Since you asked, I'll lay it all out there for you. I've been married for nearly 20 years, and my wife and I used to enjoy an amazing sex life. When we were dating, it was nylons and heels, whips and chains, trapezes and costumes, etc. Fun stuff. We got married and the fun ramped up. We explored threesomes and swinging, experimented with bisexuality (mine and hers) and generally had lots of fun.
But then kids came along, and that put a damper on things. The older they got, the older we got, and her sex drive -- which used to match mine -- dwindled to nothing. Nil. Nada. On top of that, we've worked opposite schedules for the past eight years. I work 9-5, she works 3 to midnight.
Consequently, we sometimes go months without having sex, and even then it's usually just a quickie. Hardly fulfilling. And despite our best mutual efforts to make things better, the situation isn't going to change anytime soon. You could argue that's a good reason to split up and, yes, it is, but she's my soul mate in so many other areas -- a great mom, an excellent friend and a stable person.
Still, I'm only 41, and I'm not dead yet. My sex drive runs high; I could easily go twice a day. And while masturbation is lots of fun, I need some variety. I mean, I could eat steak and potatoes very often, but sometimes I want a nice chicken and salad, if you get what I'm saying.
That's how I look at my extracurricular activities. It's not about something emotional, because I don't want that. It's entirely about the physical release.
Sadly, my wife doesn't see it that way -- I've asked if she'd mind, and after some serious consideration, she said she does -- so I have to be discreet. All things being equal, I'd rather be faithful to her, but I also need a sexual release from time to time. I deserve a sex life, let the moralists be damned. I made my decision, I'm sticking with it. I know the potential consequences.
As has been noted, it's much easier to find men who are willing to engage in sex for sport than women. Given a choice, I'd go for a woman every time. I love everything about women -- the way they look, the way they talk, the way they walk, the way they smell, etc. While there are a few men out there for whom I'd gladly drop to my knees and give a thorough blowjob, my exploration a few years ago confirmed to me that my bisexuality is just a very tiny percentage of who I am. At my core, I consider myself 98% straight.
However, I am opportunistic ... a firm believer of "any port in a storm." And while I can enjoy myself very much with another guy -- I really enjoy mutual j/o while watching porn, for example -- I'd be happier if it were the guy's wife instead. But I'll take what I can get.
For what it's worth, when I hook up with other guys, it's always with other married guys. We can relate to each other, I think. We're often in the same boat.
So why do I cheat? Because if I'm going to have a sex life, I have to.
And while some men are clearly prone to infidelity, I think my situation isn't as uncommon as some people might expect.
Cheers,
DL
