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A penny for your thoughts...

D

dontaskme69

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hello all...

...so I just kinda got a little situation of my own (probably not too different than most here) and i just wanted to share with someone in hopes of getting some opinions.

I should start by saying i'm a closet bisexual.

So here it goes. I have a friend that I've known for years, but only very recently (like in the past year and half) have we gotten on that kinda "best friend" status. Well in this past year and half we hang out a lot, its funny because there is a local gay bar that we go to all the time just as "our thing"...he'll call me up or vice versa and we go there just to drink and chat.

He's the type of guy with a hard exterior, but recently, we drank one night at his place by ourselves, and we were pretty drunk. He hinted that he thought I might like guys, and I did the same to him...so then we pretty much sat there talking about our penises to each other. Pretty funny, i know...drunk conversations (smh).

At first I just thought that i was just making a bigger deal of it than it really is, but then we were drinking at a friends place, standing in the kitchen talking, and one of our friends walked up and stood a while watching and listening to us, and finally says: "damn, you two should just get a fucking room, already"....and then I thought "okay, so someone else is able to see something too..."

Lastly, he's started making goading jokes now about how we should "get married"...weird, but..suggestive, maybe? idk. maybe i'm just reading too far into the situation i can't tell.

just trying to see if anyone else thinks he may be interested...:confused:
 
oh and I should also add this, because it seemed funny to me: we were out a regular bar once, and he'd been drinking pretty much the whole day, so as we were leaving, i was walking in front of him and he just open palm slaps my ass and then asks if i liked it. once again, wasn't sure whether or not to read into it since that can be a "good sport" thing too...its just that it was completely random and unprovoked.
 
Actually, your situation is probably THE most common one here in CO&R. Not necessarily the details around it, but it's a "is he or isn't he" sort of situation. How do you find out without tipping your hand? The easy answer is - you don't. You're presumably putting up a barrier to keep him from seeing your gay (or bi-) side, so you can hardly blame him for doing the same thing.

So, what do you do? Well, what do you WANT to do? Let's say he's gay (or bi). Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Your boyfriend-on-the-downlow? Do you want to remain friends and maybe just fool around once in awhile? Do you want to stay friends but be able to talk about gay/bi stuff with him?

I ask because the advice is going to vary depending on which it is. For now, I'll assume you DO want something physical to happen between you two, and just go from there. If so, there are two ways to go about it.

Method one - disclosure. Tell him you're bi. That's it. Say "I've been thinking about it a lot for years, and I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual. You're the first person I've told this to, because frankly, I think I can trust you with that bit of information." This is his cue (if he's gay/bi) to come out to you, as well. If he doesn't, you'll have to assume he's straight (or, at the very least, gay/bi and not ready to do anything about it). Your friendship will almost certainly remain intact.

Method two - action. Next time it's just the two of you, make a move on him. Bring the conversation back to dicks, and then start rubbing his. At that point, stop talking, and make it all action. And whatever you do, do NOT mention the "g-word" or the "b-word". Rub him off, suck him off, whatever you want to do. Then, when you're done, stop, zip him back up again, and keep on talking like absolutely nothing happened.

The problem with method one is it's horribly unromantic, and it's utterly "not hot". Also, if he doesn't follow suit and come out, you can't move on to technique two. At that point, you're a KNOWN GAY making a move on him. Which, for reasons that utterly elude me, is something that some people won't let happen, even if they'd let a gay-guy-that-didn't-say-he-was-gay go down on him. The problem with technique two is that it establishes the precedent. You will be friends, and perhaps occasionally you'll have sex, but never the twain shall meet. It'll be next-to-impossible to talk during or after the sexual act, and you'll find it next-to-impossible to talk about "that thing we do" when you're not doing it.

Lex
 
dontaskme69 said:
..just trying to see if anyone else thinks he may be interested...:confused:
Click to expand...

The real question here is whether you're interested.

It's classic cat and mouse. Only both of you want to be the cat.

You'll go to gay bars together. You'll tease each other. You'll find excuses to talk about your dicks. You'll use alcohol as an excuse for your behavior.

One of you can put an end to it by coming clean. But that would put an end to the games, wouldn't it?
 
If he's your friend and you've known him for years... don't you think it's probably OK to talk about this with him?

(and that myth of straight men who hang out in gay bars because they like the music is a bit hard to swallow.)
 
