Adding a 3rd person

[MascutarHero]

I wasn't to sure where to post this thread but decided to post here.

For those who had a threesome (or more) with their boyfriend, how was the experience? Did you have to find some new guy to join? or was it a friend that joined in? I'm not sure how this would work out because me and my boyfriend were discussing on doing a threesome but I can picture that just being complicated and awkward.

Any Ideas, notes, suggestions?

 

[Seasoned]

Three ways work for some couples and not for others. It's about how you're wired. My partner, soon to be husband, have been together 28 years. We came close to a 3-way 24 years ago. We comment fairly often that we're both glad is didn't happen.

 

[Maklaar13]

Threesomes are not for everyone! We have been together for 28 years too and have had a few three ways along the way. The first one was with one of my ex boyfriends, it was quite memorable and we still talk about it to this day, others have been with a close friend (that time was particularly terrible), and with other guys we have met at clubs. However there was one that nearly broke us up, it was with our 30 year old nephew, it was completely consensual, we all knew it was going to happen because he wanted it to happen, we had a great time, we drank and fucked all night but the aftermath was really a downer.

 

[Ninja108]

Depends on the couple,but I would talk it over and make sure you know the ground rules before you do it.

 

[canesnbeach]

My ex brought it up once. That's the reason he's an ex.

There're really only 2 things that can happen: either it will change your relationship, or it won't. If you're happy with things as they are now, is it really worth the risk of something changing? Or, if you're NOT happy at the moment, is a 3some the best way to repair that?

 

[MoltenRock III]

My ex brought it up once. That's the reason he's an ex.

There're really only 2 things that can happen: either it will change your relationship, or it won't. If you're happy with things as they are now, is it really worth the risk of something changing? Or, if you're NOT happy at the moment, is a 3some the best way to repair that?

Wait... So you dumped him for bringing it up? This is why people will just cheat then, if they don't have a close enough bond to discuss potentially uncomfortable things.

 

[GoldLion]

Wait... So you dumped him for bringing it up? This is why people will just cheat then, if they don't have a close enough bond to discuss potentially uncomfortable things.

I'm assuming he didn't dump him because he brought it up, but because by bringing it up it shows that he's not interested in monogamy, and thus, they did not stay together.

 

[MascutarHero]

Makes a lot of sense, honestly I don't know how to explain the details of our sex life, all I can say is we're 20 and each others 1st, don't you think we would like to explore more? From the comments I see though I think not only would it depend on us but also the person, I personally think it can most likely ruin our relationship due to the fact of us just thinking with the wrong head, but I think I'm mature enough to admit that out of the 2 of us

 

[Lube]

Illgetbi gives good advice, but I think with the OP's recent revelation, Lucky7 nailed it.

 

[canesnbeach]

I'm assuming he didn't dump him because he brought it up, but because by bringing it up it shows that he's not interested in monogamy, and thus, they did not stay together.

This.

The 3some was the proverbial straw, maybe I should've clarified. And I don't think it's possible to go around having 3somes with your partner and still claim to be monogamous. I get the appeal of that kind of experience, but there's still something profoundly unsettling about it when done within a 'monogamous' relationship.

Ultimately it's up to you to define the rules, but be aware that the unforeseen consequences might be too much to deal with.

 

[Lube]

I'm trying to understand where this very rigid definition of "monogamy" is coming from.

Well strictly from a language perspective, "mono" means one. Not two. Not one and a half. Not zero.

Call a threesome whatever you want. Judge it however you want. Just realize it's not monogamy.

 

[MascutarHero]

It seems to me you are not ready for a long term relationship or at least not a monogamous one.

You're 20.. it's normal not to settle down yet. Maybe you need to sow your oats a bit more.

We've been together for 2 years and 10 months, almost hitting 3 years

 

[MascutarHero]

So how are you going to tell your boyfriend that you're not interested?

well, it's not like he's going to be upset just feels like theres a chance he could possibly cheat on me? but it's a subject we don't really talk about a lot since we're both sexually attracted to each other, just feels like he wants more sometimes

 

[gumshoe]

Depends on your opinion of sex, I think. I think a respectable partner would bring it up (if it was his idea) or hear you out (if it's yours) and then you discuss it. If it's a dealbreaker and he wants to and you don't, well, better now than later to end it I think. If you really don't want to and he really does, he'll find another way to do it. Same if it were vice versa. But I think talking about it is important and maybe be open to trying it but certainly don't force it one way or another.

My bf and I have done it a few times. Both were with friends of ours that he had previously been with (actually, both were two guys who were together but were in an open relationship. We could have had a 4some I guess but didn't. Just both guys individually). With us, we often talk about it but have only done it with those two guys. It'd have to be someone we were both comfortable with and I think someone we both knew on a somewhat equal basis and someone we were sexually comfortable with. A dealbreaker with a potential third is if he tries to pressure either of us into going one-on-one. As of this point, my bf and I only play together.

I think the possibility of having the option open for us makes it fun even if we rarely ever go through with it.

