Advice on approaching an older male

[Blk_Thickness]

Hello guys, I need some advice. I have never approached a guy before without knowing if he is gay or not and I need advice in doing so. There is older male (55) in my ballet class that I find very attractive and want to know if he is bi or gay. A couple of things I know about him is he does have a child, works at OSU as a teacher and I have never seen him wearing a wedding ring. How do I go about approaching this guy? There are a couple of reasons why I haven't tried. Mainly because I am shy and I don't want him feeling uncomfortable with me in class if he is str8. I also have been doing ballet class with him for about a year now. We do speak here and there and he does ask how I am doing or complaints me on my ballet dancing.

So I need advice guys, I really want to do this, but I want to do it a respectful way. Pass or Fail. Thanks guys.

 

[Seasoned]

I think the best way is to be open about your orientation and then invite him for a coffee or drink after class. In private you'll be able to better understand each other's vibe.

 

[Rolyo85]

Make a comment in a passing conversation that would indicate that you are gay. Do NOT say anything else of significance in that conversation. Then see if his attitude changes. If it does not, wait a few days and suggest getting coffee at some point. Try to make it sound casual. Those two things should give you enough indication.

 

[Blk_Thickness]

Him doing ballet give any chance that he could be gay?

 

[rareboy]

Make a comment in a passing conversation that would indicate that you are gay. Do NOT say anything else of significance in that conversation. Then see if his attitude changes. If it does not, wait a few days and suggest getting coffee at some point. Try to make it sound casual. Those two things should give you enough indication.

This is good advice.

 

[Telstra]

A ballet teacher (arts ...) normally not straight.
Arts people know alot about sex and sexuality.

 

[lockeroomguy]

As there is such a gay stigma attached to a man in ballet, you can assume at minimum that he is gay friendly, and comfortable about his sexuality if he is straight. If he was homophobic he wouldn't be there.

You could even approch him on that basis, saying..."It would be such a stereotype to assume you are gay, but it sure would be nice if you are"

I doubt that any guy in a ballet class offends easily.

 

[Blk_Thickness]

As there is such a gay stigma attached to a man in ballet, you can assume at minimum that he is gay friendly, and comfortable about his sexuality if he is straight. If he was homophobic he wouldn't be there.

You could even approch him on that basis, saying..."It would be such a stereotype to assume you are gay, but it sure would be nice if you are"

I doubt that any guy in a ballet class offends easily.

I like this one, helps some more. My friend said the same thing about link with gay men and ballet.

 

[palemale]

I like this one, helps some more. My friend said the same thing about link with gay men and ballet.

In the 80s, a lot of straight men involved in sports and bodybuilding took up ballet because straight sports celebrities, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Pittsburgh Steeler Wide Receiver Lynn Swann publicly spoke about how ballet improved their skills in their chosen sport. So, you might want to have a conversation and ask him why he took up ballet.

I knew straight bodybuilders in college who studied ballet because Arnold did.

 

[Rolyo85]

In my school the ballet program is pretty big, but there are literally only TWO gay guys. So don't assume and don't stereotype. The rest is true though - ballet people are impervious to prudeness - they are probably among the most open and physically shameless people I've ever seen. So even if he isn't gay, he won't be offended by your interest.

That said, he has a kid. So maybe make sure he is even available first?

 

[jmadaf]

You need to get him outside of dance class, coffee shop, so you can talk more private. Say his advice on your dance moves, or something like that. Good luck.

 

[Blk_Thickness]

Well, guys, tonight I walked up to him and expressed how I felt about him. I said to him "I like you" and he replied with "I like you too, but I married." I really want to know what he meant by he liked me too, but I am going to leave it alone, I was shocked and my heart dropped. He said he wasn't offended. Do you guys think he likes me, but because he is married he feels he can't do anything with me?

 

[hotatlboi]

Do you guys think he likes me, but because he is married he feels he can't do anything with me?

I would say so, and I'd say it's great that he respects his wife that much.

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, honestly, it just depends on a thousand different things - his tone of voice while saying it for example. None here can tell you what he meant without having been there...

