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Advice please.

snoopydog

snoopydog

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I work at a nursing home as a CNA. Only one coworker there knows that I'm gay. She's fine with it.

Now for the problem.

I recently moved into a new apartment. Tonight I got a lift home from two female coworkers, and invited them in to see the new place. They were talking about how it looks like a woman lives here. I have a lot of silk flower arrangements and I guess I'm a bit of a neat freak. I know these females well enough to know that they might be getting the idea that I'm gay. I wouldn't care if everyone at the nursing home knew, but I don't need trouble from the haters or the residents of the home or from their families. I also don't need residents of the home to not want me to care for them because of my personal life. If they ask me tomorrow if I'm gay, Should I say yes or tell them that it's none of their business (which they will take as yes), or lie and say no (not my first choice), or whatever.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation have an opinion? Part of me wants to just say 'Yes. I'm gay.', but another part of me wants to keep it from becoming other peoples business/cannonfodder/reason to hate/whatever.

Or, I could be worrying for nothing. But I doubt that.
 
If they ask, just tell them "yes, im gay".... Maybe inject some humor into your reply if u can.

But then nicely request for them to keep it quiet.
 
There is a male nurse there that is openly gay, and he asked me if I was gay (quietly when no one was around) and I told him yes, but that I don't want anyone to know, and he told me that he understood, but last week as I was documenting on a resident, he walks up to me and said something to the effect of 'So, how are you doing, sexy man?', and one of those females that came by tonight heard him. She mentioned it to me a few days ago, and asked if I knew he was gay (she used the word faggot), and I told her that I knew, and that his business was his own.

Before you say something, yes I feel bad that I didn't defend the guy, but that would have meant coming out at work. My entire family knows I'm gay, and they're fine with it, but coworkers and family are 2 different things.

If I knew that I could keep my job and not have assholes giving me shit for being gay, it wouldn't matter. But my job is what pays for my beautiful apartment, so I am uber straight acting at work and just play it cool.
 
I'm not out at work, though if asked, I always told myself that I'd be honest. I know that it's easier said than done. I don't talk much to anyone about my personal life when I'm at work.

I'd say if the inquirer was hostile, angry, or seems like a hater, use your own discretion.
 
Most patient care areas in healthcare are pretty tolerant of gay people. So it is always surprising to hear about a location that is intolerant.

You have a marketable skill. Is a place that you want to work?
 
Isn't it time you started living your life the way YOU want to, without worrying about what random people might be thinking? That sort of thinking is fine when you're 14, but 41?

Being "out" doesn't mean buying rainbow scrubs to wear to work, and whistling "It's Raining Men" as you walk down the hall. It just means not feeling the need to lie. If they ask, just say "yeah". End of story. You won't lose your job over it. There may be some uneasiness around a few people after they know, but it sounds like there's a lot MORE uneasiness now. Chances are good these women won't want to "hang out" with you much afterwards, but they don't exactly sound like people that are worth hanging out with.

Lex
 
One big clue as to how tolerant your place of employment is, is how your male gay co-worker is treated. Is he gossiped about and held in contempt--as least because of his sexuality?

Only you know the culture there, the mood, and cast of characters. You're really going to have to use your instincts on this one.

I hope that you do decide to be honest, if asked. I think that, as time goes on, it will take pressure off you and help you feel more comfortable and real with all of them. As for the remark "so how are you doing, sexy man?" that's unprofessional in business/professional settings and I'd find a way to politely remind him that you aren't one to be campy at work.

Good luck. Let us know what you decide to do.
 
Well, they were shorthanded on first shift today, so I was called in to do 7-3 instead of 3-11, so I avoided them today, and I have the weekend off. Monday will be the big test, I guess.

I'd love to just say 'Yes I am' and not worry about the outcome. That's how it should be. It's never that easy, though. Not for me. Now, I have 2 older brothers that are gay, and they just don't care who knows. I do, I guess.
 
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