A question about anal pleasure

[Kbtha0]

Hello all,

It's been years since I have done anything with anyone since pre-covid. I however, have played with myself here and there but have been disappointed in myself majority of the times. I don't know if there's something wrong with me but I am a bottom and had always had a problem feeling good when it comes to anal or prostate play. I have a few small toys that I use here and there but feels like the potential of feeling good up the bum isn't there. Maybe I'm so tight that I'm actually hurting myself and the nerve endings just not responding as joy or maybe it's all in my head.

There was one time long ago when someone played with me and he fingered me. I came in like 10 secs, didn't touch myself and I wasn't even sure what triggered that. I'd love to feel something like that again.

But am I like thinking too much? Am I straining trying to get these toys into my ass that the pain in my arm's or body is over riding what greatness lies in playing with anal? Is my hole too tight that the nerve feelings is over riding what great feeling's I should be feeling? Am I impatient (yes i am) ? Why am I not able to achieve the anal pleasure I think should be happening?

 

[BiBtm64]

Hello all,

It's been years since I have done anything with anyone since pre-covid. I however, have played with myself here and there but have been disappointed in myself majority of the times. I don't know if there's something wrong with me but I am a bottom and had always had a problem feeling good when it comes to anal or prostate play. I have a few small toys that I use here and there but feels like the potential of feeling good up the bum isn't there. Maybe I'm so tight that I'm actually hurting myself and the nerve endings just not responding as joy or maybe it's all in my head.

There was one time long ago when someone played with me and he fingered me. I came in like 10 secs, didn't touch myself and I wasn't even sure what triggered that. I'd love to feel something like that again.

But am I like thinking too much? Am I straining trying to get these toys into my ass that the pain in my arm's or body is over riding what greatness lies in playing with anal? Is my hole too tight that the nerve feelings is over riding what great feeling's I should be feeling? Am I impatient (yes i am) ? Why am I not able to achieve the anal pleasure I think should be happening?

As a fellow bottom, I hear you. Toys when used on yourself often don't give the same experience, and I think it's because they're under our control, we're doing it to ourselves, we know and anticipate every move that's about to happen. Ram it deep? I thought it before I felt it. Angle it at my prostate? I thought it before I felt it. When bottoming for another guy, or allowing another guy to use toys or fingers on us, we give up that control and we experience the thrill and excitement of submitting to the top.

You say you have small toys, and you fear you're too tight, and you're straining to get it in. Are you giving yourself time to relax and adjust to the thickness and the feeling of entry? The ass is biologically hardwired to clamp shut to keep things out. It can take some time to overcome that. You can relax your outer sphincter voluntarily, then you encounter a second resistance an inch or two in. That's your inner sphincter and you can't voluntarily relax it, it's designed to open up to let stuff out. I've found that gently pushing (as though to take a poop) helps to relax it and open up. I'm not sure how experienced you are and what you know about cleaning and preparation, but you can clean yourself beforehand and ensure you don't actually do a poop. Once you've opened yourself up and your sphincters are relaxed, it's easy to slip in a toy. Or a cock, if you're lucky.

Are you trying with toys that are too big? We think of toy and cock size in terms of length, but it's the thickness that you feel and you need to be able to relax and dilate to receive. Thin, smooth and tapered toys are good to start with. I like the King Cock range of toys by Pipedream. They make a 7" length that has a thin tip and tapered shaft. This is ideal for me for preparation.

You say it's been years since you did anything with anyone. Did you achieve anal entry with another guy? You don't have to answer of course if you don't want to, but it might go some way toward understanding how you feel about it. If you want to answer: did it go well, feel good for you? What would you have wanted to be different?

Also, what do you hope to achieve from anal play? It's actually pretty hard for many or most guys (I think, certainly for me) to achieve an anal orgasm. It takes time, a sense of release and abandon, like meditation and total submission (again, for me). Those things don't happen very easily when you're reaching around behind you, or between your legs, ramming yourself with a toy. The guy who fingered you knew what he was doing, and lucky you. It doesn't happen easily. Maybe try toys like the Aneros that rub your prostate as you clench your ass muscles. And focus on your cock, have your orgasm in the traditional way, while you enjoy that nice feeling in your ass.

