Advice on getting a guys attention

[dragon08]

As a warning, this is going to take a lot for me to explain my situation and actually ask my question so bear with me.

I am a Freshmen in a small private university. I'm Bisexual but I lean more towards guys than I do girls. I've had a handful of girlfriends before but none of them ever grew serious and the longest relationship lasted only a few months. I'm closeted with my family but I am for the most part out at college.

I came to college thinking this would be the time that I would do what I wanted and would finally have the chance to be myself without having to keep up appearances. Since going to school I've tried to start relationships with different people but none have worked out (2 guys who both turned out to just be straight and merely friendly, 1 girl who it just didn't happen with, and another girl who flirted back with me but was just leading me on).

Before I go on I want to explain my tastes. For the most part I am mostly turned on by guys and it is only a handful of cases where I begin to like girls. I am really turned off by guys who act feminine or are the stereotypical "queer" guy with the high whiney voice. I don't have a particular problem with guys who act that way but I just don't find them attractive whatsoever. On the other hand I am not into the alpha male jock types either but I want a guy who acts like a guy if anything somewhat on the nerdy side. I don't act feminine other than the fact that I don't like sports whatsoever. From having a conversation with me you can't tell that I am gay.

The point that I am trying to make is that I don't get hit on by guys because I don't act very "gay" and I am unnoticed and when I hit on a guy they are usually straight.

So there is this guy that I have seen and I have liked who is also a Freshmen. He hangs out with this guy who I am 10,000% sure is gay. While I worked at one of the universities haunted houses for halloween they passed by me and while I scared them the guy I like was holding onto the gay guy in a way that made me think twice about his sexuality. One of my friends said that she was certain that he was gay. Eventually one of my other friends helps get me into acquaintance terms with him, and I friend him on facebook. On his page it says that he is "in a relationship" with this girl who isn't at school with us but I don't know if it is true. He doesn't take facebook very seriously because a) he has people who aren't related to him listed as siblings b) he doesn't post very often, and c) there aren't any photos of them two exclusively together so I get the feeling it is one of those best friend joke things. I personally think that he is gay and that he isn't really in a relationship but for all I know I'm just decieving myself. The friends that I have talked to with about him aren't sure what to make of this either.

I have only been able to have some conversations with him and I flirt and he is friendly but shy. I don't talk to him much on facebook since he is rarely on and two we don't know each other that well. I am going to return to school in a week or two from break and I have bought a rainbow bracelet that I am going to start wearing to make it a little more apparent about my sexuality to everyone.

My overall questions are
a) What can I do to get his attention, is the bracelet enough? Do you guys think that he is Gay? I plan on talking with him as much as possible everytime I run into him and flirting with him. My hope is that we can become at least on good speaking terms and I can ask him out or he'll ask about my bracelet or something.

b) In case he is straight or this doesn't work out what can I do to get noticed by guys more? I am an average looking guy not extremely hot, but I am not ugly or unattractive. I've read that things like the bracelet will make me somewhat more approachable by guys. Are there other things that I can do to have guys approach me?

c) Am I doing something wrong I would enjoy hearing some constructive criticism so I can learn and maybe get better at the whole dating thing I'm not very experienced so any advice would help.

Thank you and I apologize for the long post.

 

[KaraBulut]

My overall questions are
a) What can I do to get his attention, is the bracelet enough? Do you guys think that he is Gay? I plan on talking with him as much as possible everytime I run into him and flirting with him. My hope is that we can become at least on good speaking terms and I can ask him out or he'll ask about my bracelet or something.

Ask the gay guy that you saw him with. Something like, "Who is the guy that I saw you with? He's cute- is he gay or bi?". This accomplishes two things- it ferrets out the information you want but it also lets both guys know that you're interested in guys and available.

b) In case he is straight or this doesn't work out what can I do to get noticed by guys more? I am an average looking guy not extremely hot, but I am not ugly or unattractive. I've read that things like the bracelet will make me somewhat more approachable by guys. Are there other things that I can do to have guys approach me?