 

[Blk_Thickness]

Um, honestly, it just depends on a thousand different things - his tone of voice while saying it for example. None here can tell you what he meant without having been there...

He seem calm and not unhappy with my question. He made sure to let me know he was not offened. I think he already knew I liked him. He probably thought at some point I would ask him. I would like to be friends with him and was thinking of asking him about us being friends since I find him soo attractive, but I think I am still shocked I let him know I liked him and kind of want to leave him alone.

 

[Ganoderma]

Well, guys, tonight I walked up to him and expressed how I felt about him. I said to him "I like you" and he replied with "I like you too, but I married." I really want to know what he meant by he liked me too, but I am going to leave it alone, I was shocked and my heart dropped. He said he wasn't offended. Do you guys think he likes me, but because he is married he feels he can't do anything with me?

Hi Blk_Thickness,

Good of you that you have told this to him. I am 55 (so just as old as him), and I would have expected a more or less similar reply, based on all other postings in this thread.

I tend to think that this guy just told you the truth. He is married (ie he is committed to his wife), and that's what he told to you. And I am quite sure you are right by concluding Do you guys think he likes me, but because he is married he feels he can't do anything with me?

So somehow I feel very sorry for you that you will not be able to develop any 'special' relationship with him. On the other hand, that's just life. Be happy that he reacted friendly and polite towards you.

Are you an open gay, and what makes it that you are not open?

I tend to think that there might issues preventing a too close friendship between a teacher and a student. On the other hand, this is not the case for ballet classes you don't follow as part of a formal education. I have no idea if this is the case for you.

I tend to agree with others that guys of his age must be very well aware that (quite alot of) gays will attend ballet classes. On the other hand, don't think that he must also have gay feelings.

Any reason why it is not allowed for 100% straight guys to be a teacher of ballet classes?

So please be aware that you don't assume he must be gay (or bi) 'because he is a teacher of ballet classes, and he does not wear a wedding ring, and he behaves like an artist, etc'.

Best wishes and feel free to keep us informed and to ask more questions.

 

[Blk_Thickness]

The guy is not a ballet teacher. He is just someone in my class.

 

[Ganoderma]

The guy is not a ballet teacher. He is just someone in my class.

Ah, please excuse me for the misunderstanding. Well, it also does not change alot, as I tend to think that guys of his age (and with his background) who follow a ballet class will be very aware that at least some of their male class mates might be gay.

So does he (and your other class mates) know that you are gay? Your profile indicates that you are out at home, and in the closet at work, but I have no clue if these classes belong to 'home' or to 'work'. Would you mind to tell us why you are not open in such an environment like a ballet class (no need to tell us when you feel uncomfortable).

Ah, and you seem to have changed your photo? Both photo's reveal a nice and a friendly guy (assumed that they depict yourself).

I tend to think that building up such a friendship with him should go in some sort of automatic way. So please don't try to 'force' yourself to befriend him.

What kind of interests do you share as well with him (apart from following a ballet class)? All other shared interests (can be anything) are always a very good 'key' to built up some sort of friendship.

Does he has a busy 'social life'?

Well, just some random replies that popped up.

Feel free to ask more questions.

 

[altlover85]

Do you guys think he likes me, but because he is married he feels he can't do anything with me?

First off, congrats for telling him you like him.

I agree with Rolyo85 that it's hard to know exactly what he meant without us being there.

He seem calm and not unhappy with my question. He made sure to let me know he was not offened. I think he already knew I liked him. He probably thought at some point I would ask him. I would like to be friends with him and was thinking of asking him about us being friends since I find him soo attractive, but I think I am still shocked I let him know I liked him and kind of want to leave him alone.

I can understand why you'd want to be friends with him, but I'd advise you to tread lightly since he's married and you're attracted to him. I'm sure this is easier said than done, but I think it's the best course of action.

 

[hermanding]

Blk, I'm an older guy. If you said to me that you were talking to me because older guys are attractive to you, I would not freak out or question your motive. As long as you are showing a genuine interest in the guy and have a friendly tone in your voice, you would get on base with me. It's the first step.
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