Don't pressure yourself to have anal orgasms and some kind of wild joy from anal, simply because you identify as a bottom, then be disappointed with yourself because it didn't happen. You might be putting too much pressure on yourself. For me, if I can talk about myself if it helps you relate, I rarely orgasm from prostate stimulation and my pleasure from bottoming comes simply from the feeling of being penetrated, and the submission and empowerment (I know, a paradox but it's true) that I derive from submitting my hole to another man's enjoyment. So these days, toys don't do much for me, except for anal preparation. I have a cock too, for pleasure, and so do you. You might want to consider what will give you the most enjoyment.

There are lots of resources in this forum about anal anatomy and how to enjoy, here: https://forums.justusboys.com/threads/all-about-ass.272148/

Any questions, feel free to ask.

 

[BiBtm64]

This is the tapered 7" King Cock that I mentioned is my favourite, thin at the tip for easy insertion and plenty of length for deep insertion. I know it's an Aussie site but you might be able to find it where you are. Good luck.
https://www.thehotspot.com.au/king-cock-7-inch-tan-solid-dildo

 

[Kbtha0]

As a fellow bottom, I hear you. Toys when used on yourself often don't give the same experience, and I think it's because they're under our control, we're doing it to ourselves, we know and anticipate every move that's about to happen. Ram it deep? I thought it before I felt it. Angle it at my prostate? I thought it before I felt it. When bottoming for another guy, or allowing another guy to use toys or fingers on us, we give up that control and we experience the thrill and excitement of submitting to the top.

You say you have small toys, and you fear you're too tight, and you're straining to get it in. Are you giving yourself time to relax and adjust to the thickness and the feeling of entry? The ass is biologically hardwired to clamp shut to keep things out. It can take some time to overcome that. You can relax your outer sphincter voluntarily, then you encounter a second resistance an inch or two in. That's your inner sphincter and you can't voluntarily relax it, it's designed to open up to let stuff out. I've found that gently pushing (as though to take a poop) helps to relax it and open up. I'm not sure how experienced you are and what you know about cleaning and preparation, but you can clean yourself beforehand and ensure you don't actually do a poop. Once you've opened yourself up and your sphincters are relaxed, it's easy to slip in a toy. Or a cock, if you're lucky.

Are you trying with toys that are too big? We think of toy and cock size in terms of length, but it's the thickness that you feel and you need to be able to relax and dilate to receive. Thin, smooth and tapered toys are good to start with. I like the King Cock range of toys by Pipedream. They make a 7" length that has a thin tip and tapered shaft. This is ideal for me for preparation.

You say it's been years since you did anything with anyone. Did you achieve anal entry with another guy? You don't have to answer of course if you don't want to, but it might go some way toward understanding how you feel about it. If you want to answer: did it go well, feel good for you? What would you have wanted to be different?

Also, what do you hope to achieve from anal play? It's actually pretty hard for many or most guys (I think, certainly for me) to achieve an anal orgasm. It takes time, a sense of release and abandon, like meditation and total submission (again, for me). Those things don't happen very easily when you're reaching around behind you, or between your legs, ramming yourself with a toy. The guy who fingered you knew what he was doing, and lucky you. It doesn't happen easily. Maybe try toys like the Aneros that rub your prostate as you clench your ass muscles. And focus on your cock, have your orgasm in the traditional way, while you enjoy that nice feeling in your ass.

Don't pressure yourself to have anal orgasms and some kind of wild joy from anal, simply because you identify as a bottom, then be disappointed with yourself because it didn't happen. You might be putting too much pressure on yourself. For me, if I can talk about myself if it helps you relate, I rarely orgasm from prostate stimulation and my pleasure from bottoming comes simply from the feeling of being penetrated, and the submission and empowerment (I know, a paradox but it's true) that I derive from submitting my hole to another man's enjoyment. So these days, toys don't do much for me, except for anal preparation. I have a cock too, for pleasure, and so do you. You might want to consider what will give you the most enjoyment.

There are lots of resources in this forum about anal anatomy and how to enjoy, here: https://forums.justusboys.com/threads/all-about-ass.272148/

Any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks for the resources and I have taken a look at the Dildo you have suggested.

I do agree with the control part. It mainly frustrates me when I can't feel like if it was the real thing. It's even harder because I'm in the mood and I want it to work and then I get very impatient and end up just trying to jack-off.

I also have smaller toys that are suppose to be for the prostate but I like there's more to just sticking a toy in there and it does the work. Am I suppose to be clenching? I do not know.
In the past, I have tried an electro Dildo which obviously zapped me, but maybe it was just the brand and all the zap that I felt was more from the hole itself and not the prostate so it didn't feel like that's what it was suppose to feel like.

