Advice please! =(

[rhevak]

Hello everyone! I've been a lurker for a couple years now but decided to make my first post as there has been something thats been on my mind lately I cant seem to solve.

So some background info..Im 20, chinese, a 3rd yr university student and just recently decided to look for friends that are 'like me' online.

And the problem..around 2 months ago a guy msged me saying he wanted to chat on msn, so i gave me my msn and he added me. He's 3 yrs older than me, asian and lives pretty close to me. At first he seemed very interested and flirty, but i maintained in being my normal self. He would constantly ask me to webcam him but i was reluctant to do so as ive talk to him for less than a week on msn and my experiences tell me that he's just a guy who will completely stop chatting with you or even block you if what he saw on cam wasnt what he wanted. He asked me what I am looking for and I told him just chatting or hang out if it felt right.

So fast forward around maybe a week or two, I decided to cam him for the first time, since he keeps asking me to and I felt comfortable about it. I guess he liked what he saw since he seemed much more interested. I cant help to admit that he is pretty damn cute too lol. It felt like he became more flirty after we cammed for the first time and he'd ask me if ive ever done anything with another guy before, to which i said no to. We continue chatting with each other almost daily and he would always ask when we can meet up.

Another week or two passed before I decided to meet up with him for the first time since all the colleges and universities are closed for a 2 week break. We walked around the downtown here for the entire day and i felt really good having to meet up with him the first time. We ended up back at his place after to watch a movie which was when he had one of his arms wrapped around me. Around 5 - 10 minutes into the movie i had to leave because my parents called saying I had to go to a dinner with my family.

The next day i ended up hanging out with him again, but this time at night since he had work during the day. We walked around downtown again for an hr or so before he drove me home, and for the entire way home we held hands in the car.

2 or 3 days later we hanged out again, but this time he invited me to his place to finish watching the movie that we started a couple of days earlier. We ended up cuddling in his bed for the entire movie. After the movie ended he asked me what i wanted to do, and i told him i wanted to watch another movie, so he loaded another movie and we ended up cuddling some more on the bed again. Not long after that he ended up tickling me and we ended up wrestling on the bed. He got on top of me and leaned in very close. At first i didnt expect him to do anything but then it happened, he just started kissing me. We ended up making out for a really long time. One thing led to another and he ended up jerking me off. I wanted to reciprocate but he didnt let me. Being the first time ive done something like this i decided not to ask why and my mind was fluttered with emotions to do anything else. After we cleaned up I had to leave because I had a dinner to go to. For the entire night i didnt really have time to reflect on what i had just done that day and was feeling happy about it.

It wasnt until the next day that i realized what I had done and had a huge downpour of emotions inside me. So i got to chat with him on msn again, but after what had happened the day before, it seemed as though his attitude has changed completely, which made me feel like crap. I felt guilty of what happened and realized i probably made a huge mistake, and the attitude the guy was giving me did not help one bit at all. I was on an emotional rollercoaster for the next two days before I could calm down a bit. I lost my appetite and could not sleep and felt used because the guy seemed like he did not want to chat anymore.

I finally came to my senses on the third day and realized i shouldnt be feeling guilty of what happened as i DID enjoy it. What I accepted was that fact that everything happened way too quickly and that my inexperience left me vulnerable. I finally got to sleep better with my appetite returning, but what did not return was the attitude of the guy prior to what had happened.

I still chat with the guy daily, but i can feel that he has 'changed', if he even changed at all. Maybe it was me all along who ended up thinking with my other head. I feel a lot better now and feel like i've grown up because of this.

What I want to know is what you guys think of this? I still want to be friends with the guy, but i dont know if that is what he wants. Should i continue to chat with him? What should i do now? I want to know the reason why he msged me on the site but havent had to guts to ask him. Maybe i should grow up and just ask him bluntly what is that that he wants.

Sorry for making you guys read such a long ass essay, but im really at a point where i dont know what to do. This has been in my head constantly for the past week and i hope everything can return normal before school starts again. Thanks so much for reading!!

