Advice with getting straight associate

[JerseyBoy11]

Hey all,

I am new so hello to you all. I need advice: A couple of months ago I went to a seminar for a particular social networking website. The guy hosting it, despite the fact that I was sitting towards the back, could not keep his eyes off of me. There were many times where we made eye contact that lasted a while. I was sure he was gay, and when I was leaving I was contemplating going up to him to make small talk - except I saw what appeared to be a wedding band.

Since, we have followed each other on Twitter and made small talk. Recently, he gave me his number after I sent him a direct message asking for his advice with a job search. I actually just spoke to him this morning and the conversation was weird: although he gave me his advice, there were a few silent gaps yet never any rushing to get off of the phone. I was actually the one who kind of pushed to end the conversation a bit when it became too full of silence. It was very, very obvious that we both wanted to say more. This is where you all come in: how the hell do I subtly suggest or what specifically do I say to get him to know that I want to chill?

 

[BlondeCanadian]

dont.. he is married.. if your going to do stuff with the married man you should at least not be the one to initiate it.. dont need to make it too easy for him to cheat

 

[JerseyBoy11]

But how can I initiate it? Moreover, what are some sayings/actions I can take as "signaling" from him?

 

[BlondeCanadian]

do you not know how to read?... I said do not initiate it.....IF you are going to have a fling with a married man you should not initiate it...

 

[mbamike]

Since you have his number, call him up or send him a text inviting him out to a movie, a cup of coffee, a beer, etc. During this social meeting you can explore if there is any possibility of you two being more than just friends.

There are lots of married men on the hookup sites. So, just because he is wearing a wedding band does not mean he is not interested in the guys.

 

[Markscott84]

I have to say that I agree with BlondeCanadian. The guy is married. If he wants the freedom of being single again and fool around with dudes, He can take the appropriate measures to do so. Don't be the other woman...so to speak. this guy made the choice to get married for what ever reason. His obligation to see it through. Plus. When you think about it...What you'll be getting out of it really isn't worth all the hassle. !0 to maybe 15 minutes of some sweaty.... whatever and then he's finished. i wouldnt want all the rest sitting on my shoulders.

 

[attallaborn]

you are setting yourself up for a lot of drama and i lot of pain. don't do it. first, i despise gays who hide behind girlfriends, fiances and wedding rings.

i feel the like the others: if he made the decision to play it "straight," then he should bear the oppression of suppressing his natural desires.

also, this could all be in your head and how do you know that he feels the same? has he made the first move? he is the one with the wedding ring, so that would require him to make the moves on you first. although opportunities can be missed when me wait for others to make the fist move, in this case, he is straight- so you should assume passive until he states otherwise...

 

[slnattak]

I used to have this crush on this straight guy. He was kinda hairy and bear-ish and it was really hot. He was also really masculine.

However, the guy was a total asshole to me. One time he nearly made me cry and didn't apologize for it. Maybe as a porn fantasy that would be hot but in real life it was just rather nasty and vulgar.

And after he was a sociopathic jerk to me, it made me lose all interest.

I guess if I was desperate enough, I'd turn that story into something where he was afraid that he was a little gay and took his self-hatred out on me. But I think that's more 'blaming the gays' nonsense. He was just being a straight guy that was ass-y.

(and not in the good way!)

Soooo I don't know, I think with 'straight guy crushes' gay men have to learn the hard way. Once you realize how much of a jerk straight men can be, I think you will get turned off by them and stop fawning over them like Bea Arthur over a million dollar piece of jewelry.

 

[slnattak]

The guy hosting it, despite the fact that I was sitting towards the back, could not keep his eyes off of me.

Are you more on the effeminate side? Is he more masculine? It doesn't mean he's gay it just might mean you are the exception to his rule.

But honey, we've seen this a billion times. one guy will start falling for him romantically, while the other- is just viewing the person as somebody to take their curiosity out on them. or they aren't gay at all the other person just thinks they are, and the gay guy ends up being embarrassed and humiliated.



I understand because of self-loathing and internalized homophobia, other gay guys seem such like a turn off to you. this is incredibly common, and all gay guys feel this way. but there will be a few openly gay guys that turn you on genuinely and don't repulse you!



and a lot of straight guys will tease me by looking at me sexily too, or flexing or showing off their pecs. and then maybe there's some flamer who I am turned off by but in truth he's really loved me and had my true heart this whole time. and the other guy is just being an asshole seeing how much he can get away with teasing me. Do you want to be a tease or do you want to be worth something more than that? (for oprah ness)