I do have other types of Dildo stored away for now but I have been just using the Colt Trainer Kit. The smallest one is pretty thin so it goes in smoothly but because of the way it's made (training) there's not really an obvious feel towards the prostate or the inside itself. I am able to manage the medium size one but for some reason can't get it in all the way where the knot ends so that it stay's in. I did however, for some reason only 1 time manage to take the whole thing in. The feeling of when its in was actually quite a mixture of feeling. I felt satisfied that it was able to go all the way in, but I don't know if it's the way that it's designed that it actually feels like it's poking the inside and not a good poke. Maybe because I don't clean before I actually do it and there's 2 much pressure? Maybe just the way it's designed? Sitting on it isn't even comfortable. Always this constant like pain.

There was a guy who I managed to get to see again, I want to say at least like 4 months ago? To be honest, I did achieve entry. The only uncomfortable thing was I enjoyed it for like 2-3 minutes when his cock was going in and out of me, but then it just felt like it wasn't enjoyable anymore. Was I not use to it? Was it hitting my spot too hard that the sensitivity was just too much for me? I had to stop him and let him know because 1, there was just pain that wasn't comfortable and hitting my spot inside for some reason wasn't giving me a good feeling, maybe because it was too sensitive? I want to at least enjoy it longer that there's no constant pain or comfort or if it is hitting my spot correctly without the sensitivity killed, which basically killed my boner and I tried to sit and jack off with him or he tries to help, it really just wasn't going up. Maybe I thought too much and had too many expectations in my head that I killed the feeling myself?

Maybe just porn in general that killed the stigmatism that you're support to have orgasm, and you're supposed to enjoy it. I love a cock in there and I want it to be enjoyable. But I guess it's hard because i think about "I want to cum but I can't". When I can't even get hard or stay hard bottoming because of all the things that I'm feeling which mentally messes me up. Maybe it deals with me as a person and my personality trait of just thinking too much?

 

[BiBtm64]

Thanks for the resources and I have taken a look at the dildo you have suggested.

I do agree with the control part. It mainly frustrates me when I can't feel like if it was the real thing. It's even harder because I'm in the mood and I want it to work and then I get very impatient and end up just trying to jack-off.

I also have smaller toys that are suppose to be for the prostate but I like there's more to just sticking a toy in there and it does the work. Am I suppose to be clenching? I do not know.
In the past, I have tried an electro dildo, which obviously zapped me, but maybe it was just the brand and all the zap that I felt was more from the hole itself and not the prostate so it didn't feel like that's what it was suppose to feel like.

I do have other types of dildo stored away for now but I have been just using the Colt Trainer Kit. The smallest one is pretty thin so it goes in smoothly but because of the way it's made (training) there's not really an obvious feel towards the prostate or the inside itself. I am able to manage the medium size one but for some reason can't get it in all the way where the knot ends so that it stay's in. I did however, for some reason only 1 time manage to take the whole thing in. The feeling of when its in was actually quite a mixture of feeling. I felt satisfied that it was able to go all the way in, but I don't know if it's the way that it's designed that it actually feels like it's poking the inside and not a good poke. Maybe because I don't clean before I actually do it and there's 2 much pressure? Maybe just the way it's designed? Sitting on it isn't even comfortable. Always this constant like pain.

There was a guy who I managed to get to see again, I want to say at least like 4 months ago? To be honest, I did achieve entry. The only uncomfortable thing was I enjoyed it for like 2-3 minutes when his cock was going in and out of me, but then it just felt like it wasn't enjoyable anymore. Was I not use to it? Was it hitting my spot too hard that the sensitivity was just too much for me? I had to stop him and let him know because 1, there was just pain that wasn't comfortable and hitting my spot inside for some reason wasn't giving me a good feeling, maybe because it was too sensitive? I want to at least enjoy it longer that there's no constant pain or comfort or if it is hitting my spot correctly without the sensitivity killed, which basically killed my boner and I tried to sit and jack off with him or he tries to help, it really just wasn't going up. Maybe I thought too much and had too many expectations in my head that I killed the feeling myself?

Maybe just porn in general that killed the stigmatism that you're support to have orgasm, and you're supposed to enjoy it. I love a cock in there and I want it to be enjoyable. But I guess it's hard because i think about "I want to cum but I can't". When I can't even get hard or stay hard bottoming because of all the things that I'm feeling which mentally messes me up. Maybe it deals with me as a person and my personality trait of just thinking too much?