I feel like I answered this in a messy way. I could go on and on perhaps. Maybe I need to find a specific question and answer just that one instead of reading through this topic and throwing everything in one response.

 

[canesnbeach]

Are you religious, by any chance?

I'm trying to understand where this very rigid definition of "monogamy" is coming from. And what sense of guilt you hold that's convinced you of this concept that a monogamous couple is "cheating" on each other by sharing another person in the bedroom.

Is it faith-influenced, or just purely personal reservations?

Well God is an important part of my life, but that's not why I find 3somes distasteful.

I guess I'm just old-fashioned. The way I see it, when you find that one person who is oh so perfect for you, there really should be no need for anything extra.

BTW, I'm not against 3somes altogether. If you're single and want to get your freak on with a couple of friends, that's totally cool.

 

[Aymotin]

why would there be any need to "explore more"?

Real question?

Because exploring is normal when you are young?
Why did you ever change from missionary to doggy style?

just feels like theres a chance he could possibly cheat on me?

Possible, but not an imperative.

I asked my bf for a threeway lots of times. We tried it once and picked a total idiot, so it was a rather awkward experience. Since than he didn´t want it anymore....I still did.

He felt unsecure about it, about our relation, we nearly broke up over it and so on, so I stopped asking. (Thing is, he is older and had a very playfull time before we met, I didn´t. So my desire to experiment and try is way bigger than his)

It didn´t make me cheat on him and I still love him with every fibre of my body and soul. I still think that a threesome could be fun and nice, but I accept his "no".

So make your decision and live with the consequences. Your bf could accept it, could cheat, could brake up, could get an eating disorder and wake you up every night by loudly eating cookies next to you.....life is uncertain, only one way to find out.

 

[MascutarHero]

Depends on your opinion of sex, I think. I think a respectable partner would bring it up (if it was his idea) or hear you out (if it's yours) and then you discuss it. If it's a dealbreaker and he wants to and you don't, well, better now than later to end it I think. If you really don't want to and he really does, he'll find another way to do it. Same if it were vice versa. But I think talking about it is important and maybe be open to trying it but certainly don't force it one way or another.

My bf and I have done it a few times. Both were with friends of ours that he had previously been with (actually, both were two guys who were together but were in an open relationship. We could have had a 4some I guess but didn't. Just both guys individually). With us, we often talk about it but have only done it with those two guys. It'd have to be someone we were both comfortable with and I think someone we both knew on a somewhat equal basis and someone we were sexually comfortable with. A dealbreaker with a potential third is if he tries to pressure either of us into going one-on-one. As of this point, my bf and I only play together.

I think the possibility of having the option open for us makes it fun even if we rarely ever go through with it.

I feel like I answered this in a messy way. I could go on and on perhaps. Maybe I need to find a specific question and answer just that one instead of reading through this topic and throwing everything in one response.

No I gotcha! Don't worry I'm taking in everyones input to influence my thoughts and decisions

I think there is way too much information absent

If you are in a happy LTR, why would there be any need to "explore more"?

Well like I stated before we're sexually active and for a fact he wants to explore. I believe what we have is love, but being together for almost 3 years and him not really having any sexual experiences with others at all to me is understandable. I personally don't want to let him go just for sex even though he wouldn't agree to that himself, but thats why the whole three-some idea came to mind. I brought it up to him and he asked where would we do it and who, I told him don;t worry about who and we can do that at an hotel, he seem pretty excited but then again it it's just an idea and not a for sure thing.

 

[altlover85]

I guess I'm a little confused.

Do you want to have a threesome or not? Or are you on the fence?

I'm not understanding why you brought it up in the first place if you weren't keen on the idea.

I apologize if I'm misunderstanding you.

 

[MascutarHero]

I guess I'm a little confused.

Do you want to have a threesome or not? Or are you on the fence?

I'm not understanding why you brought it up in the first place if you weren't keen on the idea.

I apologize if I'm misunderstanding you.

no no, I'm sorry for not being any more clear, as for I am confused with this situation as in what should I do and what to do, I personally think it can be fun, but if I were to do this, I feel like its mainly for him just so he won't cheat (if possible) and we get to explore together if we wanted to try something "new". yeah I'm more on the fence about it, only because I wouldn't know who it will be and how it will go. Like a comment above, I shouldn't think too much about it, but I don't see how it's just going to happen

 

[TX-Beau]

OK so what you're telling us is that you've been together since you were 17 or thereabouts, you don't want to have one really, but you think that your boyfriend might cheat on you if you don't do something?

One of the reasons people think that open relationships can't work is because so many people use that as an excuse to get out of something they don't want to be in.

If you are only considering this because you think he might cheat, the threesome is not your problem. You are insecure in your relationship for reasons that have nothing to do with other partners.

You're afraid he might leave, and that is where your issue is.

Never never never never do something like this as some kind of appeasement for your partner. Down that road lies tragedy. ONLY do this if it's what you both want.

You're both very young, and you may not have realized this yet, but you can't keep a relationship together by applying external means.