If someone asked me three months ago whether at the end of October I would be blogging on a gay forum, I would have thought they were crazy. If someone asked me last week whether in one week my weight loss story would be the first thing I blogged about, I thought they would have been wrong. While I didn't mention my weight loss to generate responses, it has gotten some. I decided I've posted so many mentally draining posts, writing about something that isn't nearly so emotionally taxing is probably a good thing for me so here goes. . .
The Background. Up until the last few years, I'd always been fat. I was fat as a little boy, fat as a teenager and fat until I was in my mid-thirties. In elementary school, I was the one people called names--I was fat and wore glasses. I was slow in sports and had asthma. In junior high, some people called me the "Dough Boy" My mother was always trying to get me to lose weight (my parents are married but my father never said anything about my weight). When I turned 16 (I think I was 220 or 230 lbs. (104 kg)), she told me I had to lose 30 lbs. (14 kg) to get my driver's license. I decided if I got a job, she would get tired of driving me to work. I got a job, one week later I had a license, one month later I quit and kept both my 30 lbs. and driver's license. I enjoy theatre arts, drama and speech (shocking, I know). I was in several plays in high school. One time at the house, while my brother (older) and his girlfriend were over, my mother asked in front of both of them whether the school had reinforced the stage yet for me to be on it. Well, you get the idea the type of "encouragement" I was given growing up to lose weight. All it really did was make me not want to lose weight and self-esteem issues.
I started high school at 200 lbs. (91 kg). By the time I graduated from post-graduate schools, I was 275 lbs. (125 kg). Two years later, I was pushing 290 lbs. (132 kg). In 2004, I went on an overseas trip with a former coworker (the one I came out to Thursday). By that time, I was slightly over 300 lbs. (138 kg), and was on high blood pressure. I lived to eat. Before going on the trip, I needed to buy a couple of new trousers. I went to the store and could not find a pair that fit good. I could only find 48 inch waist pants and they were tight (sorry, I don't know the rest of the world conversion on pant sizes). I was going to be gone three weeks on the trip and four days into it, I got quite ill. My lower abdomen hurt quite a bit if I ate much food. I discovered if I didn't eat as much, I wasn't in as much pain. By the time I returned, I had started eating smaller portion sizes and didn't want any fried foods (fried food was quite popular where we traveled).
The first week I got back, I started thinking about not finding pants that fit and of getting ill/already eating smaller portions. I decided that it was time for me to lose weight. I had tried losing some weight in the past, but they were either for a particular event or some person. I had never tried to lose weight for me, tried to lose weight because I just wanted to or tried to lose weight because I thought it was the healthy thing to do. I stared down something in a manner I don't recommend to others--I didn't consult my primary care physician-I did research on the internet regarding "proper" weight and settled on a diet. I decided to have both a quantitative and qualitative goal. I wanted to lose 120 lbs. (54 kg) for the quantitative goal (would put me at the upper end of my weight range). Since I've always been fat, I've never seen my waistline when seated (or really standing up for that matter due to overhangage). Seeing my waistline when I sit down became my qualitative goal, limited by the lower end of the weight range for my height (6' 1"ish).
The diet. I'm sure I've kept it well hidden, but I'm somewhat analytical. I thought about the various "fad" diets and decided I didn't want to go on any of them because I felt they would not be sustainable for the long term. If I was going to lose weight and keep it off, a complete change in my diet and how I look at food was required. I knew that whatever food changes I made in order to lose weight would have to have sustainability well after I reached my target weight. I decided simple was better. I've long thought American portion sizes are huge. I enjoy traveling and the thing I always notice when in Europe is that their portion sizes are quite a bit smaller than those in America (though this may be changing). I decided first and foremost that I didn't need to consume, quantity-wise, as much food every day. I basically started eating half of my portions. I wanted nothing fried because of all the fried things associated with being ill. After I went a month of so without eating fried foods, if I even ate something small that was fried, it tasted really disgusting--like burnt grease. I cut out the snacks, sweetened beverages and desserts. I cut down my intake of fatty foods. I really went to a diet of based on moderation. I still enjoyed and enjoy my chips and queso when I go out to restaurants that have chips and queso and I'm a sucker for good bread, but we all have our foibles.
The exercise. In addition to changing my diet, I decided that exercise was in order. I thought walking would be good so I began walking three times a week. I started on a 4 mile route in my neighborhood and over time it expanded to 8.5 miles. I would walk the route in about 1 hour 45 minutes. Soon, the 48" pants I had fit, then they became loose so I bought a smaller pair, and a smaller pair and a smaller pair. In the beginning, not snacking and wanting deserts could be difficult. Over time, I no longer felt like I needed to snack and deserts now are generally way too sweet. I'll occasionally have a desert, but it's very rare.
