The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

A question please help

T

TweetingforJesus

Virgin
Joined
Mar 1, 2011
Posts
35
Reaction score
1
Points
0
I have a question for you all . Your oppinion is needed.

If you had a partner who hardly ever has sex with you. Like maybe twice a month you have sex. Then every single time you try to have sex with him he rejects you, then at the very next minute after he told you he is not in the mood he goes behind your back and jerks off. What if this has happened on more than one occasion. If sex happens it must be on his terms and his terms alone.

Is this fair?

What do you guys say
 
Is this actually happening or are you posing a hypothetical?
 
Life ain't fair. That's the truth. Learn how to manage it.

However, in any relationship, there has to be some give and take. That includes sex. It's showing respect. If it's always his way and you don't like it, then it's not a healthy relationship. It is how much are you willing to tolerate this behavior by not addressing this issue with your partner.

There's certainly tension in your relationship. Don't take it personally for now. Talk civily with him first to hear his side of the story. Not wanting to have sex is probably one of the symptoms of a trouble relationship...not the root cause. So you need to address the root cause.

Have a heart to heart talk with him on the relationship aspect (not involving sex). Ask how he sees the relationship is going. Where is it heading? What are some issues/conflicts you guys are having? Ask for his point of view. Express your point of view on these issues as well. Then try to resolve them if you want to sustain the relationship.

Are there issues (besides sex) between you and your partner?
 
TweetingforJesus said:
I have a question for you all . Your oppinion is needed.

If you had a partner who hardly ever has sex with you. Like maybe twice a month you have sex. Then every single time you try to have sex with him he rejects you, then at the very next minute after he told you he is not in the mood he goes behind your back and jerks off. What if this has happened on more than one occasion. If sex happens it must be on his terms and his terms alone.

Is this fair?

What do you guys say
Click to expand...

Does he have issues with intimacy?
 
I have a limited/refined sexual repertoire and I've had a few long term relationships.
I would tell my partner that it was OK if he wanted to spill his seed elsewhere. We're both adults.
 
TweetingforJesus said:
If you had a partner who hardly ever has sex with you. Like maybe twice a month you have sex. Then every single time you try to have sex with him he rejects you, then at the very next minute after he told you he is not in the mood he goes behind your back and jerks off. What if this has happened on more than one occasion. If sex happens it must be on his terms and his terms alone.

Is this fair?
Click to expand...

There's not an easy answer to this question.

Is it fair that one person in the relationship controls the what/where/when of sex? No.

Is it a reason to end the relationship? That's something only you can answer.

There are plenty of couples who will tell you that the sex in a relationship is part of the communication in a relationship. When the sex goes wrong, it's often connected to problems in other aspects of the relationship.

But then you'll find long-term couples who tell you that they seldom have sex and they are perfectly happy together.

What you have to decide is whether sex is important to you in your relationship. And you have to make the determination whether is this is about the sex or whether it is just one aspect of an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.
 
I dont think that is right. this is just my opinion & how I would react if I was in your situation. But I would feel almost a slight feeling of rejection, hurt & somewhat embarrassed if that happened to me. Why the hell would anybody jerk off if your boyfriend is right there asking for sex? hmm. I would question if this is somebody you really love & want be with, cuz it sounds like he has all the control of when/if you & he have sex together. It should be something you equally share. good luck bud!
 
This discussion reminds me of the old marriage law which said all husbands have the legal-sanctioned conjugal right to rape the wife as frequently and wherever he wanted
 
I'd be out of there.

He isn't a partner at all.
 
is he on any medications. some medications can lower ones sex drive. although if he's masturbating it sounds like his libido isn't the problem. do you think he may be seeing someone else and getting his sexual release with them instead of you? some guys get addicted to porn and would rather jo than be with someone else. there is a psychological term for it but I can't remember what it is.

there is something going on in the relationship or with him that is causing him to act this way. how is the rest of the relationship? any other problems or just in the sex dept?

I'd have a big problem with what he's doing. you need to have an open, honest talk with him and let him know that this is something that is REALLY bothering you and that you don't feel like he is treating you fairly. I think there is more going on than just his lack of interest sexually. Not saying he's def cheating but usually when theres a lack of sex it's caused by something else. You need to find out what is causing his lack of interest and see if there is something you can fix or if you need to move on.

good luck

Steven.
 
hylas said:
why do you stay?
Click to expand...

