, etc. That's all it was - no big deal.

Hopefully, I can only get better with time at reading people and properly judging situations.

 

[star-warrior]

Glad you had a pleasant evening, CG!

 

[swerve]

Did he make some of that Black Pudding you told me about???

 

[Corny]

see it as an exercise glad that you went, and glad that you had a nice evening!

 

[ben9651]

gahhh .. thats it ?! oh well ! we all misjudge situations .. trust me, i should know!