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Advice on approaching a guy who hasn't realised he's gay

B

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Ok, so that sounds a bit strange but here is the situation. I'm going up with a friend's family to their usual holiday resort in December. My friend's cousin is bringing along one of her friends who she says "everybody else knows is gay except himself".

Now that to me says he's in denial and is going to be a tough nut to crack. He's quite good looking and I don't want to scare him away. How would you approach the situation?
 
I'd make him feel comfortable and at ease first, and approach his sexuality later on in the evening for dinner for three (or more)!

GL
 
Now that to me says he's in denial and is going to be a tough nut to crack. He's quite good looking and I don't want to scare him away. How would you approach the situation?
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Stay out of it. How ridiculous to think that you have any right or obligation to discuss someone's sexuality with them.

Just treat him like a human being. Focus on topics of mutual interest, not outing him. You could do more damage to this poor guy by pouncing than you know. He could end up so deep in the closet that he'll never come out.
 
rareboy said:
Stay out of it. How ridiculous to think that you have any right or obligation to discuss someone's sexuality with them.

Just treat him like a human being. Focus on topics of mutual interest, not outing him. You could do more damage to this poor guy by pouncing than you know. He could end up so deep in the closet that he'll never come out.
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Well I wasn't planning on outing him. That wouldn't be fair. I was only planning on flirting with him, same as I would with any other possibility. Is that not ok?
 
Well, go ahead and flirt. Just remember that you are viewing him as a 'possibility'. Don't be surprised if he views you as ridiculous.
 
There was a (long) time in my life when I wasn't out to myself. During that time, I brushed off many come-on's and ignored people whom I knew were cruising me. ](*,)#-o

Oh well, the point is, if he's not ready to admit this to himself, or be out/aware of himself, there's little you can do. He'd likely not only reject any advances, but could reject you in the process. People who aren't out to themselves can be brutal in protecting their view of themselves.

Anyway, harmless flirting won't hurt anything, especially if there's an under-current of doubt in his mind, or curiosity. But, I'd be careful. This could really backfire on you, especially if it's only hearsay that's he's gay anyway.

Let us know what happens!
 
averageguy said:
There was a (long) time in my life when I wasn't out to myself. During that time, I brushed off many come-on's and ignored people whom I knew were cruising me. ](*,)#-o

Oh well, the point is, if he's not ready to admit this to himself, or be out/aware of himself, there's little you can do. He'd likely not only reject any advances, but could reject you in the process. People who aren't out to themselves can be brutal in protecting their view of themselves.

Anyway, harmless flirting won't hurt anything, especially if there's an under-current of doubt in his mind, or curiosity. But, I'd be careful. This could really backfire on you, especially if it's only hearsay that's he's gay anyway.

Let us know what happens!
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I agree. I am in the closet and as hard as it is for me to do, I deny guys on a regular basis. I think guys are cute and they think i'm cute and they flirt and I reject them with "nah dude, your not for me". I hate it, but its the way the cookie crumbles. If this guy is gay inside and you come onto him with "i know your gay, just admit it", then personally, I'd be really upset and pissed at not only you, but my other friends as well for talking about me behind my back. Every once in a while i'll flirt back, but thats rare. I doubt you'll be the guy he opens up to. Especially on a family trip. But you could let him know your gay and bring it up during conversations. But don't make it obvious that your trying to get something out of him, because once he picks up on that, I guarantee he is gonna abandon ship and leave the room. goodluck!
 
Hi guys,

Well nothing happened as you would probably expect. He didn't stay long anyway. He's very camp, got the lisp etc. This doesn't always mean anything though.

As I already said I would never try and out someone or take the attitude of "i know your gay, just admit it" cause that's just stupid and wrong. Maybe I was just hoping too much. Maybe I'm too desparate.

Anyway end of story. Thanks for advice all.
 
My friend's cousin is bringing along one of her friends who she says "everybody else knows is gay except himself".
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Just because everybody thinks somebody is something doesn't mean they are.
 
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