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A Word Of Advice...

Muscles4daze

Muscles4daze

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To all of you guys who are attracted to the " confused straight guy" and interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with them, I would advise you to leave it alone. In the end you will only get hurt and while you will spend days even weeks stressing over the situation the guy will have already moved on. I am speaking from experience, back away slowly, they're are plenty of available openly gay men out there.
 
Muscles4daze said:
To all of you guys who are attracted to the " confused straight guy" and interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with them, I would advise you to leave it alone. In the end you will only get hurt and while you will spend days even weeks stressing over the situation the guy will have already moved on. I am speaking from experience, back away slowly, they're are plenty of available openly gay men out there.
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I agree with you. But, it's something most gay guys, who have this problem, have to learn the hard way.

Mainly because it's not really about the straight guy, but about where the gay guy chooses and/or feels he needs to be.

Plus almost a worse thing is that, until the light bulb eventually goes on, you tend to repeat the pattern with the next straight guy or unavailable gay guy.

The good news is that, when the light bulb does go on, you realise that the problem isn't their mixed signal, but that you give these guys your number*.

(*OK I think that's from Marianne Williamson of Course of Miracles fame.)
 
Spensed said:
I agree with you. But, it's something most gay guys, who have this problem, have to learn the hard way.

Mainly because it's not really about the straight guy, but about where the gay guy chooses and/or feels he needs to be.

Plus almost a worse thing is that, until the light bulb eventually goes on, you tend to repeat the pattern with the next straight guy or unavailable gay guy.

The good news is that, when the light bulb does go on, you realise that the problem isn't their mixed signal, but that you give these guys your number*.

(*OK I think that's from Marianne Williamson of Course of Miracles fame.)
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I agree 100%, I'm just trying to prevent a little heartache.
 
Excellent advice, Muscles. You've done a good service by posting this; I only hope many heed your words. I, too, have been in that situation and it's not fun.
 
Yeah, I'm starting to think the only person it benefits is the other guy--he gets dragged out of the closet.

But once he gets to that point, he'll probably want to play with others. So you'll lose him pretty quickly. If you're both young and inexperienced, it's probably a good thing overall. But it'll probably never be an LTR.
 
So-called "straight" guys are really overrated in this sense. Romance with one is an all but a lost cause full of hard work and frustration. Sticking just to sex is a better tactic, but even then you may still have to deal with training issues or some skittishness.

For many years, I only half-heartedly believed this but then earlier this year a cute "straight" guy followed me back to my hotel room after a family function (he was a friend of a relative). Shortly before fucking his brains out, he informed me that he's "like bi but doesn't really tell people". Definitely a fun time (I don't mind being the teacher, he was eager to learn and he had one of the biggest dicks I've ever seen), but certainly not all it's cracked up to be in the fantasies of gay men.

As one of my friends put it later, "aw you helped a guy come closer to figuring out his sexuality, how cute!" That's about the best you can hope for, but there's definitely worse things.
 
it's so hard, though!!!

i'm having an issue with one of these guys right now! and i don't want to walk away! he's so flirty with me, it's abusive!

he probably knows how i feel, and he flirts with me. to me, that means he's interested, but he is dating girls and seems only to allude to sexual things to me but has yet to deliver.

i'm so frustrated. even if he were to offer a hook-up, should i take it? i don't want to second fiddle to some bitch with a vagina! i'm there for him when he's depressed or needs someone to talk to! i was there for him when no skirt was!

i feel some sort of privilege to him. why does he trust me, and tease me when he knows he's breaking my heart?

i love him, but he doesn't love me back.
 
I had the same problem up until about four months ago.

Him and I became great friends in high school. When I went off to college, I thought my feelings for him would leave..but they didn't. In fact, I found myself constantly around him during the breaks at home because he would play the "dude, you're my best friend. I trust you with everything. I love you" bullshit. He almost always showered me with gifts or really flirty moments that would totally lead me into believing that he wanted me.

Well, it turns out that I told him how I felt and he seemed normal about it....that is until I came home for summer break. Ultimately, he decided to let it out to my old friends that I was gay and was madly in love with him. Therefore everytime I did see him, he would duck and hide and make a complete joke about it as if i was stalking him.

The kid is a nut case and totally had me going for about two years. I think it's a guy like him that will make me realize that "straight" guys will just fall into a pattern and never accept who they are.

It's because of that situation that I hope he will be married with 4 kids wishing he would have came out and had another life. The negative effects far out run any hopes of something. It has been one of the worst summers back at home because of this kid.

Bottom line...straight guys are not worth it.
 
It's coming from someone who ended up getting his feelings seriously hurt. Falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate is the worst possible reality to understand.
 
well then, i can't understand it! i don't want to!

I wont!!!!

I feel so alone, so broken! Incomplete!

I don't want to live without him!!!!

God damn it, i wish i could get over it, but i can't. this is so hard for he. i tell myself to leave it be, that it will never mean anything except a broken heart for me and wasted time, but i can't turn my feelings off!

i need him! i want him! i can't stop thinking about him!

i dream about him...

my chest hurts because of him. i'm physically breaking down!
 
eh, I did some of that too. That's when I turned on the Continuum album by John Mayer and let him help me out. haha....

and I'm serious. That's what I did. With friend's help and then music, I got through it.
 
the only person who knows about me is the guy in question....


and my feelings towards him are a bit biased, not to mention he strings me along like a fish and i can't tell whether or not he's genuinely interested!
 
bear249 said:
I had the same problem up until about four months ago.

