This is a very personal story. I hope YOU aren't reading this (and you know who you are) but it's the internet and I cannot stop you, however I may try. Please respect my writing about this, I will not use names but I need to get this out. Thanks.
As to everyone else, I hope you enjoy this story. But I truly hope you cannot relate. I do not wish these feelings upon anybody, anywhere.
Anywhoo (Anonymous, that's caught on! Grr) here goes....
A Harlequin Romance.
Preface:
I awoke on the dismal grey Tuesday morning, expecting absolutely nothing from my day. That was the way it had been for a while. It was as though my whole life had become numb. Deaf, and blind to the world. I threw off the quilt, swung my legs out and sat there for a moment, taking it all in. The boring, drab grey surroundings, the dark clouds outside, the rain. The recent spell of wet, cold and stormy weather seemed to reflect the way I was feeling as of late, and it didn’t show the slightest signs of letting up anytime soon. I focused my bleak morning eyesight on my clock which helpfully informed me that it was thirty-seven minutes past six in the morning.
I groaned, before laboriously stepping out of bed and walking across the room to the door. Before I walked through the frame I looked mournfully at my bed, groaned again, then made my clumsy way into the kitchen. Breakfast was the usual affair. Toast with thinly spread Peanut Butter, a coffee and two cigarettes. I pointed the remote brusquely at the television which immediately began to relay my favorite morning show to me. While the television announced the news to the rest of the empty room, I busied myself with getting the remainder of myself ready for the day at school. School, I quickly realized, would be over soon, but the getting up early and the process of making myself less of a wreck each morning couldn’t stop, not ever. I died a little inside at the thought.
Soon, it was time to make my way down the street to the school bus that I had been taking every single day, at the exact same time, at the exact same stop for over five years. I sat in the same seat, which was located two up from the front on the left side of the bus, I sat down, inserted my earphones and cranked up the volume to my favorite song of the day.
The bus trip was always something I dreaded, no matter how many times I had to endure it. The children admitted onto this bus service were intolerable. That probably had a great deal to do with my strong dislike for children, incidentally, but I wasn’t going to let that bother me at the moment. It was coming up to exams and I had to concentrate.
At the moment you’re probably reading this with the rather mean assumption that I am an emotionless, self-centered, world-hating, narcissistic, bitch. Well, for the most part, you’re right. It’s mean, but you’re right. I’m about as far from human in public places as anybody could physically get. But, I have a weakness. Love. My weakness is any form of love, be it lust, affection, endearment, ardor or desire, it had the ability to destroy me. The current situation that I was in the midst of, had not only the ability to destroy me, but it would place a stick of C4 in the raw foundations of my being and detonate it. The reason? Oh yes, the reason - I had a crush, on a boy. For three long years I had silently fought with my desires to be with men, and I had finally come to terms with it around two months ago. Yesterday, was the day I told my former-crush that I liked him. Up until that crucial moment in my life I had been sure of myself, sure that I was gay, sure that I wanted to be with a boy once I fell in love. So being chewed out changed all that. Instead of feeling a sense of euphoria, I had theoretically been stabbed and left for dead.
I shook my head in a vain attempt to dispel that particular thought. “Exams.” I whispered to myself, then I focused back on my iPod and chose one last song to play before I disembarked at school. I smiled ruefully at my choice. Soon, we pulled into the bus bay and I was, as usual, the first off and into the four-degree-celsius surroundings. Today, was going to kill me.
Chapter 1: Enter the dream.
“Sorry, bus was late” I told my teacher who was glaring furiously at me as I walked through the door. His gaze didn’t let up so I walked to my seat and sat down. First hour English wasn’t for a few minutes so I could talk...no, I’m going to stop that thought right there. “Who talks to me?” I thought to myself. I didn’t even need to answer myself because even the hair on my arm knew the answer. Nobody. My solitary chair at the back of the room didn’t help my situation, but it was where I felt most comfortable. If I were dropped in the heart of a massive city with every single person mingling around me, there was no way I would survive. I’d lose it, flip out. I couldn’t take it. Even in the least confronting situations, I’d find some way to back out, leave or shun society some more. The bell rang, and I was one of the first back out the door and off to the first class. I was inattentively walking down the corridor when I saw him walking towards me. I had two choices. Turn around and walk the long way, or continue to walk past and not even spare a thought to his existence. I chose the latter, only because I was most unwilling to walk further than I had to already. I picked a point on the windowed wall ahead of me and focused upon it with an iron-clad stare until I had passed him. I could feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of my face and the back of my head but I didn’t care, I continued down the stairs and successfully blended in with the stampeding students walking up the stairs at the time.