By 2007, I had reached my quantitative goal. By 2008, I had not reached my qualitative goal but I didn't know how much the excess skin I have weighed such that if I lost more weight would be bordering on being too light (remember my lower end limitation). I saw my primary care physician a month or so ago for the first time since 2004 (before I started losing weight, I would get sinus infections three or four times a year--since beginning to exercise, I've only been ill a few times). He didn't recognize me. I told him everything I had done and was doing--both exercise and diet-wise and he said it was perfect. He told me where I was on the BMI scale and said it was "perfect." It's surprisingly near the top so I decided I could perhaps lose another 10 or so pounds to see if that helps with my qualitative goal, which I've noticed a difference.
Health differences. As I mentioned above, I don't get sick very often now. My blood pressure is excellent (123/72 the last time I gave blood), pulse is good (60 bpm) and I feel great.
Reactions. Other than the better health, people's reactions have been the most positive reinforcement. I grew a beard in 1999 and decided when I lost 80 pounds, I would shave it off and change my hair style (I had the same one my entire life). The first Sunday I went to church sans beard and different hair, people who had known me my entire life didn't recognize me and did double takes (it took me one year and two months to lose 80 pounds). One poor lady I saw every Sunday introduced herself to me! I won't lie, I loved it! It's one of my guilty pleasures. As of today, I'm 165 lbs. (75 kg)., I wear 29 or 30 inch pants and wind up getting most of my shirts tailored (I buy mediums for the sleeve length and get then taken up through the middle. Why? Because I can and it looks good, IMO).
One of the biggest changes I've noticed as far as reactions are concerned is the service I receive in restaurants. I get so much better service now than I used to and people in service related businesses are much friendlier to me. There's a small group of us that go out to dinner once a week. It's not uncommon for the server to only make eye contact with me when talking about specials and such that causes my friends to tease me greatly. I enjoy it more when it's a cute guy and have occasionally wondered whether they've noticed I'm much friendlier with the guys who do that than the girls. . .
I changed jobs some time before the 2004 trip. The wedding I went to this weekend was of a former coworker. The guy I traveled with in 2004 who was my best co-worker friend was in the wedding. I had not seen the groom since 2006 and I had not seen the other guy since 2007. My friend and I were going to meet in the hotel lobby to go over to the rehearsal dinner together. He called to let me know he was ready and I headed down the elevator. As I was walking out of the elevator bays, another elevator opened and it was my friend. He made eye contact with me and walked right past me! It was great! He had no clue it was me and was quite amazed. At the rehearsal dinner I was visiting with the groom's parents when he arrived. The groom initially wondered who the strange guy was visiting with his parents. I had numerous "bastard, you make me sick" comments (which I always enjoy immensely) along with lots of compliments. It was very nice. People that only know "Thin HVK" don't believe I was ever fat.
Losing weight has given me much more self confidence, though I find it difficult to break away from the introverted shell into which I had placed myself. I know that how I eat (now mostly chicken, fish, pork, salads and vegetables) must be the way I eat for the rest of my life but that doesn't depress me in the least. I'm happy with what I eat and but for one restaurant, I can find something I'm willing to eat everywhere. For me, it was important not to take "diet pills" or go on some "fad" diet because I don't think any of them are sustainable in the long term. It took a complete mind-set change. I still exercise and have not quite reached my qualitative goal, though I may stop again because I am very conscious of losing too much weight. My mother's reaction. . . my parent's house has no FatHVK picture on display--they all were taken down and replaced some time ago (I actually find that quite sad). She now complains that I'm too thin (which makes me chuckle). I told my primary care physician that my mother and others think I've gone on the opposite end of the spectrum and am too thin---he immediately replied "they would be wrong." hee-hee.
If I come across someone who is struggling with weight issues and talks about losing weight, my immediate question is to ask why they're wanting to lose weight. I tell them from my experience, if it's being done for a particular event, the event will be over and the weight will go back on. If it's for a particular person, that person may not be around in the future and the weight will go back on. It may sound selfish, but, for me, losing weight was for me and I'm stuck with me so I think it's a pretty good person for whom to lose weight. I also tell people that unlike me, they should visit with their doctor before trying any radical diet changes--especially if they're on medications or have ancillary health issues (I weened myself off of my high blood pressure but monitored it with a cuff--yes, not wise, but I was monitoring it). It's been a long road, but certainly worth it--from the better health to being able to wear a wider variety of clothes to just feeling better about myself. It's akin to the feeling I have as far as where I am on the coming out road--I've been fat, I'm now thin, and I never want to go back to the FatHVK.
