Advice Needed!!!

[jubjub]

Ok so here is the background: I am 20 years old, and I live at home with my parents and my older sister. No one except myself knows that I like men.

Here is what happened today, I was looking at my bank statements online when my sister came down. She was just looking at what I was doing on the computer, and when I was done with my online banking I closed the window. However, what I did not remember was that prior to accessing online banking, I had an open gay porn window that I did not close. She saw it for a split second before I closed the window. When she was it, she just said "uh..." out loud, and I said "yeah it's porn," and after that she just left and went back to her own business.

We seem to be interacting fine after the incident (just a little awkward), and neither of us has brought up the subject yet. But this is the thing, I'm unsure as to whether or not she saw that it was *gay* porn, I just know that she saw it was porn.

Should I talk to her about this incident? Or should I just let it go?

 

[Brijan]

If you are worried about her wondering if it was gay porn or not, then have your "defense" ready.

1. Don't bring it back up. For you the issue is closed (i.e. by you owning up to it being porn).
2. If she brings it back up and asks if it was gay porn you can:
a) use the opportunity to come out or,
b) lie, and tell her that whatever she saw was just a pop-up

I have a feeling that you'll be opting for option 2b).

Either way, good luck.

 

[Smitho]

2 options as I see it, use it as a good opportunity to start talking to your sister and to come out, not sure if that idea floats your boat, or just ignore it, and get on with life, I do not see her bringing it up in conversation, so why should you, if you do bring it up, (bar as part of a coming out conversation) it is only going to be awkward and you will probably end up digging yourself a deeper hole!

 

[Eagle653]

If you want to come out, this is a good opportunity.

If you don't, just ignore the whole thing and go on. An imagine flashing on the screen for just a moment is not telling and most porn sites (gay or straight) look a lot alike on the opening screen. Besides, there are lots of naked men in straight porn. If your sister knows anything about guys, she knows that 19 year old guys are frequently into porn. In short, if she has doubts about you, she might have doubts about what kind of site it was. If she assumes you're straight, she'll assume it was a straight site.

As an aside--did you go back and not only close it, but erase "history" too and "cache" too? Or is this not a computer she would use? Unless you erased your tracks, she could log on and see where you were anyway.

Good luck!

 

[jubjub]

Thank you all for your replies! Here is an update:

She came downstairs to my room again later tonight while I was looking at a friend's Facebook profile, which happened to have a "Daily Bible Verse" application on it. She saw it and said "first porn, and now you're into daily bible verses?" in an joking way and walked back upstairs. I suppose this is her way of saying that she doesn't care that I looked at porn, but I'm still left in the dark about whether or not she thought it was gay porn or straight porn.

A note about my sister as well, I know for a fact that she likes women herself, although she hasn't come out yet. The reason I know this is because during my high school years, she accidentally left one of her planners in the commons area of my house, which was opened to the page she was writing in. It said something about her liking some girl etc. I've never told her I saw it or know, and she doesn't know that I know either. However, I'm sure she knows I suspect something because she is ridiculously close with a female "friend" who I am more than sure is the person she is currently seeing. I have no problem with her orientation and judging from what I know of her, she wouldn't have a problem with mine either. Neither of us have ever approached one another to question the other's sexuality.

Regardless, I make it a habit to erase all history, cookies, and cache from my internet everytime I look at porn. Plus, this is my personal computer, not a shared one, which makes it even safer for me.

 

[dfwjacker]

Don't worry about it... Siblings catch each other looking at porn all the time. This is nothing new. You have no need to discuss anything about it with her.

Besides, it looks like from what you have posted about your sister, she isn't really in a position to get all "holier than thou" on you about looking at gay porn. That's if she was even able to determine it was gay porn from such a quick glance.

 

[confusedboy23]

I'd leave for now too unless you really felt the need to come out and own up. It would be a good oppprtunity to come out if that was something that's been on your mind though.

 

[jubjub]

UPDATE!!!

I know this is wrong of me to do, but I really had to find out what my sister saw and knew from that day. Her close female friend that I was referring to in my previous posts is someone who she confides in and tells almost everything to. She was out today for dinner and I was home alone, and I tried to stop myself from doing this because I knew it was immoral...but I just had to find out (sorry)!

Her history chat logs on MSN with her revealed that she did in fact see what type of porn I was looking at. Here is a quick summary of the conversation between them two:

My sister began by exclaiming that she saw "MAN PORN" (her caps) on my computer screen when she came downstairs. When asked by her friend if she was sure, she said yes, she said she was sure cause she saw pictures of all "buff men." When asked further if she was sure it was gay porn, she said yes, there were absolutely no women on the screen. This led to their discussion regarding my sexuality, and how surprised they were. I closed the conversation log at this point cause my sister had returned.

So, she does know...and now I have no idea what to do. To tell it honestly, I'm not afraid that she's going to tell people. It's just that I'm still confused about myself and am definitely not ready to deal with anything close to coming out. In fact, I have strong sexual and emotional feelings for men, but I also have that for occasional women I see. I know for a fact I'm not completely straight or completely gay...I'm just confused and don't know what I am.

I really need some advice on this situation....

 

[Twisly]

if were you i, would have said "those stupid pop-up windows...keep showing porn websites"

haha.

 

[Gooey45]

Ok this is simple she doesnt know you know so use it as a trick next time download a porn a straight one.(I love straight porn so here is a good site http://boldatporn.blogspot.com/ ) download a movie or two and leave it playing when you know shes in the house just sit back and enjoy until she walks in then close it and be like you always coming in my room when im doing my shit etc... shell have seen the straight porn then you can check again to see what she said to her girlfriend.

or just come out. i would do the latter but i enjoy being closeted i like who i am right now

 

[Smitho]

So, she does know...and now I have no idea what to do. To tell it honestly, I'm not afraid that she's going to tell people. It's just that I'm still confused about myself and am definitely not ready to deal with anything close to coming out.

For my 2 cents worth I would come out to her, for one she knows anyway and is not going to believe any lame cover ups and secondly you believe she will be discret, which I guess is what you want? So why not?

You, as a bonus, can then use her to talk to and get feedback from, regarding your feeling and confusions and she will be able to help you. In my experience sisters are good at these things, although it depends on your relationship.

Try and view this as a good opportunity.

 

[StlKj]

jubjub,

With all due respect, I think the real reason why you're having trouble trusting whether or not to say something to her is because twice now you've broken her trust. Once when you read her planner, and again when you went into her MSN log. Your paranoia is treating her as if she is a potential enemy, when in fact, she's probably one of your greatest potential allies.

Stop snooping in her things, for God's sake, and know that you don't have to come out and declare yourself as any label. Maybe you could start by just talking to her honestly about being scared and confused. She didn't confront you about the gay porn, and she sounds as though she wasn't talking badly about you with her friend.

But tell her or not, show her more respect in the way of privacy.