“This will work” I thought to myself. “I can’t look at him, I can’t bring myself to talk to him, I’ll have to entirely avoid seeing, thinking or talking to him if I can mange it”. I took a deep breath, and walked into my first hour English class, took my seat at the back of the room and chose to sleep, like several other students in a stupor on the other side of the room, one with a distinctive trail of drool leading from his luscious lips to his textbooks. No, I’d have to keep those distinct thoughts locked away. I organized my books into a tottering pile that obscured the view of my head on the desk, then placed my rolled up jumper on the table and used that as my pillow for the first half hour. I wasn’t entirely sure when I fell asleep.
I was in a large, dark room or space with frigid stone paving under my feet. “Outside” I said to myself, my voice had that echo one only heard in dreams. The dark receded and revealed while it did so, a large, unfamiliar city square to me. I looked around for a time, taking in what my mind had managed to create for me. I noticed a certain tower in the distance. “Paris?” I asked aloud, expecting no response, as this was my dream. Therefore when I heard footsteps I abruptly turned to see the unwelcome intruder. It was, him. It took me a few moments to notice that he was standing with his back to me, so I called out and he turned around. Wearing a diamond-patterned costume and a frightening mask he just stared in my direction, barely acknowledging myself in front of him. I took a step toward him and my dream abruptly ended. The mid-hour bell sounded, rudely dragging me out of my leisurely stroll through an eerily quiet Paris with the person I currently despised.
I snatched my chronicle out from my stack of books and flicked to the page that could be filled out by the supervising teacher which would allow me to use a laptop during the remainder of the hour. I took it up to the teacher and passed it over. A moment later and I was walking down to the library where I could redeem this most-special of vouchers. As I opened the door, I noticed him walking toward me on my right. I placed an austere expression on my face, firmly placed my back to him and deftly closed the door with a flick of my wrist before walking of at a brisk pace for the library. “Come on, Ben, you’re barely holding yourself together!” I thought over in my head which infuriated me.
I counted the steps on my way down to the library to distract me. I walked in, redeemed my voucher and left moments later with a laptop placed in the crook of my arm. The walk back was as thought-provoking as the walk down so I took to quietly singing lyrics to the song from the bus trip. “La, La, La, La-La, La-La-La. I’m so lonely I could die, I have someone like you in mind...”. I sighed, before slowly walking back into the room and taking my seat once more. I said today would kill me, and I’d already died a little.
TTYL, xx
momoman.
P.S. I'm working on an update for Camping and Reborn, please be patient. I know you all have been so far It won't take long. Just a little hard to continue Camping, any suggestions? 
As to everyone else, I hope you enjoy this story. But I truly hope you cannot relate. I do not wish these feelings upon anybody, anywhere.
Anywhoo (Anonymous, that's caught on! Grr) here goes....A Harlequin Romance.
Preface:
I awoke on the dismal grey Tuesday morning, expecting absolutely nothing from my day. That was the way it had been for a while. It was as though my whole life had become numb. Deaf, and blind to the world. I threw off the quilt, swung my legs out and sat there for a moment, taking it all in. The boring, drab grey surroundings, the dark clouds outside, the rain. The recent spell of wet, cold and stormy weather seemed to reflect the way I was feeling as of late, and it didn’t show the slightest signs of letting up anytime soon. I focused my bleak morning eyesight on my clock which helpfully informed me that it was thirty-seven minutes past six in the morning.
I groaned, before laboriously stepping out of bed and walking across the room to the door. Before I walked through the frame I looked mournfully at my bed, groaned again, then made my clumsy way into the kitchen. Breakfast was the usual affair. Toast with thinly spread Peanut Butter, a coffee and two cigarettes. I pointed the remote brusquely at the television which immediately began to relay my favorite morning show to me. While the television announced the news to the rest of the empty room, I busied myself with getting the remainder of myself ready for the day at school. School, I quickly realized, would be over soon, but the getting up early and the process of making myself less of a wreck each morning couldn’t stop, not ever. I died a little inside at the thought.
Soon, it was time to make my way down the street to the school bus that I had been taking every single day, at the exact same time, at the exact same stop for over five years. I sat in the same seat, which was located two up from the front on the left side of the bus, I sat down, inserted my earphones and cranked up the volume to my favorite song of the day.
The bus trip was always something I dreaded, no matter how many times I had to endure it. The children admitted onto this bus service were intolerable. That probably had a great deal to do with my strong dislike for children, incidentally, but I wasn’t going to let that bother me at the moment. It was coming up to exams and I had to concentrate.
