So this is really just a question asking for insight, a second set of eyes, an opinion as I just want to get an idea as to what is happening.
So the story starts on Grindr, first contact was last year some time, we chatted for a period time on the app and enjoyed the conversation, all strictly platonic, non sexual chat. Was going along every couple days or so, not really sure what he was looking for at the time and yeah, we just had a nice chat. Then he stopped talking and I guess, I really didn't go out of my way to pursue the chat. It is after all Grindr and we all know that people come and go on the app, chats come and go, and whatever else comes and goes.
Then in August of this year, I was going through my favorites and ran across his profile so he was still on Grindr and I messaged him. A short time later he replied and well the conversation flowed along and we would spend hours chatting back and forth. With our work schedules, I am at work during the day and where I work get no cell reception inside the building so conversations during the day are few but, in the evening and at night when I am at home and he is at work, the chats go back and forth until I go to bed. We have talked about our political views, our religious views, our desire to find a home in a church that accepts gay people, our taste in foods, clothing, our dislike for large gatherings, to walks, travel, exercise, our families and there is probably one or 2 more that I haven't listed. One big thing that we have touched on is our shared position within our families of taking care of parents. Mine are both passed but, was the family member that took care of them through their later years and end of life process and he is there to support his dad as his mom has passed away. He used the words of he is his dad's wife. Another is our mental health predicament and the issues of depression, medications, therapy and the struggles. Through our conversations, the only thing that is different from each others likes is that he prefers large curd cottage cheese and I prefer small curd.
So any way, during our chats, I know that he lost his partner several years ago to cancer. Was treated badly by his family after his passing, found out after that he was cheating and that he is now "casually" seeing someone else (his words) and in his words told me that he is not looking for sex. We also talked about the break in our chats and he said it aligns with when he met this other guy. He told me that he is on Grindr as he has a gut feeling that the guy is cheating on him. His profile list nothing of personal attributes that would identify him such as real age or picture. He is 35, his former partner passed away at the age of 71 and that he only hinted that the guy he is casually seeing is older, that I would be younger and for clarification I am 59.
So this leads me to my inquiry. If you are casually seeing someone and have basically taken yourself off the market, why would you spend so much time talking to someone else and not the person who you are seeing? We talk non stop for hours each day. It just strikes me as odd I guess as I don't think like that or something. I get being friends but do you talk for hours to a friend and there is no time in the day for the other? I get the concept of open relationships and it seems like people say they are together but really aren't and are looking and with other people while they have a partner or bf at the house that they go back to. We have discussed this topic as well, among other attributes of the gay culture and lifestyles and what we don't like and the open relationship was one that he is not for and cheating within a committed relationship is also one that he does not like.
I just wanted some insights on this from a varied perspective of people, backgrounds, situations, experiences and view points. Some times you are too close you can't see the forest for the trees type thing. I don't have anyone else here close enough to get a reaction from honestly. I am not fawning all over the guy, wishing, and my entire waking moments are not consumed by him as I go on about my life as I have but, it does cause me to think and wonder. And also, I have since deleted all of the gay apps and have basically taken myself off the market and out of the sea of fishes as I am sick of the derougeteoy (sp) remarks about my looks, my body, and that the fact that I am not "clean" We talked about the apps and our views on them and we talked about my deleting Grindr before and we shared phone numbers so we text on the phone now.
So thanks anyone and everyone who shares a thought, a statement, a view, an idea. Some time bits of wisdom come from the most obscure place. Have a JUB day!!!!!
So the story starts on Grindr, first contact was last year some time, we chatted for a period time on the app and enjoyed the conversation, all strictly platonic, non sexual chat. Was going along every couple days or so, not really sure what he was looking for at the time and yeah, we just had a nice chat. Then he stopped talking and I guess, I really didn't go out of my way to pursue the chat. It is after all Grindr and we all know that people come and go on the app, chats come and go, and whatever else comes and goes.
Then in August of this year, I was going through my favorites and ran across his profile so he was still on Grindr and I messaged him. A short time later he replied and well the conversation flowed along and we would spend hours chatting back and forth. With our work schedules, I am at work during the day and where I work get no cell reception inside the building so conversations during the day are few but, in the evening and at night when I am at home and he is at work, the chats go back and forth until I go to bed. We have talked about our political views, our religious views, our desire to find a home in a church that accepts gay people, our taste in foods, clothing, our dislike for large gatherings, to walks, travel, exercise, our families and there is probably one or 2 more that I haven't listed. One big thing that we have touched on is our shared position within our families of taking care of parents. Mine are both passed but, was the family member that took care of them through their later years and end of life process and he is there to support his dad as his mom has passed away. He used the words of he is his dad's wife. Another is our mental health predicament and the issues of depression, medications, therapy and the struggles. Through our conversations, the only thing that is different from each others likes is that he prefers large curd cottage cheese and I prefer small curd.
So any way, during our chats, I know that he lost his partner several years ago to cancer. Was treated badly by his family after his passing, found out after that he was cheating and that he is now "casually" seeing someone else (his words) and in his words told me that he is not looking for sex. We also talked about the break in our chats and he said it aligns with when he met this other guy. He told me that he is on Grindr as he has a gut feeling that the guy is cheating on him. His profile list nothing of personal attributes that would identify him such as real age or picture. He is 35, his former partner passed away at the age of 71 and that he only hinted that the guy he is casually seeing is older, that I would be younger and for clarification I am 59.
So this leads me to my inquiry. If you are casually seeing someone and have basically taken yourself off the market, why would you spend so much time talking to someone else and not the person who you are seeing? We talk non stop for hours each day. It just strikes me as odd I guess as I don't think like that or something. I get being friends but do you talk for hours to a friend and there is no time in the day for the other? I get the concept of open relationships and it seems like people say they are together but really aren't and are looking and with other people while they have a partner or bf at the house that they go back to. We have discussed this topic as well, among other attributes of the gay culture and lifestyles and what we don't like and the open relationship was one that he is not for and cheating within a committed relationship is also one that he does not like.
I just wanted some insights on this from a varied perspective of people, backgrounds, situations, experiences and view points. Some times you are too close you can't see the forest for the trees type thing. I don't have anyone else here close enough to get a reaction from honestly. I am not fawning all over the guy, wishing, and my entire waking moments are not consumed by him as I go on about my life as I have but, it does cause me to think and wonder. And also, I have since deleted all of the gay apps and have basically taken myself off the market and out of the sea of fishes as I am sick of the derougeteoy (sp) remarks about my looks, my body, and that the fact that I am not "clean" We talked about the apps and our views on them and we talked about my deleting Grindr before and we shared phone numbers so we text on the phone now.
So thanks anyone and everyone who shares a thought, a statement, a view, an idea. Some time bits of wisdom come from the most obscure place. Have a JUB day!!!!!
