Advice for how i feel about being gay

[JaydenLuke]

I don't even know where to start. This is really hard for me, because im such a private person.
I don't like being gay. And at first i thought i was bi, but as time went on i realized that it was more of an appreciation for female beauty that i have rather than an attraction. But being gay just isnt what i want. When i think about what i want for my life in the future, it's mostly things i can't have because i'm gay. Its like..i wish i wanted other things but i dont. I want, to want to be in a relationship with a woman, but i don't. And honestly i feel like either type of relationship (with another man, or with a woman), neither would work out. I feel like, with a woman, neither of us would be happy because, even if i did love her, i would really always be wanting to be with a guy, and with a guy it wouldnt work out because of my own self hate. I use to watch shows and i would see a man and a woman so in love with each other and i would litterally be in tears because of how bad i wish i could have that. And then i think about having kids one day, which ive always wanted, but when i think of how i would ideally want to bring a child into the world, with me being gay it isnt really a posibility. And then i think about other ways i could, and i have issues with any other way i think of.
When i see guys that i am really attracted to, i get sad, because it makes me think of how much i wish i wasnt attracted to them. And its not that i have problems with gay people or anything like that, i know people who are, its just not what i want.
I havnt told anyone. The only people that know have found out by accident. And anyone else, i have used a fake name. I'm scared to tell people. I afraid of what they will think of me, and I'm afraid that if im telling them in confidentiality that they might not keep the secret. And i worry about how long the person will be in my life. I don't want to tell anyone that i think wont always be in my life. Ive wanted to tell people before but those fears have held me back.
another thing is ive never been in a relationship. I'm 18. At some point, if it hasnt already happened, my family and friends are going to start being like...its weird that he has never had a girlfriend, or been a date. Eventually its going to raise questions. Plus, people have always thought i was gay. People ask me all the time, but i lie. In school they would say that i was and, friends that i have made after school, before they even got to know me well, walked right up to me and asked me if i was. And then just yesterday my cousin and her boyfriend were over and he said something with the word gay and i didnt understand what he said so i was like "what did you say" because i litterally couldnt understand the words he said so i just wanted him to repeat it, and he was like "no i didnt mean it like that..me and my friends say that all the time to mean like awesome, we dont say it to offend anyone or antyhing like that" so then i knew he said gay...so i was like, so he must think im gay or he wouldnt have felt the need to explain it like that. And so after thinking about that i was like..if this many people really think i'm gay is there any point in me trying to hide it? If they assum i am anyway, then why not just let them know? What the point?
And some of my friends really want me to have a relationship. They say that i am such an extremely nice person that they want to see how i would treat someone.*
And another thing i think about a lot is, losing my virginity. I'm the kind of person who really doesnt want to have sex with anyone until i'm in love with them. But I don't feel like i will ever been in a relationship. So am i just going to be a virgin forever? I dont want to have casual sex but, if i really wont ever have a serious relationship, i might have to.
Thats all i can think of for now. Idk i guess i just want some opinions and advice. Thanks everyone.

 

[evanrick]

you should be happy that you are gay, im happy that you are gay. and you dont have to choose between having the life you want and the one you think you cant have.
start accepting yourself, express your homosexuality any chance you get, get some gay buddies.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to the forum. I thought of myself at your age when I read your post. But that was 48 years ago! Some of us will always be stuck at the point you're at because we need to come out to ourselves and accept ourselves before we can claim our full place in the world. You are allowing heterosexism and internalized homophobia to rule your life. Your only path towards internal peace and fulfillment is self acceptance. Here's a task for you. Every time you pass a mirror make eye contact and smile at yourself.

Give yourself a bit of time working on this. If you don't make progress please find a good therapist to help work through these issues. The positive note is that your self-awareness brought you to the place at which you find yourself.

Best wishes!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi JaydenLuke,

Welcome to Jub and good of you that you have made this posting. "When i think about what i want for my life in the future, it's mostly things i can't have because i'm gay." is the clue of your posting. I totally disagree.

As soon as you accept for yourself that nothing is wrong about being gay (= you like guys in stead of girls), there is no "own self hate" anymore. Meaning that you can look around for a nice guy, and can live a happy life as a guy with a male partner.