For funsies, I'm going to try to attach a picture of Old and New HVK. I'm not naming them--if you can't tell the difference, get some corrective lenses
The Background. Up until the last few years, I'd always been fat. I was fat as a little boy, fat as a teenager and fat until I was in my mid-thirties. In elementary school, I was the one people called names--I was fat and wore glasses. I was slow in sports and had asthma. In junior high, some people called me the "Dough Boy" My mother was always trying to get me to lose weight (my parents are married but my father never said anything about my weight). When I turned 16 (I think I was 220 or 230 lbs. (104 kg)), she told me I had to lose 30 lbs. (14 kg) to get my driver's license. I decided if I got a job, she would get tired of driving me to work. I got a job, one week later I had a license, one month later I quit and kept both my 30 lbs. and driver's license. I enjoy theatre arts, drama and speech (shocking, I know). I was in several plays in high school. One time at the house, while my brother (older) and his girlfriend were over, my mother asked in front of both of them whether the school had reinforced the stage yet for me to be on it. Well, you get the idea the type of "encouragement" I was given growing up to lose weight. All it really did was make me not want to lose weight and self-esteem issues.
I started high school at 200 lbs. (91 kg). By the time I graduated from post-graduate schools, I was 275 lbs. (125 kg). Two years later, I was pushing 290 lbs. (132 kg). In 2004, I went on an overseas trip with a former coworker (the one I came out to Thursday). By that time, I was slightly over 300 lbs. (138 kg), and was on high blood pressure. I lived to eat. Before going on the trip, I needed to buy a couple of new trousers. I went to the store and could not find a pair that fit good. I could only find 48 inch waist pants and they were tight (sorry, I don't know the rest of the world conversion on pant sizes). I was going to be gone three weeks on the trip and four days into it, I got quite ill. My lower abdomen hurt quite a bit if I ate much food. I discovered if I didn't eat as much, I wasn't in as much pain. By the time I returned, I had started eating smaller portion sizes and didn't want any fried foods (fried food was quite popular where we traveled).
The first week I got back, I started thinking about not finding pants that fit and of getting ill/already eating smaller portions. I decided that it was time for me to lose weight. I had tried losing some weight in the past, but they were either for a particular event or some person. I had never tried to lose weight for me, tried to lose weight because I just wanted to or tried to lose weight because I thought it was the healthy thing to do. I stared down something in a manner I don't recommend to others--I didn't consult my primary care physician-I did research on the internet regarding "proper" weight and settled on a diet. I decided to have both a quantitative and qualitative goal. I wanted to lose 120 lbs. (54 kg) for the quantitative goal (would put me at the upper end of my weight range). Since I've always been fat, I've never seen my waistline when seated (or really standing up for that matter due to overhangage). Seeing my waistline when I sit down became my qualitative goal, limited by the lower end of the weight range for my height (6' 1"ish).
The diet. I'm sure I've kept it well hidden, but I'm somewhat analytical. I thought about the various "fad" diets and decided I didn't want to go on any of them because I felt they would not be sustainable for the long term. If I was going to lose weight and keep it off, a complete change in my diet and how I look at food was required. I knew that whatever food changes I made in order to lose weight would have to have sustainability well after I reached my target weight. I decided simple was better. I've long thought American portion sizes are huge. I enjoy traveling and the thing I always notice when in Europe is that their portion sizes are quite a bit smaller than those in America (though this may be changing). I decided first and foremost that I didn't need to consume, quantity-wise, as much food every day. I basically started eating half of my portions. I wanted nothing fried because of all the fried things associated with being ill. After I went a month of so without eating fried foods, if I even ate something small that was fried, it tasted really disgusting--like burnt grease. I cut out the snacks, sweetened beverages and desserts. I cut down my intake of fatty foods. I really went to a diet of based on moderation. I still enjoyed and enjoy my chips and queso when I go out to restaurants that have chips and queso and I'm a sucker for good bread, but we all have our foibles.
The exercise. In addition to changing my diet, I decided that exercise was in order. I thought walking would be good so I began walking three times a week. I started on a 4 mile route in my neighborhood and over time it expanded to 8.5 miles. I would walk the route in about 1 hour 45 minutes. Soon, the 48" pants I had fit, then they became loose so I bought a smaller pair, and a smaller pair and a smaller pair. In the beginning, not snacking and wanting deserts could be difficult. Over time, I no longer felt like I needed to snack and deserts now are generally way too sweet. I'll occasionally have a desert, but it's very rare.
