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About this guy

S

SilentbutSweet64

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Okay so I chatted with this guy for a while last year, Im almost 21 and he's 10 years older than me. And I never had sex before, but when we found a good day to meet we had sex and it was great. But that was the last time we saw each other. We still keep in touch and I really really like this guy and just cannot stop thinking about it. Especially when I'm trying to sleep. I'm Bi and so is he and we both feel the same way about wanting a girlfriend and kids later but I don't know what to do because I really like this guy. @__@
 
I don't really understand your situation. So you really like the guy and you want to be with him, but you want a girlfriend and kids later?

What I'm saying is that you have to be direct and straight-forward with what you want from this. Don't fall head over heels for this guy if he's only a friends with benefits type of deal. In some cases with friends with benefits, one guy falls harder than the other, and it makes a HUGE mess and makes everything quite awkward. (I would know, I was the one who fell harder.) With that said, talk to him and figure out what you two want so that you don't get hurt in the long run.
 
I agree with college. Why are you asking the question? Do your feelings for him make you pause about the fact that you want a girlfriend and kids? Did you not expect to have such strong feelings for a guy? Also since it's the first time you've had sex it is normal to have some strong feelings for him. How long since you last saw him?
 
techie70 said:
Also since it's the first time you've had sex it is normal to have some strong feelings for him.
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I agree. I think this has much to do with the fact that it was your first time. It's special, and you're bound to think and rethink and relive it over and over. I remember when I first had sex, I thought about it for weeks afterward (even though the guy wasn't all that hot #-o -- I know, how lame--and we didn't really go all the way...)

collegeguy89 said:
In some cases with friends with benefits, one guy falls harder than the other, and it makes a HUGE mess and makes everything quite awkward. (I would know, I was the one who fell harder.)
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I can certainly relate to that. I enjoy love-making much more than sex, so it's easy for me to fall for a guy. Don't mean to hijack this thread, but what do you do when you find yourself beginning to "fall" for a friend with benefits, knowing that a romantic relationship is not possible?? Do you just end it, even though the sex is incredible? Or is it possible to try and suppress feelings outside of sex? Can it work?

I should go watch No Strings Attached--it's too fitting.
 
redips said:
Don't mean to hijack this thread, but what do you do when you find yourself beginning to "fall" for a friend with benefits, knowing that a romantic relationship is not possible?? Do you just end it, even though the sex is incredible? Or is it possible to try and suppress feelings outside of sex? Can it work?

I should go watch No Strings Attached--it's too fitting.
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If you and your friend with benefits are really friends, then try doing less sex and more friendship. Sharing yourself is an intimate action - hence why they say getting intimate right - if you are that close to a person, feelings have to happen. If you only do one-night stands, then your own self-image is bound to be hurt. If you find yourself falling - talk, talk and talk. Maybe a real relationship is possible, maybe the benefits of sex stop and the benefits of knowing someone starts.

Good luck redips - an nice move on the highjack!

celebrate your life
Rand
 
What is the reason you think that a romantic relationship isn't possible? I think that can help us give better advice.

Has he said or done something to give you that impression?
 
Thank you, rand, techie.

Hm. I guess I don't really want a relationship with him, because he's not what I look for in a boyfriend/partner (in terms of interests, goals, so on and so forth). However, being the hopeless romantic that I am, feelings are indeed inevitable (and I think the same is true for him), especially since we both love making out, cuddling a bit before/after sex, etc.

So the sex is certainly more intimate than it should be. I certainly enjoy (in fact, love!) the intimacy. But I also realize that enjoying the intimacy doesn't mean loving someone. The intimacy from sex creates some feelings for him that are getting stronger, but I don't want to confuse this with true feelings that can last. So I'm afraid that continuing this would lead to us falling into something that in the end just won't work.

Does this make any sense at all? I figure that intimate sex is bound to stir feelings, so does this mean that NSA FWB relationships can never work? Or am I just not cut out for them?

I haven't seen NSA yet, but I can already guess the ending. Hollywood endings are always so convenient.
 
NSA did not work out for me and women. They all eventually wanted to get married. Women are more into the emotional side than men. However, NSA work out really well for me and my two buddies. Sex for us is another contact sport. We all get sweaty in our "wrestling" sessions :D
 
Makes total sense to me redips. Some people attach feelings to these situations and some like Hunter said are purely physical. Some can lead to a relationship and some are something to get you by until you find a relationship. I think you're in a place now where you can keep things from turning ugly and possibly salvage a friendship out of this. Does that have any appeal to you? How do you think he would to react to you cooling things down gradually?
 
techie70 said:
Makes total sense to me redips. Some people attach feelings to these situations and some like Hunter said are purely physical. Some can lead to a relationship and some are something to get you by until you find a relationship. I think you're in a place now where you can keep things from turning ugly and possibly salvage a friendship out of this. Does that have any appeal to you? How do you think he would to react to you cooling things down gradually?
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Thanks, techie. I think you're right. As hard as it is, I think I'm gonna try to talk to him and cool things off. I'm pretty sure we're both thinking the same things, so I think he'll agree with me.

Hm. Having him as a friend would be nice, but I think even that would be tough, because every time we see each other, we always end up having sex. I think both of us love affection way too much, so one way or another, we always end up home kissing and getting physical.

And actually, this wouldn't be the first time... I should've known. I guess NSA just doesn't work well for me.
 
It was definitely easier for me to have more casual relationships when I first came out. Now though I would have a hard time not getting attached as well. We all take our own time figuring out what works and what doesn't. Rinse and repeat right? And NSA may work out for you with a different guy.
 
Sorry for not making it clear, but yea I really didn't think I would have strong feelings with a guy, especially this one. I actually just saw him yesterday, he came by for a while and we ended up watching some TV. And then ended up having sex again, which I wasn't expecting cause my roommate was around and I thought we were just going to chill, but we were quiet and it made me happy. And now I miss him again and wish he hadn't left and keep getting a headache because I can't stop thinking about him.
 
You learn more about yourself by experience than you can ever imagine. Why don't you try to spend more time with him and see where things go. Make some plans in advance, go to dinner or just hang out. Doing things versus thinking about things will hopefully help with the headache and over thinking.

Put your thoughts about wanting a girlfriend and kids on the back burner for now. You are only 21 and have a lot of time if it turns out those things are what you really want. It's better to figure this out now than down the road once you are married with kids right?
 
Silent, this is a huge warning for you. You really need to talk to him and sort out everything. What I mean by this is, talk to him about your feelings and vice versa. You have to know where both of you stand.

The deeper you get emotionally attached to him, the worse it's going to be if he doesn't feel the same way about you. Believe me, I don't want the same thing to happen to you as it did to me.
 
I would like to do that, but our schedules are both crazy. He gets like one day off and my Im either in class when he's at work or even if I am it would be to late. But i'll work something out with him and see where it goes from there. Thanks techie70.
 
collegeguy89 said:
Silent, this is a huge warning for you. You really need to talk to him and sort out everything. What I mean by this is, talk to him about your feelings and vice versa. You have to know where both of you stand.

The deeper you get emotionally attached to him, the worse it's going to be if he doesn't feel the same way about you. Believe me, I don't want the same thing to happen to you as it did to me.
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I hear you, when I'm with him I want to but I just don't do it. He told me that he likes me to but yea guess we need to just talk.
 
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