If this many people really think i'm gay, is there any point in me trying to hide it? If they assum i am anyway, then why not just let them know? What the point? You are right. You are one of the guys who cannot hide that he is gay. So why not tell you friends (and anyone else) 'yeah, you are right, I am gay'. You are 18, so you can always tell people around you that in the past you were confused or that you also had feelings for girls, or that you first tried to date girls (etc.), but that you have found out right now that 'dating girls' does not work (etc.). Nothing wrong with that. So also nothing wrong that you have 'lied' about it in the past. Advanced insight in yourself (etc.).

No need to be scared anymore. Where do you live? Within the US (well, listen to the recent speach of Obama). You don't mention that people around you are homophobes. In case some of them turn out to be homophobes, just ignore them. For sure, lots and lots of your friends will not bother that you are gay. I even tend to think that some will be proud on you, that you have accepted for yourself that you are gay.

Please be aware that you (=you) are the one who is deciding when and with whom you will loose your virginity. Nothing wrong with being very clear to other gay guys that you won't have sex with them when they are just friends with you (or whatever). Take your time. Serious gay guys will immediately understand that you want to have sex when you feel you are ready for sex.

Just a quick and short reply. Likely, others will also give you advice. Feel free to react or to send me a PM.

Take care and good luck.

 

[Rolyo85]

The journey to happiness begins with asking yourself "why is it wrong for me to be gay?"

People might dislike you? Well I have hundreds of friends who love me. If someone would change their feelings for you because you're gay, those feelings were fake to begin with.

You can have every part of the life you want with another man. The family, the kids - everything.

But you have to work for it. Internalized homophobia can be hard to deal with but until you shed that away, no external factor will bring you happiness. I suggest a bit of healthy anger. Why THE FUCK should you have to feel bad for being who you are? Why should you fear society and the scorn of your family and friends? Doesn't that make you at least a little bit angry? Don't you want to show them you're not a slave to their bigotry?

Being gay and coming to terms with it is one of the best things that have ever happened to me. It has made me a stronger, more confident, more socially and self-aware person than I could ever have been if I were heterosexual. To put it in one word, being gay has made me BETTER than straight people.

Why not allow it to do the same for you?

Ps - feel free to pm me if you need to talk privately with someone.

 

[JaydenLuke]

- - - Updated - - -

hi JaydenLuke,

Welcome to Jub and good of you that you have made this posting. "When i think about what i want for my life in the future, it's mostly things i can't have because i'm gay." is the clue of your posting. I totally disagree.

As soon as you accept for yourself that nothing is wrong about being gay (= you like guys in stead of girls), there is no "own self hate" anymore. Meaning that you can look around for a nice guy, and can live a happy life as a guy with a male partner.

If this many people really think i'm gay, is there any point in me trying to hide it? If they assum i am anyway, then why not just let them know? What the point? You are right. You are one of the guys who cannot hide that he is gay. So why not tell you friends (and anyone else) 'yeah, you are right, I am gay'. You are 18, so you can always tell people around you that in the past you were confused or that you also had feelings for girls, or that you first tried to date girls (etc.), but that you have found out right now that 'dating girls' does not work (etc.). Nothing wrong with that. So also nothing wrong that you have 'lied' about it in the past. Advanced insight in yourself (etc.).

No need to be scared anymore. Where do you live? Within the US (well, listen to the recent speach of Obama). You don't mention that people around you are homophobes. In case some of them turn out to be homophobes, just ignore them. For sure, lots and lots of your friends will not bother that you are gay. I even tend to think that some will be proud on you, that you have accepted for yourself that you are gay.

Please be aware that you (=you) are the one who is deciding when and with whom you will loose your virginity. Nothing wrong with being very clear to other gay guys that you won't have sex with them when they are just friends with you (or whatever). Take your time. Serious gay guys will immediately understand that you want to have sex when you feel you are ready for sex.

Just a quick and short reply. Likely, others will also give you advice. Feel free to react or to send me a PM.

Take care and good luck.

I think youre right that if i could accept myself more, i could be happy but i dont know if i'll ever be able to accept myself more than i already have.

With coming out, I just don't feel like I'm ready for everyone to know. I dont want to deal with their reactions, and with them trying to understand everything and asking me a bunch of questions because then i'll have to open up more to them than i have every opened up to anyone, and i know some will not be okay with it. And then if i did tell them, i dont want any of them to try to be pushing me into finding someone to be with so that i'm happier because right now, with the way that i feel i'm not ready to be with anyone. I want to be, its not fun to be 18 and litterally sau that ive never had a relationship, or had a first date, or a first kiss, it sucks but its the way it is. I'm just scared of what people will think and how they will look at me after they know.