By 2007, I had reached my quantitative goal. By 2008, I had not reached my qualitative goal but I didn't know how much the excess skin I have weighed such that if I lost more weight would be bordering on being too light (remember my lower end limitation). I saw my primary care physician a month or so ago for the first time since 2004 (before I started losing weight, I would get sinus infections three or four times a year--since beginning to exercise, I've only been ill a few times). He didn't recognize me. I told him everything I had done and was doing--both exercise and diet-wise and he said it was perfect. He told me where I was on the BMI scale and said it was "perfect." It's surprisingly near the top so I decided I could perhaps lose another 10 or so pounds to see if that helps with my qualitative goal, which I've noticed a difference.
Health differences. As I mentioned above, I don't get sick very often now. My blood pressure is excellent (123/72 the last time I gave blood), pulse is good (60 bpm) and I feel great.
Reactions. Other than the better health, people's reactions have been the most positive reinforcement. I grew a beard in 1999 and decided when I lost 80 pounds, I would shave it off and change my hair style (I had the same one my entire life). The first Sunday I went to church sans beard and different hair, people who had known me my entire life didn't recognize me and did double takes (it took me one year and two months to lose 80 pounds). One poor lady I saw every Sunday introduced herself to me! I won't lie, I loved it! It's one of my guilty pleasures. As of today, I'm 165 lbs. (75 kg)., I wear 29 or 30 inch pants and wind up getting most of my shirts tailored (I buy mediums for the sleeve length and get then taken up through the middle. Why? Because I can and it looks good, IMO).
One of the biggest changes I've noticed as far as reactions are concerned is the service I receive in restaurants. I get so much better service now than I used to and people in service related businesses are much friendlier to me. There's a small group of us that go out to dinner once a week. It's not uncommon for the server to only make eye contact with me when talking about specials and such that causes my friends to tease me greatly. I enjoy it more when it's a cute guy and have occasionally wondered whether they've noticed I'm much friendlier with the guys who do that than the girls. . .
I changed jobs some time before the 2004 trip. The wedding I went to this weekend was of a former coworker. The guy I traveled with in 2004 who was my best co-worker friend was in the wedding. I had not seen the groom since 2006 and I had not seen the other guy since 2007. My friend and I were going to meet in the hotel lobby to go over to the rehearsal dinner together. He called to let me know he was ready and I headed down the elevator. As I was walking out of the elevator bays, another elevator opened and it was my friend. He made eye contact with me and walked right past me! It was great! He had no clue it was me and was quite amazed. At the rehearsal dinner I was visiting with the groom's parents when he arrived. The groom initially wondered who the strange guy was visiting with his parents. I had numerous "bastard, you make me sick" comments (which I always enjoy immensely) along with lots of compliments. It was very nice. People that only know "Thin HVK" don't believe I was ever fat.
Losing weight has given me much more self confidence, though I find it difficult to break away from the introverted shell into which I had placed myself. I know that how I eat (now mostly chicken, fish, pork, salads and vegetables) must be the way I eat for the rest of my life but that doesn't depress me in the least. I'm happy with what I eat and but for one restaurant, I can find something I'm willing to eat everywhere. For me, it was important not to take "diet pills" or go on some "fad" diet because I don't think any of them are sustainable in the long term. It took a complete mind-set change. I still exercise and have not quite reached my qualitative goal, though I may stop again because I am very conscious of losing too much weight. My mother's reaction. . . my parent's house has no FatHVK picture on display--they all were taken down and replaced some time ago (I actually find that quite sad). She now complains that I'm too thin (which makes me chuckle). I told my primary care physician that my mother and others think I've gone on the opposite end of the spectrum and am too thin---he immediately replied "they would be wrong." hee-hee.
If I come across someone who is struggling with weight issues and talks about losing weight, my immediate question is to ask why they're wanting to lose weight. I tell them from my experience, if it's being done for a particular event, the event will be over and the weight will go back on. If it's for a particular person, that person may not be around in the future and the weight will go back on. It may sound selfish, but, for me, losing weight was for me and I'm stuck with me so I think it's a pretty good person for whom to lose weight. I also tell people that unlike me, they should visit with their doctor before trying any radical diet changes--especially if they're on medications or have ancillary health issues (I weened myself off of my high blood pressure but monitored it with a cuff--yes, not wise, but I was monitoring it). It's been a long road, but certainly worth it--from the better health to being able to wear a wider variety of clothes to just feeling better about myself. It's akin to the feeling I have as far as where I am on the coming out road--I've been fat, I'm now thin, and I never want to go back to the FatHVK.
For funsies, I'm going to try to attach a picture of Old and New HVK. I'm not naming them--if you can't tell the difference, get some corrective lenses