 

[StlKj]

Like many of us, you're spending far too much time in your head about this. Why not just say to him, "Hey, you want to hang out again tomorrow night?" and see what he says. Take the lead a little. If he's hesitant to do so, you'll know. You went out, had a good time and got jerked off after a great make out session. Good for you for taking the step. Don't set back your progress by over-thinking everything now. And certainly try not to feel guilty about it.

 

[justaguyincks]

I think Simon is probably right on the mark, here. But if you have any doubt and you still want to be friends/ hang out, just ask him. The worst thing he can do is say 'no'. It happens. The only way to learn, is to live a little.

 

[rhevak]

Thanks for the replies!

I'm just having troubles with feeling used. This is the first time that things had turned physical for me and i'd never thought things would end up the way it is now. Its not like i can find someone to talk to about this either since I am not out yet. I've tried dealing with this in my head but its just overwhelming for me.

 

[KaraBulut]

With some guys, it's about the chase. Sometimes it's a self-esteem issue- they're always trying to prove that guys find them attractive and that they can seduce someone. In the case where a guy or girl is inexperienced, there's a lot of guys who like the novelty of seducing someone who is inexperienced (or a virgin for that matter)- it's a power trip.

Your straight peers went through all of this during their teenage years when they were learning the rules of dating. Some of the rules make sense. Some are just really stupid.

A lot of gay guys find themselves in your shoes when they graduate from high school and enter the gay dating world. After a few crappy encounters and confusing sexual situations, you begin to figure out the rules.

And you begin to discover that sometimes it's a one-time thing where you get off and that's the end of it.

Sometimes it's a just a casual dating thing and it will progress into a short-term relationship that runs its course.

And occasionally, it works out and you find someone that is interested in the same things that you are and it turns into a long-term thing.

There's no reason to feel guilty about any of it. It's a process and everyone has to go through it to learn about sex, sexuality, dating and relationships.


The key is not to give up or get discouraged. Get back out there. Enjoy things for what they are.

And after you have had your fun and you decide what you're looking for, then don't settle for anything less.

 

[rhevak]

With some guys, it's about the chase. Sometimes it's a self-esteem issue- they're always trying to prove that guys find them attractive and that they can seduce someone. In the case where a guy or girl is inexperienced, there's a lot of guys who like the novelty of seducing someone who is inexperienced (or a virgin for that matter)- it's a power trip.

Your straight peers went through all of this during their teenage years when they were learning the rules of dating. Some of the rules make sense. Some are just really stupid.

A lot of gay guys find themselves in your shoes when they graduate from high school and enter the gay dating world. After a few crappy encounters and confusing sexual situations, you begin to figure out the rules.

And you begin to discover that sometimes it's a one-time thing where you get off and that's the end of it.

Sometimes it's a just a casual dating thing and it will progress into a short-term relationship that runs its course.

And occasionally, it works out and you find someone that is interested in the same things that you are and it turns into a long-term thing.

There's no reason to feel guilty about any of it. It's a process and everyone has to go through it to learn about sex, sexuality, dating and relationships.


The key is not to give up or get discouraged. Get back out there. Enjoy things for what they are.

And after you have had your fun and you decide what you're looking for, then don't settle for anything less.

Definitely not giving up, the fun's just started!

And thanks so much for the reply!!

 

[aijalon18]

2 things confuse me here.

How at 20 years old do your parents demand that you come to family dinners whenever they call?

How do you feel used when you've been chatting for over 2 months and all you got was a kiss and a handjob?

Im not trying to attack. it just seems weird to me.

 

[rhevak]

2 things confuse me here.

How at 20 years old do your parents demand that you come to family dinners whenever they call?

How do you feel used when you've been chatting for over 2 months and all you got was a kiss and a handjob?

Im not trying to attack. it just seems weird to me.

They didnt demand me. It was chinese new yrs 2 weeks back and it was a dinner where the entire family is suppose to be there. I would've left earlier but he insisted I stay. I never intended things to end up the way they did.

What happened physically between us is not what I am upset about, but rather the way he was after it. This is the first time things got this physical between someone and me as I've already said before.