May I ask, and I don't intend to sound judgy: why are you a bottom, and why are you persisting with anal play with toys if it's uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to be giving you pleasure? Anal sex or anal insertion are not for everyone. Many gay men do not do anal at all. There's a lot you can do sexually with men that does not involve you taking a cock.

As a bit of advice, I suggest (if you do want to persist with it), try smooth dildos, with flared bases that you can sit on, especially with suction cups that you can stick to the shower wall. I know many guys enjoy butt plugs (like the Colt Trainer Kit you mention) but I can speak from experience - they are uncomfortable, for me (and therefore, I assume by extension I'm not the only one). Your ass ring clamps shut over the thinner base, which is what it's designed for, to stay in, but it can feel uncomfortable if your inner sphincter is clamping over the bulge. The feeling of being poked inside is because it's a straight and rigid shaft, and your rectum is curved. It's poking into your rectum wall, which some guys enjoy and others find uncomfortable. If you're playing with a longer toy, try pushing in (toward your belly) then angling it up (toward your head) to follow the curve of your rectum for deeper penetration. The poking you speak of can be pleasurable if it's stimulating your prostate (which is shallow and at the front of your rectum) but there's a difference between pleasurable poking and too-hard poking. Hard, rigid plastic or similar toys have no give in them, and it they ram into your rectum walls, something has to give, and there's a fair bet it will be your rectum, not the toy.

A penis is, in every way, far more pleasurable. I write only from my experience but I don't think I'm alone in saying this. It has a hard core to enable penetration and softer outer layer, which yields to your anatomy. Even the hardest erection will yield somewhat to your inners, whereas many toys have no give in them at all. There's the emotional and psychological pleasure of receiving a penis of another man that you never get from poking yourself with a toy. You say it was not comfortable ramming in and out, and you were right to ask him to stop. Communication is key when getting fucked. It's good to take it very slowly, then have him hold it in you deep, letting you adjust to his thickness before he starts pumping in and out. Men are hardwired to fuck, to stimulate the shaft, but remember it's not what the ass was biologically designed for. You might find a lot more pleasure in being fucked if you clean and prepare. Cleaning helps to dilate your hole and gets your ready for entry, it's part of the preparation process. I'm an experienced receiver and I could not imagine taking a cock without preparing, I just couldn't do it. If you're attempting anal penetration without proper preparation, I'm not surprised you're finding it uncomfortable or painful.

Don't take your guidance from porn. Those guys are well prepared, experienced, and when they make it look easy: taking impossibly huge dicks, hard ramming, staying hard and cumming from being fucked - this is not the reality for most of us. Many of us bottoms don't stay hard during anal. I rarely do. You say you "love a cock in there", but maybe ask yourself what you love about it. Anal stimulation and cumming via penis stimulation are two different things. Sometimes you can do both, other times (and for many of us) you just focus on the feeling in your ass.

Don't put pressure on yourself. If anal play or anal sex aren't giving you the pleasure you crave, don't do it. You can play with fingers, tongues, jerk each other off or give blowjobs. You're not any less of a man for not enjoying taking a cock.

 

[Kbtha0]

May I ask, and I don't intend to sound judgy: why are you a bottom, and why are you persisting with anal play with toys if it's uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to be giving you pleasure? Anal sex or anal insertion are not for everyone. Many gay men do not do anal at all. There's a lot you can do sexually with men that does not involve you taking a cock.

As a bit of advice, I suggest (if you do want to persist with it), try smooth dildos, with flared bases that you can sit on, especially with suction cups that you can stick to the shower wall. I know many guys enjoy butt plugs (like the Colt Trainer Kit you mention) but I can speak from experience - they are uncomfortable, for me (and therefore, I assume by extension I'm not the only one). Your ass ring clamps shut over the thinner base, which is what it's designed for, to stay in, but it can feel uncomfortable if your inner sphincter is clamping over the bulge. The feeling of being poked inside is because it's a straight and rigid shaft, and your rectum is curved. It's poking into your rectum wall, which some guys enjoy and others find uncomfortable. If you're playing with a longer toy, try pushing in (toward your belly) then angling it up (toward your head) to follow the curve of your rectum for deeper penetration. The poking you speak of can be pleasurable if it's stimulating your prostate (which is shallow and at the front of your rectum) but there's a difference between pleasurable poking and too-hard poking. Hard, rigid plastic or similar toys have no give in them, and it they ram into your rectum walls, something has to give, and there's a fair bet it will be your rectum, not the toy.