Depends on what you want to be noticed for.

If you want to be noticed for guys interested in hooking up with other guys, the work on your general appearance- go to the gym, get in shape, wear clothes that show that you're in shape and be friendlier to other guys.

If you're looking for something beyond the superficial, then be friendlier, introduce yourself by name and get more involved in campus activities so that you meet more people. A lot of guys (gay or straight) find social interaction with strangers to be awkward, so it's a relief when the other guy introduces himself and makes conversation. If you're open and out on campus, word will get around. If you're friendly and not creepy, guys who are also interested in guys will be more willing to approach you- especially after you've introduced yourself and broken the ice.

c) Am I doing something wrong I would enjoy hearing some constructive criticism so I can learn and maybe get better at the whole dating thing I'm not very experienced so any advice would help.

Subtle clues like a rainbow bracelet or a HRC or NoH8 bumper sticker are inside things that gay guys will spot. But the most important thing that you can do is make yourself approachable by being friendly and making friends with other guys who are gay or bi.

 

[evanrick]

huh it seems you are putting a little too much pressure on yourself. there's really not a lot i can add to what kb has said. try not to categorize guys, including yourself, as one way or another, treat them all the same, like you will love them unconditionally to get started.

 

[sixthson]

I wouldn't ask the gay guy if his friend is gay or bi, I would as him if he is his bf.

The best advice for attracting others is to be friendly. This works for dating and for regular friendships.

 

[dragon08]

Thanks for the advice guys I'll try talking to the gay guy that he hangs out with. I've been to the LGBT club meetings well they've only had one but the gay guy was there at the meeting so maybe I'll do some small talk with him if I get the chance. I'm looking for a relationship first preferably with a guy. If a hookup were to happen I'd be open to it but primarily I'm looking for a relationship.

I know I might sound a little desperate but thats because I'm just tired of being single. I've tried just letting things happen and nothing ever does thats why I'm trying to nudge things along now. I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing guy and I try to be nice to everyone.

 

[dragon08]

I wouldn't ask the gay guy if his friend is gay or bi, I would as him if he is his bf.

Why do you say that instead of talking to the gay guy and saying that I think the friend is cute?
Just wondering if you could elaborate a little more to see what you mean a little better.

 

[sixthson]

Why do you say that instead of talking to the gay guy and saying that I think the friend is cute?
Just wondering if you could elaborate a little more to see what you mean a little better.

I think it's fine to tell him that his friend is cute. I just don't think asking about his sexuality is necessary. Asking if they are bfs will bring about the answer you are looking for, but in a less personally invasive way. That is all I meant. I doubt it makes much difference either way, however.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm going to say this harshly. You need to man up and stop with the high school shit.

If you like this guy, you can, angst in the dark forever asking questions, playing is he/isn't he; or you can go find the fuck out. How do you do that? You grab your scrotum and go find out. You didn't get into college by being stupid. You know the context - we don't, figure it out, make a plan, and act on it.

HOW IMPORTANT is this to you? What are you WILLING TO RISK to get an answer?

Just a caution, you don't get hit on, well guys aren't hitting on you, not because of "don't act gay," (read flaming effeminate faggot - and that's kinda homophobic no matter how nicely you try to put it) no one knows how someone "acts," until they get to know you. You aren't getting hit on either because you are off putting in some way, or you are in the habit of hiding. There are a ton of gay guys out there that "don't act gay," who none the less are OBNOXIOUSLY out and couldn't give a fuck who whines about it, and usually they and the ones who "act gay," get hit on all the damn time.

At least you aren't waiting to get hit on - just next time go hit on guys in the gay pool. You know where they are, or are they too "gay acting?"

I flatter myself that I'm an attractive guy - hell, I KNOW guys like me, but in my semi-closeted days I didn't get hit on either - because out guys have a sense for guys who aren't ready for dating and steer clear - is that you? Only you can say, are you just unattractive? Don't know - but whatever you look like, even "act gay," there's usually SOMEONE who's into that, are you hiding? Who knows.