With the virginity thing, I just dont want to do anything with anyone until I'm in love with someone. and i dont know if that will ever happen, because of the way i feel about myself, i dont know if how i feel about being gay will ever change, and if it doesnt, i dont think a relationship with anyone would work out. And so if the way i feel doesnt change, then how will i ever end up in a relationship? Of course i want to have sex, i just want to wait until i love someone to do it, and i dont know if that opportunity is one that is meant to happen for me.

 

[JaydenLuke]

The journey to happiness begins with asking yourself "why is it wrong for me to be gay?"

People might dislike you? Well I have hundreds of friends who love me. If someone would change their feelings for you because you're gay, those feelings were fake to begin with.

You can have every part of the life you want with another man. The family, the kids - everything.

But you have to work for it. Internalized homophobia can be hard to deal with but until you shed that away, no external factor will bring you happiness. I suggest a bit of healthy anger. Why THE FUCK should you have to feel bad for being who you are? Why should you fear society and the scorn of your family and friends? Doesn't that make you at least a little bit angry? Don't you want to show them you're not a slave to their bigotry?

Being gay and coming to terms with it is one of the best things that have ever happened to me. It has made me a stronger, more confident, more socially and self-aware person than I could ever have been if I were heterosexual. To put it in one word, being gay has made me BETTER than straight people.

Why not allow it to do the same for you?

Ps - feel free to pm me if you need to talk privately with someone.

You're right. Its just that if i tell people, I'm afraid of what will happen after. And if i tell anyone now, I'm afraid of them not being in my life at some point. Like if i were to tell a friend and then something happened and for some reason they were no longer involved with me, I wouldnt feel comfortable with them knowing about me. So thats a big fear too...that i'll let someone in so much and then eventually they wont be a part of my life anymore and they'll know all this stuff about me. I have problems trusting people, i always have. I don't talk to people about my deep personal feelings. Not even my family.

I know i could have everything i want with another guy, its just that I don't want to have it that way. There are things about it that don't sit well with me. And even if i did it alone, there are things about it that dont sit well with me on that either.

All of those things are good points, i just dont find myself thinking about it that way.

I would love if i could be someone who was completely fine with it and be happy with it, i know someone who is and i wish i could be like that, but i just never have been and dont know if i ever will be. I dont know if my feelings will ever change.

 

[Rolyo85]

See, this is what we call internalized homophobia. The subconscious delusion that somehow it is wrong to be gay, that forces you to think you can't be as happy as a heterosexual person. And it's not really a matter of choice. You HAVE to like it You HAVE to want it IN THAT way, because that's the ONLY way you will ever get if you want to live an honest life.

You come from a point of view that says being gay is wrong and needs to be hidden. Most of what you say stems from that. This point of view is wrong and invalid, and you can't live a happy life with it. There is NOTHING wrong with being gay, and there is NOTHING wrong with the whole world knowing it.

Maybe you live in a homophobic place? That sucks, but as a gay man you have to make the conscious choice to free yourself of that place. Move to a gay-friendly state/city, seek out people who are accepting and supportive. Build a support base. Work on opening up. The biggest shock in the world is how little other people care that you're gay. Those that matter that is. The ones that care and would scorn you for it - do you truly want them in your life?

I know these fears too well. We all do. We all had them, we all had to fight them. But the way you go about it is wrong. It's not that because you're gay and it's a bad thing, good people who otherwise cared about you will turn away and be disgusted. It's that because being gay is a wonderful thing, good people would always embrace you, and those who have bigotry in their hearts will be revealed for the hypocrites that they are.

Let me put it this way - I have a LOT of friends. Not because I'm awesome (though I am ), but because I am social and like making contacts. Do you know how many of those friends abandoned me when I came out?

NONE.

Maybe you're a more private, shy person. Maybe you are way more conflicted about being gay than I was at first (for me it was simply denial, and the moment I came out to myself, I came out to the world). But the result will be the same. If you have any relationships in your life that you feel are genuine and strong, being gay will not harm them. It will strengthen them, because you will come from a position of honesty that promotes much more proximity. Once the Big Secret is gone, there is so much less need for walls.

 

[dutchmaster]

Great post! I agree

 

[wikke1]

I think we can all TOTALLY relate to the feelings you're having.

I'm so proud of you that you posted here at 18 years old!
I waited untill I was 27! By that time I had been in the closet for 10 years, feeling miserable.