From what you wrote he may be interested, but your view of things may be bias. Gay guys often take things as signs when they were innocent items. The only way you will know is to have a conversation with him. I know it will hard to bring up, but I bet both of you will be happy to get rid of the pink elephant in the room. Either you will find out he is interested or you won't waste anymore time wondering. Good luck!
 
so to answer the questions asked, i AM interested...in fact...(dont laugh) i dream about him on a semi-regular basis. and i kinda agree with the cat and mouse thing, i've felt exactly like that. even when we text each other when we are drunk, things get suggestive, and i've thought: "i dare him to say it...just say it..." because we will beat completely around the bush, but i feel like he can't POSSIBLY be oblivious to what is happening. like the other night we were drunk, and he texted me when i finally got home, and said something funny about my state of drunkeness, though i forgot what it was, and then i said jokingly to him "i hate you" and he replies "well i like you" and then i shied away from it and took it somewhere completely different, even though deep down, thats exactly where i wanted him to take it. maybe that was my "in"...lol
 
dontaskme69 said:
y, do i sound childish?#-o
Click to expand...

Well no.. not exactly. I do get it that this is not only going after a guy you want as a Boyfriend or even more PLUS it's got the added pressure of coming out to a friend.

But you ARE kind acting like a shy teenager and not an adult. You know what you want, it's time to stop dropping hints like a guy trying to get up the nerve to ask a cheerleader to the sock hop and grab the bull by the horns.
 
JasunStrikesBack said:
Well no.. not exactly. I do get it that this is not only going after a guy you want as a Boyfriend or even more PLUS it's got the added pressure of coming out to a friend.

But you ARE kind acting like a shy teenager and not an adult. You know what you want, it's time to stop dropping hints like a guy trying to get up the nerve to ask a cheerleader to the sock hop and grab the bull by the horns.
Click to expand...

haha! yeah, i agree with you there, but i've always been like that, and not just with guys, with girls too. i'm always my most forward when i've had a few drinks i've noticed though, especially when i'm dealing with girls, and i've found it easier with them because its either they are interested or not, but with guys its not just that simple but its also, "wtf, you like guys?"...i guess that's why my actual EXPERIENCE with other men is VERY limited actually. My first experience with another guy was at 22, and it's been only a couple of other rare occasions since, you know?
 
JasunStrikesBack said:
I do know.

But it's time to step it up. go get your man.
Click to expand...

:D
*suddenly inspired* (believe it or not)

...so yeah, i'm gonna see if i can make this happen. i'll try to update if things change...i'm actually supposed to hang with him later tonight after his brother leaves town, so we shall see...
 
dontaskme69 said:
:D
*suddenly inspired* (believe it or not)

...so yeah, i'm gonna see if i can make this happen. i'll try to update if things change...i'm actually supposed to hang with him later tonight after his brother leaves town, so we shall see...
Click to expand...

You don't have to make it happen. If it's meant to happen, it will.

As Jasun suggested, it's time to be honest. Put down the phone and the liquor. Say it, don't text it.

The next time he's playing these little games, just ask, "What would you do if I called your bluff?" or say "Put up or shut up".

But if the two of you can't be honest and admit that at least one of you wants to get in the other's pants, it's a waste of time. But you might be better off getting a "no" instead of spending so much time trying to second guess the "maybe" that he keeps giving you. At least a "no" will tell you to go find someone else who is willing to let you in his pants without all these cat and mouse games.
 
>>>But if the two of you can't be honest and admit that at least one of you wants to get in the other's pants, it's a waste of time. But you might be better off getting a "no" instead of spending so much time trying to second guess the "maybe" that he keeps giving you.

That said, it's been my experience that a lot of people actually enjoy the limbo. They love the "will we or won't we" part of the whole thing, no matter how much they say it's "frustrating". They seem to enjoy the idea that sex is something that happens, rather than the idea that sex is something that you can (and probably should) make happen.

>>>y, do i sound childish?

Not until you called Jasun "sir". :)

Lex
 
it may be already said but I just read what you posted. Are you interested in him? that's the main question since whether or not he is interested if you just don't care there's no much to do about it.
I'm guessing you are interested in him and that's why you're asking for thoughts. Therefore, my advice is do this my friend: Go straight on and ask him about it. As you already mentioned you find it a little weird so tell him so, you find quite odd the way he's acting and you just want to figure it out.
Mostly being direct and honest turns out okay, besides you are not doing anything but asking, which doesn't really harm anyone.
so best of luck!
 
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