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Advise Needed about emotional vs. physical relationships...

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Hello Everyone!


First I would like to thank you for taking a moment to read my troubles and give me your advice on what to do. This situation has to do with sexual desire and needs. Let me explain.


My partner and I have been together for 12 years this year and are deep in love. We don't fight, take care of each other, a great relationship. The only thing I personally feel the need for is more physical love.


When we first went out things were as good as they could get. We made love a few times a week, we do everything together, you name it. Then about 4 years into our relationship my partner ended up getting a stomach flu that kind of messed up his internal clockwork on things. After this he ended up getting a bad case of IBS, heartburn, and hemeroids and kept going to the doctors to see what was wrong with him. We did every test under the sun and every time the doctors told him it was IBS and he just couldn't believe it until recently when we found him a pill to keep his stress down and his symptoms are pretty much gone.


Unfortunately the damage is already done. He is now so paranoid that he is going to get sick again he does not want to have any type physical relation. He is afraid that oral will make his heartburn come back and that any bottoming will cause his IBS to appear. Then when we finally do something I feel like I pressured him into it and he is only doing it to please me. He is also a bottom only and I am a Vers but since he has been sick he has pretty much lost all interest in sex and has no interest to top me and I have to beg to suck him off.


I've been waiting for about 6+ years for him to over come this, but am still waiting and since then I've developed a more bottoming want plus a few kinky habbits that he does not wish to take part in. He also stays clear of anything that could be related to health (rimming, etc)


I still love him with all my heart, but I've always been pretty sexual and not sure what the next step is. Do I attempt to try to talk to him about opening our relationship so I can get the sexual satisfaction I need while still loving him (i know even if we broke up, id probably never have another bf cuz of the love I do have, plus he said he understands love vs. sex) or do I try to do something like go to the doctor and try to get my libedo to not be so active?


I love him, but I'm afraid one day my lack of sexual satisfaction will cause me to do something i'll regret forever and hurt him. Anyone have any suggestions? Is it okay to possibly open the relationship to give it another chance before? Do I just give up everything and try to find some way to not be horny? Please!! I look forward to your advise!
 
Relationships are a reciprocal deal, if he isn't willing to meet you halfway, it's pretty much over.
 
i agree relationships are reciprocal, and I honestly do believe emotionally I am hyper reciprocated. Its just the physical sense I am not. I know he will always be there for me, I can rely on him, he takes care of me as much as I take care of him. So there is reciprocal...just not physically. That is why I thought it might be an idea to open the relationship to get the physical part while maintaining the emotional side.
 
That's a friend not a lover. Your physical needs are just as important.

DO NOT get into an open relationship for that reason. People who do that have open relationships that fail. Ones that don't, have to people that elect to have it WITHOUT it being some kind of stopgap or band-aid for other problems.

Both of you would need to have to right kind of mindset for an open relationship to work, and that ABSOLUTELY doesn't include doing it to "fix" things.
 
Better take a break, or just break up and be friends. If you stay in this relationship, and then you convince him to open it up because if his issues, you probably will engender jealously, resentment, guilt, and ultimately recrimination and anger.
 
It sounds like he's suffering from a type of post traumatic stress. He should see a therapist about it because it certainly doesn't sound normal. Sometimes people can have a total breakdown after a lengthy illness and it takes professional help to get back on track.
 
This is one reason people are in relationships, to face difficulty together. Insist on couple's therapy. In addition, he probably needs individual therapy, which you can also recommend.
 
I have IBS and heartburn. I have both under control by eating a healthy diet. Neither are aggravated by oral or anal sex.
In fact, swapping bacteria with another healthy person can be beneficial for this as a lot of it is caused by a poor gut flora.

STRESS aggravates both. Also IBS sufferers tend to do best on a steady, regular schedule.

As to rimming... Is he SERIOUS???? With a stranger, yeah, I can understand. But you have been together 12 years.... you already share the same bacteria. Unless one of you has an STD the other does not, he's not getting anything he doesn't already have.

Sorry, not buying it. Something else is going on.

Look into therapy.
 
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