A penis is, in every way, far more pleasurable. I write only from my experience but I don't think I'm alone in saying this. It has a hard core to enable penetration and softer outer layer, which yields to your anatomy. Even the hardest erection will yield somewhat to your inners, whereas many toys have no give in them at all. There's the emotional and psychological pleasure of receiving a penis of another man that you never get from poking yourself with a toy. You say it was not comfortable ramming in and out, and you were right to ask him to stop. Communication is key when getting fucked. It's good to take it very slowly, then have him hold it in you deep, letting you adjust to his thickness before he starts pumping in and out. Men are hardwired to fuck, to stimulate the shaft, but remember it's not what the ass was biologically designed for. You might find a lot more pleasure in being fucked if you clean and prepare. Cleaning helps to dilate your hole and gets your ready for entry, it's part of the preparation process. I'm an experienced receiver and I could not imagine taking a cock without preparing, I just couldn't do it. If you're attempting anal penetration without proper preparation, I'm not surprised you're finding it uncomfortable or painful.

Don't take your guidance from porn. Those guys are well prepared, experienced, and when they make it look easy: taking impossibly huge dicks, hard ramming, staying hard and cumming from being fucked - this is not the reality for most of us. Many of us bottoms don't stay hard during anal. I rarely do. You say you "love a cock in there", but maybe ask yourself what you love about it. Anal stimulation and cumming via penis stimulation are two different things. Sometimes you can do both, other times (and for many of us) you just focus on the feeling in your ass.

Don't put pressure on yourself. If anal play or anal sex aren't giving you the pleasure you crave, don't do it. You can play with fingers, tongues, jerk each other off or give blowjobs. You're not any less of a man for not enjoying taking a cock.

You're not judgy at all! I'm inquiring and for that to happen you do have to know more about me.

I've always been a bottom and it just happened to be that way. I have topped 2 people in my life, but definitely when I was much younger. Did I enjoy it? Not sure to be honest. 1) The guy I bottom was I wouldn't say faking his feelings, but it wasn't a satisfaction to what he desired. And from porn and all the people I have seen, I just felt like with my size as a top, there's just no way for me reach people expectations. It's just that I have been with a lot of people as a bottom in the past and it was good. But Covid happened and I became anti-social/developed social anxiety and maybe lack of confidence so when I did try sex. It just didn't feel good. But you may be right that it may not be something for me and I could potential expand out and experiment again. Just basically trying to understand why I feel the way I feel as a bottom and what I can do to try and better that part of me before I decide that maybe i'm just not cut out to be that.

I will keep in mind the different type of toys and positions of them as well. I understand somewhat the anatomy of the anus. But to be able to physically do it right alone makes it feel a little more difficult to do so.

I will also try to learn more about cleaning as well too. All the times that I have bottom, I have never actually really cleaned. My tops actually had compliment how I stay cleaned without even actually cleaning. I have no clue how. But maybe it is time to try cleaning and see how that feels with a Dildo inside to see if there's any difference when I don't clean and I do clean.

And yes, porn has ruined it for me and I have to relearn that it's not what it all seems because it feels different when I am having sex. And that is a good question when you asked what I love about a cock there. I'd have to seem deeper into what it is that makes me like it.

And maybe instead of just going straight to a cock in the ass. Maybe I can express idea's that may help me learn and both of us have fun doing, even if its foreplay, or like you say a finger. Because like I mentioned, one time a guy just fingered my prostate and bam came in 10secs. Maybe that's why I get so impatient because I am somewhat comparing that feeling in my head with something that won't get me the same feeling in the same amount of time.

 

[BiBtm64]

You're not judgy at all! I'm inquiring and for that to happen you do have to know more about me.

I've always been a bottom and it just happened to be that way. I have topped 2 people in my life, but definitely when I was much younger. Did I enjoy it? Not sure to be honest. 1) The guy I bottom was I wouldn't say faking his feelings, but it wasn't a satisfaction to what he desired. And from porn and all the people I have seen, I just felt like with my size as a top, there's just no way for me reach people expectations. It's just that I have been with a lot of people as a bottom in the past and it was good. But Covid happened and I became anti-social/developed social anxiety and maybe lack of confidence so when I did try sex. It just didn't feel good. But you may be right that it may not be something for me and I could potential expand out and experiment again. Just basically trying to understand why I feel the way I feel as a bottom and what I can do to try and better that part of me before I decide that maybe i'm just not cut out to be that.

