Advice Needed

[BoSoxFanVa]

I've been single since 2001 after a heartbreaking, drama-filled relationship. Earlier this year, I made the decision to try to meet some quality guys so I joined a few web dating sites (Yahoo, Match). I'm not into the bar/club scene. I met a few guys but was disappointed and I eventually tired of these sites. So I tried another method. I'm not really into one-night stands or hook-ups but I met a guy on AOL and he came over to fool around. I thought, maybe I can bag a relationship this way.

When this guy showed up, all I can say is WOW. Super hot, my type. Instant chemisty. Best sex I've ever had. Really.

Turns out the guy is in the military and has a girlfriend. I also think a child is involved. He won't give me any details about his personal life and he keeps me on a short leash. We've been seeing each other about twice a week, and the sex just keeps getting better and better. Super Intense. I can tell he's into me. Boy, I'm into him.

I'm not happy with the fact that I'm involved with a guy whose cheating on his girlfriend. I usually frown on cheats and liars.

We chat at night on AOL IM and he tells me he needs me, misses me. I told him that I have some strong feelings growing for him and he immediately got quiet and told me that he could never reciprocate.

I agreed to see him on the terms that I not ask personal questions regarding his military status and his other relationship. Everytime we are together, I try to sneak in a question, but he always shoots me down.

I met another guy recently and have been on a few dates. When I mentioned it to him, he got all mad and upset like I betrayed him. I told him if I get intimate with this new guy, I'd have to end it with him. He blew up at me.

My head says to end this before I get hurt again. Plus, since I don't know anything about him, he may have many other multiple partners that I'm unaware of. I doubt that, but he's already lying to his girlfriend so who knows.

I've never had such passion and awesome sex with anyone. Ever. Should I deprive myself of some fun and excitement even though it could be hurtful to me in the long run? Or do I end it with him for good? Even though he denies it, I'm pretty sure he has some emotional feelings for me. How could sex that great lack emotion. Could it be just lust on his part?

Sorry to ramble on so. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

 

[NickCole]

Sounds like you're not done with heartbreaking drama filled relationships.

Got a lesson to learn, my friend, and until you learn it you're going to keep attracting and being attracted to this stuff.

 

[josher]

Everything in your post says you know this isn't right, but you don't want to give up the good sex or the very limited intimacy that you're experiencing.

If it's been some years since you've had a partner, I can understand why you feel that way.

If he has an active relationship with the woman, she's probably already suspicious that he's fooling around. Women almost always know.

What if she follows him (or has someone else do so) and someone shows up at your door wanting to know what's going on?

Even if that doesn't happen, you have to know you're settling for crumbs, when you could have the whole pie with someone else.

I know it's risky when you already have a bird in the hand (so to speak), but cutting things off with the partnered guy and looking for someone who's truly available will bring you so much more happiness and fulfillment.

 

[sixthson]

I think this guy is full of shit and there is much more to this story than you know (and you don't much). You don't know if there is a gf involved or many gfs...maybe even a wife. Maybe many male lovers.

Having said that, this guy is really not the problem, is he?
You're the problem. Once you know the truth, you know what you need do, BUT you love more than the just the sex. Maybe the heartbreaking drama and risk taking is what makes the sex so good for you. Maybe it gives you some perverse thrill. Think about it. He's a cheater and once you know this, you are more than an accomplice.

You've been given good advice from some guys and you need to consider it, but ultimately, no matter what anyone else thinks, you need to do what is right.

 

[BoSoxFanVa]

Thanks Guys for the sobering advice.

There's one consistant theme running through all this advice. End it.

I'm really surprised that I'm even participating in this affair.

It's really not just about "good sex".

I'm in my 40's, had two long term relationships, and plenty of sexual partners. But the passion, connection that I feel with this guy, is more than I've ever experienced with men who I've truely loved. This has really confused me.

He's out of town until next week, so I have time to select my words correctly when I end it.

I am going to end it.

Thanks again guys!

Jim

 

[NomineDetracto]

i think that's a wise decision.
i hope you find someone you can connect with.

 

[NickCole]

There's one consistant theme running through all this advice. End it. ...

Just for the record ... that wasn't my advice.

 

[BoSoxFanVa]

Thanks, NickCole.

I wasn't trying to paint every reply with the same brush when I used the word, consistent.

I thought that being consistent was tending to be "arbitrarily close to the true value of the parameter estimated as the sample becomes large". That doesn't mean that everything/everybody needs to agree to be consistent.

 

[NickCole]

Thanks, NickCole.

I wasn't trying to paint every reply with the same brush when I used the word, consistent.

I thought that being consistent was tending to be "arbitrarily close to the true value of the parameter estimated as the sample becomes large". That doesn't mean that everything/everybody needs to agree to be consistent.

No no no ... I wasn't being anal about your use of words.

I only wanted to make sure I was understood, that you know I offered no advice about continuing or ending it.

Anyway, doesn't matter. You've decided whose advice to take and what to do ... so you're beyond that part now and it's moot.

Good luck.

 

[Mauritian-Guy]

BoSoxFanVa , evn i agree with wat says sixthson .who knows how many bfs of gulfrens h'es involved with.

you pretty kno wat u doin isn't gud.yet u keepin it up just 4 the sake of owrsome sex.

better discontinue.life is full of surprieses indeed.who knows in near futur u might meet someone who'l love u dear and who 'd be ur's n ur's only

i personally won't bear sharing my bf wiv another guy or gul.kno that if this guy has a gulfren ,he alredy belongs to someone else.

best of luck

S....

 

[G-Lexington]

I think you're making the right move. Just cut it clean. Don't have "final sex", and then dump him. If you want to do it face-to-face, go out somewhere, sit down with him, and tell him you can't do this anymore.

Lex