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Advice needed: meeting someone through the internet - a good idea??

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UC3543

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I want to read about your experiences and read your opinions.

Let me first say right off the top that this isn't a hook-up or some quickie type thing.

I've been communicating with a guy I met online for the past 10 days now. We've gotten along great through the e-mails and we both are wanting (or at least we both say we are wanting) the exact same thing. Friends first, friends second and if we only become friends - we both would be happy with that. Of course there is the possibility we could become more than friends - we are both open to that possibility, but we don't want to put that type of pressure or expectations on it.

We haven't met in person - we are going to sometime in the next week or so. I know the approach we are taking - going very slowly and with the intention of being friends and maybe only friends - we know that is the right approach to take.

I guess my question to all of you is how different is it going to meet in person vs what we have done through e-mails (we have not talked on the phone yet either - I'm not really much of a phone person - not sure if he is or not). What are some of your experiences. How different can someone be when meeting them in person. Is this a good way to meet someone. We both don't really know what each other looks like - we haven't exchanged pictures and probably won't.

So I guess I just want your opinions on this and any personal stories you can relate - would be appreciated.

Thanks
 
Thanks huntneo - you always give great advice.

I undersatand what you are saying about exchanging pictures prior to meeting - if we did that it would just take that off the table. Although I really don't have very high expectations about how he looks or how hot he is - that type of thing. But maybe I'll ask him if he wants to exchange pictures.

Oh, I know within 5 minutes - first impressions are really important.

I'm just afraid that the anticipation and sending e-mails is going to be the best part of "our relationship" But we have both admitted this and we both realize the pitfalls.

Another question I have - have any of you had experiences where someone is very or even completely different (personality wise) in person vs through e-mails
 
Hooking up with a guy over the internet really isn't any different than hooking up with a guy that you meet at a bar. In either case, you don't know what you are getting yourself into. Sometimes it works. Sometimes you want to run away screaming. My partner and I met online 5+ years ago, so it can work. We are polar opposites. He's very introverted. I'm very extroverted. We are 4 years apart, but so very different in how we think through things and approach problems. But in the end, we solve them together and it works for us.
 
I am all with hunteo on this one.

Yo want to exchange facepix by all means.

Truly blind dates are awkward and may be a hit and miss thing. They also kinda 'help' the dude to flake out at the very last moment. So, yeah, exchange G-rated pix and pick it up from there.

Meet in public first. The world is full of great and cool guys. Ever so often a freak of a kind sneaks in, too. You want to make sure that this is not the case.

Last but not least: Online dating is just like real life. (It is actually, real life.)

Few years ago, a dude responded to my profile on one of the dating sites and we started exchanging most interesting mails. Wow, I was very impressed. I really liked his mails.

We exchanged the pix. WOW. Killer looks. Amazingly stunning Asian dude.

So, we met. The pix was of someone he knew, but it was definitely not him. By far. :grrr::grrr::grrr:

He could knew two sentences in English and was repeating them tirelessly: How much do you make a year? and What is your job?

All his mails were written by one of his female friends, who did not think too much about what she was doing...:grrr::grrr::grrr:

I also met my present BF online and we shall have been together for 6 years, come April 4, 2008.....|..|..|

Go figure...

SC
 
How far do you (or he) intend to travel? Can you just walk away if it doesn't turn out OK?

As mentioned above make sure you meet in a public place first and let someone know where you are going and with whom.... post it here in a PM to someone at last resort.

It could work. It might not.

Just be careful my friend.
 
I've started the whole online dating thing with match.com about 2 or so months ago. I feel that most people that I've gone out on dates with have been pretty close to how they communicated with me through emails.

Not everyone I met was necessarily my cup of tea either...however most have been good dates.

I won't meet up with someone who doesn't choose to show their picture. There's just something weird about that. What have you got to hide? I mean looks aren't everything, but in my mind, there needs to be an initial attraction/spark before I'm going to waste my time or theirs too for that matter.

I think you should meet up for coffee or drinks...something casual and some-place that you can stay for 15 minutes if you feel it's not working, or 3 hours if you're diggin' one another and feel a vibe.

Anyway, hope this helps.

Good luck, and keep us posted!
 
Hey UC,

Mate... first of all I reckon your approach is a great idea...slowly slowly. To make a great friend is a hugely valuable and important thing... you can never have too many of them. And the fact that both of you want to take this approach is a good sign.

And to a very large degree that changes the photo thing too.

Hooking up or dating is one thing. Making friends is completely different. I know that sounds strange but its true. In our friends we overlook the silly superficial things that quite often prevent us having relationships.

Hair color isnt as important. The build isnt as important. His eye shape doesnt matter so much. But what does is who he is, his values, his ideals, his honesty... his personality. Your post shows how important those things are to you and how you value morals and trust and honesty because those are the things you show here.

By approaching this the way you are...with no expectations and a desire for freindship you'll soon find out who he really is... you wont be broadsided by other emotions.

Then you can decide if you want him in your life... either at all or more than ever!

Just a word of advice. Always make sure you meet for the first time (or more if you feel the need) in a public open space. Theres no need to feel scared but your safety is important, and theres less chance of surprises if hes happy to meet you somewhere like a coffee shop or the mall.