I will keep in mind the different type of toys and positions of them as well. I understand somewhat the anatomy of the anus. But to be able to physically do it right alone makes it feel a little more difficult to do so.

I will also try to learn more about cleaning as well too. All the times that I have bottom, I have never actually really cleaned. My tops actually had compliment how I stay cleaned without even actually cleaning. I have no clue how. But maybe it is time to try cleaning and see how that feels with a dildo inside to see if there's any difference when I don't clean and I do clean.

And yes, porn has ruined it for me and I have to relearn that it's not what it all seems because it feels different when I am having sex. And that is a good question when you asked what I love about a cock there. I'd have to seem deeper into what it is that makes me like it.

And maybe instead of just going straight to a cock in the ass. Maybe I can express idea's that may help me learn and both of us have fun doing, even if its foreplay, or like you say a finger. Because like I mentioned, one time a guy just fingered my prostate and bam came in 10secs. Maybe that's why I get so impatient because I am somewhat comparing that feeling in my head with something that won't get me the same feeling in the same amount of time.

Sorry if I've misunderstood some of what you've said. I seem to be getting mixed messages. You told us earlier about your recent experience bottoming with a guy and the sex was uncomfortable and painful for you. Then you say you've been with a lot of people as a bottom in the past and it was good. Was the recent experience more of an anomaly, something that was unusual for you?

I suspect that you can enjoy yourself as a bottom, if you allow yourself in your mind to enjoy, and if you're physically prepared, and if you can go slow and communicate with the guy as to how you're feeling. In the mind is the key. If you can overcome your social anxiety and lack of confidence, it will help you to relax and enjoy the experience. I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Covid was a tough time for many of us, and you might benefit from getting some professional help on that one. You don't have to tell a therapist about your bottoming, just your anxiety and lack of confidence.

If I understand you correctly (and sorry, correct me if I'm wrong), you're frustrated that you're not achieving pleasure, even having anal orgasms, from playing with toys. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself because an orgasm from anal penetration is a difficult thing to achieve for many or most of us. As I said before, a toy is no substitute for a cock, even in terms of physical feeling, let alone the psychological pleasure from having another man inside you. I think it's simple for you - if toys are not giving you pleasure, stop using them, or just use them to prepare for the real thing. I hope you can overcome your anxiety and start to enjoy the real thing again. As one bottom to another, I suggest you put aside your need or desire for anal orgasm, and focus on the connection and the nice feeling in your ass, the giving of yourself to another man and the pleasure that comes. If you need to orgasm, you have a cock for that. Anal orgasm is a holy grail and is not easily achieved. Don't put pressure on yourself.

You mention your less than ideal feelings about topping. Again, you put so much pressure on yourself and you should be a bit more kind to yourself. It could be that that particular guy was a size queen. That's his problem, if he's only allowing himself to be satisfied by maybe 2% of the male population that has an 8+ inch dick. We're conditioned from porn to believe that every top must have a huge dick, but the reality is different. If I can speak of my experience, one of my best fuck buddies years ago had a thin 5" dick, and he fucked like an Energizer Bunny. A great thing about him was that he could just ram it in, no need to go slow, and he was eager and full of enthusiasm, loving the experience. We'd use positions that allowed him easy entry and felt deep: good old doggy never fails, and my on my back with my legs pulled back (excellent for prostate stimulation, and yes, a smaller dick hits the spot). Those were the days of anal orgasms for me. He'd fuck long enough and hard enough, and at the best angles, to hit that sweet p-spot over and over. Some of the best sex I've ever had. Then Covid happened and he moved away.

So, if you maybe think that you're not well equipped enough to be a top, think again. It's all in your mind, your confidence, how you enjoy it and how you make it feel for the bottom. Of course, if you prefer to bottom that's fine, but I'm just saying don't rule out other options just if you think you don't have the equipment.

I hope you can find a guy you feel comfortable in spending some time with, getting to know what makes each other tick, and you can put aside the pressure you're putting on yourself to have an orgasm in 10 seconds from anal stimulation. With that kind of goal, you're setting a high bar for yourself. Try to relax a little and just enjoy the experiences.

 

[Kbtha0]

Sorry if I've misunderstood some of what you've said. I seem to be getting mixed messages. You told us earlier about your recent experience bottoming with a guy and the sex was uncomfortable and painful for you. Then you say you've been with a lot of people as a bottom in the past and it was good. Was the recent experience more of an anomaly, something that was unusual for you?