Him and I became great friends in high school. When I went off to college, I thought my feelings for him would leave..but they didn't. In fact, I found myself constantly around him during the breaks at home because he would play the "dude, you're my best friend. I trust you with everything. I love you" bullshit. He almost always showered me with gifts or really flirty moments that would totally lead me into believing that he wanted me.

Well, it turns out that I told him how I felt and he seemed normal about it....that is until I came home for summer break. Ultimately, he decided to let it out to my old friends that I was gay and was madly in love with him. Therefore everytime I did see him, he would duck and hide and make a complete joke about it as if i was stalking him.

The kid is a nut case and totally had me going for about two years. I think it's a guy like him that will make me realize that "straight" guys will just fall into a pattern and never accept who they are.

It's because of that situation that I hope he will be married with 4 kids wishing he would have came out and had another life. The negative effects far out run any hopes of something. It has been one of the worst summers back at home because of this kid.

Bottom line...straight guys are not worth it.
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Eventually this guy will realize who he truly is, and he wil remember the person he lost. A lot of times people live for society rather than live for themselves. I am pretty sure he will get married and have kids, and live a miserable life that is based on a lie.
 
lucius said:
it's so hard, though!!!

i'm having an issue with one of these guys right now! and i don't want to walk away! he's so flirty with me, it's abusive!

he probably knows how i feel, and he flirts with me. to me, that means he's interested, but he is dating girls and seems only to allude to sexual things to me but has yet to deliver.

i'm so frustrated. even if he were to offer a hook-up, should i take it? i don't want to second fiddle to some bitch with a vagina! i'm there for him when he's depressed or needs someone to talk to! i was there for him when no skirt was!

i feel some sort of privilege to him. why does he trust me, and tease me when he knows he's breaking my heart?

i love him, but he doesn't love me back.
Click to expand...

leave it alone now my friend. Involve yourself in a lot of activities so that you can forget about him. I think this guy is using you for emotional support, and he's only doing it because he knows you care. It will be hard but keep your mind occupied so you can forget about this dude.
 
no!

i'll martyr myself for him. i love him, and always will!
 
I wish they'd been classes in school to point out the obvious issues in this kind of relationship, e.g.

Firstly, the gay guy somehow thinks that the straight guy is being ambiguous or ambivalent or whatever and that somehow the relationship is going to spark into physical and emotional sexual intimacy at some point.

That just isn't the dynamic of how guys are. Most men know they're sexually interested in someone very quickly, just like the gay guy does, and they don't pass on sexual opportunities, if they come up. Not to say that they have to have sex at the earliest opportunity, but, if the relationship isn't clearly sexual in nature to both participants early on, it's unlikely to become sexual later.

Secondly, even if the guy were gay, it's difficult to move from friends to sexual partners. Because sex is about chemistry, aggression, mystery, etc., it's much less, not more, likely to happen with someone who's already your "brother".

Thirdly, many guys flirt up a storm for the attention and even friendship without any intention of making out. Gay guys do the same thing with girls they sense are attracted to them, not with any malicious intent, but because they like knowing that someone's attracted to them and they don't focus on the other person's internal expectations.

Fourthly, whatever he does, it's rarely about the other person. Most peope accept no, or persistent maybes, as no and know that they don't have to battle to get someone to be attracted to them. Others, from their own family experiences or whatever, are so used to trying to win over unavailable people that trying to do that, and being unhappy, is the norm for them.

Finally, there is hope. Most pepple work out that they're putting themselves into this situation and do it differently. When you're in it, it always seems that the other guy has to be the one. But with hindsight you realize that much of what you thought he was was just your projection and sometimes, seeing how he turned out, you're even grateful that the relationship never went in the direction you were so obsessed with.

Sorry to drone on. Just my opinions, of course.
 
Spensed said:
I wish they'd been classes in school to point out the obvious issues in this kind of relationship, e.g.

Firstly, the gay guy somehow thinks that the straight guy is being ambiguous or ambivalent or whatever and that somehow the relationship is going to spark into physical and emotional sexual intimacy at some point.

That just isn't the dynamic of how guys are. Most men know they're sexually interested in someone very quickly, just like the gay guy does, and they don't pass on sexual opportunities, if they come up. Not to say that they have to have sex at the earliest opportunity, but, if the relationship isn't clearly sexual in nature to both participants early on, it's unlikely to become sexual later.

Secondly, even if the guy were gay, it's difficult to move from friends to sexual partners. Because sex is about chemistry, aggression, mystery, etc., it's much less, not more, likely to happen with someone who's already your "brother".

Thirdly, many guys flirt up a storm for the attention and even friendship without any intention of making out. Gay guys do the same thing with girls they sense are attracted to them, not with any malicious intent, but because they like knowing that someone's attracted to them and they don't focus on the other person's internal expectations.

Fourthly, whatever he does, it's rarely about the other person. Most peope accept no, or persistent maybes, as no and know that they don't have to battle to get someone to be attracted to them. Others, from their own family experiences or whatever, are so used to trying to win over unavailable people that trying to do that, and being unhappy, is the norm for them.

Finally, there is hope. Most pepple work out that they're putting themselves into this situation and do it differently. When you're in it, it always seems that the other guy has to be the one. But with hindsight you realize that much of what you thought he was was just your projection and sometimes, seeing how he turned out, you're even grateful that the relationship never went in the direction you were so obsessed with.

Sorry to drone on. Just my opinions, of course.
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:=D::=D::=D::=D:
 
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