Most of all UC... have fun. You sound like a great guy... and this guy will be lucky to count you amongst his friends.
 
cbtfan said:
How far do you (or he) intend to travel? Can you just walk away if it doesn't turn out OK?

As mentioned above make sure you meet in a public place first and let someone know where you are going and with whom.... post it here in a PM to someone at last resort.

It could work. It might not.

Just be careful my friend.
Click to expand...

We are meeting in a very casual restaurant - not fast food - but almost - more like a cafe. So it is a public place and if we only want to spend 15 minutes with each other we certainly can do that. I'll be travelling maybe 10 minutes and he lives about 5 minutes from where we are meeting.

So I think we have that covered.

Thanks for the very kind words Tallguy297 - I do appreciate it.

The guy I'm meeting with in a few days - sometime next week is really just pushing the "only friends angle" - which is IMO the best way to go about it. He's somewhat new to town and doesn't know a lot of people.

One thing that concerns me is we both profess to be a little shy, most of the people in my life who I have really hit it off with in all types of relationships are generally extroverts at least to some degree. So I'm worried that if we are both too quiet it might be a short evening.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

Thanks for the advice
 
I've generally had good luck with meeting people online (ie, nobody has been too different from what I expected), but just do it in a safe manner and don't get your hopes up too much and the worst that can happen is that he doesn't meet your expectations and you move on. Exchanging pictures before meeting is typically a good idea though so you'll at least have some idea of what you're getting yourself into. Good luck!
 
We are meeting Wednesday night. I'll let you know how it goes
 
OK, we did meet tonight. First, nothing bad happened, he seems like a nice guy, we had plenty of things to talk about. Sure it was a little awkward, a little uncomfortable - especially at first. But I thought it went rather well. Were it up to me, I would like to meet with him again.

I mean it certainly wasn't love at first sight, nor did we really click, nor did it seem like we knew each other forever. He' pretty attractive - no complaints there.

OK that is the set up. I was about 5 minutes late, not sure if that pissed him off or not, I apologized. But we talked for about 55 minutes, I got up to go to the restroom, and when I got back, he said he had to get going, he was planning on getting up early tomorrow to work out .

So unless I am completely misreading the situation - he must not have enjoyed it as much as I did (I figured we would stay another 30-45 minutes) . The sense I get is I might not hear from him ever again. I'm fine with that.

Am I reading too much into the situation? My other question is whether I should send him an e-mail now or maybe within the next day or two and just ask him, if he ever wants to get together again. I think I know the answer, but I guess I would rather know for sure.

Any thoughts.

Just for the record, I'm 30 and he's 27. So we aren't a couple of teenagers
 
OK, I just sent him a very breezy e-mail. Probably won't hear from him until tomorrow.

Anyone else have any thoughts
 
I still haven't heard from him. My gut tells me he doesn't want anything to do with me. My brain says, he still might want to see me again.
 
I met a guy online. Same conditions as yours--friends first. We did meet. although we were not sexually attracted to each other we have become good friends!
 
I don't see why he would not want to see you again. From your point of view it seems the meeting went rather well and considering you guys stated that a frienship would be fine I believe you will hear from him.

Do let us know of any news!
 
RukkuS said:
where did you initially meet him online at?
Click to expand...

Craigslist. he seemed like the only normal guy on there, and he was very clear what he wanted in his ad.

I'll let you guys know if and when I hear from him.


Hope he doesn't read this website
 
Hey UC,

Dont give up just yet... or try too hard to figure this out... whatever you do dont over analyze the situation or beat yourself up... whatever happens happens... its out of your control.

Its easy to see from your posts and the way you conduct yourself here your a good guy with some great morals and values, you respect and value people... so tell your gut to stay out of it!

Friendships dont happen overnight. They build... at least the good ones do. But they do take 2 people who want that to happen no matter how much one wants it. You might never talk to this guy again... who knows. But if he chooses that then thats his loss.

Give it time UC. He might just surprise you when you least expect it.
 
tallguy297 said:
Hey UC,

Dont give up just yet... or try too hard to figure this out... whatever you do dont over analyze the situation or beat yourself up... whatever happens happens... its out of your control.

Its easy to see from your posts and the way you conduct yourself here your a good guy with some great morals and values, you respect and value people... so tell your gut to stay out of it!

Friendships dont happen overnight. They build... at least the good ones do. But they do take 2 people who want that to happen no matter how much one wants it. You might never talk to this guy again... who knows. But if he chooses that then thats his loss.

Give it time UC. He might just surprise you when you least expect it.
Click to expand...


Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not beating myself up over it though, even if he never communicates with me again, I still enjoyed meeting him and I'm glad I pursued the situation. And I know I didn't do anything I shouldn't have when we met. I was myself which is the most important thing. Although it seems to me that he bailed a little too early, but that is his loss, I think.

I will be disappointed if he doesn't at least respond to my e-mail where I said it was nice meeting him. I think it should be common humman decency to respond and say something like "I enjoyed meeting you, but I really am not interested, good luck to you in the future" - something like that. That would make me feel a little better.
 
I take it u are still waiting for that email? That is so rude. I mean how impersonal can we make it and they STILL cannot respond!
 
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