I suspect that you can enjoy yourself as a bottom, if you allow yourself in your mind to enjoy, and if you're physically prepared, and if you can go slow and communicate with the guy as to how you're feeling. In the mind is the key. If you can overcome your social anxiety and lack of confidence, it will help you to relax and enjoy the experience. I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Covid was a tough time for many of us, and you might benefit from getting some professional help on that one. You don't have to tell a therapist about your bottoming, just your anxiety and lack of confidence.

If I understand you correctly (and sorry, correct me if I'm wrong), you're frustrated that you're not achieving pleasure, even having anal orgasms, from playing with toys. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself because an orgasm from anal penetration is a difficult thing to achieve for many or most of us. As I said before, a toy is no substitute for a cock, even in terms of physical feeling, let alone the psychological pleasure from having another man inside you. I think it's simple for you - if toys are not giving you pleasure, stop using them, or just use them to prepare for the real thing. I hope you can overcome your anxiety and start to enjoy the real thing again. As one bottom to another, I suggest you put aside your need or desire for anal orgasm, and focus on the connection and the nice feeling in your ass, the giving of yourself to another man and the pleasure that comes. If you need to orgasm, you have a cock for that. Anal orgasm is a holy grail and is not easily achieved. Don't put pressure on yourself.

You mention your less than ideal feelings about topping. Again, you put so much pressure on yourself and you should be a bit more kind to yourself. It could be that that particular guy was a size queen. That's his problem, if he's only allowing himself to be satisfied by maybe 2% of the male population that has an 8+ inch dick. We're conditioned from porn to believe that every top must have a huge dick, but the reality is different. If I can speak of my experience, one of my best fuck buddies years ago had a thin 5" dick, and he fucked like an Energizer Bunny. A great thing about him was that he could just ram it in, no need to go slow, and he was eager and full of enthusiasm, loving the experience. We'd use positions that allowed him easy entry and felt deep: good old doggy never fails, and my on my back with my legs pulled back (excellent for prostate stimulation, and yes, a smaller dick hits the spot). Those were the days of anal orgasms for me. He'd fuck long enough and hard enough, and at the best angles, to hit that sweet p-spot over and over. Some of the best sex I've ever had. Then Covid happened and he moved away.

So, if you maybe think that you're not well equipped enough to be a top, think again. It's all in your mind, your confidence, how you enjoy it and how you make it feel for the bottom. Of course, if you prefer to bottom that's fine, but I'm just saying don't rule out other options just if you think you don't have the equipment.

I hope you can find a guy you feel comfortable in spending some time with, getting to know what makes each other tick, and you can put aside the pressure you're putting on yourself to have an orgasm in 10 seconds from anal stimulation. With that kind of goal, you're setting a high bar for yourself. Try to relax a little and just enjoy the experiences.

No worries! We are just trying to get to the bottom the question. That recent guy I met that I bottomed for was 3 months ago when I decided that I wanted to put myself out there and enjoy more of sex than just me, my hands and my room. Before him, it was my originals but that was 6 years before this last guy. Which he is really understanding and doesn't do anything crazy and would love for me to always let him know if its too much. It could be that I was rusty and was just rushing into things and that may be why I feel the way I felt when I was bottoming because it's like I became a virgin again.

Thats really good information to seek therapy in my social anxieties and lack of confidence.

And you are understand me correctly from the frustration of achieving anal orgasm with toys. I believe you're right it's not a Real Cock and a real one along with the human may be right step of a direction if I want to truly achieve orgasm. Even if I don't, believe you're also right on just enjoying the sensation and the connection with another cock and the human being and the action is happening. And for this to happen, I will have to seek out a solution for my social anxieties and confidence.

You're also spot on on everything to what I feel as a top. I should be kind to myself and not let the internet destroy what I could potentially do and feel.

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and information provided by you!

 

[BiBtm64]

No worries! We are just trying to get to the bottom the question. That recent guy I met that I bottomed for was 3 months ago when I decided that I wanted to put myself out there and enjoy more of sex than just me, my hands and my room. Before him, it was my originals but that was 6 years before this last guy. Which he is really understanding and doesn't do anything crazy and would love for me to always let him know if its too much. It could be that I was rusty and was just rushing into things and that may be why I feel the way I felt when I was bottoming because it's like I became a virgin again.

Thats really good information to seek therapy in my social anxieties and lack of confidence.

