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Addicted to impersonating girls

F

FordToughMan

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My biggest problem is that I am not out of the closet- but I am in a place where it is really not cool to be gay. A member of my family came out as a lesbian a few years ago and it has reeked havoc on my family. I can't add more stress to my family at this point in time.

The problem that I want to talk about right now is that I have an addiction to pretending to be girls online to get nude pics of guys. I have been doing this for about 8 years now in different forms. It started out on AIM and I have been using Facebook for the last couple of years. Recently, though, I have become so disgusted with myself for doing this. I have deleted my account and deleted my collection of pictures from doing this. This is not the first time I have done this though. Each time I break down and go back to doing it. I should probably get some sort of therapy but I have no idea how to go about doing it or how to pay for it.

If anyone knows of something I can do, PLEASE HELP ME! I have a serious problem and I do not know how to fix it.

Thank you
 
im sorry about your family. i dont feel they deserve the consideration youre giving them ("I can't add more stress to my family at this point"), but i guess you know the situation better than i do. just dont use that as an excuse for yourself. i hope you can come out some day, family reactions be damned, and that ultimately, they will accept and love you.

anyway, your online behaviour: i dont think impersonating girls is a problem, or something morally questionable. everybody knows that the internet is full of people who pretend to be somebody else. if those guys send you explicit pictures, they do it knowing that they could be sending them to anybody. if it gets you off, i dont see a reason to stop.

what is a problem, though, is your disgust with yourself. i think it has to do with self-hatred and shame, and yes, you do need therapy, or at least councelling. so go get some. there must be some gay helpline or community center in your area, right?

i think that once you get more comfortable with your sexuality, you wont feel addicted to that behaviour anymore. you might still continue to do it, just for fun, but as i said, i dont think thats a problem.
 
There are two things to really discuss here. Lemme first tackle the whole "how do I stop doing this" bit, and then we'll get to the bigger picture later.

First off, congratulations on realizing it's wrong to do so, and for taking the steps to move on from there. But here's the problem. Whenever we remove anything from our life, it leaves a void. And you can't just leave that void empty, because nature abhors a vacuum, and something's gonna rush in to take its place. And far too often, that ends up being the thing we spent time and effort getting rid of in the first place. So you're gonna need something to fill that void. Presumably, something sexual that will "scratch your itch".

So give it some thought. What might be something along the same line, but doesn't involve the deception? Would you be willing to swap photos with gay guys? Maybe watch a "cam" show from a gay guy, and perhaps do one for him?

...that said, I'm guessing the answer to these might by "no". Which leads to my second part.

I can understand that Houston might not be the most gay-friendly city in the US. (Although I seem to know a couple gay Texans anyway.) And you say that you "can't add more stress to my family at this point in time." That's also understandable, to a degree. But that brings up a point - do you foresee a time where you CAN come out? Because if you coming out is going to be "a stress" on the family dynamic, that'll be the case if you do it today, tomorrow, next year, or next decade. And if that's the case, you might continue finding reasons to stay in the closet today, tomorrow, next year, and next decade.

And as long as you stay in the closet, you're going to be forced to find "end-arounds" for your sexual needs. In short, you're going to think about doing things like befriending straight guys and trying to get them to send you nude photos. Instead of doing the healthy thing of finding a guy and getting into a relationship.

I can understand/appreciate not wanting to cause stress to the family dynamic, but see - this isn't about them. You're not choosing to be gay to mess up the family. You ARE gay, and you're staying in the closet, and that's messing up YOUR dynamic.

It may be your family isn't fond of gays. In which case, feel free to simply leave them out of your sex life. Go be gay, get laid, get a boyfriend, whatever. But don't tell your family about it. If they ask if you've got a girlfriend, say "I don't think you'll want to hear about that" and don't say anything more. But start thinking about doing the right thing by you. You don't have to drag them into it if they're not interested in coming along.

Lex
 
There is no reason at all to be impersonating a girl on-line to get nude pics of guys.

It is the internet for the love of pete. You could be getting pics of gay guys from all around the world with no problem.

So I see this as a real problem. As you say, an addiction. And one that is not healthy or productive.

I have no idea though how as to how you can cure yourself of this except through exploration of why you feel the need to be a girl. Why you get a thrill from the deception.

This may take some professional counselling. If you are as troubled by your behaviour as you say, you should go in for some therapeutic discussions with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
 
Thank you everyone for your posts. However, I do find it strange that some of you don't find this morally wrong. Aside from the fact it is illegal, I lied to people and told them I was someone I was not. This really does not seem wrong to some of you?
 