There's this saying that "you come out when you are ready, at your own time".
While this is without doubt true, I can speak from personal experience, that sometimes, you need some help. I mean, you can help yourself "get ready".
Some of the members here wrote in one of my first threads that I had made everything worse in my head.
This sentence kinda lingered. It's very true.
When you keep something in and keep on debating it with yourself, in your own head, you make the issue that much more difficult and seemingly insurmountable.

I 100% agree that you are "suffering" form internalised homophobia. I had/have it myself, and it's quite hard to get rid off.
I'm a year down the road, and I still have issues with it...
You have to break this cycle in your head, and come out (actually, you have, to us, which is a bigger deal than you'ld think).

I keep saying this, just because I want people to have some positive example:
I grew up in a very Catholic family (be it in a "liberal country", Belgium). The reaction I got to my comingout from my parents, sisters, friends, grandmother, nieces/nephews, ... was all very accepting.
In many cases, people are more accepting of you than you are of yourself.

I sincerely wish you all the best. Just be proud of who you are. A lot of people don't understand hwat the process of "coming out" means, but trust us, we do.

 

[Rolyo85]

And that's a VERY important point - this issue, of you being gay, is a thousand times more serious and dark thing in your own head than it is outside of it.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi JaydenLuke,

Thanks for your nice and friendly reply. I don't yet have a clear picture of your background. Are you living within the US, or in another country? Do you have any idea about the general opinion towards gay and lesbian people of your friends / schoolmates / family / relatives? Do you consider them are homophobes / bigots, or do you have some sort of idea that this topic is not a real issue for them? Are you a student?

I would like to advise you that you need to do some work in accepting who you are. You cannot change your sexual orientation, and in the past you have tried to figure out if you had feelings for girls. Well, you have decided that this is not the case, but that you have such feelings for guys. On the other hand, I can imagine myself very well that you still need time to figure out 'what's next'. Take your time, and get used to the idea that gay people can do everything they want.

Are there any other gay people in your surroundings? What's the opinion of other people around you (friends / family, etc.) about them?

So you told us "and i know some will not be okay with it." Does this implies that you have the idea that many of your friends / schoolmates / relatives will react on a positive / supportive way when it becomes clear that you are gay? So a large group of people around you will be supportive? Then you don't need to bother too much about that minority who will react on a negative way. Ignore them, and they are not your friends. Friends don't bother if a guy is gay, straight or anything in between, and you seem to have alot of them. That's great!

So I don't want to force you to open yourself very soon, but I fully agree with others that you should also not wait too long to let people know that you are gay.

There are also no rules about friendships with other gay guys. Some gay guys have sex with each other very quickly, but other gay friends are just friends of each other. So they socialize with each other (and do all other things you would do with a straight friend), but both of you know from each other that you are gay, and that also makes both of you can talk discuss with each other a variety of more private topics. Its about trust and about friendship. Besides that, loads and loads of straight guys of around your age also have either a girlfriend or a very close female friend, but without having sex with her. Again, no fixed rules. Loads and loads of straight guys and straight girls of around your age have the same opinion about you in regard to loosing the virginity (but the word 'virginity is more appropriate for girls, and not really for guys).'

Open gays don't bother what people think about them, and also don't bother if people around them are aware that they are gay. Your fear that people will reject you when it becomes clear that you are gay, is partly an illusion. On the other hand, people will start wondering why you don't have a girlfriend, and why you don't seem to have alot of interest in girls. All in all, this means that -bit by bit- you will need to ly/hide more parts of your own identity. I tend to think that you are right now already walking along this road ( = I have problems trusting people, i always have. I don't talk to people about my deep personal feelings. Do you agree with me that these problems in trusting people and your inability in talking with people about your deep feelings is related to the fear that people will find out that you are gay? I tend to think that this is true, but I would like to suggest you to think about it. Please be aware that you are walking along a read with a dead end, and that you must 'hide/ly' more and more when you become older. Open gays don't bother, as they don't need to ly/hide that they like guys. Does not mean that they walk around with a jacket with 'I am gay' on the back. They just don't pretend that they like girls.

Finally, "I would love if i could be someone who was completely fine with it and be happy with it, i know someone who is and i wish i could be like that, but i just never have been and dont know if i ever will be." Ha, so you know someone in your surroundings who is a gay guy (or is it a lesbian woman)? Would you mind to tell us abit more about him?

I would like to wish you all the best. Take care, and feel free to react. No need to tell us details you don't like to share with people over here.