I have to agree with hylas. If it upsets you, why don't you leave? If he's rejecting you then jerking off it is not a healthy relationship. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you both are unhappy (and he is probably too if he is jerking off) then its probably not gonna work. He probably has intimacy issues. Talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel, ask him why and go from there.
 
Thanks guys
Really when you have so much love for someone it is not easy to just leave, you got all the memories and love and everything. I just wish he would fulfill me. He says he loves me but I love him a different way, he does not love me sexually cuz if he did he would want to rip my clothes off.
 
At some point you have to do the math and ask yourself if you're getting out of this what you're putting into it.
 
Obviously he doesn't want to have sex with you and is probably sleeping with someone else.

I know I sound harsh, but it's a possible reality. It could be a lot of things.. either way, if someone rejects sex, than jerks off, there's no reason to stay.
 
The answer(s) to this issue is (are) based on conjecture until the cause is discovered. Most relationship issues can be traced to communication issues. For me the key to staying or leaving would not be the problem (unless it was violence) but, rather whether there was the willingness to communicate on the topic.

A too common problem with relationships is that once a partner is aware of an issue he/she remains silent, hoping things will get better by themselves. When they don't resentments build up and the hurt partner acts rude or finds little ways to get back, or plays the martyr until resentment turns to bitterness.

Try to talk about everything with a partner. A partner's inability to do that would be the deal breaker for me, not the problem itself (unless it's violence).

Maybe you two can make some of his jacking off part of your sex play with you present or even watching through a peep hole while you jack off. My partner loves watching me like that. The sexual répertoire is vast and if you're both willing to communicate you might have more excitement than you could imagine.

I actually would define relationship by saying it is a willingness of two people to commit to communicate and be willing to talk to their partner about any topic the other puts on the table.
 
You young kids just WANT IT ALL!

Just be thankful you don't belong to your grandmother's generation. They suffered with the same man for decades.

Think about Prince William and the new spouse; they'll copulate twice and ignore each other for decades.
 
TweetingforJesus said:
Thanks guys
Really when you have so much love for someone it is not easy to just leave, you got all the memories and love and everything. I just wish he would fulfill me. He says he loves me but I love him a different way, he does not love me sexually cuz if he did he would want to rip my clothes off.
Click to expand...


from what your saying I get the feeling he may love you but he is not attracted to you. if that is the case this relationship is doomed. you cant force attraction. it's either there or it isn't. he may have been attracted to you at 1 time but seems to have lost it. as hurtful as it may be and I'm sorry to have to say it but I dont think he loves you in a romantic way. he may love you but not romantically. it's like he's playing house. your more of a companion than a lover.

I know it hurts and Ive been there. I ignored it for a while and did everything I could think of to make myself more attractive to him. in the end we broke up. I believe he loved me but wasn't in love with me. he liked having me around. I was someone to talk to and do things with. I just wasnt his "type".

I know its difficult and will rip your heart to shreds but I think you deserve to find someone that will love you in the same way you love him. he just doesn't seem to be into you romantically/sexually and it's not something you can force. I'd end it and take as much time as you need to heal before looking for someone else. your right. it's not easy to walk away but sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Steven.
 
Georgiadude said:
from what your saying I get the feeling he may love you but he is not attracted to you. if that is the case this relationship is doomed. you cant force attraction. it's either there or it isn't. he may have been attracted to you at 1 time but seems to have lost it. as hurtful as it may be and I'm sorry to have to say it but I dont think he loves you in a romantic way. he may love you but not romantically. it's like he's playing house. your more of a companion than a lover.

I know it hurts and Ive been there. I ignored it for a while and did everything I could think of to make myself more attractive to him. in the end we broke up. I believe he loved me but wasn't in love with me. he liked having me around. I was someone to talk to and do things with. I just wasnt his "type".

I know its difficult and will rip your heart to shreds but I think you deserve to find someone that will love you in the same way you love him. he just doesn't seem to be into you romantically/sexually and it's not something you can force. I'd end it and take as much time as you need to heal before looking for someone else. your right. it's not easy to walk away but sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Steven.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately this is the most correct way of stating what is going on. He may love you as a person, just not as a lover. :( Sorry bud.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top