A new direction...

[954dude]

I didn't have a stable childhood, but once I graduated, I felt triumphant. After a year of battling depression, accepting my sexuality, being confident, loving life and growing up, many times I find myself hitting a wall.

I knew I was bi since I was 11, but didn't tell a soul until early 2007, this included my sister, mother and close friends. In September, I let the whole world know and started to get involved in the gay scene. Finally meeting and dating guys was a great eye-opener for me, but I pulled myself towards the wrong ones.

Call me "innocent" or "naive", I fell for two guys in particular who came in my life silently and left it with a bang. Guy A was handsome, muscular, green eyed, but an illiterate high school dropout, hot tempered and promiscuous. Guy B was well educated, hard working, attractive, but promiscuous. Guy A and I got close, spending each day either together or on the phone. Guy B was always on the side.

Even though I found out they slept together before I knew either of them, a one-sided love for Guy A started to develop. I dated Guy B and lost my virginity to him, but was always pining for Guy A. Guy A eventually wore off on me because I found out about his drug dealing and escorting. Guy B dumped me after he had sex, that's all he wanted.

My friendship with Guy A ended, because he's classless. While Guy B and I tried to work it out, Guy A told him I have an STD, which is untrue. Guy B believed him and he harassed me on a daily basis. I wiped the both of them out of my life and anyone who's close to them. It became a nightmare of a situation and I laid low.


I haven't been to a gay club in two months, no longer employed, no car, but I remain close to God, strengthened ties with family and friends, and have remained in school. I'm content with life and have vowed to be abstinent until I'm able to be 100% secure with myself.

Somehow I feel lost. What's next for me? Where am I headed? Can I trust anyone that tries to get close to me?

 

[bokan800]

Unfortunately, there are times where you're going to encounter these type of people.

My advice for you is to let time heal you until you're ready to start again. I believe that you'll find someone you can trust, not everybody in this world are like them.

Don't lose hope. There's still plenty of people to choose from.

 

[just a guy]

Of course you can trust someone who wants to get close to you.

Life is a learning experience and it sounds like you have learned that you need to take it slower making sure that someone is worthy of your hart. I don't understand the abstinent thing but, if you are saying you don't have the money to date that is understandable. Gay or Straight people are much the same, they like sex and will do just about anything to get it. There are also a lot of guys like your self looking for a relationship. Take it slowly, relationships are built over time they don't just happen.

 

[rareboy]

Never go out with people named Guy A and Guy B.

It never works out.

 

[954dude]

Never go out with people named Guy A and Guy B.

It never works out.

Nice sarcasm hehe. I don't want to mention any names here, but coincidentally, both of them shared the same first name. I had to call them by their last names.

 

[Hot Hector]

I know how it feels. The first circle of gay friends I got into was like a dream. I wanted to shout to the world I was gay (glad I didn't!).

It ended up turning into a real mess - one of them became my first boyfriend, another used to like me and got pissed... My boyfriend then ended up dumping me for an old love of his and confessed he never loved me - was with me because of similar interests and good looks - I felt soooo bad, I was so romantic and he was the first guy I let fuck me, lol, I felt horrible. It was a heavy hit; I was suddenly apart from my friends because the bf was on their group and I wanted distance.

I took a while to repair all the damages and keep the friends but eventually I did. And surprise, nowadays my old ex (first bf) often asks me out, but considers me a 'friend'.

I got hit several times by trusting others, but many times it also gave me a wonderful time.

I don't recommend such a "100% vow of abstinence". Just go slower on the sex though, until you are confident enough again, so you don't feel used or bad if things end up wrong.

Best of luck.

 

[954dude]

Hot Hector, I've learned to trust myself and my instinct. If someone has negative personality traits I can't overlook, I stay away. Letting all my inhibitions go felt great, but I felt trampled on once I let people close to me. I thought everyone would embrace me with open arms. Just because these people are gay doesn't mean they're not cruel and fickle.

I respect my body and love the joys of sex. Taking control of and regulating my sexual side makes me feel powerful and in charge.

volcom1206, the gay community is wonderful. These two guys opened my eyes in a good way. Guy B is a closeted bisexual while Guy A has unsuccessfully hidden his drug, alcohol and sex addictions. For everything bad, there's also good. I have many gay friends and none of them are as screwed up as these two!