Well, it seems "some of you" would be only one of us who posted - x-cess. I personally think it's wrong because it's deceptive. I guess the real question is - do YOU feel it's wrong? Would you like to join the ranks of those who don't feel it's wrong, so you can continue doing it?

Lex
 
yeah, i dont think its wrong. i think its a perfectly fine way of exploring different identities, or just having some fun. comparable to children playing dress-up, or people going out in drag. ive done it a couple of times, pretending i was a attractive girl, or a muscle stud (im skinny in reality). it was interesting to see how people started reacting differently. for me it got boring quickly, so i didnt continue, but i can easily imagine that some people are turned on by such roleplaying games. again, i think its harmless and ok.

i guess its deceptive in the strictest sense of the word, but come on, its the internet. everybody is responsible for themselves and the pictures they put online. everybody is aware that you never really know whos on the other side of the line. if you consent to exposing yourself, in any way, to somebody on the internet, then you are consenting to exposing yourself to a complete stranger who you dont really know anything about. taking advantage of the extreme guilability and stupidity of some people hardly counts as deception in my book.

just to be clear, i think ford here has issues that need to be dealt with. issues with his family and his sense of self-worth. feeling addicted to this, in my opinion, harmless behaviour is just the symptom.
 
G-Lexington said:
I guess the real question is - do YOU feel it's wrong? Would you like to join the ranks of those who don't feel it's wrong, so you can continue doing it?
Click to expand...

i think thats a real good question. but having a different perspective, i would phrase it a little differently. i think its clear from his posts that ford feels extremely guilty about it. my question is, do you feel guilty because you are doing something wrong, or because you have self-worth issues and were raised to feel guilty about your sexuality?
 
rareboy said:
There is no reason at all to be impersonating a girl on-line to get nude pics of guys.

It is the internet for the love of pete. You could be getting pics of gay guys from all around the world with no problem.
Click to expand...

haha, exactly what I was thinking. /thread
 
FordToughMan said:
Thank you everyone for your posts. However, I do find it strange that some of you don't find this morally wrong. Aside from the fact it is illegal, I lied to people and told them I was someone I was not. This really does not seem wrong to some of you?
Click to expand...

its about you.
You lied to people is your problem and you need to fix it.
 
I would sugges trying to talk to gay guys online much like how you would usually talk to straights. Present yourself as a guy also and see how confident you can be about revealing the truth about who you really are.
 
I think it's a way to explore yourself. I don't think it's wrong really. I do think maybe we gay men watch too much porn or rely too much on erotic art but I mean....that's different. Just make sure you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

When you think about it anything that's fun and pleasurable can be addicting. Food, sex, entertainment, all that stuff is just joyful for us and so we can all go overboard with it. Instead of 'cutting cold turkey' or being too hard on yourself. I would suggest balance, or more of what the Tao called 'the middle way.'

Maybe tell yourself that you're only gonna look up hot ass men pictures when you're really HORNY and *have to* to get by, or two times a week. But then also tell yourself you're not gonna use it to medicate the pain in your life.
 
x-cess said:
yeah, i dont think its wrong. i think its a perfectly fine way of exploring different identities, or just having some fun.
Click to expand...


How would you feel if you were talking to a guy online, traded pics and really started to hit it off. . .and then you found out it was actually a self-loathing straight girl who just wanted to fuck with you for selfish reasons?


Would you be OKAY with that? Would you continue talking to him/her/it?




taking advantage of the extreme guilability and stupidity of some people hardly counts as deception in my book.
Click to expand...


So, it's okay to scam people, or say. . .break into someone's house if they leave the door open?
 
No, this is not okay, despite what others have said. There's been terrible stories about how the guy ends up reacting when he finds out the girl is actually a guy. It's very damaging to the gay community, because it builds a very strong resentment in favor of homophobia.

You need to direct your desires towards real, gay men. Now, Houston is the bottom capital of the United States. There's lots of gay men! Since you are used to using the internet, try Manhunt, or Adam4Adam. You'll find tons of profiles of guys who would be happy to share their revealing pictures to you.
 
Now, I'm just going by what your location says, but you live in Houston. Houston is the fourth largest city in the US. We have a surprisingly large gay community. Unless you live out in Tomball, Magnolia or some other hick town, gays are generally accepted here. Heck, I live in Cypress and it's still okay to be gay. Aside from you family, it would be fine to be out of the closet in Houston.

Oh, and what you did was very, very wrong. Also, those guys are idiots for sending pictures to someone who they don't even know.
 
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