And you are understand me correctly from the frustration of achieving anal orgasm with toys. I believe you're right it's not a real cock and a real one along with the human may be right step of a direction if I want to truly achieve orgasm. Even if I don't, believe you're also right on just enjoying the sensation and the connection with another cock and the human being and the action is happening. And for this to happen, I will have to seek out a solution for my social anxieties and confidence.

You're also spot on on everything to what I feel as a top. I should be kind to myself and not let the internet destroy what I could potentially do and feel.

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and information provided by you!

I understand! You had a kind and understanding top who took his time with you, that was 6 years ago, then you tried bottoming again after 6 years and the guy was not as understanding or careful with you. You're right, it is like becoming a virgin again. The sphincters are muscles. They tighten naturally, it's what we're biologically wired to do. I'm naturally tight and I need to prepare for sex. Even if I bottomed yesterday, doesn't mean I'm ready for it today.

Always remember you have to be kind and understanding to your body and prepare for entry. The inner sphincter is an involuntary muscle, meaning you can't relax and control it (like you can clench or relax your outer sphincter, what we think of as our "ring"). When you get past your outer ring, and you meet that resistance, that's your inner sphincter saying "no". It's hardwired to only open up to allow stuff out. That's why I've suggested in another thread to push gently, as it helps the inner sphincter to relax and open up. You need to be kind and understanding to your body, and so does your top. Yes, some people like fast, rough or aggressive sex, and it's depicted a lot in porn, but it's not the reality for many of us. Don't let porn define what's real or normal for you.

Like I've said before, anal orgasms are a great thing but can be hard to achieve. Try to enjoy the feelings of bottoming, the connection with your top, the enjoying of giving him pleasure. Don't put pressure on yourself to have an anal orgasm, and don't feel like you've failed if you don't have one. I rate success in bottoming to be achieving comfortable and pain-free penetration and the top enjoying and cumming. If you need to cum, a regular cock orgasm is always your option. If you don't stay hard during anal (and many of us don't), see if you can be pleasured or do it for yourself after as part of the experience. Talk with your top about your needs and desires. If he's selfish and only wants to get off, and doesn't want to please you, he's not worth your time or your body.

I'll say again, about topping, if you feel the desire to top, and you're with a willing partner who will allow you, you should do it and feel good about it. Do all the things you want as a bottom: go slow, lots of communication, work the angles and his prostate. Give a prostate massage with fingers if he wants it, or work his cock and help him to cum. It's all about mutual enjoyment and what works for each person.

 

[Kbtha0]

I understand! You had a kind and understanding top who took his time with you, that was 6 years ago, then you tried bottoming again after 6 years and the guy was not as understanding or careful with you. You're right, it is like becoming a virgin again. The sphincters are muscles. They tighten naturally, it's what we're biologically wired to do. I'm naturally tight and I need to prepare for sex. Even if I bottomed yesterday, doesn't mean I'm ready for it today.

Always remember you have to be kind and understanding to your body and prepare for entry. The inner sphincter is an involuntary muscle, meaning you can't relax and control it (like you can clench or relax your outer sphincter, what we think of as our "ring"). When you get past your outer ring, and you meet that resistance, that's your inner sphincter saying "no". It's hardwired to only open up to allow stuff out. That's why I've suggested in another thread to push gently, as it helps the inner sphincter to relax and open up. You need to be kind and understanding to your body, and so does your top. Yes, some people like fast, rough or aggressive sex, and it's depicted a lot in porn, but it's not the reality for many of us. Don't let porn define what's real or normal for you.

Like I've said before, anal orgasms are a great thing but can be hard to achieve. Try to enjoy the feelings of bottoming, the connection with your top, the enjoying of giving him pleasure. Don't put pressure on yourself to have an anal orgasm, and don't feel like you've failed if you don't have one. I rate success in bottoming to be achieving comfortable and pain-free penetration and the top enjoying and cumming. If you need to cum, a regular cock orgasm is always your option. If you don't stay hard during anal (and many of us don't), see if you can be pleasured or do it for yourself after as part of the experience. Talk with your top about your needs and desires. If he's selfish and only wants to get off, and doesn't want to please you, he's not worth your time or your body.

I'll say again, about topping, if you feel the desire to top, and you're with a willing partner who will allow you, you should do it and feel good about it. Do all the things you want as a bottom: go slow, lots of communication, work the angles and his prostate. Give a prostate massage with fingers if he wants it, or work his cock and help him to cum. It's all about mutual enjoyment and what works for each person.

Thank you for everything! You've been a big help!