At the moment you’re probably reading this with the rather mean assumption that I am an emotionless, self-centered, world-hating, narcissistic, bitch. Well, for the most part, you’re right. It’s mean, but you’re right. I’m about as far from human in public places as anybody could physically get. But, I have a weakness. Love. My weakness is any form of love, be it lust, affection, endearment, ardor or desire, it had the ability to destroy me. The current situation that I was in the midst of, had not only the ability to destroy me, but it would place a stick of C4 in the raw foundations of my being and detonate it. The reason? Oh yes, the reason - I had a crush, on a boy. For three long years I had silently fought with my desires to be with men, and I had finally come to terms with it around two months ago. Yesterday, was the day I told my former-crush that I liked him. Up until that crucial moment in my life I had been sure of myself, sure that I was gay, sure that I wanted to be with a boy once I fell in love. So being chewed out changed all that. Instead of feeling a sense of euphoria, I had theoretically been stabbed and left for dead.
I shook my head in a vain attempt to dispel that particular thought. “Exams.” I whispered to myself, then I focused back on my iPod and chose one last song to play before I disembarked at school. I smiled ruefully at my choice. Soon, we pulled into the bus bay and I was, as usual, the first off and into the four-degree-celsius surroundings. Today, was going to kill me.
Chapter 1: Enter the dream.
“Sorry, bus was late” I told my teacher who was glaring furiously at me as I walked through the door. His gaze didn’t let up so I walked to my seat and sat down. First hour English wasn’t for a few minutes so I could talk...no, I’m going to stop that thought right there. “Who talks to me?” I thought to myself. I didn’t even need to answer myself because even the hair on my arm knew the answer. Nobody. My solitary chair at the back of the room didn’t help my situation, but it was where I felt most comfortable. If I were dropped in the heart of a massive city with every single person mingling around me, there was no way I would survive. I’d lose it, flip out. I couldn’t take it. Even in the least confronting situations, I’d find some way to back out, leave or shun society some more. The bell rang, and I was one of the first back out the door and off to the first class. I was inattentively walking down the corridor when I saw him walking towards me. I had two choices. Turn around and walk the long way, or continue to walk past and not even spare a thought to his existence. I chose the latter, only because I was most unwilling to walk further than I had to already. I picked a point on the windowed wall ahead of me and focused upon it with an iron-clad stare until I had passed him. I could feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of my face and the back of my head but I didn’t care, I continued down the stairs and successfully blended in with the stampeding students walking up the stairs at the time.
“This will work” I thought to myself. “I can’t look at him, I can’t bring myself to talk to him, I’ll have to entirely avoid seeing, thinking or talking to him if I can mange it”. I took a deep breath, and walked into my first hour English class, took my seat at the back of the room and chose to sleep, like several other students in a stupor on the other side of the room, one with a distinctive trail of drool leading from his luscious lips to his textbooks. No, I’d have to keep those distinct thoughts locked away. I organized my books into a tottering pile that obscured the view of my head on the desk, then placed my rolled up jumper on the table and used that as my pillow for the first half hour. I wasn’t entirely sure when I fell asleep.
I was in a large, dark room or space with frigid stone paving under my feet. “Outside” I said to myself, my voice had that echo one only heard in dreams. The dark receded and revealed while it did so, a large, unfamiliar city square to me. I looked around for a time, taking in what my mind had managed to create for me. I noticed a certain tower in the distance. “Paris?” I asked aloud, expecting no response, as this was my dream. Therefore when I heard footsteps I abruptly turned to see the unwelcome intruder. It was, him. It took me a few moments to notice that he was standing with his back to me, so I called out and he turned around. Wearing a diamond-patterned costume and a frightening mask he just stared in my direction, barely acknowledging myself in front of him. I took a step toward him and my dream abruptly ended. The mid-hour bell sounded, rudely dragging me out of my leisurely stroll through an eerily quiet Paris with the person I currently despised.
I snatched my chronicle out from my stack of books and flicked to the page that could be filled out by the supervising teacher which would allow me to use a laptop during the remainder of the hour. I took it up to the teacher and passed it over. A moment later and I was walking down to the library where I could redeem this most-special of vouchers. As I opened the door, I noticed him walking toward me on my right. I placed an austere expression on my face, firmly placed my back to him and deftly closed the door with a flick of my wrist before walking of at a brisk pace for the library. “Come on, Ben, you’re barely holding yourself together!” I thought over in my head which infuriated me.
I counted the steps on my way down to the library to distract me. I walked in, redeemed my voucher and left moments later with a laptop placed in the crook of my arm. The walk back was as thought-provoking as the walk down so I took to quietly singing lyrics to the song from the bus trip. “La, La, La, La-La, La-La-La. I’m so lonely I could die, I have someone like you in mind...”. I sighed, before slowly walking back into the room and taking my seat once more. I said today would kill me, and I’d already died a little.
TTYL, xx
momoman.
P.S. I'm working on an update for Camping and Reborn, please be patient. I know you all have been so far
It won't take long. Just a little hard to continue Camping, any suggestions? 
The 'rest' will take more time. 