 

[bananagoof]

Can I jump in and say how proud I am of you for expressing yourself and your fears like that?

It's understandable that you'd be uncomfortable/sad/disappointed. You were brought up in a world that says straight is the norm, and celebrates all the wonderful things that come with being straight (instant acceptance, family, marriage, childbirth, etc).In time, hopefully, we'll see more and more kids being shown that there are many different kinds of lifestyles - all of them equally wonderful - and while you may not be able to choose being born with a certain skin color, or in a certain country, or even having certain sexual preferences...you can choose to make your peace with what you did get.Remember, you are only 18.

You may feel like life is passing you by, but you are still very, very young. I agree that having a good therapist or support group would help you deal with this, but if you want to start dealing with it on your own...try picturing yourself with a man, in a committed relationship, with kids (since you said you wanted them). If you don't even try to picture how you could be happy being gay, how are you ever going to possibly find your way there?

When you say "when i see guys that i am really attracted to, i get sad, because it makes me think of how much i wish i wasnt attracted to them", you're really torturing yourself. Have you known any gay people in your life? Have you seen gay people date or be in successful relationships? If you haven't, or you've never met any guy who you felt in love with, it's easy to understand why you'd feel so hopeless.

I think step one is trying to imagine being happy with a guy. Just being able to picture that and say "you know what? That would be fine! I should be so lucky!" will get you out of this dark place you're in.

As for "the ones that care and would scorn you for it - do you truly want them in your life?" - I'm sure you will come across people who will have disappointing reactions to the news that you're gay. Parents, relatives, friends, colleagues (eventually when you're working) might very well look at you differently or be upset. But they'll get over it if they can see that YOU are okay with who you are.

Getting there's going to take time, and you get to do it at your own speed. But remember that you've already figured out quite a lot - you know you probably won't be happy dating women still (many guys don't get that for a long time), and you know you're really negative about the idea of living as a gay person. Try to picture how it could all work out, and then start working towards that.

And also remember - there are far FAR worse things in life than being gay Take note of all the blessings in your life, all the great opportunities available to you and all the simple things that you do have. Maybe that will help you realize how little this really matters in the grand scheme of things.

Your goal should be genuinely being happy - not being exactly what some TV movie told you happiness looked like.

Right? Best of luck

 

[winterkill]

I use to watch shows and i would see a man and a woman so in love with each other and i would litterally be in tears because of how bad i wish i could have that.

http://www.michaelteachings.com/idealist_attitude.html

I just dont want to do anything with anyone until I'm in love with someone.

You will also wait with masturbation until that day? :-> Sex is indispensable for the happiness of human males. For most animals there is nothing easier than sex. Please don't contaminate your sexual paradise with an ideology of exclusivity. Life is not a show, it's a 'sexually-transmitted, terminal disease'. Enjoy!

 

[JaydenLuke]

http://www.michaelteachings.com/idealist_attitude.html


You will also wait with masturbation until that day? :-> Sex is indispensable for the happiness of human males. For most animals there is nothing easier than sex. Please don't contaminate your sexual paradise with an ideology of exclusivity. Life is not a show, it's a 'sexually-transmitted, terminal disease'. Enjoy!

??????

Maybe he is the sort of human who requires emotional bonds in order to NOT get hurt during a sexual encounter.

This makes a little more sense, but still...????


I think this thread is a little more serious than that.

 

[deelong]

I'm 18 also, and I've been looking for a real relationship for about three years and I still haven't found one. I would get really angry, when would see all of my straight friends have a boyfriend or girlfriend constantly. Sometimes, I do wish that I was straight, would get married, and would have kids. But I know that I would be miserable.

I've just recently decided that I am going to give up looking for a relationship. And just have fun with guys.

I can relate with your situation. I'm not an expert, but here's what I think.

I think you're thinking about it too much. We're only eighteen. We've our whole lives ahead of us. I believe that the best relationships come unexpectedly.

I really hope that things will get better for you. And that your will start to love who you are.

I would suggest working on yourself first. Become more confident, secure, and happy about who your are. When you're okay with yourself, then I think, you'll be ready for a relationship.

And I think it's great that you're still a virgin. You should save yourself for someone you really love. And you will not be a virgin forever. TRUST ME

 

[KaraBulut]

I don't even know where to start. This is really hard for me, because im such a private person.
I don't like being gay. And at first i thought i was bi, but as time went on i realized that it was more of an appreciation for female beauty that i have rather than an attraction. But being gay just isnt what i want. When i think about what i want for my life in the future, it's mostly things i can't have because i'm gay. Its like..i wish i wanted other things but i dont. I want, to want to be in a relationship with a woman, but i don't. And honestly i feel like either type of relationship (with another man, or with a woman), neither would work out. ...
Thats all i can think of for now. Idk i guess i just want some opinions and advice. Thanks everyone.