Get off the internets, you actually know this guy - effing talk to the boy, you may find you don't like him so much after all, you may find you do and he's straight, but the time for intermediaries and high school angst has passed. Welcome to being an adult. Grab some sack, and start up a conversation - let him know YOU are interested in guys - thousands of ways to do that without it being personal to him - and the ball is in his court.

In the meantime, go find the out gay men on your campus and don't put all you eggs in one basket. Even if he is gay and interested, odds are you won't be together a year from now anyway. Not sad, just life. You can't win if you don't play.

 

[mrbeebs]

a) What can I do to get his attention, is the bracelet enough?

If he's interested at all in you right now (which implies that he read your "about me" section), and your about me section says you're gay, then he probably knows about you by now. The bracelet can't help or hurt imho, but I think the key is talking to the guy... and not pushing the issue. Usually the guys who you can't really pick up (sexuality) at first are the types of people who frown on the whole "I'm gay you're gay" thing. I know it turns me off when guys try to subconsciously yell at me about their sexuality, instead of.. iono.. just getting to know me (genuinely as a friend first) and asking me out lol

I have only been able to have some conversations with him and I flirt and he is friendly but shy. I don't talk to him much on facebook since he is rarely on and two we don't know each other that well.

How do you flirt with him? What do you mean by shy? Have you guys talked in person or on facebook.. the way you typed it makes it sort of ambiguous. Please don't try flirting over facebook hun.. ESPECIALLY if you really like him/want him to respect you.

c) Am I doing something wrong I would enjoy hearing some constructive criticism so I can learn and maybe get better at the whole dating thing I'm not very experienced so any advice would help.

Just.. go with the flow... Whenever you guys talk hang out, you need to focus on seeing him again one-on-one - make that the goal, not getting flirt reciprocation. Get as close to playing hard to get as you can without giving "uninterested" vibes...

my 2c.. GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[dragon08]

If he's interested at all in you right now (which implies that he read your "about me" section), and your about me section says you're gay, then he probably knows about you by now. The bracelet can't help or hurt imho, but I think the key is talking to the guy... and not pushing the issue.

I know for a fact that his friend knows that I am gay/bi because I have gone to the LGBT club meetings and the friend attends those too. My About page doesn't mention anything about my sexual interests because I am not out to my family for personal reasons. So I don't know whether they have talked about me and whether he knows the bracelet is more of a guarantee of him knowing than anything.

How do you flirt with him? What do you mean by shy? Have you guys talked in person or on facebook.. the way you typed it makes it sort of ambiguous.

Last semester we didn't run into each other much and it was usually just the walking in opposite directions thing. Once we became acquaintances it was maybe a week or two before break so I hadn't had many chances to have many conversations with him. In general he is shy but I managed to have some un-awkward conversations with him. I would flirt with him when we talked by complimenting him when I had the chance. I didn't want to overdo it so he wouldn't get embarassed. I've only had one conversation with him on facebook. Right now we are on christmas break and the only way I have to contact him is through facebook since we don't live in the same city we both live in the dorms during school. He isn't usually on facebook so I haven't been able to talk to him. When we get back to school I will try to have more face to face conversations with him because I have more time to work with.

But yeah Thks MrBeebs

 

[Seasoned]

Just continue being friendly and suggest some things to do together.

 

[TX-Beau]

which is the best advice you've gotten in here.

 

[dragon08]

This is just an update. I started talking to the guy a lot more and we were getting a lot closer but unfortunately I found out that he has a girlfriend. I have once again failed at finding someone and once again I have stupidly fallen for yet another straight guy. Maybe one day I'll eventually get it right.

 

[Scealle]

Sorry to hear that it didn't go out as you have hoped. I too, in the past had some crushes on guys in my college too that I thought are gay but is in fact straight. It's better to move on. Hope you found the right guy

 

[HunterM]

Wearing this will attract the wrong attention. Don't do that.

Great advice has been given so far. Don't take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh about life. A sense of humor and confidence will carry you far in life.