At first, in reading your post, it seemed like this was going to be a thread from a guy in his 30s who had been really struggling with his sexuality for some time.

I'm 18.

Which is a relief. Because you're probably where a lot of 18 years olds are.

Here's something that no one ever tells us: You don't have to have your entire life figured out at 18.

Most of the guys here will tell you that if, at age 18, they had a thought about what their life would be like in the future, it was totally wrong. Life just doesn't work that way.

What you'll find is that, hopefully, as you get older all these things that seem so troubling when you're young do get much clearer. It's almost like a fog that lifts. Just like you used to think you were bisexual and now you realize that you're probably gay, the rest of the stuff just has a way of working out. You'll meet someone, you'll fall in love, you'll get your heart broken. You'll pick yourself up, you'll dust yourself off and you'll try again.

Eventually, after a few duds, you'll meet the right guy and you'll look back at all this chaos at age 18 and wonder what all the fuss is about.

 

[college-guy]

Hi! All the feelings you're having are the result of heterosexism and homophobia you've experienced your whole life. All the things you want, you can, have. With regards to gay marriage, I have no doubt that the entire U.S. will have it within the next 20 years. The movement is exponentially getting more powerful. With regards to children, you can adopt or hire a surrogate. There are tons of options. Many of us, myself included, have been raised to aspire to a lifestyle like that. Whether or not it's right that we're all told we need that lifestyle, the fact of the matter is that, even as a gay person, you can have a typical, family-based life.

 

[mc7777]

You have been given some great advice thus far from some individuals who have great points to think about. At the risk of repeating some of them, I wanted to eco, and add to if I can. For being 18 years old, I think it is really cool you are taking this issue on in your life. I waited till I was 25, but there of course is no rush, and we all have different circumstances. You are very brave and I want you to know that.

This is classic internalize homophobia, HOWEVER I would like to expand the conversation on it. When you mention that you don’t want to be gay, have it this or that way, I think there is something slightly deeper, and that is in the form of toxic personal shame. You are experiencing shame because you are gay and think that you are unlovable to others (family, friends, mate, etc.) This is a thought process and a toxic belief system that you have to address. So when others suggest being more accepting of yourself, I think this is step #1 for you. Forget what society and others programmed you about how it is wrong to be gay AND focus on being more comfortable being you.

Look at yourself in that mirror as suggested, let that person know it is ok to be who he knows he is (give yourself permission to be you and pursue happiness.) After all he is worthy of love and can be loved- he even thinks about having a family someday-because he weeps at the thought of such a beautiful thing. Have this conversation and thought process in your head. Change your dialogue with yourself to this.

As you overcome your internalized homophobia and shame, your confidence with increase. You will feel much more confident and much less stressed. The confidence will fuel you to move on.

Don’t confuse self-acceptance with coming out all of a sudden. Be comfortable with you first then work on your coming out, ONLY when you are ready and the time is right. Think of coming out like a step #2. There are a lot of great posts and stories on here about coming out. I just say after you are ok with you, do a situation assessment to determine when and who you are coming out to (family situation, friends that can support you, geographical area, etc.)

You seem to also mention you are afraid of the people that may come and go in your life. People come and go in life and that is how it works. You can though make great friends along the way and meet new friends later. Some may come back and some may not. Part of me though thinks you know this but are just afraid of being alone. If you get more comfortable being you, you won’t be so afraid. Also if you are less afraid and more confident, you can make friends better, the type of friendships that lasts, or while they last, will be great experiences with awesome individuals.

This friendship process will be similar to finding a meaningful relationship. Yes a relationship is a slightly different game and approach since we are gay, but we can love and be loved (remember we addressed our internalized homophobia and personal shame, we realized what was important in life, and we let ourselves be who we are, and pursue happiness!!) But just think there is another guy out there who is looking for the same things you are. You won’t know that unless you get out there.

Choose happiness and let yourself be happy. What you are experiencing now is very normal (fears, concerns, thoughts.) I wish you the absolute best of luck and encourage you to keep us posted on this forum.

P.S. It also sounds like others are thinking it. You may not be treated as different as you think you might be.